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why do parents commonly separate after a child's death?

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why do parents commonly separate after a child's death?

Old 12-29-05, 03:18 AM
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why do parents commonly separate after a child's death?

isn't the divorce rate something extremely high?
Old 12-29-05, 03:21 AM
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I can't imagine how the devastation of losing a child could possibly place strain on a marriage. Nope, everything should be perfectly normal.
Old 12-29-05, 03:29 AM
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Originally Posted by Mr. Salty
I can't imagine how the devastation of losing a child could possibly place strain on a marriage. Nope, everything should be perfectly normal.
exactly, because even more so i was implying it should improve a marriage


more seriously though, i was wondering what the rationale usually is. do couples start blaming each other, can't stand being around each other because that reminds them of the child, etc, etc
Old 12-29-05, 03:34 AM
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They probably were just staying in the marriage for the children. Once the child is gone, they realize the reason they've stayed this long is gone.
Old 12-29-05, 08:08 AM
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I'd agree with her34. There is alot of deep seeded blaming going on. Especially if the childs death was accident related, vehicle, etc.

I'm involved in MADD and one of the women that is on our board lost her 15 year old daughter to a drunk driver back in 1999. I was the second officer on scene. It was a tragic death, moreso than others I've seen. Within 2 years her and her husband were divorced. And I've spoken with her in regards to this and she eventually realized it was the blaming that broke them up. Sad to say the least.

I had a brother who died when I was 6. He was 4. He died of a heart defect. It was very difficult on both of my parents but more-so my mother. They've been married for 45 years now and did make it, but it was tough.

Last edited by FiveO; 12-29-05 at 08:11 AM.
Old 12-29-05, 08:42 AM
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It's probably a combination of blaming, guilt, and memories. My sister was murdered by her ex-boyfriend when I was 3. She was 21. There were no outward signs of my parents blaming each other, but it was hard for both of them for the rest of their lives. My father took whatever solace he could from alcohol.
Old 12-29-05, 08:50 AM
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Not too mention, you put the work that goes into keeping a marriage on hold to deal with the death of the child and everything surrounding it.
Old 12-29-05, 09:50 AM
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Statistically, there is no higher incidence of divorce after the death of a child, except in cases of suicide. At least, this is true in the US. I don't know about the rest of the world.

Caucasian couples are most likely to split up after the suicide of a child.

I'll go hunt up the exact numbers for you, but it may take a while to find useful links.
Old 12-29-05, 10:17 AM
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Originally Posted by Mrs. Danger
Statistically, there is no higher incidence of divorce after the death of a child, except in cases of suicide.
It depends what study you believe. I've seen numbers as high as 80%, and as low as the national average. There are so many factors that go into it, it is very hard to measure.

-p
Old 12-29-05, 03:52 PM
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We lost our 20 day old premature baby in 2000 and I don't recall ever thinking that it was anyone's fault and that the best course would have been divorce.

We now have a 4 year old boy and a 2 year old girl that are wonderful children and we can now think back to those 3 weeks that we had with our baby boy before his death due to prematurity and wonder if him dying was a sign from somewhere to proceed with the subsequent pregnancies a little differently and have even more doctor care/watch to make sure that they came out OK.
Old 12-29-05, 04:01 PM
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Damn. Reading some of the posts in this thread have made me realize that as a parent I've had it pretty easy.

Old 12-29-05, 04:08 PM
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You're begging the question. You are assuming that that is the case, and that the divorce rate now is "extremely high" - it's not.

Give us some proof that this is happening and then we can continue.

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