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Ending a relationship as friends--A different POV

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Ending a relationship as friends--A different POV

Old 02-17-06, 10:58 AM
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Ending a relationship as friends--A different POV

Ive had a relationship with a girl who's been living with me off and on for the last 3 years. Basically shes been living with her parents but really wanting to stay with me indefinitely. So it goes where she spends long vacations with me (her parents live out of state) for the whole winter or several months in the summer. Im her first serious BF and professed true love but I think she really loves being away from her family and staying at my place doing whatever she wants and not having to work or do anything but surf the web and watch DVDs. City life is a lot more to her liking than country life too. Anyway we grew apart but she still loves to come see me for 'vacations' and we kind of had a friends w/ benefiits thing but she still wishes she could stay with me forever if I let her. Anyway shes finally going to get her own place--about 15 miles or so from me. She wants to stay friends (I dont want to continue the 'benefits' part) and hang out every once in awhile.

Is it possible to be friendly when she wishes things would be different all the time and thinks shes madly in love with me? What are some guidelines? Should I not see her more than once a month or so? Should I help her if she needs money or her computer fixed or something? Is a clean break best? I like her as a person and we cant help but have a lot in common, but I dont want to tie up her life because theres no future with me and her.

any input?
Old 02-17-06, 11:01 AM
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Originally Posted by Save Ferris
Is it possible to be friendly when she wishes things would be different all the time and thinks shes madly in love with me?
No, IMO. You need to clearly explain to her that the romantic part of your relationship is over, period, and that if she can't accept that you cannot remain friends.
Old 02-17-06, 11:05 AM
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She says she can accept us being just friends but I know she wishes things were like they were where I took care of her and spoiled her. I think shes just confusing love with security.
Old 02-17-06, 11:07 AM
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In that case, and to answer your other question, you should definietly NOT be the one who rides to her rescue every time she needs work on her computer, or a ride to the airport, etc.
Old 02-17-06, 11:10 AM
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Originally Posted by Bandoman
In that case, and to answer your other question, you should definietly NOT be the one who rides to her rescue every time she needs work on her computer, or a ride to the airport, etc.
\


yeah treat her like dirt, then she will be even more obsessed with you.

There is no way to win this situation, just stop talking to her if you have no interest.
Old 02-17-06, 11:14 AM
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Originally Posted by Save Ferris
She wants to stay friends (I dont want to continue the 'benefits' part)
So how fat did she get?
Old 02-17-06, 11:21 AM
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well. shes cute but shes pretty lazy in bed. But besides that, I just dont want any phoney relationships in my life right now.
Old 02-17-06, 11:38 AM
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Schaumburg = city life??
Old 02-17-06, 11:41 AM
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Dude - this chick is real "psycho" material.....
Old 02-17-06, 11:41 AM
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lol not really city life no, but I work downtown and do all my partying there
Old 02-17-06, 11:43 AM
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Originally Posted by Minor Threat
Dude - this chick is real "psycho" material.....
Yes she is, which is why ive coddled her and been as nice as pie while trying to push her out of my life.
Old 02-17-06, 11:55 AM
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Pics?
Old 02-17-06, 12:00 PM
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It sounds as though you're going to need to do something drastic to shake her.....and I would be more than a little worried that she's moving so close to you.






Oh yeah, I second what Maxwell Smart said.....

Last edited by Minor Threat; 02-17-06 at 12:03 PM.
Old 02-17-06, 12:00 PM
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you all remember her pics. She showed her cleavage in the low cut top with cherries on it. Pretty much the only pics of a female ive shown here for the last few years (when the subject came up) were of her. Shes fun and crazy but I just want to move on to something more substantial.
Old 02-17-06, 12:03 PM
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Originally Posted by Save Ferris
well. shes cute but shes pretty lazy in bed.
Sounds like she's pretty lazy in all aspects of her life. I'd like to mooch off of someone and have someone do all the work in bed and surf the Internet and watch DVDs all day.

I would take the approach where you only talk to her when she calls you, and if she calls you frequently, don't answer every time.
Old 02-17-06, 12:05 PM
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Originally Posted by Save Ferris
you all remember her pics.
Actually I don't - care to refresh the memory?
Old 02-17-06, 12:05 PM
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Originally Posted by Minor Threat
It sounds as though you're going to need to do somethign drastic to shake her.....and I would be more than a little worried that she's moving so close to you.
Yes im not happy shes coming close but im hoping she cant hack it and will run home to her parents (Ive made it clear she cant live with me ever again). I dont really want to be a total jerk because im afraid that could get ugly.
Old 02-17-06, 12:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Breakfast with Girls
Sounds like she's pretty lazy in all aspects of her life. I'd like to mooch off of someone and have someone do all the work in bed and surf the Internet and watch DVDs all day.

I would take the approach where you only talk to her when she calls you, and if she calls you frequently, don't answer every time.
Yea shes a bum. Shes cute so she gets away with it mostly. Ive tried the 'being distant' kind of thing where i not very reachable by phone or email but then i get flak because 'arent we friends anymore?' and 'why do you have to treat me so mean, i just want to be friendly' kind of arguments. I guess my plan is to start out friendly and grow distant slowly and see if she can hack it easier that way.
Old 02-17-06, 12:12 PM
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Maybe you could just start dropping subtle hints that you're into some weird freakish hobbies that she would find repulsive so she'll start distancing herself away from you.

By the way, if she wasn't such a flat lay, would that change your mind about the situation?
Old 02-17-06, 12:12 PM
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Wait a minute...15 miles from Schaumburg? Where? I may be in danger.
Old 02-17-06, 12:18 PM
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You don't need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Take a look at my cousin. He's broke and don't do shit.
Old 02-17-06, 12:19 PM
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Originally Posted by Minor Threat
Maybe you could just start dropping subtle hints that you're into some weird freakish hobbies that she would find repulsive so she'll start distancing herself away from you.

By the way, if she wasn't such a flat lay, would that change your mind about the situation?
Hmmm shes pretty permissive so it would be hard to 'outfreak' her. Besides the sex, shes pretty much of a moocher off me and not very independent and without a lot of qualities I want in a soulmate. I wasnt sure when I met her if she was or wasnt 'the one' but over time it really grew more and more clear.
Old 02-17-06, 12:23 PM
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So, she's into that peeing in her butt thing, huh?
Old 02-17-06, 12:27 PM
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Originally Posted by Minor Threat
So, she's into that peeing in her butt thing, huh?
You name it, as long as its not too strenuous.
Old 02-17-06, 12:44 PM
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Originally Posted by Save Ferris
You name it, as long as its not too strenuous.
So it's not that she's gotten too fat, it's just that you know that she will get fat pretty soon. I'm glad that's been cleared up.

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