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Problem with a kid.

Old 01-30-06, 10:22 PM
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Problem with a kid.

I work until 5:30 each day, not getting home until a little after 6. My son’s wrestling practice starts at 6 sharp so I worked out a deal with another boy’s father that he pick up my son and take him to practice (3 days a week) and I take the boy home. Both my son and this boy, whom I’ll call Joe, just turned 8 and both are in the same 2nd grade class, and are also on a soccer team together.

This boy is a problem child to say the least. Just last week he took off the seatbelt in the back seat, sticking his head out the window and yelling “fuck you faggot!” and “bitch fucking asshole!” out the window – as we passed a policeman. He threatens my son on a routine basis (“I’m going to beat you up at recess tomorrow”), runs from me when I pick him up making me chase him down and hold his wrist to keep him from running from me (taking 5 to 10 minutes), he broke the seatbelt in my car last week (though I just discovered it today, I’ll play around with it to see if I can get it to retract), curses on a regular basis (“B-I-C-H, Bitch”, “Fucking faggot asshole bitch” etc). I keep telling him that that language isn’t right, to be quiet, turn up the radio, etc, but nothing works.

His parents are divorced and he lives with his father. I haven’t brought up his behavior with his father because I wasn’t sure how to do it, and my son knows to ignore him. But tonight he and my son were at each other’s throats again, cursing each other, punching each other (Joe starting it, really). At one they are cursing each other and my son tells him “suck me bitch!” to which Joe responds “you want me to suck your penis? That means you’re gay!” So I’m telling them both to be quiet and Joe continues “I’ve seen that in a movie at my mom’s house, a woman going down on a boy telling him ‘I want to suck your penis’” (and those were literally his words, “going down” and “boy” included)

What the hell is he watching? Then again, Joe lies quite a bit so I never know if what he says is real or not (I catch him in lies on a regular basis). This kid has some real problems. He can be real sweet some days, but lately more and more of the times he’s been a real pain.

I've asked my son about how Joe acts on the way to wrestling practice and of course Joe acts fine in his father's presence.

Question: Should I mention to his father how he is acting, and about the movie he said he saw at his mom’s house (the father’s ex-wife’s house)?

Should I just put a tape recorder in the car one night and give the father the tape? I try to be nice with the kid, buying him and my son popcorn on a regular basis (basketball games are often going on when practice ends), taking the two of them to five or ten minutes of the basketball game (or like tonight, watching a dodgeball game for 10 minutes), etc.

Oh, just wanted to add that the father is a real nice guy, but how do you tell a guy that his only son is like this? And for what it's worth, Joe gets into trouble pretty much every day in school like today he pushed my son into a bookshelf for no reason (per my son), the teacher saw it and Joe got into trouble - this happens pretty much every day and not only with my son. So the father knows about it, the school / teacher would have told him.

Last edited by Heat; 01-30-06 at 10:26 PM.
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Old 01-30-06, 10:32 PM
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Tell the father about it and do not chauffer his child until he learns respect. You don't need this. Chances are his dad won't care or worse, actually condones his kid's behavior. Such people are trash and are not worth your time or money.
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Old 01-30-06, 10:59 PM
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Figure out a different way to get your kid to practice, this kid sounds like a doozy.
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Old 01-31-06, 12:02 AM
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This kid sounds like bad news. and by "bad news," I mean it sounds like he is going to end up in prison or dead before he turns 18.

Keep your son away from him. There has to be someone else on the team that can give him a ride. Worst case scenario, your kid is late to practice every time - it sure beats being exposed to this psycho kid.

Sorry about the situation - good luck.
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Old 01-31-06, 12:09 AM
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I would not be that nice to that kid.Anyway you are not the father of that kid so you cannot try control him.Better deal with the father and ask him to take of it.It's only a matter of time before your kid starts talking and acting like Joe
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Old 01-31-06, 12:35 AM
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Your kids says "suck it bitch"?

I'd say he already is talking like Joe a bit.


Have you tried talking to the kid? Maybe do some investigating because kids don't use that kind of language or have that behavior unless something drastic is going on in their lives.

It's his way of coping with abuse from an adult because of feeling vulnerable and insecure.

Maybe your son could watch the game while you take him a few feet away and see if he'll open up.

You could start with "I notice you're very angry. Why do you have so much anger in you?"

It sounds like there is sexual abuse in this kid's life. Maybe the mother and her man or maybe the "nice guy" father.


