Go Back  DVD Talk Forum > General Discussions > Other Talk
Reload this Page >

We Need To Bring Back Shame and Good Manners

Other Talk "Otterville" plus Religion/Politics

We Need To Bring Back Shame and Good Manners

Old 09-27-05, 10:44 AM
  #1  
DVD Talk Platinum Edition
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 3,129
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
We Need To Bring Back Shame and Good Manners

I really think shame needs to be back in style. I have nothing against larger people, but when did it become cool to have your ass crack showing to everyone at one side and then your bakery (rolls) hanging 6 inches over the front of your pants? I don't care how big someone is, but leting it all hang out in public is as bad as spandex was. Also, no matter what your size, your 12 year old kid should not be dressed like a hooker.

As for manners, I just don't see many people who have them anymore.
Examples:
Holding a door open for the next person.
Giving a thank you wave if someone lets you in in traffic.
Writing a thank you note for a nice present given.
Just saying thank you.

Good Manners need to be taught in school, cause parents sure as hell ain't teaching them anymore. Or maybe the parents who drive their BMW's or Mercedes' over to the daycare to drop off little Jimmy could pay to have their kids taught manners for them. Just some thoughts.

Ok rant over, just wanted to bitch for a minute.
Old 09-27-05, 10:48 AM
  #2  
DVD Talk Gold Edition
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Looking for my pants...
Posts: 2,029
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Excuse me.....
Old 09-27-05, 10:49 AM
  #3  
DVD Talk Special Edition
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 1,840
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Yeah, the thank you wave for letting someone change lanes in traffic seemed to go out of style with tight-rolled jeans.
Old 09-27-05, 10:52 AM
  #4  
DVD Talk Hall of Fame
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 8,572
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Yes, grandpa.
Old 09-27-05, 10:55 AM
  #5  
DVD Talk Legend
 
Kittydreamer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 13,611
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
I teach my children good manners. Even my 3 year old knows when to say thank you, you're welcome and no thank you. They both have great table manners as well. Now, if I could only teach some manners to my husband....
Old 09-27-05, 10:58 AM
  #6  
DVD Talk Legend
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Lyon Estates
Posts: 10,795
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
I'm not sure shame is the right word, but I know what you mean. Most people are dicks these days.
Old 09-27-05, 10:59 AM
  #7  
Moderator
 
Groucho's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: Salt Lake City, Utah
Posts: 70,876
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Originally Posted by dick_grayson
Most people are dicks these days.
Especially YOU.
Old 09-27-05, 11:00 AM
  #8  
DVD Talk Platinum Edition
 
Join Date: Mar 2000
Posts: 3,835
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Originally Posted by saoirse
Good Manners need to be taught in school, cause parents sure as hell ain't teaching them anymore. Or maybe the parents who drive their BMW's or Mercedes' over to the daycare to drop off little Jimmy could pay to have their kids taught manners for them.
I'm in favor of shaming people for being judgmental over whatever someone else drives. That seems very shameful, basing your opinion of someone on their automobile, then setting them apart with the implication that they are not good parents.
Old 09-27-05, 11:00 AM
  #9  
DVD Talk Legend
 
Mopower's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: The Janitor's closet in Kinnick Stadium
Posts: 15,726
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Ehhh!!! I'm an old man and I hate everything. Ehhh!!!
Old 09-27-05, 11:01 AM
  #10  
DVD Talk Legend
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Lyon Estates
Posts: 10,795
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Originally Posted by Groucho
Especially YOU.

