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What do you think? Re: funeral

Old 08-21-05, 12:43 PM
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What do you think? Re: funeral

Here is the deal. I'm 18, living with my dad and my step-mother. My step-mother's mother, that would be my step-grandmother, just passed away.

I am estimating that I saw her a total of 6-7 times, maybe. Can't be more than that. I in NO way know anything about her, never talked with her except Hello and hello. For the past 3-4 years she's been senile, and in many ways disabled and out of reach.

Well anyhow, funeral is tuesday. Me attending the funeral would "cost" me an entire school-day (mind you, our school system is not about getting permission to miss a day for whatever cause. Your absence is recored, and can results in worse grades or even expulsion (of course this is quite severe).
The thing is, a lot of the teachers on this day, the one I'll miss to go to the funeral, are new. I wanna keep the good impression I've made!

Frankly I don't think it's fair that I should miss an entire school-day to attend the funeral of a woman I never knew, especially when she is my STEP-GRANDMOTHER (so basically zero relation).
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Old 08-21-05, 12:45 PM
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You don't go to the funeral for the person that died, but for the people who are still living.
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Old 08-21-05, 12:49 PM
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Originally Posted by DodgingCars
You don't go to the funeral for the person that died, but for the people who are still living.
In essence the problem I described is this: is it fair for my family to pressure me to come when I don't know her?
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Old 08-21-05, 12:50 PM
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Oh boy . . . I think we've done the "do I need to go to the funeral" thread before, haven't we?

I think the jist of it was that the funeral is for the living . . . if you go, it's because you are going in order to be there to support your stepmother (since it doesn't sound like you'd be doing it for your own sense of closure). I'd talk to your dad about it and ask him what he thinks your stepmother would think if you didn't go because of school (there's pretty much no "safe" way for you to ask her directly).

On a side note, any teacher that doesn't cut you some slack for attending the funeral of a family member is an ass.
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Old 08-21-05, 12:54 PM
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You are using school as a rationalization for something that you don't feel like doing.

Suck it up and go to the funeral.
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Old 08-21-05, 12:54 PM
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It sounds like you are more concerned about yourself than your father or step-mother.

It's not about the funeral, is it? It's about your relationship with your parents vs your desire to do what you want.

Now, trying to be helpful - how much are they pressuring you? And ask yourself why.
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Old 08-21-05, 01:03 PM
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I see no reason to attend the funeral.

I also see no reason to attend school either...
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Old 08-21-05, 01:08 PM
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I'm certain your school will expel you if you miss a day for a funeral, so you best just go to school.
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Old 08-21-05, 01:29 PM
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I don't think you should have to go. You can be supportive of you step-mom without being at the funeral. Make it clear to her that you're sorry and are there if she needs anything.
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Old 08-21-05, 01:38 PM
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This thread needs more butt clenching.
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Old 08-21-05, 01:38 PM
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Originally Posted by scottall
You are using school as a rationalization for something that you don't feel like doing.
Seriously, that's what I was thinking. Missing a WHOLE day of school, how terrible! Just think of all things you won't get a chance to learn!

Come on, we're not your parents. You don't have to lie to us. If you don't want to go to funeral, just say it. You don't have to pretend like you don't want to go because you'll miss school.
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Old 08-21-05, 01:44 PM
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Always go to the funeral.
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Old 08-21-05, 02:26 PM
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Originally Posted by NCMojo
I think I'm going to cry.
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Old 08-21-05, 02:30 PM
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The school excuse is total bullshit. What school doesn't excuse an absence for a funeral? Even if they refused to work with you - your instructors are human, they know that people have to go to funerals, they've had to go to them. Suck it up and go to the funeral. I know it's uncomfortable. Just go.
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Old 08-21-05, 03:02 PM
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Originally Posted by Parcher
Here is the deal. I'm 18, living with my dad and my step-mother. My step-mother's mother, that would be my step-grandmother, just passed away.
Your step-Mother's Mom has died. I'm assuming she's devastated by this. IMO you definiely should be going.
Unless you have such a terrible relationship with your step-mother where you don't care if you hurt her feeligs.
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Old 08-21-05, 03:25 PM
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Originally Posted by namrufmot
This thread needs more butt clenching.


lol
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Old 08-21-05, 03:28 PM
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Originally Posted by Cool Kitten
Your step-Mother's Mom has died. I'm assuming she's devastated by this. IMO you definiely should be going.
Unless you have such a terrible relationship with your step-mother where you don't care if you hurt her feeligs.
It would probably hurt his dad's feelings too if he didn't go since she's his wife. I say go.
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Old 08-21-05, 04:53 PM
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a school that penalizes for going to a funeral isn't worth attending
I'd go to the funeral and tell the school to suck it
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Old 08-21-05, 05:04 PM
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What school are you in? High school or college? If it's high school, it isn't that big of a deal, and for college, it depends. Some professors I know are extremely strict about class attendance - ex. if you miss one class (even for a good reason and with advance notice), the professor may still be a real asshole and take a whole letter grade for the one absence. But most professors are usually okay about absences for funeral visits.

But I'm assuming that this is just high school so that is less of a big deal about missing and for pete's sake you live with your parents, so it would be pretty rude not to go. It would be different if you lived away from them though.
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Old 08-21-05, 05:06 PM
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I don't do funerals, but you may not have a choice. My grandfather didn't have a funeral or anything. My parents won't either. I probably won't.
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Old 08-21-05, 05:07 PM
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btw, why are so many funerals on a tuesday? Because it's cheaper? It still seems rather inconvenient.
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Old 08-21-05, 05:07 PM
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That's insane - schools and classes have always been come & go as you please affairs for me. I can't imagine having to tolerate anything else, particularly as a good student. You should go.

Last edited by BigPete; 08-21-05 at 05:12 PM.
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Old 08-21-05, 05:11 PM
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Go. I wasn't given the choice to go to a particular funeral when I was young and I've always felt sad about that. The ones that I have gone to since have been tremendously emotional and I know that the people who I went to support greatly appreciated that I was there.
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Old 08-21-05, 05:17 PM
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Even though you didn't know her, you should show your family the respect of your attendance.

If need be, show your teachers a copy of the service program. The fact that you choose to attend the funeral might make a good impression with them.
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Old 08-21-05, 05:28 PM
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Originally Posted by Ranger
What school are you in? High school or college? If it's high school, it isn't that big of a deal, and for college, it depends.
I think he lives in Norway (or Sweden, i'm not really sure), not US.
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