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Are people the same online as in person?

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Are people the same online as in person?

Old 11-14-05, 09:33 PM
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I've met a lot of online people and it's hard to say. Some are the same and some aren't. It also has to do with perception. If you perceive someone a certain way, you might be surprised when you actually meet them and they're completely different from your original perception. I've found that with a few people.

There are some I've met who are exactly the same as they appear to be online. Like a lurker not talking too much and keeping to themself, or a person with tens of thousands of posts dominating conversations and insisting on being the center of attention.

Then I've met the opposites - A lurker who doesn't shut up, or a heavy poster who's very quiet.

It depends on how open the person is online and how they express themselves. There's a lot of stuff that you can't tell about a person from their typed words. You don't hear inflection.. the closest thing to that online is bolding or italicizing. You can't read their body language,

And, have any of those online friendships progressed to hanging out offline, or even close friendships, or even romance? (I have heard there are some Otters who met SO's here or elsewhere online... Whogirl and Supr I know about, don't know the others...).
Well, since you brought us up, I'll talk. I'll try not be too sappy about it.

I can hardly believe that we met online because the online part of it was so brief. We'd both noticed each other around the boards and he emailed me. I emailed him back, but didn't get a reply within a day or so, so I emailed him again because I was really interested in him. Turned out that the first email I sent him went into his junk folder, so if I hadn't have emailed him that second time he might have thought I was ignoring him and we might not have gotten together.

After a few long, in-depth emails about Samurai movies, Toshiro Mifune, personality types (we're both INTJ and both interested in Jungian Psychology) and life in general, I gave him my phone number. Then we talked every single night for hours, until the battery in my phone died. Then I'd charge it for a bit while we'd IM, then call him again - Just to talk to him for those extra few minutes. We had so much in common, more than I'd ever had with anyone, and I wanted to know more about him.

About a month after we first began emailing, he drove up here and stayed the weekend at my place. We couldn't wait to meet each other, and being that we had so much in common and liked each other a lot, we had to see if it would work out in person (I think taking it from online to in-person as quickly as possible helps a lot. You're not just talking about having a relationship, you're actually having that relationship.) Sure enough, we hit it off just as well as we did online and on the phone. Then he started visiting me almost every other week... but that wasn't enough for either of us. We both missed each other when we weren't together, even though we were still talking every night until my phone died. So he dropped everything and moved up here to an apartment five minutes from my house. We pretty much spent every moment that we could together. Normally, I couldn't deal with that... I needed my free time alone. No matter how much I liked the guy, I'd need a few days a week to just relax and have "me time." But with Suprmallet, I miss his company even if we're apart for only a day. Even if I'm just sitting around watching television, it isn't as fun as when I can watch it with him and talk about it, mock it, or "MST3K" it - making the characters say funny things when the moment's right. A lot of times, we both say the same exact thing, even worded the same - So often it's almost eerie.. but completely cool at the same time.

After a while he asked me to marry him and of course I said 'Yes' without even having to think about it. Life with him is better than without him, even if it's just the normal domestic stuff. We've been living together for over six months and it's only gotten better. We're pretty much living the married life, but without the ceremony.

Anyway, I'm getting too sappy and dragging this out. I guess as far as "online relationships" go, it's how you interact when you take it into the real world that matters. Daily emails/IMs and phone calls can only take you so far. As for me, I got lucky with Supr to begin with, and the fact that we found each other online just makes it more unbelievable. My first impressions of him before we spoke (just reading his posts) was that he was smart and had an insane sense of humor... in the best way possible. After I got to know him better and in person, I learned he was more brilliant and more hilarious than I could have imagined from reading his posts.

Of course, I feel like a total geek when someone asks how we met and I have to say "Through a DVD forum."
Old 11-14-05, 10:02 PM
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In real life I tend to expose myself at inappropriate times. That's one side of my personality you don't get online, unfortunately.
Old 11-14-05, 10:32 PM
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Originally Posted by WhoGirl
Then we talked every single night for hours, until the battery in my phone died.
That sounds familar.
Old 11-14-05, 10:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Breakfast with Girls
In real life I tend to expose myself at inappropriate times. That's one side of my personality you don't get online, unfortunately.
Damn.
Old 11-15-05, 12:25 AM
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Originally Posted by Kittydreamer
Originally Posted by Breakfast with Girls
In real life I tend to expose myself at inappropriate times. That's one side of my personality you don't get online, unfortunately.
Damn.
So how sorry are you that you won't be at the Seattle Meat with him there, Kitty? I'll be there, but wouldn't even be looking. Maybe you can get Thor to take a photo?

Last edited by shoppingbear; 11-15-05 at 12:29 AM.
Old 11-15-05, 12:29 AM
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Originally Posted by MJKTool
Originally Posted by WhoGirl
Then we talked every single night for hours, until the battery in my phone died.
That sounds familar.


WhoGirl, thank you for sharing your experience, and for not minding that I named you two specifically... I just remember you guys were the first Otter romance I heard about, and the only one I knew the names involved. That's a cool story.
Old 11-18-05, 03:38 PM
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Originally Posted by WhoGirl
or a person with tens of thousands of posts dominating conversations and insisting on being the center of attention.

Old 11-18-05, 04:53 PM
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I think most people's online personality is an extension of their real one. Sometimes things can be different - I think Jackskeleton's personality shows on the net, but he's quiet in person - doesn't change that he FEELS the way he does online, but in person, you don't hear it as much or as quickly.

