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-   -   Ever been in a relationship with someone that hated your pet? (https://forum.dvdtalk.com/other-talk/462063-ever-been-relationship-someone-hated-your-pet.html)

maxfisher 04-12-06 02:04 PM

Ever been in a relationship with someone that hated your pet?
 
And if so, how'd you deal with it?

I'm getting close to my wit's end with a situation where I'm crazy about the woman I've been seeing for the past 9 mos., but she's gotten to the point where she says she will never live with me unless I get rid of my dog. In response, I've stated I would never get rid of my dog unless I became physically incapable of taking care of her or she got extremely ill and had to be put to sleep.

There are no, IMHO, legit excuses for this kind of implied ultimatum. The main reasons given for it are that the dog sheds a lot, she whines if she's in her crate while people are around and she barks when someone knocks at the door. Oh, and she licks you if you pet her (still talking about my dog, not my SO).

This whole thing came up recently when we were talking about moving in together when her lease is up in August. So anyone else dealt with a scenario like this? At this point, it feels like a lose*-lose**-lose*** situation.

* If I talk her into moving in and she really hates my dog that much, I could see it putting a strain on the relationship.
** If I could force myself to get rid of my dog for her to move in, I know I'd resent her for it.
*** If we break up, I'll probably end up resenting my dog.

NotThatGuy 04-12-06 02:08 PM

No. I don't have a pet right now, but screw her if she doesn't like my pet. It was there before her, and will be afterwards. :) I don't trust anyone who doesn't like kids or animals...it is just unnatural.

-p

Vibiana 04-12-06 02:10 PM

I've always loved cats -- I have three. But dogs were an acquired like for me. That's because I got into relationship with someone who had a beagle. She was the sweetest little dog, just a loving, affectionate girl, and during the five years I was in the relationship, she developed chronic renal failure and had to be put down. I still look on that day as one of the saddest of my life.

In fact, I miss the dog more than I miss the relationship (which ended in 1997, the same year we put the dog down). Go figure.

I wouldn't consider a long-term relationship with someone who wanted me to get rid of my cats, but then I'm one of those wonky cat-lady types. :D

Kudama 04-12-06 02:14 PM

To know my surrogate child (pet's a cute word and all, but I'm realistic) is to love her.

If Hitler had met Terr, his heart would have been fixed and the world would never have suffered his evil. If the devil met my cat, he would open up Hell as an amusement park. If Ghandi met her he would immediately become even more peaceful and work at the SPCA.

So...no.

Bronkster 04-12-06 02:19 PM

To me, when someone adopts a pet they're taking on a commitement for the life of that animal. I realize that many don't share that opinion and regard pets as disposible (and I consider those people craphats).

My thoughts on the specific situation: Your dog depends on you and you need to take of her. If your girlfriend is using this as a wedge issue and you give in, then you can expect there to be more issues later on. Grow a set of balls and tell your GF that your dog stays.

Charlie Goose 04-12-06 02:27 PM

Why don't the three of sit down and see if you can talk it out?

kvrdave 04-12-06 02:35 PM


Originally Posted by Bronkster
To me, when someone adopts a pet they're taking on a commitement for the life of that animal. I realize that many don't share that opinion and regard pets as disposible (and I consider those people craphats).

This makes me try to reflect on how I view pets. I don't want to be a craphat. :(

I don't know you (OP) so I don't know how legit her complaints are. I could have a gf who has a bunch of dogs that shed, smell, sleep in her bed with her, etc. and I wouldn't want to move in with her either. :shrug:

Green Smurf 04-12-06 02:37 PM

My 2 dogs are my baby girls and there is no way in hell some man is going to tell me to get rid of my dogs. In order to be with someone you have to be compatible and obvious she's not a dog person and non dog people and dog people should not get together. The dog has been there for you before the girl and the dog will be there for you after her. If you get rid of the dog you have lost "hand" for your entire length of the relationship.

