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So.... my relationship may have just ended

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So.... my relationship may have just ended

Old 02-17-06, 12:07 AM
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So.... my relationship may have just ended

So, my girlfriend and I decided that our almost 7 year relationship needs a break (she decided more than me but I do agree). Not sure if this is a breakup or just a seperation. I guess it is a little bit of both. I am moving back to Philadelphia, she is staying here in New Mexico. We are going to try and see what it is like being friends. We met online to start with so the LD relationship (friendship) won't be a problem. Don't know if we will ever get back together as it is just way to early to think about.

We had done this before (seperated), but it was only about a year into the relationship. Of course, we did get back together after about a year.

We still love each other very much, but she felt, and I agree, that I need to change and for the better. I am quite the asshole at times. I guess you could say I was here, but she felt I wasn't with her, if you know what I mean. She became very lonely.

Admittedly, I have been not giving her all of the attention she deserves. Then, when she started doing other things that made her happy and she had fun, I didn't like that she wasn't spending any time with me. She told me that her feelings about my neglect for her have been coming for a very long time. It isn't only that. I have been extremely lazy for some time now. Making promises to get a job and get us out on our own again (we live with her folks). So many screw ups on my end.

My own mother even told me she was surprised she didn't leave me a year ago!

Yes, she told me all of these things previously. I just never expected it to come to this. I am totally empty inside, haven't been able to eat much, and I am extremely lonely. I don't sleep much because I find myself waking up after a couple of hours shaking to death. She talks to me a little bit but it is hard for her since she still has feelings for me. She feels the more time she spends with me would make it harder on her when I leave. I guess I can understand that.

I am still here for another week as I fly back next Thursday to Philadelphia (ticket already purchased).

To think, I had this beautiful woman staring me right in the face and I felt dvds were more important. What a jerk I am.

She has told me repeatedly that she would rather be alone if she can't be with me. I feel the same way. She needs time, I need therapy. Sad but true.

Now, what I need to do is get my crap together, find myself a job when I get back there and show her I am true in what I promised her. When I do all these things, I don't expect her to take me back, but after seven years, you never know. All I want from her is her love, because it is the greatest feeling I have ever felt.

I have been given a third chance, to not lose my best friend in the whole world. I will see her again very soon, that is a promise. My life would not be the same if she were not a part of it.

Oh, it should be noted, she gave me the okay to post this.

Last edited by Bill Geiger; 02-17-06 at 01:04 AM.
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Old 02-17-06, 01:22 AM
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So....how long has she been cheating on you?

D
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Old 02-17-06, 01:28 AM
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Long distance relationsips rarely work.
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Old 02-17-06, 01:31 AM
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Originally Posted by Derrich
So....how long has she been cheating on you?

D
She never has. We live together. She doesn't go out...and if I go out, it is just to the store.
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Old 02-17-06, 01:34 AM
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Originally Posted by riley_dude
Long distance relationsips rarely work.
Well, considering when we first me, it was 3 months and we moved in together. Then when we seperated the first time, we were apart a year. Although she did fly out to visit me twice for a couple of weeks.

When I left the first time (June 2000), I got a job about one or two months after I got back to Philadelphia. I was making good money. Enough to support us both. She visited me in October for my birthday and then again in Feburary. She then moved back in with me in our own place in May of 2001.
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Old 02-17-06, 01:36 AM
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Sorry to hear about it Bill. Hope you straighten your shit out.
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Old 02-17-06, 01:39 AM
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Thanks Craig, me too.
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Old 02-17-06, 01:47 AM
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Get back in there Bill. There is nothing like love. Been there..done that. And like many people here...I'll tell you I miss it (divorced). Be single if you want...but if you truely love her...tell her, show it and don't let her go.

Just don't be a stalker...


PS: I really meant the first part.
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Old 02-17-06, 01:53 AM
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FiveO

Believe me brother, I have tried all of the above. (except for the stalking). She sleeps in another room now and has for the past week. We did "fool" around tonight. I am still going to move back home. It hurts like a bitch.

I don't want to be single....I hate it. I am not the kind of guy who does "one night stands" or dates someone for a week and that is it. This is my second serious relationship. I am 31.

