Go Back  DVD Talk Forum > General Discussions > Other Talk
Reload this Page >

YAGT: What should I do? Watch out, I'm long winded...

Other Talk "Otterville" plus Religion/Politics

YAGT: What should I do? Watch out, I'm long winded...

Old 07-05-06, 03:19 AM
  #1  
DVD Talk Special Edition
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Santa Barbara, Ca
Posts: 1,857
YAGT: What should I do? Watch out, I'm long winded...

Ok, held off on posting this because I know this site gets archived that G----- search thingy...

But I kinda need some advice (although I know I'll get some stupid replies, oh well)...

Ok, so there is this girl where I work. She's been there since May '05. She's 25, I'm 29.

She's been very friendly, acted like she'd known me for years... She likes to pinch people on the arm for some weird reason. It seemed like she was picking at/on me more than others though...

She also started getting really flirty with me. Now, I've always been told I was a 'nice guy' by women, but never had any flirt with me like that. Sad but true. It made me a little nervous and she thought it was funny.

She also started saying stuff like 'Hi cutie pie', and "Hi sweetie" and whatever. Once I didn't acknowledge her right away, and she was like "Hello! I'm talking to you!!" and I asked her if she was sure she was addressing the right person... I told her I had rotten luck with women, and she said she didn't believe me, I shouldn't have such low self esteem, yadda yadda.

A couple of times she made comments about us running away together, or she didn't have anyone to take her to a party or a movie or whatever... A couple of the guys were egging me on, that I should just ask her out. Other guys were telling me that she had a boyfriend already.

I started flirting back, but no, I didn't ask her out. I got a new cell phone a few months ago with a camera, and tried to take a picture of her. She twisted my arm behind my back until I agreed to delete the photo. It became a quest to try to get a photo of her. She no longer got upset when I tried to photograph her, but all I'd get was the back of her head, or something as she'd turn away.

About a month or so ago, she asked me if I'd switch a couple of days with her. I agreed and she told me as her thanks for me switching shifts, she'd actually let me take a photograph.

http://tinypic.com/1z1xtts.jpg

She wanted me to send the pic to her cell, so now I've got her cell number as well.

I don't drive, she doesn't drive. I used to take a bus to work, but then my dad started giving me rides when he was out of work... with gas prices going up, I went back to the bus. Surprise, she takes the bus too. But not every day. 2-3 days a week.

Wow, I knew the uniform at work doesn't do much for anyone, but she's a knockout when allowed to dress as she wants. I told her she was beautiful, she says she's not. She will accept me saying she's cute though.

One day, I got to work early, was sitting in the lobby waiting to punch the clock when she came in, looking like a million bucks, I asked her what the occasion was and she said she dressed up so I could take her picture again.

http://tinypic.com/1z1xqvp.jpg

She also thinks she's getting fat. I work in a hospital, and they have electronic scales in certain areas. She said she's 123 pounds, and at 5' 1" she's getting a belly.

Last week, I was talking to another worker about a friend that wanted to go on a date with this girl but didn't know if she'd say yes. She walks by, and says something like, "What? You're going to take me on a date? Where are we going?" and I should have shot back with "Anywhere you want to", but couldn't. I just made some lame remark about not having a car, and she said so, there are a lot of things you can do without a car, go to the beach, go to the zoo, watch the monkeys for awhile, then get kicked out... I'm like huh? I was too confused to say anything...

Ok, so this last Saturday we happen to be on lunch at the same time. She sits down at the same table with me (doesn't happen very often, usually she disappears somewhere), and we started making small chat.

Another guy we work with came over to the table to ask me a few things, and she tells him to get lost, he's ruining a special moment or something, we were just working out details on going to the movies... My friend says something like, "Yeah, right," and she tells him again to get lost. I wanted to ask, "Are you serious?" but then here comes our supervisor... And he stays for like 20 minutes, talking about all kinds of stupid stuff. Never once does she tell him to get lost, mind you. He finally says he has to go, and she says she has to go too.

So for like ten minutes I'm sitting there what to do. Later, I try to ask her what all that was about, but either one of two things happens.

1) One of us keeps getting called away to do something before I can ask.
2) I chicken out and just make a little joke.

