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A 19 year old dating a 14 year old: Is that ever acceptable?

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A 19 year old dating a 14 year old: Is that ever acceptable?

Old 09-11-06, 07:13 PM
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A 19 year old dating a 14 year old: Is that ever acceptable?

I'm just looking for some quick advice. My 14 year old niece is dating a 19 year old guy. My niece lives about 3-4 hours away, so I'm not there to actually see anything with my own eyes, but her brother (obviously my nephew), fills me in. I know what he tells me is true because both my niece and the guy have MySpace pages. I see where they comment one another, they both are listed as "in a relationship", and on his page he says:

First off im 19, Single, Athletic, and just an all around Cool guy. I Know theres alot of people hating on me, but we dont pay them no mind. Alot has changed in my life over the past month, so Ive had to start making big changes to accomidate those things. I Work at McDonalds and currently lookin for a better job.
It has been going on for the past few months, but over the past month it's really escalated from what I've been told. It's went from just the two to being more like friends, to being a flat out couple, complete with getting physical, if only just "making out". My nephew told me that just the other day they were caught in a car together, with the guy just about on top of her.

As you can imagine, this has me sick to my stomach. Yes, it's only five years, but there is a world of difference between a 14 year old and a guy who is almost 20. Should I keep my nose out of it and hope that her mom and step-dad eventually do something about it? All of this makes even less sense to me because my niece is a straight-A student most of the time, and is a freshman in HS and is already a star on her varsity volleyball team.

Just for fun, here are some pictures of the guy:






Last edited by BrentLumkin; 09-11-06 at 07:19 PM.
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Old 09-11-06, 07:14 PM
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Uh....no way. You need to say something...now....go.
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Old 09-11-06, 07:14 PM
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that guy-no and age is no factor

that stupid cut off shirt and doo rag is.
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Old 09-11-06, 07:15 PM
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He's a winner.

Seriously, anything under 18 years old is statutory rape, unless they both live in hillbilly country.
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Old 09-11-06, 07:17 PM
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Nope. Unless it's the other way around. Then yes.
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Old 09-11-06, 07:17 PM
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Its never acceptable for a female of any age to date that guy.

But seriously, no, I don't think so. It's only 5 years, and if she were in her late teen, it'd be fine. But she's 14 and that guy's (age-wise) a man. Bad stuff looms on the horizon for your brother (and by horizon, I mean very soon, if not already).
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Old 09-11-06, 07:18 PM
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Nope ...
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Old 09-11-06, 07:18 PM
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There's a term called "Jail Bait". Your niece definitely qualifies.

Of course my initial reaction to the photo is he really doesn't need her help in that regard.
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Old 09-11-06, 07:20 PM
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John Mark Karr married his first wife when he was 19 and she 14. I guess it's ok in Alabama (with parental consent).

There's a 99.5% chance he's already tapped it and a ~50% chance that she's already pregnant. If that doesn't motivate you to do something, I don't know what will.
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Old 09-11-06, 07:20 PM
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NO it is not ok, it could be Statutory rape, the age of consent in SC is 16.
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Old 09-11-06, 07:22 PM
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Ok, I'm sure most who reply will agree that it's not right. How about some advice on what to do about it, if anything? I've already stressed to the mom that she can't allow this to continue and she needs to put her foot down to stop it. What can an uncle, 3-4 hours away, even do?
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Old 09-11-06, 07:23 PM
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Judging by his "quote", he's also a HS freshman?
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Old 09-11-06, 07:24 PM
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The only reason that a 19 year old would go out with a 14 year old is that he's a total loser. Otherwise, he'd be dating an 18-19 year old.
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Old 09-11-06, 07:26 PM
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Originally Posted by BrentLumkin
I've already stressed to the mom that she can't allow this to continue and she needs to put her foot down to stop it.
What does she say about this? If her mom and dad won't do anything, there isn't much you can do... other than kicking his ass once his shift at the drive-thru is over.

Okay, I'm kidding.... sorta
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Old 09-11-06, 07:31 PM
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I was dating a 15 year-old when I was 21 (she turned 16 a couple of weeks after we started dating). Her previous boyfriend had been around 21 as well. Her parents loved me, and even though we broke up a few years later, I remained friends with the family and even became godparent to her first child. There was never once an issue with my family or hers about me dating her, because she was intelligent and mature about life and how to handle relationships (and me).

Some girls just mature faster than others, and some boys are still very immature at 20. Every relationship is different. Only you and your family know if your niece is emotionally and intellectually prepared for a relationship with a 19 year-old.
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Old 09-11-06, 07:35 PM
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One of my friends' sister was 14 when she started dating her husband and he was 32.
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Old 09-11-06, 07:38 PM
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This guy being a massive tool should be more of a concern.
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Old 09-11-06, 07:42 PM
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I had just turned 26 and my future wife was just shy of 20 when we met. Five or six years earlier I would have felt like a sicko if I had dated her.

That's just me.
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Old 09-11-06, 07:45 PM
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Originally Posted by El Scorcho
This guy being a massive tool should be more of a concern.
I was just going to post the same thing, well I was going to use douchebag instead of tool.
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Old 09-11-06, 07:55 PM
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A 19 year old guy dating a 14 year old girl is cause for concern on the surface, but it depends on both parties and how mature they are.

In this case, just judging by those pictures of the ghetto idiot, I would have to advise doing something to stop it. However, it's a slippery slope. If your niece is immature enough to be attracted to that tool, then any actions you or her mother take to break them up could result in an even stronger bond between them. Would she be the type to run away from home if put in that situation of choosing family over asshole?
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Old 09-11-06, 07:57 PM
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I wouldn't think so, but then again, I never would have thought that she'd ever even think about dating someone like this, much less someone that much older than herself.
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Old 09-11-06, 07:59 PM
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Originally Posted by MrX
I was just going to post the same thing, well I was going to use douchebag instead of tool.
Yeah, I went with "tool". That was so nineties of me!
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Old 09-11-06, 08:10 PM
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Dick With Ears also fits nicely.
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Old 09-11-06, 08:35 PM
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What's with the dogtags, did he get kicked out of the service for being such an asshat?
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Old 09-11-06, 08:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Shazam
The only reason that a 19 year old would go out with a 14 year old is that he's a total loser. Otherwise, he'd be dating an 18-19 year old.
That's not the only reason.

Sad, but true. Just ask Numanoid.

Probably nothing you can do if the parents won't do squat.
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