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My day in Pirate Court (and a 4 year old black girl that won't destroy Logan's)

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My day in Pirate Court (and a 4 year old black girl that won't destroy Logan's)

Old 03-20-06, 07:23 PM
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My day in Pirate Court (and a 4 year old black girl that won't destroy Logan's)

Note: This is not a sequel thread to "So my roommate got arrested..."

Anyway, today I had to appear in municipal court to settle a speeding ticket. I didn't think I was speeding, the officer had a different opinion on the matter...it was a incident that was well document in a semi-angry thread that no longer exists I think. That's not the important part.

The important part is that the judge is a pirate.

I was all fired up and ready to defend my cause when this guy walks in wearing an eyepatch and introduces himself as the judge. I almost inhaled my own tongue at this point. There's nothing inherently sinister or evil about an eyepatch, it just means he lost an eye at some point apparently. But I challenge you to not be a little unnerved with someone unexpectedly walks through the door wearing one, especially when this guy is decided your fate. As much as I tried to calm myself down, I still can't help but feel like "the plank" may be on the list of possible punishments.

But after about an hour and half, I started to notice something else amiss in the court room. A few feet in front of me, there was a 3-4 year old black girl AND SHE WASN'T DESTROYING THE PLACE!? It was even more shocking than the eyepatch. This girl was either tragically born without a tongue, or was one of the best behaved kids I've seen. After spending 2 hours in a stuffy, hot, packed "court room" (it's only a court room in the most literal sense of the term, in that it's a room that the court meets in) this kid has barely said two words. Not only that, she sat quietly with her dad and mom the whole time. Other parents had to take their kids outside a long time ago, and you could still hear them yelling and kicking rocks around outside the door.

Anyway, after waiting for almost 2 hours, I finally got my time in court. The judge, obviously hearing about the way I'd boldly defended pirates against the vicious slander of ninja sympathizers agreed to let me go. Or maybe it was because the officer who gave me the ticket didn't show up. Either way, it was a happy ending for me! But not a happy ending, they don't offer those at the court, to the best of my knowledge.



P.S. Pirate rule, ninjas drool.
Old 03-20-06, 07:27 PM
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I think that finally puts that debate to bed.
Old 03-20-06, 07:31 PM
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the only scientific explanation for your observation of a NON logans steakhouse destroying 4 year old black girl is: that this occured in a courtroom, which tends to have an air of deadly seriousness as opposed to the uber-trashiness, general mayhem, and occasional circus show quality of your dining experience.
Old 03-20-06, 07:32 PM
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Originally Posted by kvrdave
I think that finally puts that debate to bed.
Not quite. Now he has to have a ticket heard in front of a ninja judge. Only then can we be sure which judge is superior.
Old 03-20-06, 07:32 PM
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Yes, ninjas are above the law, meanwhile pirates work for the man.
Old 03-20-06, 07:39 PM
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Originally Posted by Joe Molotov
P.S. Pirate rule, ninjas drool.
I think I love you.
Old 03-20-06, 07:39 PM
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Originally Posted by Bushdog
Yes, ninjas are the suck, meanwhile pirates are way cool!
Well said, Bushdog, well said.
Old 03-20-06, 07:43 PM
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So how many years did the girl get?
Old 03-20-06, 07:47 PM
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Originally Posted by kvrdave
I think that finally puts that debate to bed.
Letting him off the hook is a sign of weakness and failure. Had it been a ninja judge, poor Joe Molotov may be facing capital punishment (if he made it out of the courtroom at all).
Old 03-20-06, 07:50 PM
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Originally Posted by Numanoid
Letting him off the hook
Old 03-20-06, 07:52 PM
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Originally Posted by kvrdave
I think that finally puts that debate to bed.
Agreed
Old 03-20-06, 08:09 PM
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Originally Posted by dork
<nothing>
Old 03-20-06, 11:24 PM
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Steve... you are not a PIRATE!

Old 03-21-06, 12:36 AM
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You did address the judge as "Arrgh, your honor", right? He would have had a chuckle out of it and surely thrown your case out.

Or you could have told a pirate joke. "Arrgh, your honor, so this pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel stuffed down his pants. The bartender says 'hey, do you know that you have a steering wheel down your pants'? The pirate responded 'Arrgh, it's driving me nuts!"
Old 03-21-06, 03:30 AM
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Do you look like a ninja? It's possible both the officer and the pirate judge was frightened enough to get you the hell out of there. This would also explain why the girl was quiet.
Old 03-21-06, 07:50 AM
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Originally Posted by Bushdog
Yes, ninjas are above the law, meanwhile pirates work for the man.

Actually, in this case the pirate is the man.
Old 03-21-06, 10:22 AM
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Originally Posted by Heat
Or you could have told a pirate joke. "Arrgh, your honor, so this pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel stuffed down his pants. The bartender says 'hey, do you know that you have a steering wheel down your pants'? The pirate responded 'Arrgh, it's driving me nuts!"
We really don't need this ancient joke in every thread about pirates, do we?


Too bad the judge didn't find you guilty, Joe M. You could've asked if it were okay to pay the fine with pieces of eight.
Old 03-21-06, 10:48 AM
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I'm really tired of pirate/ninja/robot jokes where the joke is that person is a pirate/ninja/robot.
Old 03-21-06, 10:51 AM
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More importantly, were there peanut shells on the floor of the court room?
Old 03-21-06, 11:17 AM
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When the judge walked into the courtroom you should have said, in a very loud voice: "Whoa, I guess they take that whole "justice is blind" thing literally here. Or at least half literally." Judges like that kind of humor.

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