Finally, I say, "Ok, no jokes, seriously, would you like to do something sometime?" and she says, "Of course!" But then she drops the other shoe. "But I have to clear it with my boyfriend first, and see what plans I have..."

I asked her, "Are you sure? are you in an 'exclusive' situation? And she says,
"Well, I can do whatever I want with my friends." And she gives me this huge smile. She gets called away again, and I never get another chance to talk to her the rest of the evening. I'm picturing this big guy kicking my ass for talking to his girl, I don't quite know if I believe her.

Sunday I barely get a chance to say hi, I'm in a different position, busier than before, and unfortunately away from her. I want to ask her if she wants to set something up for Wednesday because she's off Monday & Wednesday, I'm off Tuesday and Wednesday. I never get the chance.

So Sunday night, I send her a text message and ask her if she has plans Wednesday, does she want to do something...

Tuesday morning I get a call from her. She asks if I'm on the bus because it's late and hasn't picked her up yet, and I tell her I'm not working, and she kinda gets a nervous laugh... A little small talk, and she all of a sudden stops, says "Uh oh, here comes the bus, talk to you later, have a good day off," and she hangs up.

She didn't mention my text message at all, so about the time I think she'd be on a break I send her another message. An hour later, she calls me. Says, she's sorry, she'd love to do something, but she's going to be spending the whole day Wednesday with her Mom. I didn't ask her anything about going to the fireworks Tuesday night because I assumed she would already be going with her boyfriend and whatever, and she confirms this without me asking.

She says she'll see me at work Thursday, have a nice afternoon, and Wednesday off... I don't really know what to say, and I guess there is dead air for a couple of seconds, and she says, "Don't worry, we'll make some plans to do something next week or whatever, but I can't talk more right now, gotta go..." And she's gone.

WTF should I do? She's a great girl, I could post a bunch of stuff about her here. I haven't been to college since I was 20. She was going 2 days a week while school was in session, but says she's not sure if she's going back in the fall, but is definitely taking the summer off.

She's Mexican, speaks fluent Spanish (she speaks perfect English as well). I'm half Mexican, I can't speak more than 50 words in Spanish unfortunately.
If she just wants to be friends, I can handle that. If she wants to be more than friends, that's great.

I've made a couple of comments to her when she gets flirty, and then apologized because I thought I might have gone too far... She just laughs about it. Heck, I felt like she was going to slap me once because I whistled at her when I saw her leaving work, the way she was dressed. I didn't plan it, and I immediately put my hand over my mouth after I did it. She just blushed, said thanks, and walked off...

I don't want to lose her as a friend, and I don't want to get myself in hot water. Suggestions?
JP5683 is offline  
Old 07-05-06, 03:35 AM
  #2  
DVD Talk Gold Edition
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Frederick, MD
Posts: 2,286
Sounds like she's just playing with you...she can sense your shy and is using it to get attention from you...she likes to manipulate you. If she really has a boyfriend then why even think about taking her out ?
If you had 'game' you could play it back on her but it doesn't sound like you do.
greg9x is offline  
Old 07-05-06, 03:43 AM
  #3  
DVD Talk Legend
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: a mile high, give or take a few feet
Posts: 13,435
She has a boyfriend and is flirting with you. Do you really want to try to date someone like that? I would stick to being friends, albeit flirty ones.

If you don't care about her fidelity, whatever it may be, then ask her out. Games take too much time and stress, it's not worth it in the long run.
mndtrp is offline  
Old 07-05-06, 03:55 AM
  #4  
DVD Talk Platinum Edition
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: New Brunswick, Canada
Posts: 3,161
Mow her lawn
ElementZ is offline  
Old 07-05-06, 06:12 AM
  #5  
DVD Talk Legend
 
AGuyNamedMike's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: (formerly known as Inglenook Hampendick) Fairbanks, Alaska!
Posts: 15,223
Originally Posted by greg9x
Sounds like she's just playing with you...she can sense your shy and is using it to get attention from you...she likes to manipulate you. If she really has a boyfriend then why even think about taking her out ?
If you had 'game' you could play it back on her but it doesn't sound like you do.
Originally Posted by mndtrp
She has a boyfriend and is flirting with you. Do you really want to try to date someone like that? I would stick to being friends, albeit flirty ones.