Usually meeting someone you only know online is fun - and can extend the relationship into new areas.

I wanna meet Bandoman and kvrdave someday though - that would be interesting.
Old 11-18-05, 05:04 PM
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Aghama is very different in person. He's so caustic online but such a sweetheart in person.
Old 11-18-05, 05:09 PM
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Originally Posted by LurkerDan
Aghama is very different in person. He's so caustic online but such a sweetheart in person.
But he's pretty in both places. Even when we go down together (SCUBA DIVING).
Old 11-18-05, 05:27 PM
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Originally Posted by Breakfast with Girls
In real life I tend to expose myself at inappropriate times. That's one side of my personality you don't get online, unfortunately.
Sadly enough, either this was a blatant lie, or BwG did not find us worthy of exposing himself to, at the Meet last night...
Old 11-18-05, 05:47 PM
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Originally Posted by Thor Simpson
<i>edit:</i> Okay, we actually met in an AOL chat room of all places. Is that worse?
What's wrong with that?
Old 11-18-05, 06:19 PM
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I'm less of a dick in real life than online. True story.
Old 11-18-05, 06:21 PM
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Originally Posted by Seeker
I think most people's online personality is an extension of their real one. Sometimes things can be different - I think Jackskeleton's personality shows on the net, but he's quiet in person - doesn't change that he FEELS the way he does online, but in person, you don't hear it as much or as quickly.
I generally agree: I think people are bolder online, and let a side of their personality come out that they probably don't generally show. It's one of the fun things about this medium: you can be opinionated, you can say things, without repercussions. You can be the flirt you wouldn't be in person, or say the comebacks, or use the smack-downs. You can be sillier, weirder, more outlandish. It's just easier to be more extreme here than in person.

I think assuming you know THAT much about a person, just from them online, could be a mistake... you have to get to know them in person, or at least email. Ironically enough, it's usually the NEGATIVE impressions that seem to be wrong, not the positives: the people I expected to be jerks, haven't been, but the people I expected to like, I do like. That's been a pleasant surprise.

Originally Posted by Seeker
I wanna meet Bandoman and kvrdave someday though - that would be interesting.
An excellent example: Dave talks tough here, but Kitty is right: he's just a big teddy bear!
Old 11-19-05, 11:59 AM
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Remember BBS parties back in the day...those were an eye opening experience. But think the Geek factor was up a couple notches from now since you had to be into computers since they weren't as common as today. Still there were a few cool people to be found.
Meeting women from internet usually is a let down, but think there is a bit of deception involved there...although again a couple good ones.
Never met anyone from here, but get the feeling it would be an ok experience as seems most here have similar senses of humor, etc.
Old 11-19-05, 12:08 PM
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Originally Posted by shoppingbear
An excellent example: Dave talks tough here, but Kitty is right: he's just a big teddy bear!
Everyone should be wary of that statement. I should be freared!!!
Old 11-19-05, 12:32 PM
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Originally Posted by greg9x
Remember BBS parties back in the day...those were an eye opening experience. But think the Geek factor was up a couple notches from now since you had to be into computers since they weren't as common as today. Still there were a few cool people to be found.
Meeting women from internet usually is a let down, but think there is a bit of deception involved there...although again a couple good ones.
Never met anyone from here, but get the feeling it would be an ok experience as seems most here have similar senses of humor, etc.
Yep, BBS's were big in San Diego in the early/mid 90's. I was on a few and I agree, mostly, with the deception viewpoint. The ones I joined would have weekly/monthly meets so you got to know many users. Also I found that once you met them, they would continue their "nice online persona" until you REALLY spend time with them and find out just how whack they are

Not that being whack is a BAD thing in some cases
Old 11-19-05, 12:36 PM
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So you guys make all kinds on in-jokes in person too?
Old 11-19-05, 03:57 PM
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Originally Posted by TomOpus
Yep, BBS's were big in San Diego in the early/mid 90's. I was on a few and I agree, mostly, with the deception viewpoint. The ones I joined would have weekly/monthly meets so you got to know many users. Also I found that once you met them, they would continue their "nice online persona" until you REALLY spend time with them and find out just how whack they are

Not that being whack is a BAD thing in some cases
I was into BBS's back then, too! I went to a couple of computer swaps, never to one of the meets, but when they found out who I was, I'd be surrounded by like ten guys in a second! There were almost NO girls on the BBS's I was on, so I was something of a rarity!

Last edited by shoppingbear; 11-19-05 at 04:00 PM.
Old 11-19-05, 03:59 PM
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Originally Posted by kvrdave
Everyone should be wary of that statement. I should be freared!!!
OK, tell me what that means, and I'd be happy to "frear" you...
Old 11-19-05, 04:02 PM
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No I'm an ass in real life.
Old 11-19-05, 04:26 PM
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Originally Posted by kvrdave
Everyone should be wary of that statement. I should be freared!!!
You're so snuggly, Dave.
Old 11-19-05, 04:37 PM
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I know, isn't he cute when he's trying to be scary?
Old 11-19-05, 04:38 PM
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I tend to eat more when I'm online. In person, I don't each much, and people wonder how I got my cute little belly of love and jelly.
Old 11-19-05, 04:41 PM
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Are people the same online as in person?
God I hope not!!!!!!!!







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