This also brings up a funny commerical with the sleep number bed where the guy has the dog on the bed and it's like a 46 or something and he says if he ever meets someone they better be the same number as the dog.

Just thought it was funny.

Honestly though if you get rid of the dog it's the first of many things you will loose through out the course of your relationship.

Bronkster 04-12-06 02:41 PM


Originally Posted by kvrdave
This makes me try to reflect on how I view pets. I don't want to be a craphat. :(

You don't view pets as disposible; You view them as targets! :eek:

emanon 04-12-06 02:59 PM

No, but I've hated people who have relationships with my pets.

Maxwell Smart 04-12-06 03:01 PM

Leave her and the dog alone with a tub of peanut butter for few hours, these things will work themselves out.

kvrdave 04-12-06 03:03 PM


Originally Posted by Bronkster
You don't view pets as disposible; You view them as targets! :eek:

:lol:

Morf 04-12-06 03:05 PM

A pet is typically an important part of a person's life. IMO, a SO should accept you for who you are - and that is a guy with a pet dog. Take that as you will.

Vibiana 04-12-06 03:05 PM


Originally Posted by kvrdave
This makes me try to reflect on how I view pets. I don't want to be a craphat. :(

kvrdave, if it weren't for the fact that you're already taken and you're a more conservative Christian than I am and you think cats make great stew meat and I squick you from being with girls, I'd marry ya. :D

Note to Nick Danger: I am still considering your proposal. -wink-

maxfisher 04-12-06 03:28 PM


Originally Posted by Vibiana
But dogs were an acquired like for me. That's because I got into relationship with someone who had a beagle.

Glad to hear firsthand of someone that acquired a taste for dogs through a relationship. Hopefully that'll happen in this case too.


Originally Posted by Bronkster
Grow a set of balls and tell your GF that your dog stays.

Oh, I have. It's come up a couple times over the last week or two and she pretty much says she won't live with me while I have the dog, I say the dog's staying and then we move on to other conversation without wading into 'Then why are we still seeing each other' waters.


Originally Posted by kvrdave
I don't know you (OP) so I don't know how legit her complaints are. I could have a gf who has a bunch of dogs that shed, smell, sleep in her bed with her, etc. and I wouldn't want to move in with her either.

Well, she (the dog) certainly doesn't sleep in my bed. That's been a rule since she was a puppy. She does shed quite a bit, but I don't think any more than is normal. As for her smell, she never smells horrible, but she does smell better when the weather's nice and I can give her regular baths outdoors. She's a handful in a bathtub and her hair clogs the drain, so she doesn't get as regular of baths when it's cold out.

I will admit she's a bit needy, as far as dogs go. When people are in the room, she always wants to be curled up to them as close as possible and she'll try to get petted as much as possible. I've thought about moving somewhere with a fenced-in yard and trying to convert her to being an 'outdoor' dog, but don't know how feasible that is. I'm guessing from how she behaves when others have dogsat for her that she'd end up whining and barking to be let in all night.

As for my SO, she doesn't hate animals, she just doesn't like having 'indoor' pets. At this point, I'm hesitant to issue any ultimatums of my own (i.e. get over the dog-ban or we're done). On the one hand, I don't want to get deeper into the relationship only to have this end it down the road. On the other, I don't want to force a break-up if there's a chance the dog will grow on her.

mosquitobite 04-12-06 03:36 PM

I call my dog co-dependent. She sounds like your dog. My husband doesn't particularly care for her, but he knows it was a package deal.

Does your SO try to change other things about you? I don't know man, I know I just couldn't give up my dog for a 9 month old relationship. :shrug:

kneijst1 04-12-06 03:38 PM


Originally Posted by pedagogue
I don't trust anyone who doesn't like kids or animals...it is just unnatural.

-p

Well said. I've never had this happen, but pets are an integral part of my life, so the s.o. has gotta love 'em or deal with 'em, or no more s.o.