If you don't care about her fidelity, whatever it may be, then ask her out. Games take too much time and stress, it's not worth it in the long run.
'Zackly!
AGuyNamedMike is offline  
Old 07-05-06, 07:23 AM
  #6  
DVD Talk Gold Edition
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: currently Philly originally from Puerto Rico
Posts: 2,896
couldn't agree more with what has been said so far. you are being used for her self esteem. just remember, whatever you do, don't help her move.
BuddhaWake is offline  
Old 07-05-06, 07:35 AM
  #7  
DVD Talk Limited Edition
 
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 6,372
Good lord, this sounds waaay too much like a situation I went through a couple years back, although there was no claim of a boyfriend by the girl and you sound like you're more on the shy side than I am. In my situation, she turned out to be a really cute & fun, but also royally screwed up girl with an addiction to having her self-esteem boosted. She milked me for all the attention she could, but was in no way interested at all in a relationship. We even fooled around a couple times, always at times when I'd just about quit paying attention to her. Of course, I'd end up thinking it meant something and she was just enjoying having someone worship her. It did not end well and I'm going to tell you now what I wish someone had told me then, walk away and be done with it.

If you want to keep up the little flirty stuff at work, fine, but don't think it means anything and definitely don't spend time with her outside of the workplace. Also, realize that once you stop trying to get her to do something with you outside of work, she'll probably start bringing it up because she'll want to reel you back in to being her pet ego-stroker. You'll really want to take her up on it and think that there's a chance things will change. Ignore that fool in your head and don't do it. If it was just some random woman, it might be worth the 1 in 1,000 chance she's not using you to feel better about herself, but since she's a coworker, it's in no way worth the potential problems and misery it can cause.
maxfisher is offline  
Old 07-05-06, 07:43 AM
  #8  
DVD Talk Gold Edition
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: currently Philly originally from Puerto Rico
Posts: 2,896
yeah man. is like a mermaid. anyway if this was a poll. it would be 5-0 in favor of "she's using you to boost her self esteem". Ignore her for a while and see how she tries to reel you back in. give her too much attention and see her dissapear. I knew a girl like this in college, believe me everyone is right.
BuddhaWake is offline  
Old 07-05-06, 07:53 AM
  #9  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 743
Sounds to me like you are the "boyfriend in the office". I know because I'm kind of in the same situation myself. I work in a leasing office with a bunch of attractive young women, several of whom flirt with me on a regular basis. It doesn't mean anything, they do it because, hey, lots of girls like to flirt, and they know I don't take it seriously. As long as you do not take this thing for anything more than what it is you'll be fine.
fourwalker is offline  
Old 07-05-06, 07:54 AM
  #10  
DVD Talk Hero
 
TomOpus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 33,378
If you're really interested in her I'd try to get 3rd party confirmation about this boyfriend. She might be using the "I have a boyfriend" ruse to get you jealous.

If she does have a real boyfriend, I'd be careful about being too flirtatious. She might be talking about you to him (again to make him jealous). He then gets her cell phone and finds texts and pics and calls. Could get ugly.
TomOpus is offline  
Old 07-05-06, 08:03 AM
  #11  
DVD Talk Legend
 
Charlie Goose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Sesame Street (the apt. next to Bob's)
Posts: 20,199
Originally Posted by TomOpus
If you're really interested in her I'd try to get 3rd party confirmation about this boyfriend.
Nah man, I did that shit when I was 12.

Ask her straight out and don't take jokes or evasion for an answer. If she has a boyfriend, then you are her official Ego Booster. Besides why would you want to be with someone who would be unfaithful? Unless you're just in it for a piece of ass.
If she doesn't have a boyfriend, then this girl is one cheesburger short of a happy meal. Too many games.
Either way, a long term relationship with her is not a good idea.
Charlie Goose is offline  
Old 07-05-06, 08:08 AM
  #12  
DVD Talk Legend
 