If you don't want to deal with this you could either:

A. tell the father you don't care for his son's behavior and find another ride

B. get the kid out of wrestling. Rolling around with other guys may cause him to catch the gey.


Good luck!
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Old 01-31-06, 12:43 AM
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Wow, after 1 trip I would've told the other dad "this isn't gonna work out anymore".

My parents would've beat my ass if I talked like that. That's the problem with today's youth, no one wants to beat their kids anymore.

Oh, yeah divorced? No kidding.
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Old 01-31-06, 12:49 AM
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Believe me, my son doesn't like "Joe".

What I was concerned about primarily was Joe saying that he had seen a movie at his mom's house where a woman gave head to a boy, saying "I want to suck your penis". Keep in mind that Joe lies, but why would a kid make up something like that?

Yeah, I need to talk to his father and see if that improves Joe's behavior, else I need to get my wife to take our son to practice. Using Joe's father to take him to practice is very convenient, but this is beyond my limits.

For what it's worth, I always put Joe in the passenger seat so I can control him phsyically (keep his seatbelt on), and ever since he stuck his head out the window yelling obscenities I've kept the windows locked. But I can't control his mouth.

And yes, this kid will be serious trouble when he reaches his teens, unless he works through whatever is messing him up.
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Old 01-31-06, 12:59 AM
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The movie could have been some cable tv show. Even basic cable shows like rescue me and the shield can use some explicit languages and situations.

I agree with the others that one trip of that crap was enough and that the father should be made aware of his son's misbehavings. Just approach the father about it calmly and avoid using language like "devil boy" or "psycho kid".
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Old 01-31-06, 01:00 AM
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No convenience could be worth the shaping of your son by this kid.



If you feel sexual abuse could be the problem you may want to make a call to Children's Services. I usually don't recommend such a thing but it may save the kid's life.
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Old 01-31-06, 01:01 AM
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Originally Posted by Heat
Oh, just wanted to add that the father is a real nice guy, but how do you tell a guy that his only son is like this?
Heat: I wanted to talk to you about Joe. I feel that some of his behavior is very inappro-
Joe's Father: Fuck you, faggot!
Heat: I just don't like him using that kind of language around my-
Joe's Father: Bitch fucking asshole!
Heat: ...
Joe's Father: I'll have a talk with him. Thank you for bringing it to my attention.
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Old 01-31-06, 01:03 AM
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Originally Posted by Joe
you want me to suck your penis? That means you’re gay!
I think Joe should be quietly smothered with a pillow, but I find it hard to disagree with him here.
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Old 01-31-06, 01:04 AM
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and dork is two for two.
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Old 01-31-06, 01:11 AM
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Here's one of our conversations from a week ago:

Joe: B-I-C-H. Do you know what that spells?
Me: No.
Joe: Bitch.
Me: No, it doesn't, that's not how you spell it.
Joe: Yes it does, I know how to spell.
Me: Not that word. And do you even know what it means? (he had used the word earlier to describe a guy)
Joe: Yes!
Me: I doubt it. You had called a guy a bitch. A bitch is a female dog, so calling a guy a bitch doesn't make sense. You are just calling him a female dog.
Joe: That's not what it means! (sidenote: his family shows dogs, he's never heard the proper context of the word?)
Me: Do you think I don't know what the word means? It's just a female dog, nothing more, nothing less.

That shut him up for a little bit as he mulled it over. I never did correct his spelling. Like I said before, I keep him in the front seat next to me so I can keep him under control physically. And for what it's worth, my car doesn't have a passenger side airbag.

Last edited by Heat; 01-31-06 at 01:13 AM.
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Old 01-31-06, 01:17 AM
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You need to distance yourself from Joe, and find a way for your son to do the same. If not, your son will get into trouble eventually and more than likely, Joe will blame it on your son. I've seen it happen a million times. Do something now.
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Old 01-31-06, 01:31 AM
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Holy cow, what the hell are you even doing with any of this? You are trying to reason with an 8 year old who talks like that? You are allowing him to be in your car? You are allowing him to be around your son? Like it or not, by letting him be around both you and your son, there is some level of tacit approval that your son will pick up on....the fact that he has said some of the things he has is evidence of that.

I can't even believe I just read all that and you haven't figured out to get that kid out of your life, and more importantly out of your son's life. Convenience be damned, you need to think about your son, even if that means quitting wrestling. HOLY SHIT!!!!! Everyone else seems less amazed than me. This is not some little thing.
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Old 01-31-06, 01:38 AM
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Originally Posted by kvrdave
Holy cow, what the hell are you even doing with any of this? You are trying to reason with an 8 year old who talks like that? You are allowing him to be in your car? You are allowing him to be around your son? Like it or not, by letting him be around both you and your son, there is some level of tacit approval that your son will pick up on....the fact that he has said some of the things he has is evidence of that.

