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Any other guys have trust issues w/ their SO?

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Any other guys have trust issues w/ their SO?

Old 10-02-05, 11:53 PM
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Any other guys have trust issues w/ their SO?

So I had a pretty rough night of arguing with my fiance and afterwards while thinking about it, I realized I have trust issues. She hasn't really ever done anything for me to feel this way but we live about 4 hours apart and I don't get to see her much because of school.

Anyway besides that, I guess the main reason I might be this way is that in my last relationship I was cheated on.

So does anyone have any advice on how I should just learn to go with the flow and not stress so much?
Old 10-03-05, 12:18 AM
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Originally Posted by Jon22B
Anyway besides that, I guess the main reason I might be this way is that in my last relationship I was cheated on.

So does anyone have any advice on how I should just learn to go with the flow and not stress so much?
I think you nailed the problem on the head. I had something similar happen, and I've had trust issues since.

The best thing that happened with my gf and I was just sitting down and talking about it. Chances are, everyone has something that's causing them distrust, there are a variety of things that can cause it (cheating, abuse, etc). Another important thing is if you can have that chat and not have your fiancee flip out at you (aka: How could you not trust me?) you're in great shape, and should bring you two closer.

That's just my 2 cents.
Old 10-03-05, 01:41 AM
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I know I'm not a guy, but I'll throw in my two cents.

You should tell her about the fact that you were cheated on before and that's why you have these doubts in the first place, if you haven't already. If she's not giving you any reason to think she's being unfaithful, then you have nothing to be worried about. I know, that's much easier said than done. But look at the past relationship that you were in and all the signs that she was being unfaithful, then contrast that to the current woman you're with. Notice what your current girlfriend isn't doing that the other one did, and take comfort in that.
Old 10-03-05, 01:54 AM
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She could be fucking the football team and you would have no idea.

I would have trust issues as well. She doesn't?
Old 10-03-05, 02:01 AM
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The best thing to do is not allow her to leave the house or have friends.
Old 10-03-05, 02:17 AM
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May want to check this thread as well.
http://www.dvdtalk.com/forum/showthread.php?t=431704

I was in the same position as you, and I did the same thing Whogirl suggested. Talk to her about it, and hopefully you two can work through it.
Old 10-03-05, 12:59 PM
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if i'm not home on time, my wife calls me on the phone and wants to know where i am
Old 10-03-05, 01:10 PM
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install a keylogger on her computer, go through outgoing calls on her cell when she's not looking, and keep track of the mileage on her car. that'll answer your trust issues.
the worst thing you could do is talk to her about it, because she'll know you're on to her.

Last edited by peon73; 10-03-05 at 01:15 PM.
Old 10-03-05, 01:12 PM
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Originally Posted by Rockmjd23
The best thing to do is not allow her to leave the house or have friends.
Works for me!

(...and I oughta know. We've been together some 24 YEARS!)

But let her sit by a window (not too close though) from time to time so she can get some sun, just in case the neighbors call the Police, she'll have a nice tan.

What? Oh, all right.

(Gotta go, it's feeding time, again. )

&

Tek!

Last edited by The Edit King; 10-03-05 at 01:23 PM.
Old 10-03-05, 01:13 PM
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It's only a matter of time before she cheats on you. It's human nature. The only solution is to be proactive and cheat on her FIRST.
Old 10-03-05, 01:24 PM
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Originally Posted by The Edit King
Works for me!

(...and I oughta know. We've been together some 24 YEARS!)

But let her sit by a window (not too close though) from time to time so she can get some sun, just in case the neighbors call the Police, she'll have a nice tan.

What? Oh, all right.

(Gotta go, it's feeding time, again. )

&

Tek!
Ahhh... Treesa has trust issues. No wonder you're always cooped up, posting on here.
Old 10-03-05, 01:33 PM
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Actually, and in all honesty, we don't.

I suppose it has a lot to do with our arrangement.

How can I say this...

We get our strength to trust (although it's not even an issue or habitually needed), through being faithful to eachother, and, as a by-product, we receive blessings and peace of mind that makes our relationship even better.

It's really rather wonderful not to have to play those games, or deal with all the negative baggage they bring.

Besides, it takes away from the NOW, darling...





