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I think I am getting a divorce

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I think I am getting a divorce

Old 03-15-06, 11:30 AM
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I think I am getting a divorce

Not sure who to talk to so once again its trusty dvdtalk.com . So to make a long story short have not been happy for a while, 4 lovely kids whos life is going to be destroyed by this, part of me says just do it for them, part me says this pain will pass and just get through it. Part of me says run into a truck and make it really easy(no I wouldn't do that but we all gdt thoughts) I'm not sure what else to say just had to vent.
Old 03-15-06, 11:35 AM
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Are you married to three different women?
Old 03-15-06, 11:37 AM
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Why have you not been happy.?
Old 03-15-06, 11:39 AM
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How old are the kids? What is so painful in staying together? Abuse? Fighting? What about?
Old 03-15-06, 11:40 AM
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Why are you thinking about divorce?

Has someone been unfaithful (or tempted), or is it that "grass is always greener" syndrome?

Let me guess: you're a male, mid-to-late 30s/early 40s, and you're starting to feel squeezed by the routine of life, being married, having kids, work, and it seems like everything else in life is passing you by. You feel your spouse and you haven't 'connected' in a while.

Close?

Last edited by Pointyskull; 03-15-06 at 11:46 AM.
Old 03-15-06, 11:44 AM
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someone i work with got divorced a few years ago. Almost overnight he became happier and looks better. If you are in a bad marriage, than getting a divorce may be the best thing you can do.
Old 03-15-06, 11:45 AM
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Four kids whose life is going to be destroyed? Dude, just how unhappy are you? I mean, your kids should come first, right?
Old 03-15-06, 11:46 AM
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Originally Posted by Numanoid
Are you married to three different women?


http://forum.dvdtalk.com/showpost.ph...04&postcount=2

[Edit]Bahhh, the mods deleted the threads. I beat you by 2 minutes, w/ that post, though.
Old 03-15-06, 11:47 AM
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Is it something were there is open fighting that the children can see/hear? If so, they might not be so surprised.
Old 03-15-06, 11:48 AM
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Repost: http://dvdtalk.com/forum/showthread.php?t=459082

Make sure you take care of yourself. A lot of people stay in marriages for the children's sake. But, my father was in a bad marriage for most of his life, and imo, ultimately it was one of the causes of his death.

It doesn't make any sense now, but in the long run it will be better for yourself.
Old 03-15-06, 11:54 AM
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Originally Posted by tommy28
Why have you not been happy.?
Dude, he's married.



Unless there was some really bad stuff going on, I would sacrifice my happiness for the well being of my kids.*



*Assuming there is not a hawt 21 year old involved.
Old 03-15-06, 11:55 AM
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Originally Posted by Deftones


http://forum.dvdtalk.com/showpost.ph...04&postcount=2

[Edit]Bahhh, the mods deleted the threads. I beat you by 2 minutes, w/ that post, though.
It was a tribute to you.

And it's still up for some reason: http://forum.dvdtalk.com/showthread.php?t=459083
Old 03-15-06, 11:56 AM
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Originally Posted by kvrdave
Unless there was some really bad stuff going on, I would sacrifice my happiness for the well being of my kids.
That presupposes that children of divorced parents can't be happy.
Old 03-15-06, 11:58 AM
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Originally Posted by Numanoid
That presupposes that children of divorced parents can't be happy.
Actually, it assumes that your happiness is not more important than the possibility that it will negatively affect your children. Wouldn't be worth the risk to me.
Old 03-15-06, 12:05 PM
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Just for along time, t may differences, no abuse, no hot 21 year olds,

BTW-29 years old,problem is her and i went through so many things, kids with medical problems, early life stress etc. I love my kids dearly and have been trying to make this work it rips me up so bad that I keep puking.
Old 03-15-06, 12:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Kman1011
problem is her
What does that mean exactly? She's been unfaithful? She poops with the door open? What?
Old 03-15-06, 12:11 PM
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Originally Posted by 12thmonkey
What does that mean exactly?
I thought the same thing. It actually should be read "her and I" (and should technically be "she and I").
Old 03-15-06, 12:12 PM
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Originally Posted by Numanoid
I thought the same thing. It actually should be read "her and I".
Yeah, that looks right.

But still, what is the problem? Stress? Money?

We need more info to help discuss the situation, unless you're just looking for "divorce her!" responses. But I don't roll that way...

Last edited by Pointyskull; 03-15-06 at 12:15 PM.
Old 03-15-06, 12:14 PM
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Dude if you want to talk, you need to TALK. Tell us what's going on so we can put you on the couch.
Old 03-15-06, 12:14 PM
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How old are the kids? What kind of medical problems?
Old 03-15-06, 12:18 PM
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This is always hard when we don't have details or know the personalities involved, but here goes..

kids with medical problems, early life stress etc.
I know this can put a strain on relationships and make existing problems even worse, but don't let these things contribute to your divorce. Life happens.

Is there any chance at all that this is salvagable or is it a done deal?

Often times, divorce seems like the easy out, but consider the life you are choosing. Would kids with medical problems have been easier or harder if you and your wife were apart? Do you think a divorced person is less stressed? Different isn't always better.

My hope is that even though things are extremely hard right now, you may be in a situation where happiness could be restored in the long run. Yes, for the kids. But also for you two.

Will weekend visitations bring more satisfaction to your life? Will the complications of raising 4 kids seperately be less than your comlpications now? Of course, the inclination right now sounds like "I can't live with this woman any more." Perhaps that outweighs any other possible situation that you can foresee. But maybe the two of you need to sit down or get away and talk this through. 20 years out, your kids will survive either way. But the shape of your family and their time growing up will be entirely different based on the decisions you make right now.

Where do things stand right now? Is this over?
Old 03-15-06, 12:22 PM
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Listen.... how do you expect to bring joy to your kids lives if there is no joy in your life.....


My dad went to rehab for a month with a drinking problem and it was really bad.....The priest asked my father " Do you love your kids" My dad said " of course i love my kids" The priest said " your full of crap...... how can you love your kids when you dont even love yourself"....

Listen if you feel you have done everything in your power to keep this marriage together(counseling or other professional help) then you shouldnt lie to yourself or your kids......
Old 03-15-06, 12:31 PM
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Originally Posted by raven56706
Listen if you feel you have done everything in your power to keep this marriage together(counseling or other professional help) then you shouldnt lie to yourself or your kids......
Thing is... we don't know to what capacity this has happend.

We really need more details on this if you want help, Kman.

I'm really sorry to hear about the circumstances. If you just need to vent and let this off your chest, feel free. But hopefully we can add something meaningful to the situation.

There is little in your life more important than the things you are talking about, so I really hope we can provide help in some way.
Old 03-15-06, 12:31 PM
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Originally Posted by Thor Simpson
There is little in your life more important than the things you are talking about, so I really hope we can provide help in some way.



Vent away, Kman. We're ready to listen or help. Your choice.

Last edited by Pointyskull; 03-15-06 at 12:34 PM.
Old 03-15-06, 12:50 PM
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Originally Posted by al_bundy
someone i work with got divorced a few years ago. Almost overnight he became happier and looks better. If you are in a bad marriage, than getting a divorce may be the best thing you can do.
For "you". Not the kids.

Then again, today if you are a kid and still have your two birth parents together, you are considered abnormal.

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