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Help! - this girl has thrown me for a loop

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Help! - this girl has thrown me for a loop

Old 08-22-06, 11:40 AM
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Help! - this girl has thrown me for a loop

You all seem to be so knowledgable about such a variety of topics that I figured I'd try this one on you...Any advice is much appreciated...

I work in a healthcare environment and one of the main focuses of my job is to consult and train employees on various aspects of patient satisfaction. Recently, I happened to go and do a 1 on 1 training with a girl that I had had limited interaction with in the past, but had definitely taken notice of her. We are also involved together in a bi-weekly meeting with about 10-15 other people. I arrived to do the training and we almost immediately hit it off. We had a great time and were joking almost constantly – by the end of the meeting we had developed several “running, inside jokes” that, as many of you know, can help the initial flirting phase and make it less awkward and more fun.

We have an instant messenger system at work and I told her how fun I thought she was and that we should communicate on it. She was extremely happy to do so and we began talking almost constantly, off and on all day long. We went through the initial “getting to know you” flirtations and started talking about more personal stuff as the days went on. We also exchanged phone numbers. She was curious to hear about the recent end of my 7-year relationship and she told me that she is STILL involved in a 6-year-relationship. She went on to say that the fire had died, she no longer had any feelings for him and she was looking for a way out. She mentioned also that once she loses it, she can never regain it. Things continued to go really well up until the Friday before she left for a one-week vacation by herself. She wanted time to think about things and see what decisions she had to make. The day before she left, I sarcastically told her I would never forgive her for leaving me for a week, and she went on to tell me she would make it up to me when she got back. The last thing she said to me was that she was going to be thinking about me on her vacation. I went home that day a very happy man because, although I realize this girl is probably wrong for me, she completely sucked me in…she is shy (I like that), she laughs constantly and has the best smile on the planet, among many other things.

So, she comes back from her vacation, and she is a TOTALLY DIFFERENT PERSON. She is still very friendly and warm, has not turned into a bitch in the least, but there is now a distance to her. The magic we had before she left is gone. We still joke, but she is not prying me for personal information like before. We had lunch one time since she has returned, which she invited me to, but there was another person with us. The lunch went very well but the following day, the coldness returned again and it has been off and on ever since she got back. There are more details to the story, but I’ve ranted and raved for long enough and I know you are probably sick of reading this by now. I have tried to be extra outgoing and funny with her and she seems to appreciate it to an extent but, beyond that, not much feedback from her. One more thing: the day we went to lunch, when I returned to my office she instant messaged me, told me she wanted to tell me something, was afraid to tell me, and then said “the moment had died”. And I was never able to get out of her what she was going to say.

So, what the heck should I do? I’ve decided to distance myself from her and not be so so eager to talk to her for a while and see if that prompts her to pursue me a little more. Problem is, this girl is now always on my mind – she has totally sucked me in. What do you all think? I so appreciate any feedback – I have never posted something like this ever, anywhere.
Old 08-22-06, 11:43 AM
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sounds like she "lost" the feeling for you, and as she told you once she loses it she can't get it back.

Also, do you really want a woman who starts a new relationship while still involved with someone else? What happens when she gets bored with you?
Old 08-22-06, 11:44 AM
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Sounds like she did some thinking on her vacation about whether she was going to take things to the next level with you, and that she decided against it. Sorry.
Old 08-22-06, 11:45 AM
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She got over it. Best you do the same thing. Sucks.
Old 08-22-06, 11:46 AM
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Originally Posted by mosquitobite
Also, do you really want a woman who starts a new relationship while still involved with someone else?
Yes. For a minimum of 2 hours.
Old 08-22-06, 12:10 PM
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Originally Posted by red1138
One more thing: the day we went to lunch, when I returned to my office she instant messaged me, told me she wanted to tell me something, was afraid to tell me, and then said “the moment had died”. And I was never able to get out of her what she was going to say.
Sounds like she took time on the vacation and decided she didn't want to move to the next level. The rest is just mind games and noise, what she said summed it up.
Old 08-22-06, 12:16 PM
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She probably tried to break up with the current boyfriend and he offered her a new car and a ring to stay.
Old 08-22-06, 12:18 PM
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Maybe her guy finally "laid her right". Or bought her a bunch of shit. Either way you're out.
Old 08-22-06, 12:30 PM
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Originally Posted by mosquitobite
sounds like she "lost" the feeling for you, and as she told you once she loses it she can't get it back.

Also, do you really want a woman who starts a new relationship while still involved with someone else? What happens when she gets bored with you?
Nice to see the rare thread that contains the perfect answer in the first response. Let it go and be extremely grateful that she 'lost' her feelings for you before anything happened, as opposed to the poor sap that probably doesn't know she's 'lost' her feelings for their 6-year relationship.
Old 08-22-06, 12:33 PM
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She met a dude with a bigger cock. Don't feel bad, dude. It happens to all of us. Except me.
Old 08-22-06, 12:36 PM
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Do you really need this much drama in your life? Shitty situation but don't make it worse by mooning over her in the work environment. It could have been a lot worse (or better depending on your mind set) if you had hooked up with her and then she started giving you the cool shoulder.
Old 08-22-06, 12:38 PM
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The emotional change like turning off a light switch and the lunch with a 3rd person are a dead giveaway that she's reevaluated her desire for anything with you (relationship or FWB) and decided against it. Best thing is to forget about her and find someone or something new to occupy your mind.