And you know what, I have told her over and over I love her, and she says the same thing back...but she feels it is either this or we end up hating each other.
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Old 02-17-06, 01:57 AM
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good luck
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Old 02-17-06, 01:58 AM
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Originally Posted by FiveO
Get back in there Bill. There is nothing like love. Been there..done that. And like many people here...I'll tell you I miss it (divorced).
I whole heartedly agree...... My wife of 8 years and I split up in Oct last year and I am just now coming to terms with it. I doubt we will ever get back together but that is okay, I do miss the love and intimacy you share with another person. Good luck.... I hope you work it out with her, and if you get the chance, please remember what is really important in life.
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Old 02-17-06, 02:01 AM
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I also want to add that every minute of the day, I feel like crying. I have. Definitely not easy dealing with this alone. I mean, I talked with my family, who are always there for me.

My body cannot stop shaking. My nerves are shot to all hell.
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Old 02-17-06, 02:01 AM
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Hmmmm, we men to have a nasty habit of taking women for granted. Sometime we pull out of it, sometime we dive in head first. Generally it is because of crap in our own lives. So get that straight, and the rest may follow.
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Old 02-17-06, 02:03 AM
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Originally Posted by jaelliot
I hope you work it out with her, and if you get the chance, please remember what is really important in life.
This could be so many things. But, relationship wise, what is important, is equality and always showing your love. A shame I screwed that up!
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Old 02-17-06, 02:06 AM
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Originally Posted by kvrdave
Hmmmm, we men to have a nasty habit of taking women for granted. Sometime we pull out of it, sometime we dive in head first. Generally it is because of crap in our own lives. So get that straight, and the rest may follow.
You're right Dave. Not to deleve too much into her past, but her past relationships were terrible. She doesn't compare them to me, but does say that I should have thought about her past (which I have) and treated her the way I promised her (I didn't always). Mind you, I am not a bad guy. We have had plenty of great times... but it seems the bad outweighs the good.

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Old 02-17-06, 02:45 AM
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On Thursday she will be going with me to the airport.

I should explain why she hasn't been sleeping in the same bed as me. A couple weeks ago she got back into playing games online and even became a host for one of the leagues (spades). It was what made her happy and not left feeling alone. She became friends with pretty much all of them and has been spending all of her time doing that. She will stay up all night talking to her friends. I asked her if she wanted to sleep in bed tonight, but she refused. I guess I am asking too much. I mean, we are separating. The thing is, I have a hard time sleeping without her next to me. Guess I better get used to it.

I appreciate your feedback everyone. Just remember if you are in a committed relationship, make the most of it and don't take anything for granted.

Maybe I should try and get some sleep. Like I said earlier, sleep has been an issue.

Last edited by Bill Geiger; 02-17-06 at 03:12 AM.
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Old 02-17-06, 03:00 AM
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Good for her.
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Old 02-17-06, 03:08 AM
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Originally Posted by damn_skippy
Good for her.
Sadly, I agree. She almost lost it yesterday. My begging and pleading that I will change just drove her crazy. She keeps saying that I don't understand. She brought up a ton of stuff I have done and said recently that was beyond rude (meaning me being a royal dick!) I guess I get what I deserve.

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Old 02-17-06, 03:25 AM
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Originally Posted by Bill Geiger
Sadly, I agree. She almost lost it yesterday. My begging and pleading that I will change just drove her crazy. She keeps saying that I don't understand. She brought up a ton of stuff I have done and said recently that was beyond rude (meaning me being a royal dick!) I guess I get what I deserve.
Well, it's good that you recognize your faults. But I also feel for ya man. This kinda stuff hurts to the core, and I wish ya the best in getting through it.
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Old 02-17-06, 03:42 AM
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Originally Posted by Anubis2005X
Well, it's good that you recognize your faults. But I also feel for ya man. This kinda stuff hurts to the core, and I wish ya the best in getting through it.
Thank you. She is dealing with it better than I am. What I mean by that is, I want to keep talking about it, while she doesn't. She did tell me earlier tonight that if she spends too much time with me, she is afraid she will ask me to stay. I still wouldn't stay, even though I do want to be with her. The reason being is because, I love her too much to continue to hurt her. I love looking at her...it makes me feel peaceful.

I am hoping that the old saying of "If you let someone go, and they come back, it was meant to be."

I just gotta get my shit straight. Even if things don't work out down the line, I can at least be happy that I found help in finding out why I am the way I am.

To be clear, this was probably a long time coming. I have been reading so much stuff online regarding jealousy, broken relationships, long distance relationship and what not. Just trying to find something similiar to my situation.

I am not sure she won't find someone else...it kills me to think of it. I told her I had no plans on wanting to date anyone.

