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Woman kills her 2 dogs so she can shack up with her boyfriend.

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Woman kills her 2 dogs so she can shack up with her boyfriend.

Old 01-31-06, 03:28 PM
  #1  
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Woman kills her 2 dogs so she can shack up with her boyfriend.

It's terrible that this woman killed her dogs so she could shack up with her boyfriend. And it's terrible that the advice columnist is telling her she shouldn't feel guilty about it.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8231727/

I killed my pets to move in with my fiancé…

A woman is anguished after putting her beloved dogs to sleep so she could join her fiancé in Hawaii. Dr. Gail Saltz offers advice

By Dr. Gail Saltz

"Today" contributor

Updated: 10:26 a.m. ET June 21, 2005

Q: About a year ago, I made the heart-wrenching decision to leave a great job, house, friends and family to move to Hawaii with my fiancé.

As part of this transition, I also chose to have my two beloved chow chow dogs put to sleep.
This was done for a variety of reasons, including their age and temperament, the smaller living quarters in Hawaii, the tropical climate and frequent travels, all with the goal of making our new life as stress-free as possible. I adored those dogs, but I justified their sacrifice to the greater good of a successful relationship.

After six months, I am still tormented by memories of my dogs. The depths of anguish and loss make me think I got rid of them for purely selfish reasons, which is the kind of behavior I thought I reviled. I feel that I have gone from dog-lover to dog-killer in one trans-Pacific flight.

This is not the person my fiancé fell in love with, and I fear that I will begin to blame and resent him for my emotional despair.

Do I try to morph into the kind of steely person who makes the tough decisions, swallows the consequences and moves on? Can I ever be the warm-hearted, caring animal-lover I once was, or will I always be a fake? What can I do to repair this soul-revealing wound?

A: First, please don’t worry about being a fake. The fact that you are writing this — and in such a heartfelt way — means that this is very unlikely to be the case. You are still the woman your fiancé fell for.

Also, I am truly sorry you feel so wracked with guilt about your decision to put your dogs to sleep.

People don’t always realize that their attachment to animals can be every bit as strong as their attachment to people. Many people have terrible grief at the loss of a beloved animal.

It was reasonable for you to join your fiancé in Hawaii. And maybe it would not have been fair to take the dogs, because of the factors you mention. You didn’t want the dogs to suffer, and they didn’t. But it’s clear you now recognize this decision was extreme.

Obviously, if you couldn’t take the dogs with you, a less guilt-inducing alternative would have been to find them a good home. But it’s too late for that. Difficult as it is, you have no choice but to accept the fact that you made a mistake.

It’s impossible to make every negative feeling go away. However, because the choice to put the dogs to sleep was yours, you shouldn’t blame or resent your fiancé for this. But neither do you have to flagellate yourself for the rest of your life.

To ease your guilt, you might want to consider getting another pet. In particular, there are plenty of older, needy animals you could love. If adopting another animal isn’t feasible, you could contribute to a rescue group or volunteer for one. These are ways to “make up” for your decision.

It sounds as though you have learned that, like many women, you are prone to doing extreme things for a love relationship. When the time comes to make another big decision, you will be prepared to make a better one.

Dr. Gail’s Bottom Line: Some actions turn out to be mistakes which cannot be undone. But it is possible to take positive action to counter their effects. In addition, of course, they can do much to teach you about yourself and enable you to be more mindful the next time.
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Old 01-31-06, 03:30 PM
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Well, as an animal lover, I think this woman is a heartless shrew, and if I were the guy in Hawaii, I'd've dumped her if I knew she had her dogs put down for such a stupid reason.

However, I can at least be glad she didn't just abandon them like a lot of people do, so that they were forced to scrounge and starve and maybe die under the wheels of a truck - or be victimized by other cruel people with no hearts.
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Old 01-31-06, 03:31 PM
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I'd kill my kids to shack up with a hot chick.


That's not exactly the same thing, though, is it?
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Old 01-31-06, 03:31 PM
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Yeah, what she did was wrong ... but she didn't tie the damn things to the back of a car and push it over a cliff. There is a tad too much sensationalism here for my tastes.

In other news, Mike Schiavo killed his wife so he could move in with his girlfriend.
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Old 01-31-06, 03:33 PM
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I'm not sure why she didn't give them away to a friend, a no-kill shelter, etc.
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Old 01-31-06, 03:36 PM
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Put them to sleep? What a wuss.
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Old 01-31-06, 03:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Bandoman
I'd kill my kids to shack up with a hot chick.


That's not exactly the same thing, though, is it?

Have you taught your kids to retrieve stuff for you?
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Old 01-31-06, 03:41 PM
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Originally Posted by Sdallnct
Have you taught your kids to retrieve stuff for you?

