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What's the etiquette for dating a friend's ex?

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What's the etiquette for dating a friend's ex?

Old 11-08-05, 07:53 PM
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What's the etiquette for dating a friend's ex?

first, the history:

a friend of mine, not a best friend but somebody i do care about, went out with this girl (i'll refer to her as "V" later) awhile back. it was right around the time that he and i started hanging out more. one night we went bowling and his new girlfriend came along. she and i hit it off spectacularly (and i'm sure my friend would say too spectacularly) because there was an undeniable natural chemistry.

i never really hung around with both of them together after that and not really with her at all because she was his girlfriend. anyway, my friend isn't so great at maintaining relationships and it came to a fairly rapid close. i, of course, was interested but i considered it a no-no.

i saw her a few days after they broke up and we still flirted quite a bit, regardless of the break-up. i flirted with the idea of asking her out, but it still seemed like a bad idea. i didn't even ask her for her number for later possible use.

a month or so passed and then i ran into her on the street when i was on my way to meet my new (and now ex - she moved away) girlfriend. so, obviously that complicated things. i was already late to meet my gf, so i barely spoke to V.

this was back in May. my friend and V's break-up was early/mid-April.

two nights ago, i ran into V at the supermarket, a weird coincidence considering that my usual movement pattern is on the opposite side of the city as hers - she lives near my friend, who likewise i do not see too often now because our patterns are in opposite sides of the city.

anyway, we talked and flirted wildly again and before we were even close to closing the conversation (a point at which i normally ask for numbers) she asked me for mine and said that she wanted to see me.

so... obviously the question arises: should i, out of respect for my friend, still ask him if it's okay? i realize that the distance between their break-up and now is sufficient that it's really none of his business if i do ask her out, but it's a sign of respect, right?

additionally, they (my friend and V) do run into each other every now and then. on top of that, in good weather i tend to see my friend a lot because we are on the same ultimate frisbee team.


one more complicating factor:
i live in Prague. i'm about to return to the states for two months - in two weeks at this exact time, i will be in MN, probably getting a haircut.

i don't want her to be taken up by somebody else.. come to think of it, she might be already and i don't know it.

but i haven't been able to stop thinking about her since i ran into her. so i'd really like to see her before i go. but it would be kinda weird to start dating her only to put it on hold almost immediately.

anyway, analyses and suggestions welcome. i'm going to sleep now though.
Old 11-08-05, 07:53 PM
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fuck it.
Old 11-08-05, 07:55 PM
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Ask to him about it.
Old 11-08-05, 07:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Vandelay_Inds
You don't.

I agree. A friend of mine is dating one of my ex-girlfriends and I'm really not too happy about it (haven't seen it since it began). It's a bitch move. "You don't mow another man's lawn!"
Old 11-08-05, 08:02 PM
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You find out the one thing that she absolutely refused to do (something like toe sucking, but nastier.....a lot nastier), then you date her and say to your friend, "Man, the way she sucks my toes is amazing." and then you wait for his reaction because she refused to suck his toes.

But that's me.
Old 11-08-05, 08:03 PM
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Some people might consider having sex with her in front of him to be in poor taste. Just something to keep in mind.
Old 11-08-05, 08:08 PM
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Bullshit to those saying you don't. Under certain circumstances, maybe, but I always thought guy code demanded that you ask, but it also demands that he doesn't refuse just because he's a jealous pussy.
Old 11-08-05, 08:13 PM
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We are not a peaceful community.....we are bitches.
Old 11-08-05, 08:20 PM
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dude...you're in Prague...there are no rules. Hit it with abandon and brag loudly. they went out for a couple of weeks over 6 months ago, no big whoop. she's all yours.
Old 11-08-05, 09:13 PM
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As long as you don't pee in her butt, it is all fair game.
Old 11-08-05, 09:21 PM
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It's just not done. The only exception is if the ex is crazy hot (Angelina Jolie/Salma Hayek hot) and even then, you have to dump your friend first.

D
Old 11-08-05, 09:40 PM
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Bro's before ho's.

There are plenty of women in the sea.

Unless this girl is 'the one'

then I guess its okay.

BUT if it was a good friend..and their relationship ended in heart break..definately no go.
Old 11-08-05, 09:42 PM
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http://www.dvdtalk.com/forum/showpos...68&postcount=3
Old 11-08-05, 10:01 PM
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Man up and let your friend know, but go for it.
Old 11-08-05, 10:13 PM
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Post #18 and no one has asked for pics.

Anywho, if you're close friends I'd approach him first... more for his reaction than what he says. He might say "it's cool" just to say it. It sounds like enough time has gone by to ask her out. It might just turn out to be a flash-in-a-pan but it might be a bright flash.
Old 11-08-05, 10:13 PM
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Originally Posted by LurkerDan
Bullshit to those saying you don't. Under certain circumstances, maybe, but I always thought guy code demanded that you ask, but it also demands that he doesn't refuse just because he's a jealous pussy.
Old 11-09-05, 02:42 AM
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Funny responses...but the turth is that if you consider dating a friends ex...his is, and never was, your friend.

Sorry, very harsh and Braveheartian view...
Old 11-09-05, 02:53 AM
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Originally Posted by dick_grayson
. . . "You don't mow another man's lawn!"
Yeah, unless you are really wanting to mow it, then you ask him first.
Old 11-09-05, 03:09 AM
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Originally Posted by mndtrp
Yeah, unless you are really wanting to mow it, then you ask him first.
Old 11-09-05, 04:29 AM
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I don't get this "short term dating". All my relationships are long teem. It's hard for me to imagine what dating a person for just a few weeks then either becoming just friends or never speaking again is like.

With that said, just have fun. It sounds like they weren't serious and you aren't that close to the guy.
Old 11-09-05, 05:13 AM
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tell him that you saw another friend out his out on a date with her the other night
if he doesnt go crazy and kill the guy, she is fair game
this way, you can also find out what he will say behind your back if you start dating her

or say nothing and wait to see his reaction when you invite him to the wedding, or ask him to be your best man
Old 11-09-05, 06:22 AM
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Like stated above

if youre good friends with this person... you do NOT date the ex.
Old 11-09-05, 07:40 AM
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Originally Posted by DrRingDing
...anyway, my friend isn't so great at maintaining relationships and it came to a fairly rapid close...
Elaborate. The details are important. How long and/or serious their relationship was is an important factor.
Old 11-09-05, 07:45 AM
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Originally Posted by Rockmjd23
If he's not a friend or close buddy then it's fair game. If he's a close friend, offlimits. Only a punk would date a good friend's ex. That's the guy code. In this situation, it doesn't appear as though he's that close with you, so go for it.

I can certainly see your point but then again, only a bigger punk would deny his "friend" potential happiness.
Old 11-09-05, 08:18 AM
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Originally Posted by Giantrobo
I can certainly see your point but then again, only a bigger punk would deny his "friend" potential happiness.
That's a good point. Sometimes you gotta suck it up and wish the best for your friend... even if it hurts.

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