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Am I a controlling freak?

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Am I a controlling freak?

Old 08-28-05, 06:23 AM
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Am I a controlling freak?

Here's the scenereo: I'm at a party with my boyfriend. He decides to leave to go to a bar with mutual friends. He gets bored and calls me up so that I can pick him up. During this call, he tells me he's hungry and wants to get something to eat.

I pick him up from the bar, we go to a restaurant to get something to eat. No sooner do we sit down, when he sees a friend of his from a bar that he spins at. He goes to their table and talks for awhile, and another friend of his from the bar that he spins at comes over from a different table and starts talking. Now my boyfriend goes over to their table.

He comes over to ask me if we can sit at their table. After some consideration on my part, I agree to move to their table. At this time, my boyfriend advises me that it's all ok, not to worry, we'll just eat at our table. I say "ok". He says, that he'll just order and then go over there to chat some more.

While we're waiting for his order, he goes to talk at the other table. It doesn't seem as though his conversation is going to end anytime soon. I ask the waitress to take his meal over to the other table, at which time my boyfriend tells the waitress that I need to chill out.

So, he eats his meal, or most of it, at the other table while talking to his newfound friends. He, then, comes back to our original table and declares that "You're flying solo tonight." Meaning that his friends have invited him over and that he's going to go over to their place.

At this point, I become upset because I wasn't even offered a part in this scenereo, and he can't even tell me what time he's going to be home.

This was at 3:30 AM. It's now 6:27 AM as I write this. He's still not home, and he hasn't even called.

Am I a jerk for feeling absolutely pissed about this, or am I just a worrywart?

I need the help of otter, because I feel that this relationship is in jeopardy.

David
Old 08-28-05, 06:41 AM
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When/if he does come back, give him an ultimatum: your relationship comes first, before friends and work, or it's over. Then sit there quietly and observe his reaction. If he gets emotional and apologizes, you're ok. If he laughs it off or tries to play it down, its pretty much over. If he acts like this once, it's normal. If he does this all the time, the guy's a selfish pig. Get rid of him and find some other boi who appreciates you. Don't sell yourself short. You deserve better.

Old 08-28-05, 07:08 AM
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No youre not a controlling freak, youre a doormat.
Old 08-28-05, 07:26 AM
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Wow some people will put up with anything. Are you completely serious? For you to let some treat you like that is really scary. Don't worry though, when he beats you it's only because he loves you.
Old 08-28-05, 08:19 AM
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It seems kind of rude. It sounds like you are around for convenience. It depends on whether or not this is common. If it is, pee in his shoes and move on.
Old 08-28-05, 10:03 AM
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Get rid of him. Life's too short to put up with crap like this.
Old 08-28-05, 10:06 AM
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Wait, wait -- you're a guy???


Actually, it doesn't matter to me. I just figured someone will eventually come in and say that, so I thought I would beat them to it.

I agree 100% with jolt (although admittedly with better punctuation). You're a doormat. The guy is a self-centered jerk. Dump him.
Old 08-28-05, 10:06 AM
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This guy sucks.
Old 08-28-05, 10:21 AM
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Originally Posted by criptik28
Get rid of him. Life's too short to put up with crap like this.
Yeah, I'd kick him to the curb.
Old 08-28-05, 10:29 AM
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How long has this behavior been going on? If this is the first incident, you two need to talk. If this has been on-going, then you need to re-think this relationship.

Not only does he have insensitivity issues but you might have jealousy issues yourself.
Old 08-28-05, 10:34 AM
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It depends: do you two live together? How long have you been together? Basically, what sort of relationship is this?

I'd get rid of him, personally. Throw all his stuff outside and set it on fire!
Old 08-28-05, 10:49 AM
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Originally Posted by joltaddict
No youre not a controlling freak, youre a doormat.
I'm gonna have to agree with jolty here. He's treating you like shit and there's no excuse for that. Dump his sorry ass if he won't agree to talk to you about your relationship and get some of these problems worked out.
Old 08-28-05, 10:57 AM
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Let's make this clear:

Everyone in this thread knows what the phrase "bar that he spins at" means except for me. Right?
Old 08-28-05, 11:00 AM
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Originally Posted by stevevt
Let's make this clear:

Everyone in this thread knows what the phrase "bar that he spins at" means except for me. Right?
I was thinking he's a DJ... but I'm probably wrong and will be laughed at endlessly
Old 08-28-05, 11:09 AM
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Originally Posted by stevevt
Let's make this clear:

Everyone in this thread knows what the phrase "bar that he spins at" means except for me. Right?
Nope.
Old 08-28-05, 11:09 AM
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Originally Posted by joltaddict
No youre not a controlling freak, youre a doormat.
Jolt said it best. Nothing to add....
Old 08-28-05, 11:17 AM
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Originally Posted by TomOpus
I was thinking he's a DJ... but I'm probably wrong and will be laughed at endlessly
I think you're right... but can I still laugh at you endlessly?
Old 08-28-05, 11:33 AM
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Originally Posted by TomOpus
I was thinking he's a DJ...
Ah, that explains it. Thanks!

One last question: A "DJ" is...?
Old 08-28-05, 11:33 AM
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Originally Posted by TomOpus
I was thinking he's a DJ...
Nope. Here's a pic of him at a recent gig:


Old 08-28-05, 11:41 AM
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Originally Posted by joltaddict
No youre not a controlling freak, youre a doormat.


Couldn't be said any better than that.
Old 08-28-05, 11:44 AM
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Time to move on. You deserve better.
Old 08-28-05, 12:04 PM
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Originally Posted by spainlinx0
Wow some people will put up with anything. Are you completely serious? For you to let some treat you like that is really scary. Don't worry though, when he beats you it's only because he loves you.

For the record, this is the first time this has happened.
Old 08-28-05, 12:05 PM
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Originally Posted by NCMojo
Wait, wait -- you're a guy???


Actually, it doesn't matter to me. I just figured someone will eventually come in and say that, so I thought I would beat them to it.

I agree 100% with jolt (although admittedly with better punctuation). You're a doormat. The guy is a self-centered jerk. Dump him.

Yes, I'm a guy.
Old 08-28-05, 12:06 PM
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Originally Posted by TomOpus
How long has this behavior been going on? If this is the first incident, you two need to talk. If this has been on-going, then you need to re-think this relationship.

Not only does he have insensitivity issues but you might have jealousy issues yourself.
This is the first time this has happened. I will also admit that there was alcohol involved and that, yes, I do have jealousy issues.
Old 08-28-05, 12:08 PM
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Originally Posted by TracerBullet
It depends: do you two live together? How long have you been together? Basically, what sort of relationship is this?

I'd get rid of him, personally. Throw all his stuff outside and set it on fire!
He does live with me, and we are planning on moving at the end of September to a new rental place. We have been in a relationship for about a year.

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