Talk about being an idiot, I asked her to be faithful to me even though we are separating. Where do I get off?

It is easy to recognize my faults after the fact. I wouldn't be in this situation now had I just given her some damn attention instead of doing other things. Woulda, coulda, shoulda.... all meaningless now.
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Old 02-17-06, 04:06 AM
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I'm not sure I understand this thread completely.

You admit you were a dick, and you should have treated her better, and aren't surprised she wants you gone....

But.... you also beg and plead that you'll change , and you say you're going to miss her.

Maybe if you hadn't disrespected her to begin with this wouldn't be a problem now, would it?

What you need to do, is not tell her you'll change, but actually change.

If it doesnt' win her back, at least this won't happen again next time.
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Old 02-17-06, 04:20 AM
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Originally Posted by Thunderball
I'm not sure I understand this thread completely.

You admit you were a dick, and you should have treated her better, and aren't surprised she wants you gone....

But.... you also beg and plead that you'll change , and you say you're going to miss her.

Maybe if you hadn't disrespected her to begin with this wouldn't be a problem now, would it?

What you need to do, is not tell her you'll change, but actually change.

If it doesnt' win her back, at least this won't happen again next time.
True, you make excellent points.

The reason I am not surprised that she wants me to go (not really wanting, but needing me to go for the sake of both of us) is because I couldn't "back off and give her the space" that she requested. The reason I didn't is because I felt if I did back off and give space that she wouldn't see that I was truly sincere in my feelings for her.

And you are right, telling her I will change is totally different than actually changing.

I asked her what I needed to do to prove to her I love her. She couldn't give me an answer because she was so angry with me. At that time, I don't think she thought anything I did would help at that point in time.

Thanks for your feedback, much appreciated.

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Old 02-17-06, 05:26 AM
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Originally Posted by Bill Geiger
I asked her what I needed to do to prove to her I love her. She couldn't give me an answer because she was so angry with me.
I have been in the situation, but from the other side - asking a long-term live-in girlfriend to leave. Basically, even though there were many things about her that were right, I had come to the decision that she was not "marriage material".

Fast-forward 17 years. I have since found "the one", have 4 great boys and a fulfilling marriage, yet I still remember the good parts of my that older relationship. But I don't for a minute second guess my decision. I know that I can love someone even after I know the relationship really doesn't have a future. It was painful to cut it off, and I still miss aspects of it sometimes, but it was the right decision for me because I wanted things that she could not give.

I guess what I'm saying is, when your posts are read though the eyes of my experience, she's already left. I don't doubt that it's hard on her too, and will be for quite a long time, but, for her, I think the hardest part is over.

Focus on yourself, for yourself. Don't forget her, but, if you can, try not to think about getting back together. Just focus on yourself.
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Old 02-17-06, 05:37 AM
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Originally Posted by Big Quasimodo
I have been in the situation, but from the other side - asking a long-term live-in girlfriend to leave. Basically, even though there were many things about her that were right, I had come to the decision that she was not "marriage material".
I see where you are coming from...however, not that it was your point, but we never intednded to marry.

Fast-forward 17 years. I have since found "the one", have 4 great boys and a fulfilling marriage, yet I still remember the good parts of my that older relationship. But I don't for a minute second guess my decision. I know that I can love someone even after I know the relationship really doesn't have a future. It was painful to cut it off, and I still miss aspects of it sometimes, but it was the right decision for me because I wanted things that she could not give.
Seems to be the case with her as I have stated throught this thread

I guess what I'm saying is, when your posts are read though the eyes of my experience, she's already left. I don't doubt that it's hard on her too, and will be for quite a long time, but, for her, I think the hardest part is over.
This is where I disagree but it may just be wishful thinking on my part. But I can understand your thinking

Focus on yourself, for yourself. Don't forget her, but, if you can, try not to think about getting back together. Just focus on yourself.
I see where you are coming from here. Try and do what is best for me and only me. I mean, do what I need to get done. That is what should be most important.

Thinking about getting back together, it may be a longshot, but it is one that I am willing to take right now. If I see things differently weeks or months from now, hopefully reality will set in.

I don't think we will stop talking to each other. One thing I know is that when it comes to her and I, we can always be there in a time of need.

Of course, that just contradicts what I have said about "being there for her" but I think you get what I mean.

Thanks for your story and advice. I honestly took it to heart.
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Old 02-17-06, 08:32 AM
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Go fuck her sister/mother/brother/friend.

That usually makes me feel better
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