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Can't Poop first thing in the morning

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Can't Poop first thing in the morning

Old 10-05-05, 09:48 AM
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Can't Poop first thing in the morning

The body never sleeps, just the conscious mind does - right? The heart keeps right on beating, the stomach goes right on digesting, the mind still functions in a subconscious way, blood continues to flow, etc.

So why is it, when I wake up in the morning and try and relieve myself of poop, the bowels seem to still be asleep? I could sit there for a good 30 minutes before "the right connections are made."

Why is the lower intestine asleep, or at the very least, not actively functional when I first wake up?
Old 10-05-05, 09:53 AM
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Problems getting the munker out of your butt?

Take some milk of magnesia before you go to bed, problem solved.
Old 10-05-05, 10:03 AM
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Check thouroughly between your sheets, near the foot of the bed.
Old 10-05-05, 10:06 AM
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Drink coffee, wait 15 minutes, problem solved.
Old 10-05-05, 10:06 AM
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You try to poop first thing? Huh. I piss first thing, then shower and dress, then have my first cup of coffee. About an hour after that I take my morning dump. Patience, grasshopper.
Old 10-05-05, 10:08 AM
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Old 10-05-05, 10:19 AM
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I'm usually like clockwork. Wake up, pee, watch a little tv, toilet, shower. When then cycle breaks down it's not fun. I always feel like I'm wasting a perfectly good shower if the poop doesn't hit until after the shower or worst yet it doesn't hit until I get to work and I have to go in these nasty bathrooms.
Old 10-05-05, 10:31 AM
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Yup. You can't just get up and poop. You need to get things moving and loosened up a little. Warm up in the bullpen before you go in to pitch.

I strongly suggest coffee or espresso, and even going for a 5 minute walk.
Old 10-05-05, 10:36 AM
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Out of curiosity... is a munker something that witholds things for an extended period of time?
Old 10-05-05, 10:58 AM
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Originally Posted by Thor Simpson
Drink coffee, wait 15 minutes, problem solved.

Old 10-05-05, 11:16 AM
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If you don't have to go why try to make it happen? Is there some kind of rule that says you have to shit first thing in the morning?
Old 10-05-05, 11:29 AM
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If I start shaving or brushing my teeth, then the wheels start turning. The shit knows it better hurry up if it wants to be in a comfortable situation.
Old 10-05-05, 11:50 AM
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When I wake up, a good piss and shit are the first items on the agenda.
Old 10-05-05, 11:58 AM
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Why are you in such a hurry to poop? Just let it come in it's own good time.
Old 10-05-05, 12:50 PM
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Dear Mr. Butt Mucker,

Ask yourself this question: When do I usually deficate?

If you're regular, you should be eliminating at the same time (or near the same time) everyday. Sometimes urinating eases pressure on the bowelmatic muscles, and thus frees the intestine to contract properly, and in turn, rid the body of said waste. A warm corn oil enema is always a sure fire way to start the defication process. I recommend all my patients have a warm anus before stretching it.

I for one deficate on a regular basis, and that natural waste fuction proceeds like clockwork every morning, just after I empty my bladder and self administer a warm corn oil enema.

Trust me. I am not a Doctor.

Dr. Edward King, MD

Last edited by The Edit King; 10-05-05 at 01:09 PM.
Old 10-05-05, 01:03 PM
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Originally Posted by The Edit King
A warm corn oil enema is always a sure fire way to start the defication process. I recommend all my patients have a warm anus before stretching it.
Note to self - no fried foods at the King's place...
Old 10-05-05, 01:11 PM
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Originally Posted by The Poop King
Dear Mr. Butt Mucker,

Ask yourself this question: When do I usually deficate?

If you're regular, you should be eliminating at the same time (or near the same time) everyday. Sometimes urinating eases pressure on the bowelmatic muscles, and thus frees the intestine to contract properly, and in turn, rid the body of said waste. A warm corn oil enema is always a sure fire way to start the defication process. I recommend all my patients have a warm anus before stretching it.

I for one deficate on a regular basis, and that natural waste fuction proceeds like clockwork every morning, just after I empty my bladder and self administer a warm corn oil enema.

Trust me. I am not a Doctor.

Dr. Edward King, MD
For some reason I thought you started the thread.
Old 10-05-05, 01:16 PM
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a night of giving Johnny Prostate the asshammer will do that....
Old 10-05-05, 01:19 PM
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Drink a bunch of prune juice before going to bed. That will help.
Old 10-05-05, 02:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Thor Simpson
Drink coffee, wait 15 minutes, problem solved.
Coffee causes constipation...
Old 10-05-05, 02:13 PM
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Originally Posted by Ovid
Coffee causes constipation...
Not for me it doesn't.

Oh, and read this:
http://www.ralphmoss.com/coff.html (just for kicks )

Also, apparently it stimulates the bowels, but CAN have a constipating effect in that it has a dehydrating (diuretic) effect. As long as you are also drinking enough water, you should be good to go 2 though.

Like I said... works like a charm here.

So I guess my actual advice should be: First, make sure you are drinking enough water on a regular basis. Second, when you get up have coffee, wait 15 minutes, and drop the kids off.

Last edited by Th0r S1mpson; 10-05-05 at 02:20 PM.
Old 10-05-05, 05:22 PM
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Not everyone has the "Morning poop" schedule. What's the big deal? Who says one has to poop in the a.m.?
Old 10-05-05, 05:25 PM
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Eat more whole grain cereal

or...

Oatmeal

or...

Vitamin C - with Rose Hips, 1000 mg. I take a few tablets and will drop a load like it's nothing first thing in the morning. Loosens you up every time.

Or you could always try these:


Eat a handful of those babies, and they will clean you right out like Super Colon Blow!
Old 10-05-05, 05:44 PM
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Originally Posted by calhoun07
Eat a handful of those babies, and they will clean you right out like Super Colon Blow!
SUPER Colon Blow???

It comes in "Super" strength now???

The regular strength blows me out like a Railroad Train ran RIGHT through my anus!

I can't IMAGINE for the LIFE of me, just what the SUPER Colon Blow will do!

( Super Colon Blow... )

THEEK!

Last edited by The Edit King; 10-05-05 at 05:48 PM.
Old 10-05-05, 05:48 PM
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Originally Posted by The Edit King
SUPER Colon Blow???

It comes in "Super" strength now???

The regular strength blows me out like a Railroad Train ran RIGHT through my anus!

I can't IMAGINE for the LIFE of me, just what the SUPER Colon Blow will do!

( Super Colon Blow... )

THEEK!
I don't think there is such a thing except for in Van Wilder, so don't worry!!!

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