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Friend problem, need advice!!!

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Friend problem, need advice!!!

Old 10-03-06, 05:55 PM
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Friend problem, need advice!!!

I am a long time DVDTalk member ( over 7 years), and have never started a thread in this forum. This is going to be a little long- winded, but I need to know if I am overreacting to a situation, or if my convictions are correct.

I met my friend over 19 years ago in 7th grade. When I describe my friend he is going to sound like the real life 40 year old virgin. He is: almost 32, lives alone with his toy collection, very cheap, has a 4 year degree from a good school- yet works stock at an Office Depot ( maybe Office max, I always get them confused), Never been on a date, let alone kissed a girl or had sex. He doesn't like many things, but it obsessed with what he likes. These include: Horror movies, Family Guy, Metal Music, Kiss, Wrestling, and Some Sci-Fi. His one other true love is football.
We are in Central NJ and since I have known him, he has been a die- hard Cowboys fan. When I first went to his place in 87, he had Danny White and Tony Dorsett posters all over the place.
Needless to say, he always despised T.O... I was living in Az when the whole fiasco with T.O. running on the star happened in 2000, and I have heard him complaining about it ever since. When the Boys signed T.O.- he decided not to root for the team until he is no longer on them. That is his choice- don't agree with it ( I believe you root for your team regardless), but oh well.

Last week when the whole T.O. overdose thing happened, I get an email from him that night saying that if he had the chance, he would have forced the pills in his mouth and laughed at him while he watched him die. No humor intended, he is dead serious.
I have been freaked out by this, and am thinking of ending our friendship. He doesn't have many friends, and I meet him for lunch once every two weeks- that is the extent of it at this point. It is almost like I have felt sorry for him for years, and that is why I go to lunch with him. Within an hour, I usually have to go because there is only so much of him I can take.

To me, you can hate any athlete you want. But sports is an escape, not a reality in one's life. To wish death on someone who has no real impact on your life to me is sick- and very Chapman like. He keeps on emailing me saying that he hates him, and I can disagree with him all I want, but it doesn't change his hatred for him. Don't get me wrong T.O. is an a-hole, and I am glad he isn't on my team ( Jets), but in no way do I wish him death.

I need opinions. Is my friend sick, or am I over- reacting? Thank you in advance.

Hulkabrgr
Old 10-03-06, 05:57 PM
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Get him laid. If necessary, Bandoman will usually volunteer to "take one for the team."
Old 10-03-06, 06:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Groucho
Get him laid. If necessary, Bandoman will usually volunteer to "take one for the team."

Thanks, bu heactually isnt looking to get laid. He has a hatred of women, and would rahter watch his fetish porn- preagneant women porn.
Old 10-03-06, 06:01 PM
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Drop him like a hot rock. Do not reply to his e-mails.
Old 10-03-06, 06:06 PM
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this is the last email I got from him this morning:

i am over this. i didn't e-mail or call you for a few days figuring we both needed a few days to cool off. i put whatever argument we had behind me and didn't care about it anymore. that's why i called to ask if you wanted to hang out. i'm past all this. you are stuck on it. on some level, i can see your argument about me being fucked up. and im fine with it. im not mad at you for thinking i may have problems. im mad that you are so upset with it. that you cant get past it. its how i am and how i feel about him. we both know im not the only person who thinks this way. hes just someone who pisses me off so much i cant stand it. how no matter what he says or does he can get paid millions to act like an asshole and ruin teams. we both have our opinions. and we both wont change. so how long will it take you to get past this?
Old 10-03-06, 06:07 PM
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Fuck him and get it over with.
Old 10-03-06, 06:10 PM
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You call him your friend.. so it's time to be a friend. How long will it take you to get past this?

Suggesting he get some mental help might not be a bad idea. Say you'll go with him if it'll help.
Old 10-03-06, 06:13 PM
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Originally Posted by General Zod
You call him your friend.. so it's time to be a friend. How long will it take you to get past this?

I am just afraid at this point that he has now at the point where he is dangerous- mentally unstable. I have suggested therapy to him a few times ( even offered to help pay for therapy for him), but he refuses to do it.
Old 10-03-06, 06:13 PM
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If he's not adding value to your life then cut the cord. What's the issue here?
Old 10-03-06, 06:18 PM
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Originally Posted by El Scorcho
If he's not adding value to your life then cut the cord. What's the issue here?
I have known the dude for 19 years, hard to just cut the cord after so long. Plus if something were to ever happen ( he really only has a few friends, and I am his longest standing one) I would feel somewhat guilty.
Old 10-03-06, 06:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Hulkabrgr
I am just afraid at this point that he has now at the point where he is dangerous- mentally unstable. I have suggested therapy to him a few times ( even offered to help pay for therapy for him), but he refuses to do it.
OK here's what I would suggest. I would call him up and invite him for dinner somewhere cheapish. Tell him you've been friends for a long long time and you want to keep it that way - but his TO talk troubles you and you think he's taking it all to a level he shouldn't be.. and if he can be a friend without bringing up TO all the time you're cool with that. Otherwise tell him you'll buy him the dinner and when he's over his TO funk you'll consider hanging out with him again. I don't think mentioning that his intense anger at TO makes you uncomfortable and you don't want to hang out with someone who makes you uncomfortable.. if he can't understand that he's the one ruining the friendship.