They'll do it, but not without a LOT of complaining.
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Old 01-31-06, 03:42 PM
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Originally Posted by kvrdave
Put them to sleep? What a wuss.
... says the man who takes months to decide whether to shoot dangerous dogs on his property. What happened to the glory days of kvrdave as the great white hunter? I miss him.

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Old 01-31-06, 03:46 PM
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I'd like to know what sort of thought process comes up with "put them to sleep" when you can't keep a perfectly healthy dog. She probably breaks her dishes instead of washing them.
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Old 01-31-06, 04:08 PM
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Originally Posted by grundle
And it's terrible that the advice columnist is telling her she shouldn't feel guilty about it.
I don't see that. I see the advice columnist saying that the woman made a mistake and advising her on ways to atone for it and move on. I'm not sure what advice you would have preferred in this situation.
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Old 01-31-06, 04:13 PM
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Chow Chows are evil hell-spawn, and I can totally understand that she probably couldn't find them a home (due to their temperament).
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Old 01-31-06, 04:15 PM
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Originally Posted by BigPete
In other news, Mike Schiavo killed his wife so he could move in with his girlfriend.
Yeah that's exactly what happened...

ANYWAY... Like others have said at least she didn't abandon them or anything, but I think putting them to sleep was a pretty heartless thing to do. She didn't even mention trying to find other homes for them or anything. I guess it was just easier to kill the problem? And she shouldn't feel guilty about it? I agree with the OP.

She should also be banned by law from being able to get any more pets as it is likely only a matter of time before they become and inconvenience and are also destroyed.
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Old 01-31-06, 04:18 PM
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Originally Posted by grundle
But neither do you have to flagellate yourself for the rest of your life.
I don't feel I have to. I choose to. Every day. Sometimes twice.
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Old 01-31-06, 04:36 PM
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They are HER dogs. She can do with them whatever she wants.
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Old 01-31-06, 04:42 PM
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Are Chow Chow dogs the ones with the purple tongues?
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Old 01-31-06, 04:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Dan1boy
Are Chow Chow dogs the ones with the purple tongues?
Yup. They are also very loyal dogs and don't do well with changing owners. My mom had a chow and she changed live-in boyfriends about every six months or so. Each time, the dog about attack the new guy and sometimes even chase him out of the house (smart dog).

Anyway, I don't agree with her putting the dogs to sleep. I think she should have tried to give them to someone else and took the time to find them a good home. Just my two cents.
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Old 01-31-06, 05:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Mopower
They are HER dogs. She can do with them whatever she wants.
Actually, she can't. There are animal cruelty laws on the books, for good reason.

It should be a crime to murder, I mean, put dogs to sleep without a valid medical reason. This is why we have shelters.
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Old 01-31-06, 05:09 PM
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I killed my pets to move in with my fiancé…
Dave, you're wife is ok with polygamy?
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Old 01-31-06, 05:26 PM
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Originally Posted by Kittydreamer
Yup. They are also very loyal dogs and don't do well with changing owners. My mom had a chow and she changed live-in boyfriends about every six months or so. Each time, the dog about attack the new guy and sometimes even chase him out of the house (smart dog).

Anyway, I don't agree with her putting the dogs to sleep. I think she should have tried to give them to someone else and took the time to find them a good home. Just my two cents.



seems to me she knew the dogs wouldn't do well somewhere else...they are a notorious breed in that respect.
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Old 01-31-06, 05:34 PM
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she should have taken them with here and make chow chow lau lau.
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Old 01-31-06, 05:39 PM
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Originally Posted by TracerBullet
Actually, she can't. There are animal cruelty laws on the books, for good reason.

It should be a crime to murder, I mean, put dogs to sleep without a valid medical reason. This is why we have shelters.
So then the shelters put them to sleep and we have saved the world how?
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Old 01-31-06, 05:40 PM
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Originally Posted by brizz



seems to me she knew the dogs wouldn't do well somewhere else...they are a notorious breed in that respect.
I know. Maybe she could have slowly introduced them to a friend or something. Don't know, doesn't matter. It's done and there you are.
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Old 01-31-06, 06:44 PM
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Originally Posted by kvrdave
So then the shelters put them to sleep and we have saved the world how?
There are no-kill shelters.
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Old 01-31-06, 06:58 PM
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She should also be banned by law from being able to get any more pets as it is likely only a matter of time before they become and inconvenience and are also destroyed.
I know that when we adopted a dog from a shelter, part of the application process was to find out if you had ever given up a pet for absolutely any reason. If you had, even if it was "valid", i.e. allergies or moving, you would be disqualified from getting the dog.
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