FantasticVSDoom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: No longer trapped
Posts: 11,610
*Whew...That was a chore to read. Anyways, I would just back off and blow her off a little bit, and then she what comes next. If she really wants to "do" something, she will continue to pursue you. If she is just playing games, then she will stop and you can just forget about it. But if I were you, I would just kind of act like an ass towards her and stop letting her try to manipulate you.
FantasticVSDoom is offline  
Old 07-05-06, 08:51 AM
  #13  
DVD Talk Hero
 
das Monkey's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 1999
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 35,881
Agreed with the rest of the thread. A lot of these relationship threads are tricky, but this one's a no-brainer. Either she has a boyfriend and acts this way (you don't want any of that), or she doesn't have a boyfriend and is lying to you to manipulate your emotions. If you just want to get in her pants a time or two and likely kill the friendship, we can probably give you some pointers on how to screw with her head, but anything else is almost certainly a bad idea.

das
das Monkey is offline  
Old 07-05-06, 08:57 AM
  #14  
DVD Talk Legend
 
Vibiana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Living in a van down by the river
Posts: 13,851
I think you should start stalking her. Then you should show up at your workplace with lots of guns and ammo, blow away six or seven people, and shoot her in the back so she's paralyzed.

What the hell, it worked for Richard Wade Farley. He's on death row now, but I bet he gets lots of letters from admiring women.
Vibiana is offline  
Old 07-05-06, 09:22 AM
  #15  
DVD Talk Limited Edition
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Pleasantville - in black & white ;P
Posts: 5,970
I agree with greg and mndtrp. She probably *is* attracted to you, but is in a relationship. Would you want to be with a woman who is so easily swayed from her current boyfriend? (I know some men consider that conquering - I consider it stupid)
mosquitobite is offline  
Old 07-05-06, 10:22 AM
  #16  
Admin-Thanos
 
VinVega's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Caught between the moon and NYC
Posts: 31,522
Originally Posted by TomOpus
If you're really interested in her I'd try to get 3rd party confirmation about this boyfriend. She might be using the "I have a boyfriend" ruse to get you jealous.

If she does have a real boyfriend, I'd be careful about being too flirtatious. She might be talking about you to him (again to make him jealous). He then gets her cell phone and finds texts and pics and calls. Could get ugly.
I agree.

JP5683, you might want to reconsider whether you want to post her picture in this thread as well. Especially if she doesn't know about it.
VinVega is offline  
Old 07-05-06, 11:05 AM
  #17  
DVD Talk Legend
 
Nick Danger's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Albuquerque
Posts: 22,353
Am I the only one who thinks she wants to leave her current boyfriend, but doesn't want to let go until she has a good grasp on the new boyfriend?

I can think of two ways to handle this:

Continue to flirt and develop your flirting skills. Don't pursue her beyond banter and don't let her touch your emotions. Give up any idea that you'll get anything from her. The practice will benefit you in the future with other women. If she responds by pursuing you, have fun, but remember that she's not interested in an LTR.

Or be aggressive and manly and corner her on her plans. That will change your relationship, and you probably won't be able to be 'just friends' anymore. You might or might not get physical, but she'll know that she can no longer jerk you around.
Nick Danger is offline  
Old 07-05-06, 11:25 AM
  #18  
DVD Talk Limited Edition
 
Dr. Henry Jones, Jr.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: My Car
Posts: 6,752
I agree with Vibiana.
Dr. Henry Jones, Jr. is offline  
Old 07-05-06, 01:05 PM
  #19  
DVD Talk Gold Edition
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Decatur, GA
Posts: 2,159
Not hot enough to make it worth your trouble, imho.
deadlax is offline  
Old 07-05-06, 01:51 PM
  #20  
DVD Talk Godfather
 
The Bus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: New York
Posts: 54,851
Originally Posted by deadlax
Not hot enough to make it worth your trouble, imho.


I didn't even read the post.
The Bus is offline  
Old 07-05-06, 02:29 PM
  #21  
DVD Talk Special Edition
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Santa Barbara, Ca
Posts: 1,857
Thanks for the replies so far...

I did back off for awhile. She kept flirting, so again I started flirting back.

She asked me once what I did with the photos I took of her. I was just joking, but I said I put them on the internet on a "hot or not" site... She looked at me like, "No you didn't!", then just said, oh well, whatever, as long as you didn't use my name. So, I'm not giving her name here. I was going to give her a fake name for this thread, but I don't think it's necessary.