Minor Threat 04-12-06 03:40 PM


Originally Posted by pedagogue
I don't trust anyone who doesn't like kids or animals...it is just unnatural.

-p


-popcorn-

*waits for mllefoo to enter thread.....

Vibiana 04-12-06 03:43 PM


Originally Posted by pedagogue
No. I don't have a pet right now, but screw her if she doesn't like my pet. It was there before her, and will be afterwards. :) I don't trust anyone who doesn't like kids or animals...it is just unnatural.

-p

I don't like kids. Oh, I can enjoy them when they're babies, preverbal and cuddly, and I can jounce them on my knee and make them squeal, but once they lay mud in that diaper, or start whining and howling, I'm handin' 'em back to Mommy. And after they start talking, forget it.

This is not the same thing as saying that all kids should be served on toast. What's unnatural is feeling like I do, but going ahead and squeezing out a few sprogs because you're afraid to disappoint your parents. :)

kvrdave 04-12-06 03:48 PM


Originally Posted by Vibiana
kvrdave, if it weren't for the fact that you're already taken and you're a more conservative Christian than I am and you think cats make great stew meat and I squick you from being with girls, I'd marry ya. :D

You had me at "kvrdave" (tear)

And actually, I love cats. :D

Vibiana 04-12-06 03:49 PM


Originally Posted by kvrdave
You had me at "kvrdave" (tear)

And actually, I love cats. :D

Especially with barbecue sauce? :)

Breakfast with Girls 04-12-06 03:54 PM


I'm getting close to my wit's end with a situation where I'm crazy about the woman I've been seeing for the past 9 mos., but she's gotten to the point where she says she will never live with me unless I get rid of my dog.

There are no, IMHO, legit excuses for this kind of implied ultimatum.
If that's how you feel, then fine. The solution is to keep the status quo or break up with her. But she definitely has every right to tell you that she could not tolerate living with your dog. Some people just don't like certain animals, and no amount of indignation on your part will convince them otherwise. ;)

I like pets for the most part, but "pet people" annoy me--i.e., the ones who go on and on about their pets, pretend there's no difference between having pets and having children, etc. It's sort of like, "It's not the band I hate, it's their fans." Maybe your girlfriend also gets tired of this, and getting rid of the dog is just an indirect way to solve the problem. :D

kvrdave 04-12-06 04:12 PM


Originally Posted by mosquitobite
I call my dog co-dependent. She sounds like your dog. My husband doesn't particularly care for her, but he knows it was a package deal.

Does your SO try to change other things about you? I don't know man, I know I just couldn't give up my dog for a 9 month old relationship. :shrug:

My wife always asks, "Why do you always sound so mean when you talk to Shelby? You sound like you don't like her."

Wy do women ask questions to which they obviously know the answer?

Shelby is the one with the pink collar. Worf decides who lives and who dies. The other two aren't mine, so who cares about them. -wink-
<img src=http://w3.gorge.net/kvrdave/dogs5.jpg>

Bronkster 04-12-06 05:19 PM


Originally Posted by maxfisher
I will admit she's a bit needy, as far as dogs go. When people are in the room, she always wants to be curled up to them as close as possible and she'll try to get petted as much as possible.

This sounds like an issue of who she thinks the pack leader is, and she doesn't think it's you. I'd recommend watching a few episodes of "The Dog Whisperer" on the National Geographic channel (check your local listing for times) - The guy on the show deals with all sorts of dog problems, most of which turn out to be the owners not understanding the dog's need for a pack leader. It's really a good show and it might help you out with the girl friend situation too, if you get your dog a bit more under control.

PacMan2006 04-12-06 05:24 PM

Just find another girl. You don't want to be with someone like that...do you? What if you got married? Is she going to hate you when you want to get another animal?

You don't want to give up a dog you've had multiple years for a girl who's not guaranteed to be around in the near future. I say that not because she can't be "the one," but just that most people you date and are with aren't.

There are tons of women who love animals. Just go find one who is more accepting.


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