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Real Ultimate Power: The Official Ninja Book

Old 02-06-06, 10:56 AM
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Real Ultimate Power: The Official Ninja Book


The reviews of this on Amazon are hilarious! It starts innocently enough with:
Originally Posted by jon713
Ever have an obsession when you were a kid? Something you loved so much that you couldn't stop talking about it to anyone and everyone? Multiply that by 100 and you get Robert Hamburger, the fictional author/protagonist of the book. While the book is primarily made up of the same material that is posted on the website.....If you hate the site, or if you don't get it, spend the $10 and read the book and I'm pretty sure you'll change your opinion. This book is genius: and by genius, I mean totally sweet.
Which was followed by
Originally Posted by nico_laos "nico"
Anyone who knows anything about ninjas knows that ninjas are totally sweet. And by sweet I mean awesome. Their sole purpose in life is to flip out and kill people. Once I saw this guy just standing around, he suddenly lit up a ciggarette.....then out of nowhere, this totally sweet ninja appeared and flipped out on the guy. He chopped his face up with some sort of awesome ninja weapon (I couldn't see what it was because he was so fast). Then, he pulled out his guitar and wailed to the screams of terrified onlookers. When the cops showed up, the ninja rode away on hippo, 'cause everyone knows that ninjas and hippos are blood brothers. Everyone should buy this book because it's so sweet. And by sweet I mean totally rad. After reading this masterpiece, I totally flipped out and punched this guy in the face. He got all irratated with me and threatened to call the cops (wuss). But he had another thing coming, 'cause after reading Real Ultimate Power, I had become a full fledged ninja. You too can become a ninja, just pay close attention to this book and you'll be flipping out in no time.
Which prompted the author to jump in with:
Originally Posted by Robert Hamburger
Dear Stupid Idiots,

A lot of you have been saying that I donít know anything about REAL ninjas. But thatís a bunch of bull crap! You dummies donít know anything. And maybe YOU should get a life. I bet a lot of you have never even seen a girl naked! You idiots believe that ninjas had some "code of honor." Yeah right! If by "code of honor," you mean "code to flip out and go nuts for absolutely no reason at all even if it means that people might think you are totally insane or sweet," then you are right. But if you mean a "code to be nice and speak nicely while sharing and not cutting off heads," then youíre the biggest idiot ever!!!!!! So if you have any brains, you will shut up and get a life. So go shut up, you stupid idiot.
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Old 02-06-06, 11:00 AM
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Old 02-06-06, 11:13 AM
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Gotta love The Onion.
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Old 02-06-06, 11:45 AM
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I'm tired of ninja, pirate and robot jokes where the punchline is that they are a ninja, pirate or robot.

This guy is not funny.
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