I have a couple of other photos but they aren't so good (the ones I posted aren't the best either, but a cell phone camera can only do so much)... I wish I could get a different shot of her in her regular attire.

She has beautiful long hair but has to tie it up for work... And I know by those two pics, she looks a little small in the chest, but wow, outside of work, she's bustin' out all over.

When I took that pic of her in the black dress, you can't tell, but it was kinda short. She tells me I can take a picture, just don't show her legs. Now, I consider myself a leg man, I look at her legs, and they look alright to me, not long but not yuk. Not veiny, or fat, or anything. I tell her there is nothing wrong with her legs, and she just says, whatever, just don't take a picture of them.

The grey shirt in the other pic is the ugly uniform most of us have to wear. There is a second uniform, a white long sleeved shirt with tie, that some wear. She used to wear that every day, but she injured her shoulder, so she can't work in certain areas anymore, and they made her go back to the regular uni.

Once, she didn't have the white uniform (that is supplied by the company), and wore a similar outfit to work in. Only thing is, it was wayyyyyy tight and there was no hiding what was under it. Plus, it looked like her nipples were popping out of it. In reality, the fabric had stretched, and was just sticking out though.

Later that evening, she says something about receiving a lot of attention that day, and I ask her why she thinks that would be, and she says she doesn't know. I tell her it could be the way she looks that day, and she looks confused. She looks down at herself, and kinda blushes. The rest of the evening she held an arm over herself when possible...

The next day, she was back to the grey uni. She asks me how it looks and I say something like, "Oh, yesterday you got embarrased that I was looking, and now you want me to look at you?" She just laughs and says something like, "It's ok, I know you're not gay or anything", and says she was told not to wear that to work again. I said it wasn't so revealing, but... And I just can't tell her it was because it looked like her nipples were popping out. She reads my mind, and says, "I ironed that thing more than once!" And I really don't know how to tell her, that while I don't know for sure, I'm sure she has nice, normal nipples and it's no big deal... But then someone interrupts us, and fortunately, I get to exit an awkward situation.

I don't say anymore about it, but even a couple of days later, she tells me, "Can you believe it, people are still saying things about that shirt I wore the other day!" I didn't say anything.

There was a girl working there a couple of years ago, and I did ask her out a few times, and she kept giving me different excuses, it was too soon after she'd broken up with her boyfriend, she didn't want to get involved with another co-worker (her ex was)... finally she just said she just thought of me as a good friend and that was all.

Just about everyone at work knew I was trying to get her, and boy, did I get teased about it. She did too. I think most people at work know what's going on with girl #2, but I'm not getting the same type of comments that I was with girl #1, and while it's a relief, I don't quite know what to make of that.

I think that's enough from me for now.
JP5683 is offline  
Old 07-05-06, 02:41 PM
  #22  
DVD Talk Hall of Fame
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: On the banks of the Red Cedar
Posts: 9,867
I don't think "backing off for a while" was meant to be several hours, buut more like days/weeks.

If you do talk, and she brings up the date that can never be, just counter by telling her you already have plans, but maybe some other time.

Finally, to repeat for the umpteenth time, it sounds like you are just getting toyed with so she can feel better about herself.
jonw9 is offline  
Old 07-05-06, 02:51 PM
  #23  
DVD Talk Legend
 
Minor Threat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Posts: 13,736
I for one, have no fear of big nipples.....
Minor Threat is offline  
Old 07-05-06, 02:54 PM
  #24  
DVD Talk Legend
 
LurkerDan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: The People's Republic of Boulder
Posts: 21,954
who gives a shit how she looks? By that I mean, you find her beautiful, so nobody's opinion here matters. But seriously, it does sound like she's toying with you. You can either play along and almost surely get nothing, don't play along and have a *slightly* better chance if you play your cards right (but lose the fun banter), or be direct and maybe (but probably not) have a better chance but also lose the fun banter.
LurkerDan is offline  
Old 07-05-06, 03:01 PM
  #25  
DVD Talk Hero
 
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: Somewhere between Heaven and Hell
Posts: 30,472
Aye papi.. dios mio!
devilshalo is offline  

Thread Tools
Search this Thread

Archive Advertising Cookie Policy Privacy Statement Terms of Service

Copyright 2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.