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Please help me find this Anti Chain letter

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Please help me find this Anti Chain letter

Old 06-12-06, 02:01 PM
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Please help me find this Anti Chain letter

Im sick of interoffice chain letters promising you pain if you fail to forward on a stupid email about some thing soppy and emotional in the next 2 minutes to 100 friends (and i better get it back!) nonsense.

I remember a joke anti chain letter with a stereotypical sarcastic letter about some boy who was sick and didnt have a torso--just a bag of leaves and needed an operation.

Does anyone have a copy of this?
Old 06-12-06, 02:18 PM
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Do you mean this?

For those of us that have received several of these fun e-mails,
this should summarize most of what happened in '98 e-mailings....

I know this guy whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering
from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried
Chicken. So anyway, one day he went to sleep and when he awoke he
was in his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over.
When he got out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEYS HAD BEEN
STOLEN and he saw a note on his mirror that said "Call 911!" But he
was afraid to use his phone because it was connected to his
computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would destroy
his hard drive if he opened an e-mail entitled "Join the crew!" He
knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer programmer
who was working on software to save us from Armageddon when the year
2000 rolls around. His program will prevent a global disaster in
which all the computers get together and distribute the $600 Nieman
Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates. (It's
true-I read it all last week in a mass e-mail from BILL GATES
HIMSELF, who was also promising me a free Disneyworld vacation and
$5,000 if I would forward the e-mail to everyone I know.) The poor
man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his missing
kidneys, but reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed with
an HIV-infected needle around which was wrapped a note that said,
"Welcome to the world of AIDS." Luckily he was only a few blocks
from the hospital-the one, actually, where that little boy who is
dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish is for everyone in the
world to send him an e-mail and the American Cancer Society has
agreed to pay him a nickel for every e-mail he receives. I sent him
two e-mails and one of them was a bunch of x's and o's in the shape
of an angel (if you get it and forward it to twenty people you will
have good luck but ten people you will only have ok luck and if you
send it to less than ten people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN
YEARS). So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the
hospital, but on the way he noticed another car driving along
without his lights on. To be helpful, he flashed his lights at him
and was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation. And it's a
little-known fact that the Y1K problem caused the Dark Ages.
-- Author Unknown
Old 06-12-06, 02:19 PM
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Or how about this one?

To: EVERYONE!
Subject: FW: ***** VIRUS ALERT *****
If you receive an e-mail entitled 'Badtimes', delete it immediately.
Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not
only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete
anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetises
the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your PIN
access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR, and uses subspace
field harmonics to scratch any CDs you attempt to play.
It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all
your icecream melts and your milk curdles. It will program your
phone autodial to call only 1-976 sex line numbers. This virus will
mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer. It
will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting
company.
It will replace your shampoo with engine oil and your engine oil
with orange juice, all the while dating your current girl/boyfriend
behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa
card. It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a
way that is only fun until someone loses an eye.
It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs
into passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which
grossly change the interpretations of key sentences.
If 'Badtimes' is opened in Windows95/98, it will leave the toilet
seat up and your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full
bath. It will also molecularly rearrange your aftershave/perfume,
causing it to smell like dill pickles.
It will install itself into your cistern and lie in wait until
someone important, like your boss or girlfriend, does a serious
number 2, then block the s-bend and cause your toilet to overflow.
In the worst case scenario, it may stick pins in your eyes.
-- Author Unknown
Old 06-12-06, 02:26 PM
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not *quite* but I do love those. I really want to punish my coworkers.

This particualr fake chain letter was a really fake sob story about a poor boy who needed money for an operation to get him a new torso. It was full of the crappy fake 'god bless you' and guilt laden PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN kind of stuff.
Old 06-12-06, 02:47 PM
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OK, think this is the one you want.

Subject: The Ballad of Burlap Boy
--------------------------------

My name is Billy Evans.

I am a very sick little boy. My mother is typing this for me, because I can't. She is crying. The reason she is so sad is because I'm so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when I try to breathe.

The doctors gave me an artificial body. It is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us having no money or insurance. I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money.

Mommy doesn't work because she said nobody hires crying people. I said, "Don't cry, Mommy," and she hugged my burlap bag. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she's allergic to burlap and it makes her sneeze and chafes her real bad.

I hope you will help me. You can help me if you forward this email to everyone you know. Forward it to people you don't know, too. Dr. Johansen said that for every person you forward this email to, Bill Gates will team up with AOL and send a nickel to NASA. With that funding, NASA will collect prayers from schoolchildren all over America and have the astronauts take them up into space so that the angels can hear them better. Then they will come back to earth and go to the Pope, and he will take up a collection in church and send all the money to the doctors. The doctors could help me get better then.

Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Right now I can only be third base. Every time you forward this letter, the astronauts can take more prayers to the angels and my dream will be closer to coming true.

Please help me. Mommy is so sad, and I want a body. I don't want my leaves to rot before I turn 10.

If you don't forward this email, that's okay. Mommy says you're a mean and heartless b*stard who doesn't care about a poor little boy with only a head. She says that if you don't stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die a long slow horrible death and then burn forever in hell. What kind of cruel person are you that you can't take five freakin' minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they can feel guilt and shame about ignoring a poor, bodiless nine-year-old boy?

Please help me. I try to be happy, but it's hard. I wish I had a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty that wouldn't chew on me and try to bury it's turds in the leaves of my burlap body. I wish that very much.

Thank You,
Billy "Smiley" Evans
Old 06-12-06, 02:49 PM
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YES thank you!!
Old 06-12-06, 03:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Carlos Villa 3
Billy "Smiley" Evans
This is the part that had me rolling.
Old 06-12-06, 04:00 PM
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Ok, that just got sent out......
Old 06-12-06, 05:31 PM
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You might want to send them this link also.

http://www.rofl.name/flash/soapbox
Old 06-12-06, 06:32 PM
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Reading the title I was sure it was the 'badtimes virus' email, but reading the description I knew it was Billy "Smiley" Evans.

Ah, the 1990s...
Old 06-12-06, 06:51 PM
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Its always the 1990s when my coworkers send me crap about phoney injured and missing kids all over the world. Snopes proves them wrong every time but they keep coming. Hopefully this one will take me off their list. But I dont think they know how to single out one person to not email on their address book.
Old 06-12-06, 08:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Save Ferris
Its always the 1990s when my coworkers send me crap about phoney injured and missing kids all over the world. Snopes proves them wrong every time but they keep coming. Hopefully this one will take me off their list. But I dont think they know how to single out one person to not email on their address book.
OMG i just got that crappy chain e-mail yesterday. I sent the girl the snopes link and 2 minutes later got forwarded it along with other hapless individuals on her mailing list with apologies
I just sent her the virus e-mail.

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