-Paul

Last edited by The Edit King; 10-03-05 at 03:20 PM.
Old 10-03-05, 03:18 PM
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You already know you have an issue, and self awareness is at least half the battle. Talking to her about it is a great idea. It's important to have good communication with your partner. She should be sympathetic and understanding, but whatever you do, don't expect her to solve the problem for you. She needs to be able to live her life and be who she is, in addition to being your girlfriend. You seem to realize this already, so good for you. It's not her responsibility to act in ways that make you feel comfortable if your expectations are unreasonable.

Also, talk to your friends about how you feel. They may be able to help you change your perspective on certain situations that really bother you. Changing your perspective about things is key to changing how you feel about them. Your feelings aren't the problem, but the way you view innocent situations as threatening is. You have to learn to really see them as innocent. At the same time, there are never guarantees about anything. Being in a relationship does mean taking an emotional risk. There's no way around that. If you can't let go and trust the other person, it will never work.

Just remember, she's with you. If she didn't want you she'd already be gone.
Old 10-03-05, 04:17 PM
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Originally Posted by The Edit King
Works for me!

(...and I oughta know. We've been together some 24 YEARS!)

But let her sit by a window (not too close though) from time to time so she can get some sun, just in case the neighbors call the Police, she'll have a nice tan.

What? Oh, all right.

(Gotta go, it's feeding time, again. )

&

Tek!

Hold on Treesa, I'm writing Paul as we speak. Can I call you back later when I'm done? Or we can meet at the usual place, if you like.

Chris
Old 10-03-05, 04:18 PM
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Originally Posted by The Edit King
Besides, it takes away from the NOW, darling...





-Paul

What? Wait! That's not the woman I'm meeting for coffee every week!

Chris
Old 10-03-05, 04:21 PM
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Originally Posted by mrpayroll
Hold on Treesa, I'm writing Paul as we speak. Can I call you back later when I'm done? Or we can meet at the usual place, if you like.

Chris
Wow . . . it's not like Tree to not pick up immediately . . . I wonder if she's on the other line with someone else . . .
Old 10-03-05, 04:23 PM
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Originally Posted by talemyn
Wow . . . it's not like Tree to not pick up immediately . . . I wonder if she's on the other line with someone else . . .


Chris

Old 10-03-05, 05:28 PM
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The distance is the worst problem. I had a long distance relationship for a year in college and it sucked. I would suggest putting your engagement on hiatus until school is over.

I don't know how old you are, but assuming you are early 20s in college, you are probably not emotionally developed enough to have a trusting long-lasting relationship with someone so far away. I know I didn't.

Last edited by Adiras; 10-03-05 at 05:32 PM.
Old 10-03-05, 05:36 PM
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Thanks for the replies. As for why I'm having issues despite her not having done anything, it's because when I got cheated on I thought EVERYTHING was great and it happened so suddenly.

In my stupidity last night I did confront her and ask her if she was cheating on me. Luckily she didn't take it hostile and we ended the conversation saying that we love each other.

Kitkat - I definately will try to keep that in mind; that if she didn't love me she would've left me already.
Old 10-03-05, 05:38 PM
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Unfortunately, because she lives so far away I can't lock her at home and refuse to let her out....
But that GPS idea...golden!

Adiras - my fiancee is in school, I'm 27.
Old 10-03-05, 06:00 PM
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Originally Posted by Jon22B
Unfortunately, because she lives so far away I can't lock her at home and refuse to let her out....
But that GPS idea...golden!

Adiras - my fiancee is in school, I'm 27.
Time to update your ID to Jon27Boy

Chris
Old 10-03-05, 06:17 PM
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The key: Date ugly girls. No one wants ugly girls.

Seriously tho', been there done that. Just voice your problem. It'll either get better or worse.
Old 10-03-05, 08:54 PM
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Just realize that if she hasn't given you any red flags/reason to not trust her, then this is YOUR issue. If it's YOUR issue, then it's something YOU can work on.

My XH had the same issue: XWife cheated on him so he never trusted me because of that. Being convicted of a crime you didn't commit SUCKS A$$!!

Realize you are great; your X was just a loser! Work on your self esteem and your trust issues will get better.

If you don't, you only have yourself to blame for your unhappiness
Old 10-03-05, 10:55 PM
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Originally Posted by mrpayroll
Time to update your ID to Jon27Boy

Chris
Don't be naive, Chris. 22B isn't his age -- it's his bra size.
Old 10-03-05, 11:26 PM
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Subaru Impreza 22B


Last edited by Jon22B; 10-03-05 at 11:30 PM.

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