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Ask the REAL MEN!!!

Old 08-17-06, 04:51 PM
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Ask the REAL MEN!!!

Although it seems like a bandwagon concept, this is a serious and informative thread. (Hopefully.)

For starters, real men don't own or use any kind of "product," we don't buff our nails or even notice dirt under them (which we get a lot of from doing real-man activities), we don't buy name-brand clothes unless the name is Levi or Wrangler, we only look in a mirror briefly in the morning to shave, we don't have blogs or MySPace pages, and our shoe choices are brown or black.

However, we real men DO own a lot of tools and like to fix things, we read product manuals, we change tires and hang shelves and stuff, we lust for the female form, we drink beer--cheap or premium, whatever is available and cold-- along with some liquor, be it whiskey or tequila or scotch--but no pink drinks or drinks with umbrellas, we dress up--i.e. wear a button-down shirt--only when we have to, and we like some form of rock and roll. Note that chewing tobacco is not a requirement to be a real man (except in certain southern states).

So, with that introduction, feel free to throw out questions that can best be answered by real men, who will hopefully pop in to provide answers and insights from the old-school XY side of the tracks.
Old 08-17-06, 04:57 PM
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Originally Posted by drmoze
Although it seems like a bandwagon concept, this is a serious and informative thread. (Hopefully.)

For starters, real men don't own or use any kind of "product," we don't buff our nails or even notice dirt under them (which we get a lot of from doing real-man activities), we don't buy name-brand clothes unless the name is Levi or Wrangler, we only look in a mirror briefly in the morning to shave, we don't have blogs or MySPace pages, and our shoe choices are brown or black.

However, we real men DO own a lot of tools and like to fix things, we read product manuals, we change tires and hang shelves and stuff, we lust for the female form, we drink beer--cheap or premium, whatever is available and cold-- along with some liquor, be it whiskey or tequila or scotch--but no pink drinks or drinks with umbrellas, we dress up--i.e. wear a button-down shirt--only when we have to, and we like some form of rock and roll. Note that chewing tobacco is not a requirement to be a real man (except in certain southern states).

So, with that introduction, feel free to throw out questions that can best be answered by real men, who will hopefully pop in to provide answers and insights from the old-school XY side of the tracks.
Interesting. I'm gay and other than lusting after the female form, you are describing me.
Old 08-17-06, 04:57 PM
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We DO ice our balls. For 8 days straight. 10 if you are Chuck Norris.
Old 08-17-06, 04:58 PM
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How many stars would you give the movie: MY LITTLE PONY: THE RUNAWAY RAINBOW?
Old 08-17-06, 05:00 PM
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Originally Posted by LiquidSky
Interesting. I'm gay and other than lusting after the female form, you are describing me.
Well, I'd say that's close but no cigar. Or would that be close with a cigar?
Old 08-17-06, 05:00 PM
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Originally Posted by Palaver
How many stars would you give the movie: MY LITTLE PONY: THE RUNAWAY RAINBOW?
Real men let our wives be in charge of buying and watching such movies with the kids. But we would build the shelves to hold the DVDs, along with the Charles Bronson, Chuck Norris, and Clint Eastwood collections.
Old 08-17-06, 05:01 PM
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Originally Posted by drmoze
Well, I'd say that's close but no cigar. Or would that be close with a cigar?
I also love tools
Old 08-17-06, 05:02 PM
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Originally Posted by drmoze

For starters, real men don't own or use any kind of "product,"
Does that include deoderant?
Old 08-17-06, 05:03 PM
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Originally Posted by LiquidSky
I also love tools
Real men do not use power tools on the human anatomy. (Except in the case of an occasional horrendous accident.)
Old 08-17-06, 05:04 PM
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Originally Posted by Lunatikk
Does that include deoderant?
Deodorant is deodorant, not "product." And it's OK to use, as long as it is Old Spice.
Old 08-17-06, 05:04 PM
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Originally Posted by drmoze
we drink beer--cheap or premium, whatever is available and cold-- along with some liquor, be it whiskey or tequila or scotch--
Only fancified, citified nancy boys drink tequila. Any REAL man drinks mescal or pulque
Old 08-17-06, 05:05 PM
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Got any good recipes for quiche?
Old 08-17-06, 05:07 PM
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Originally Posted by Mrs. Danger
Got any good recipes for quiche?
Eggs, bacon, sausage, cheese.
Old 08-17-06, 05:07 PM
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Originally Posted by Mrs. Danger
Got any good recipes for quiche?
Old 08-17-06, 05:08 PM
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I once put a Chuck Norris Dvd on my shelf and the movie broke the shelf in half.
we read product manuals,
Are you some kind of pansy or something. Real men never read product manuals.
Old 08-17-06, 05:12 PM
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Originally Posted by bhk
I once put a Chuck Norris Dvd on my shelf and the movie broke the shelf in half.

Are you some kind of pansy or something. Real men never read product manuals.
Chuck Norris can spin-kick a shelf in half even in his digital form from inside a DVD case.

And you are mistaken. Real men DO read manuals. Because women don't. And we can be their heroes by solving their problems with common appliances and gadgets. This assists us in our never-ending pursuit of the female form.
Old 08-17-06, 05:12 PM
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Originally Posted by drmoze
Real men do not use power tools on the human anatomy. (Except in the case of an occasional horrendous accident.)
Old 08-17-06, 05:14 PM
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Originally Posted by kvrdave
Eggs, bacon, sausage, cheese.
*sigh* EVen real men can lose their status as a result of excessive testicular trauma.
Old 08-17-06, 05:16 PM
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Originally Posted by drmoze
And you are mistaken. Real men DO read manuals.
NExt you will tell us that real mean also ask for directions.
Old 08-17-06, 05:16 PM
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I do all the 'Real Men Do' things except for reading product manuals. I also do all the 'Real Men Don't' things, except for buying product, unless American Crew shampoo and conditioner counts as product. So what the hell am I? An enigma?
Old 08-17-06, 05:19 PM
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Originally Posted by kvrdave
NExt you will tell us that real mean also ask for directions.
Hell no!
Old 08-17-06, 05:20 PM
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I'm feeling damn_manly after getting stabbed-for-real with a sword onstage during last Sunday's Three Musketeers matinee. Lost a ton of blood, felt like the Black Knight in Monty Python--turned the whole backstage into a bloody mess, scared everyone else to death, but I was unfased thru-out... I'll be limping for another week, not to mention I'll have a big-ole swordfighting scar just below my knee. Didn't miss an entrance though, and the audience never noticed it, by all accounts.
Old 08-17-06, 05:22 PM
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I'm sorry, but a real man can eat eggs, bacon, sausage and cheese in any way imaginable and not hurt his "real man" cred. If some nancy boy comes along and calls it quiche, well that's nancy boy's problem. Hell, a real man only eats eggs, bacon, sausage, cheese, steak and potatoes anyway.

More importantly, a real man never opens a product manual. A real man can figure out how anything works simply by taking it apart, and any use of said manual is immediate grounds for losing the man card and being put into the nancy boy group. It's like asking for directions. Real men don't do that either, because they don't have to.
Old 08-17-06, 05:26 PM
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What have you fixed with duct tape lately?
Old 08-17-06, 05:31 PM
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Two fingers and a knee.

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