I'm a huge dick!
Old 09-27-05, 11:06 AM
  #11  
DVD Talk Reviewer
 
Randy Miller III's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Harrisburg, PA
Posts: 4,708
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
This'll never happen. Good manners take too much effort, while shame actually hurts people's feelings.
Old 09-27-05, 11:08 AM
  #12  
DVD Talk Hall of Fame
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 8,572
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Originally Posted by Mopower
Ehhh!!! I'm an old man and I hate everything. Ehhh!!!
Pretty much .
Old 09-27-05, 11:10 AM
  #13  
DVD Talk Platinum Edition
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 3,129
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Originally Posted by uberjoe
I'm in favor of shaming people for being judgmental over whatever someone else drives. That seems very shameful, basing your opinion of someone on their automobile, then setting them apart with the implication that they are not good parents.

I thought that would be picked up on, but not this way. My between the lines point there was against the people who toss their kids in daycare when they don't need to. They'd rather each have a luxury car, than have one of them spend time raising the child. I have nothing against luxury cars, but I do against people who are so selfish that they choose a car over spending more time with the child they forced into the world. That was my point.
Old 09-27-05, 11:12 AM
  #14  
DVD Talk Legend
 
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: NYC
Posts: 17,018
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Cover your shame!
Old 09-27-05, 11:13 AM
  #15  
DVD Talk Hall of Fame
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 8,572
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Originally Posted by saoirse
I thought that would be picked up on, but not this way. My between the lines point there was against the people who toss their kids in daycare when they don't need to. They'd rather each have a luxury car, than have one of them spend time raising the child. I have nothing against luxury cars, but I do against people who are so selfish that they choose a car over spending more time with the child they forced into the world. That was my point.
Wow, you are a real grouch.

Some families both parents work....
Old 09-27-05, 11:15 AM
  #16  
Moderator
 
Groucho's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: Salt Lake City, Utah
Posts: 70,876
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Originally Posted by saoirse
I thought that would be picked up on, but not this way. My between the lines point there was against the people who toss their kids in daycare when they don't need to. They'd rather each have a luxury car, than have one of them spend time raising the child. I have nothing against luxury cars, but I do against people who are so selfish that they choose a car over spending more time with the child they forced into the world. That was my point.
After reading this post, I grabbed a crowbar and began beating the next luxury car I could find with it, while screaming "THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR BEING A BAD PARENT! THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR BEING A BAD PARENT!"

Finally, the noise was too much for my wife, who came out side and yelled "What the hell are you doing to our car?"
Old 09-27-05, 11:45 AM
  #17  
Admin-MemeCat
 
VinVega's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Caught between the moon and NYC
Posts: 31,849
Received 23 Likes on 10 Posts
Originally Posted by Groucho
After reading this post, I grabbed a crowbar and began beating the next luxury car I could find with it, while screaming "THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR BEING A BAD PARENT! THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR BEING A BAD PARENT!"

Finally, the noise was too much for my wife, who came out side and yelled "What the hell are you doing to our car?"


Now THAT'S the "funny Groucho."

I can't make a total generalization on manners. I've run into plenty of polite people and plenty of ignorant morons. Take 'em one at a time. I don't agree that manners should be left to the schools. Manners should be left to the parents with the schools under the expectation that the kids will have been properly instructed by the parents. If not, the school tells the parent, who will "take care of business" if you know what I mean.
Old 09-27-05, 12:10 PM
  #18  
DVD Talk Legend
 
Bronkster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: AnaheimLand, SoCal
Posts: 15,881
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Being one of the "older" otters, I could yammer on for pages about this topic. But, out of courtesy to others, I won't. All the examples of manners given by Saoirse are things I do. Yes, even the writing of 'thank you' notes.

When did we get to the point where we feel the need to thank the retailer for the honor of buying something as they ignore us to talk on their cellphone?
Old 09-27-05, 12:16 PM
  #19  
DVD Talk Hall of Fame
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Triangle, NC, USA
Posts: 8,810
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
If manners are left to the schools, even apart from the fact that doing that yields one more bit of parental authority to the inefficient and partially ineffective public school systems, by the time the kid gets there, it's too late. Daycare and schools should reinforce parents teachings, not replace or counter them. My boy is about to turn three, and for at least a year or so he's been very good with Please, Thank you, Excuse me [after burping] and You're welcome. The other day he said Excuse me when walking in front of someone at the store, I was proud. He still forgets sometimes, he's three, but he does very well.