If it were me i'd show up to the dinner wearing a TO hat, jersey, sweats, ring, tattoo, glass eye, etc..
Old 10-03-06, 06:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Groucho
Get him laid. If necessary, Bandoman will usually volunteer to "take one for the team."
I've been asking him for a while now. He keeps saying his schedule/appointments are all booked up for a couple of months.
Old 10-03-06, 06:40 PM
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Originally Posted by General Zod
OK here's what I would suggest. I would call him up and invite him for dinner somewhere cheapish. Tell him you've been friends for a long long time and you want to keep it that way - but his TO talk troubles you and you think he's taking it all to a level he shouldn't be.. and if he can be a friend without bringing up TO all the time you're cool with that. Otherwise tell him you'll buy him the dinner and when he's over his TO funk you'll consider hanging out with him again. I don't think mentioning that his intense anger at TO makes you uncomfortable and you don't want to hang out with someone who makes you uncomfortable.. if he can't understand that he's the one ruining the friendship.

If it were me i'd show up to the dinner wearing a TO hat, jersey, sweats, ring, tattoo, glass eye, etc..
He has offered and suggested that he is over it- stated his opinion and leave it at that. I am just freaked out because he is now taking someone who has no bearing on his actual life, and is wishing him death ( Being a life long Jets fan- I hate everyone on the Dolphins, but would never wish them harm). He was freaking out when the Eagles fans were cheering when Irvin was thought to be paralyzed on the field. I told him that what he is doing now is no different than what the Eagles fans did, and to stop being hypocritical. To me that is a sick way of thinking, and will always be in the back of my mind from here on in if I were to continue our friendship
Old 10-03-06, 06:42 PM
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I think you overreacted to the TO thing... but you are underreacting to him living a very weird and sheltered life.
Old 10-03-06, 06:55 PM
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I suggest you guys break up for good, but with a "one last time" for old time's sake.
Old 10-03-06, 06:58 PM
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Originally Posted by The Bus
I think you overreacted to the TO thing... but you are underreacting to him living a very weird and sheltered life.

A very fair, and probably true assessment. I think I have seen this attitude coming from him for a while over something ( that it happened to be a football player is just coincidence), and I have been looking for a reason to cut off contact for a while
Old 10-03-06, 07:01 PM
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Drop him. He doesn't capitalize nor use apostrophes. No one should be hanging out with someone like that.
Old 10-03-06, 07:27 PM
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I think you are overreacting about the TO thing, but...

Originally Posted by Hulkabrgr
I have been freaked out by this, and am thinking of ending our friendship. He doesn't have many friends, and I meet him for lunch once every two weeks- that is the extent of it at this point. It is almost like I have felt sorry for him for years, and that is why I go to lunch with him. Within an hour, I usually have to go because there is only so much of him I can take.

Hulkabrgr
Being friends with him because you pity him and feel sorry for him is insulting. Not to mention that you have a hard time spending more than an hour with him. To me, it seems you don't give the friendship the respect it deserves.

This is not an intense criticism of you, however. From your description, it sounds like your friend is surly and generally unpleasant to be around - see Comic Book Guy on the Simpsons, to understand my impression of him - and you obviously do not derive much pleasure from spending time with him, otherwise you'd be able to spend more than an hour with him.

I think you need to seriously seriously ask yourself what benefits you get out of maintaining a friendship with him.

Just my $.02 based on the limited info you've provided here.
-ringding-
Old 10-03-06, 07:43 PM
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Originally Posted by DrRingDing
I think you are overreacting about the TO thing, but...



Being friends with him because you pity him and feel sorry for him is insulting. Not to mention that you have a hard time spending more than an hour with him. To me, it seems you don't give the friendship the respect it deserves.

This is not an intense criticism of you, however. From your description, it sounds like your friend is surly and generally unpleasant to be around - see Comic Book Guy on the Simpsons, to understand my impression of him - and you obviously do not derive much pleasure from spending time with him, otherwise you'd be able to spend more than an hour with him.

I think you need to seriously seriously ask yourself what benefits you get out of maintaining a friendship with him.

Just my $.02 based on the limited info you've provided here.
-ringding-

ringding- thank you, and you pretty much hit the nail on the coffin on this. I was in Phoenix for over 6 and a half years, and kept in touch with him via email and im for that time. I would come back to Jersey for Thanksgiving every year, and would see him then- always good to catch up with friends. When I moved back in Jan 05, it was one of those I matured and he was still living like he was 19. All my other HS friends that I still speak to and hang out with all have careers, married or in relationships...basically the adults that we should be. I shouldn't have continued to hang out with him out of pity, but looking back I did ( Never said I wasn't an ass#[email protected]$ or blameless in this). I just think that his actions the past week are the actions of a delusional person who can differentiate from reality and real world.
Old 10-03-06, 08:00 PM
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Originally Posted by Hulkabrgr
ringding- thank you, and you pretty much hit the nail on the coffin on this.
Geez. Now I feel weirdly bad, sad and depressed overall.

Nevertheless, going by what you've said here so far, I think you've made the right decision.

-ringding-
Old 10-03-06, 08:19 PM
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Yeah, I think wanting a sports figure to die is probably excessive.

Unless it's Kerry Collins.

(pause)

Or Michael Vick.

(another pause)

And of course, anyone from Duke. But that's pretty much expected.

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