I can't even believe I just read all that and you haven't figured out to get that kid out of your life, and more importantly out of your son's life. Convenience be damned, you need to think about your son, even if that means quitting wrestling. HOLY SHIT!!!!! Everyone else seems less amazed than me. This is not some little thing.
Jeez. I didn't know what to type until I saw this. That kid would NEVER be around my 8 year old son - NEVER. Not only that, but if my son told "Joe" to "suck it bitch", the car would be stopped immediately and my son would know, in no uncertain terms, that regardless of the behavior of his friend, he was not to speak that way.

You need to lay down the law.
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Old 01-31-06, 03:10 AM
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Sounds like the kid doesn't get beaten enough. You should correct that. If you are the sort of person who thinks hitting a child with your fists is wrong, though, you could always back over him with the car. Repeatedly.
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Old 01-31-06, 04:13 AM
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Tell the father, never see the child again.

I don't know what you do for work, buy you could try to work something out where you come in earlier and leave earlier.

This is not a good situation to keep up with. End it now.
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Old 01-31-06, 07:22 AM
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His parents aren't saving college tuition, they're saving bail money.
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Old 01-31-06, 07:36 AM
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whoop his butt
and keep your son away from that little brat. he's nothing but bad news. if his father asks why all of a sudden your keeping your son away from his. be straight up with him. tell him that his son cusses and that you can control his behavior.
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Old 01-31-06, 08:07 AM
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Originally Posted by Big Quasimodo
Jeez. I didn't know what to type until I saw this. That kid would NEVER be around my 8 year old son - NEVER. Not only that, but if my son told "Joe" to "suck it bitch", the car would be stopped immediately and my son would know, in no uncertain terms, that regardless of the behavior of his friend, he was not to speak that way.

You need to lay down the law.

Agree. You should have pulled the car over let him know in strict terms you would not tolerate that, and then told his dad THAT night.
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Old 01-31-06, 08:17 AM
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erm... SOMEone needs to be told, but I don't know if his father is the one to talk to. Maybe the school counselor, or someone like that. CPS might be interested, as well.
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Old 01-31-06, 08:25 AM
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Originally Posted by Heat
Here's one of our conversations from a week ago:

Joe: B-I-C-H. Do you know what that spells?
Me: No.
Joe: Bitch.
Me: No, it doesn't, that's not how you spell it.
Joe: Yes it does, I know how to spell.
Me: Not that word. And do you even know what it means? (he had used the word earlier to describe a guy)
Joe: Yes!
Me: I doubt it. You had called a guy a bitch. A bitch is a female dog, so calling a guy a bitch doesn't make sense. You are just calling him a female dog.
Joe: That's not what it means! (sidenote: his family shows dogs, he's never heard the proper context of the word?)
Me: Do you think I don't know what the word means? It's just a female dog, nothing more, nothing less.

That shut him up for a little bit as he mulled it over. I never did correct his spelling. Like I said before, I keep him in the front seat next to me so I can keep him under control physically. And for what it's worth, my car doesn't have a passenger side airbag.

I noticed your edit. Did you add the airbag part before someone called you on that? Gotta anticipate everything around here.



Next time tell him there be two spellings. Arrrrrrrr.


BEEYOTCH!


BIIIIIATTTCH!
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Old 01-31-06, 09:30 AM
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Originally Posted by kvrdave
Holy cow, what the hell are you even doing with any of this? You are trying to reason with an 8 year old who talks like that? You are allowing him to be in your car? You are allowing him to be around your son? Like it or not, by letting him be around both you and your son, there is some level of tacit approval that your son will pick up on....the fact that he has said some of the things he has is evidence of that.

I can't even believe I just read all that and you haven't figured out to get that kid out of your life, and more importantly out of your son's life. Convenience be damned, you need to think about your son, even if that means quitting wrestling. HOLY SHIT!!!!! Everyone else seems less amazed than me. This is not some little thing.
What he said!

I have 2 boys and if one of their friends tried that their necks would have snapped forward as I stood on the brake pedal. And my sons would never see that boy again. Hell, I'd change schools if I had to, much less take them out of wrestling. Whatever it took.

Seriously, why have you let this go?
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