I don't think it's a question of 'knowledge' or 'ignorance' [perhaps wisdom], but I think a lot of these social issues are due to people being incredibly selfish and self-centered and solipsist, combined with the recent teachings that 'you're as important as anybody else.' To an extent that's true, but only to an extent. And it has been taken too far, now people think they're *more* important than anyone else. From the no-wave-when-passing, to the use-ExitOnlylane as a passing lane, to not holding doors for the person behind you, to cutting in line at McDs, they're all acts of a person who is the only person in his universe. I was at the store today to get some bagels, you mix and match your own from the bins into a bag. There were no tongs, they always got broken. Anyone who would think of other people in addition to himself would think, "Hey, no tongs, hmm, I guess I should either use these handy dandy wax paper pieces thoughtfully placed here by the store to select my bagels, or at least take the one I touch." Basic manners that in the old days [like, oh, fifteen years ago], every six-year-old knew. Not today! There was an older lady ahead of me, not senior-citizen old, but older. She was taking her time deciding, okay, fine. She was selecting each of her 9 bagels, one by one, out of different bins. Whatever, I'm like that at Dunkin Donuts. But she was reaching in, manhandling three or four bagels in each bin, before picking the right one, and of course not using the paper that was right in front of her stupid face. She eventually moved, I pointedly and loudly asked the clerk if there were tongs, he said No, just use the paper, which I did. She came back [she should have heard us] and said I need to get one more, then reached in the bin. I said "Could you use the paper please?!?" in a polite/rude tone, she was like "Oh? Okay" but of course she had already groped another two bagels. I said "Never mind, you've touched them all now, don't bother" and stood there glaring till she moved and I could get my bagels.

Anyway, this was an older person, I assume she learned manners and common sense as a child, maybe not. Regardless, living in a society where rude and selfish behaviour is the norm, I guess those of us who care have to work harder to have a bit of social decorum.

Also anyway, I drive a BMW. My wife and I both work. My son has manners. My son goes to daycare 3x a week, it's not just 'dumping him off'. He learns there, and has fun, and plays with other kids [that's another thing, kids don't play outside anymore, but that's another thread]. We both work to continue the lifestyle we had before he was born, and take care of him, and attempt to save for the future, both ours and his. I guess we could both quit and go on welfare and let you pay for us, since obviously you know what's best, that my having a BMW shows my 'unfitness'. What is allowed, a Honda? Kia? What if it's new, and my BMW was bought used for 1/2 the cost of a new Honda?
Old 09-27-05, 12:24 PM
  #20  
DVD Talk Limited Edition
 
tasha99's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: the North
Posts: 5,898
Received 5 Likes on 3 Posts
My 7-year-old is uber polite, but my 13-year-old is a complete and total ass. Just thought I'd share.
Old 09-27-05, 12:42 PM
  #21  
DVD Talk Hall of Fame
 
joeblow69's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: Palm Springs
Posts: 9,478
Received 7 Likes on 5 Posts
Originally Posted by saoirse
Holding a door open for the next person.
Screw that. Not only do I hate holding doors open for strangers, if someone is walking behind me, and we're coming to a door, I will speed up so that I get a respectable distance between us so it won't seem rude for me not to hold the door open.

Unless you're an invalid, you can open it your damn self!
Old 09-27-05, 01:10 PM
  #22  
DVD Talk Limited Edition
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 7,466
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Originally Posted by dtcarson
I don't think it's a question of 'knowledge' or 'ignorance' [perhaps wisdom], but I think a lot of these social issues are due to people being incredibly selfish and self-centered and solipsist, combined with the recent teachings that 'you're as important as anybody else.' To an extent that's true, but only to an extent. And it has been taken too far, now people think they're *more* important than anyone else.
I know what you mean . . . I think that, in America, at least, there was a big shift around the 60's and 70's from a societal attitude of "I am a member of this society and, in return for my contributing to it, I am afforded these benefits", to one of "I am a member of this society and, as such, I am owed these benefits, regardless of what I do".

