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GF / Money advice needed

Old 03-19-06, 07:11 PM
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GF / Money advice needed

Ok..here's a quick summary:

My GF and I have been dating for a few years. We're very serious and often talk about getting married and buying a house...it's just a matter of when.

She came into the relationship in debt (few K) has managed to climb out of debt to the point where she just has monthly bills. Other than that she has managed to save next to nothing. She even makes more money than I do. Granted she does have high insurance, a car payment, and more bills than I do, but she also needless spends ALOT more than me. Nothing major or irresponsible, but $20 here, $30 there really adds up.

I on the other hand have spent the past 3 years or so saving money like a mad man and have managed to scrape together well over 60k in my savings account for a decent down payment on a house.

I've tried and tried to make her see that if we save more now, we'll save even more later on...but to no avail.

What can I do? Should I just accept the fact that she's not a saver?
Old 03-19-06, 07:22 PM
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namrufmot

Should I just accept the fact that she's not a saver?
Yep. When it comes to money management, most people never change in the longterm, particularly women.

das
Old 03-19-06, 07:25 PM
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Does she know that you have 60k saved up? Cause I would never let my gf know how much cash i have. They say money issues are the #1 reason leading to divorce and I smell a big divorce if you end up getting married.

Some people always find a way to keep on getting in debt. It amazes me of how many people have credit card debt of over 10k (I work at a bank) and instead of trying to pay it off, just keep on adding to it.
Old 03-19-06, 07:33 PM
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REALLY REALLY think about this relationship. I'm saying this only because money problems are usually one of *the* biggest issues in a marriage. And you know this going IN. She's most likely not going to change. So either you can; or you can accept her the way she is.

If you do get married, I would have to recommend separate accounts, or at least open a savings account she doesn't know about.

Another idea: my husband is an accountant. We have a joint account and we each get $X amount each month to "blow". No questions, no accountability - it's ours to spend or save as we please.

The rest is budgeted towards our expenses.

It works really well for us.
Old 03-19-06, 07:39 PM
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my wife spends just as much now as before

except instead of clothes and cosmetics it's $20,000 in the last 2 years for renovations.

My advice is don't even think of combining your finances until you are married and all the paperwork is official. Second is when you buy a place, buy something cheap at first where your housing cost is no more than 20% - 25% of your combined gross. If she wants something more tell her to cough up the cash to help with the down payment or to start saving. This will give her a goal and change her habits to spending money on things that add value to your life rather than being thrown away or consumed.
Old 03-19-06, 07:45 PM
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I'd definitely get seperate accounts if you guys get married because if you don't you'll go insane if she has access to the money "you've" saved and she just spends her's and yours. If you really love her just accept her for what she is and try to keep at it with her.

As for the house if you drop 60k and she offers nothing. Pre-nup. You may, but I have no problems dropping that before marriage. I'll be damned if I've pinched for years to put myself in a financial situation where I'm comfortable to have someone come in and offer nothing and potentially walk away with a house if things go sour. I guess as I've gotten older and been in a situation like your's before where I saved and the other half spent spent and spent some more. I just draw the line a little further away from the edge now.
Old 03-19-06, 07:46 PM
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if they got married, couldn't he have her sign a prenup agreement that goes like if we get divorced, you're not getting anything from me.
Old 03-19-06, 08:27 PM
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If you get married get a pre-nup. Actually, right now I'm in the opposite situation. My bf, who is 13 yrs older than me, has debt from a failed business a few years back. I, on the other hand, have a house that I put a substantial down payment on since I lived with my parents for a few years after I got out of school. There is no way I'd ever see myself marrying him without a pre-nup.
Old 03-19-06, 08:32 PM
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Hahahahahaha. Pre-nup.
Old 03-19-06, 08:49 PM
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A prenup?? For $60,000? If it was a few mill or so I could see, but in the grand scheme of things and finances and if, God Forbid, they get married and divorced, $60,000 isnt a whole lot really in that scenario. Anything they get after marriage is going to be split up regardless, plus at this point she makes more than him. I would suggest some strong pre-marital counseling, and let it be perfectly clear your outlook and expectations on what the marriage should be in all things, especially money and budgeting issues.
Old 03-19-06, 09:21 PM
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My advice -- it doesn't matter what you do about the money as long as it's something you both agree on. It may be that she signs her paychecks over to you, you pay all the bills, and you give her a fixed allowance. It may be that you divide the bills in advance and each of you is responsible for your own half with the rest of the money yours to do with as you please. Whatever you decide, though, make sure you can both live with it.

I'd also advise jointly going to a financial planner. Maybe he can put things into perspective for your girlfriend in a way that will make her more inclined to save.
Old 03-19-06, 10:33 PM
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Maybe I didn't word it correctly, or maybe I did...but I didn't want to make it sound like she is irresponsible with her money - as I said before she carries no debt. She's not gambling, buying 100 pairs of shoes, getting her nails done weekly, or buying tons of junk, etc....I dont don't think she's saving as much as she could.


Of couse this is coming from the guy who has 3 year old sneakers on his feet and takes the free napkins from McDonalds....
Old 03-19-06, 10:38 PM
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Originally Posted by NCMojo
Hahahahahaha. Pre-nup.
Why is that funny?
Old 03-19-06, 11:46 PM
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Sorry for your loss.



I hope I'm not saying this about your possible marriage in a few years. You definitely need to get together on finances as I always read this is one of the major issues that kill marriages.

Luckily Mrs. Pusser and I get along very well on that front.

I know there are books out there about this issue. Check Amazon if you so desire.
Old 03-20-06, 12:38 AM
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Originally Posted by FantasticVSDoom
A prenup?? For $60,000? If it was a few mill or so I could see, but in the grand scheme of things and finances and if, God Forbid, they get married and divorced, $60,000 isnt a whole lot really in that scenario.
It is a lot of money if it is *MY* $60,000 vs. her $0. Of course, I plan on marry rich, so I don't want her to have a pre-nup.

-p
Old 03-20-06, 01:02 AM
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Old 03-20-06, 01:59 AM
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Why should she save when you're doing it for her?
Old 03-20-06, 02:35 AM
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I'm in a similar situation as you, although, she's still in debt-pay-off mode. It's wiser for her to pay off her debt than save a lot at this point. She is paying extra on that, and taking a little for fun. Once she gets a couple of things paid off, I'll have her set up her direct deposit to put some in her checking account, the rest in her savings. It's the easiest way I've found to save money.

Once we do go for the house, I'll probably pay for most of it, and she'll pay "rent" instead. So far, she has agreed to this. We'll see what happens when we finally come to that bridge.
Old 03-20-06, 10:16 AM
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Tough call. It's her or six Russian brides, you're going to lose that $60k either way.
Old 03-20-06, 10:19 AM
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Speaking as someone who's lousy with money, I'd recommend finding someone whose financial philosophy more closely merges with yours. However, I realize that may not be realistic.

As a second-best option, I would keep all finances separate, even if you marry, and contribute an equal amount from your separate monies to a joint account for major purchases.
Old 03-20-06, 10:24 AM
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Seperate accounts make me laugh. If you get divorced, any lawyer will find out where that money is. Even though she didnt get to spend it during the divorce, she will be spending it after anyway.

Open an account in your mother's name.

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