Oh yeah and work relationships...bad idea.
Old 08-22-06, 12:41 PM
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Originally Posted by VinVega
The emotional change like turning off a light switch

We are talking about a woman here.
Old 08-22-06, 12:53 PM
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Don't listen to 'em, Red! This girl is just confused right now, that's all! She's questioning your level of dedication! Yeah! That's it! Now is the time when you need to RAMP THINGS UP! Buy her a dozen roses EVERY DAY. Leave her little love notes, on her desk, on her steering wheel, on her bathroom mirror, at her mom's house. Get a tattoo of her name, or two, or three, or TWENTY-SEVEN, ALL OVER YOUR BODY!

Remember: nothing says "I love you" more than self-immolation.
Old 08-22-06, 12:55 PM
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Congrats, you were the "new broom that sweeps clean" compared to the 6 year boyfriend. She wasn't into you so much as the thought of being with someone else. She went on vacation, thought about it, and realized that she's not as into you as she thought she was.

Move on. You didn't invest a whole lot of time into this girl so it will be easy to do. I suggest you cut her off cold and don't even bother with the instant messages anymore. She'll likely come running once she figures out that YOU cut her off and not the other way round, too.
Old 08-22-06, 01:29 PM
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Her boyfriend brought back "the fire" with a Hot Carl and a Donkey Punch.
Old 08-22-06, 01:32 PM
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Thanks for all the great feedback, guys – I really appreciate all of it…Lots of good ideas and thoughts in there…I know all of us (or most of us) have been in this situation before. More ranting and raving below...

Even though I totally agree I should abort this whole thing at this point, one thing I didn’t mention earlier was that she had talked about us getting together after work – of course, this happened before her vacation – and I turned her down, saying that I would rather her resolve her current situation first before we got either one of us in trouble (her hurting her boyfriend, me getting my ass kicked). She didn’t understand what I meant at first and I kind of had to further clarify it to her – and then she got it.

I’d had a couple friends tell me that she grew frustrated with me because I didn’t come on strong enough – and that she maybe was offended/upset that I wasn’t willing to get involved because of her situation. Of course, it came back to bite me because it was probably a day or so later that I started to REALLY dig her and think about her a lot more often.

So, that was the main reason for me posting on this board – I was considering coming on extra strong and seeing what happened then – but again, I don’t want to get involved as the “other guy”. But if she’s really done with her relationship, I figured if she’s going to be single anyways, I want to be a part of her life. Plus, I’m coming out of a long relationship too – I’m not looking for anything serious, but I would like to see her semi-regularly, which would be best-case scenario.

Anyways, I think I’m definitely leaning toward jumping ship but I wanted to make sure there was no last minute advice from you guys not to do so.
Old 08-22-06, 01:37 PM
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Originally Posted by red1138
Anyways, I think I’m definitely leaning toward jumping ship but I wanted to make sure there was no last minute advice from you guys not to do so.
What, am I COMPLETELY INVISIBLE OVER HERE??!??!??!!!

Old 08-22-06, 01:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Groucho
She met a dude with a bigger cock. Don't feel bad, dude. It happens to all of us. Except me.
You busy later?

OP: You've lost that lovin' feelin', oh that lovin' feelin'. Cuz it's gone, gone, gone, whoah oh oh.

Them's the breaks, kiddo.
Old 08-22-06, 01:38 PM
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[last minute advice]Come on really strong and see what happens. [/last minute advice]

Btw, do they call you red because you are Irish?
Old 08-22-06, 01:40 PM
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How did this thread exist this long without the obligatory pee in her butt reply?
Old 08-22-06, 01:43 PM
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Originally Posted by M2theAX
How did this thread exist this long without the obligatory pee in her butt reply?

Exactly 21 posts.
Old 08-22-06, 01:45 PM
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Originally Posted by M2theAX
How did this thread exist this long without the obligatory pee in her butt reply?
Played.
Old 08-22-06, 02:02 PM
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If she's looking for some on the side sex then you wold be a fool to turn that down. Forget about the other guy and get your nut on. Let the chips fall where they may afterwards.
Old 08-22-06, 02:16 PM
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i was going to say she got laid on her vacation and was not interested in you as a side sex thing anymore.. but what others said works too.
On the side note.. if you see the girl is in to you but not someone you would want to date for an extended period(or even if she is), you need to take your shot the first chance you get..
meaning when she offered to get together you should have jumped at the chance, now you're most likely out.. way to cock-block yourself.
There is a lesson here.. the nice guy routine fails more often then it works.

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