Not sure what caused it, but it seems to have stuck and spread.
Old 09-27-05, 01:34 PM
  #23  
DVD Talk Platinum Edition
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 3,129
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Originally Posted by dtcarson
If manners are left to the schools, even apart from the fact that doing that yields one more bit of parental authority to the inefficient and partially ineffective public school systems, by the time the kid gets there, it's too late. Daycare and schools should reinforce parents teachings, not replace or counter them. My boy is about to turn three, and for at least a year or so he's been very good with Please, Thank you, Excuse me [after burping] and You're welcome. The other day he said Excuse me when walking in front of someone at the store, I was proud. He still forgets sometimes, he's three, but he does very well.
Great to hear. Keep up the great work.

Originally Posted by dtcarson
Also anyway, I drive a BMW. My wife and I both work. My son has manners. My son goes to daycare 3x a week, it's not just 'dumping him off'. He learns there, and has fun, and plays with other kids [that's another thing, kids don't play outside anymore, but that's another thread]. We both work to continue the lifestyle we had before he was born, and take care of him, and attempt to save for the future, both ours and his. I guess we could both quit and go on welfare and let you pay for us, since obviously you know what's best, that my having a BMW shows my 'unfitness'. What is allowed, a Honda? Kia? What if it's new, and my BMW was bought used for 1/2 the cost of a new Honda?
Point taken. I actually think it is good for some kids to get a 'mix (a few days in daycare and the others with their parents). It can help with socializing. Mostly my 'BMW' crap rant was just referring to those who do this everyday and don't really care about their kids (there are surprisingly a lot of them). I just picked BMW because it's what I see the most at a particular daycare in my neighborhood. Sorry if I offended.

Again, I do like your idea of 3x a week, as opposed to every day.
Old 09-27-05, 02:00 PM
  #24  
2017 TOTY Winner
 
Save Ferris's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 13,578
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
All the men in this forum need to get back to basics:

http://www.lahacal.org/gentleman/ladies.html
Old 09-27-05, 02:35 PM
  #25  
DVD Talk Hall of Fame
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Triangle, NC, USA
Posts: 8,810
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Well, we're really lucky--we both work full time, but he stays with his grandmother, who lives five miles from us, 2 days a week. Obviously that helps financially, and lets us both have careers and stay in the working world [adults need socialization too], but it also lets them be together and lets him appreciate the 'extended family'.
But yes, there are lots of people whose career/job, and even worse, tangible and obvious representations of implied wealth comes first. I think work is important for various reasons, and its important for a child to see someone manage their time and money and work, but like they say, no one's gravestone says "I should have spent more time at the office."
SaveFerris: I'm not sure if you're being sarcastic, but on a quick glance of that site, I don't see anything wrong with any of it. I like this part
"Should one demand the surrender of a seat to a lady in a crowded theater?
"To this, we would answer that, if the gallantry of the gentlemen thus situated does not prompt them to proffer the seats in question, it is rudeness to request it. A lady is a lady, it is true; but if she could not come early enough to get a good seat, she cannot expect that spectators who did should inconvenience themselves for her sake""

Be a gentleman and offer it, but if you don't, hey ladies, you have to make some effort as well.

*laugh* that site has some funny bits in it. Check out Mark Twains "Etiquette at a Fire"
http://www.lahacal.org/gentleman/twain.html
especially the order in which people should be rescued.
I'll agree, there is such a thing as taking it too far.

Last edited by tonyc3742; 09-27-05 at 02:43 PM.

Thread Tools
Search this Thread

Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service - Do Not Sell My Personal Information

Copyright 2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.