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Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory

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Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory

Old 08-17-05, 03:53 PM
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Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory

Not sure if this belongs here or in Politics ...
Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory

KANSAS CITY, KS—As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held "theory of gravity" is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling.

"Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them down," said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University.

Burdett added: "Gravity—which is taught to our children as a law—is founded on great gaps in understanding. The laws predict the mutual force between all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force. Isaac Newton himself said, 'I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.' Of course, he is alluding to a higher power."

Founded in 1987, the ECFR is the world's leading institution of evangelical physics, a branch of physics based on literal interpretation of the Bible.

According to the ECFR paper published simultaneously this week in the International Journal Of Science and the adolescent magazine God's Word For Teens!, there are many phenomena that cannot be explained by secular gravity alone, including such mysteries as how angels fly, how Jesus ascended into Heaven, and how Satan fell when cast out of Paradise.

The ECFR, in conjunction with the Christian Coalition and other Christian conservative action groups, is calling for public-school curriculums to give equal time to the Intelligent Falling theory. They insist they are not asking that the theory of gravity be banned from schools, but only that students be offered both sides of the issue "so they can make an informed decision."

"We just want the best possible education for Kansas' kids," Burdett said.

Proponents of Intelligent Falling assert that the different theories used by secular physicists to explain gravity are not internally consistent. Even critics of Intelligent Falling admit that Einstein's ideas about gravity are mathematically irreconcilable with quantum mechanics. This fact, Intelligent Falling proponents say, proves that gravity is a theory in crisis.

"Let's take a look at the evidence," said ECFR senior fellow Gregory Lunsden."In Matthew 15:14, Jesus says, 'And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.' He says nothing about some gravity making them fall—just that they will fall. Then, in Job 5:7, we read, 'But mankind is born to trouble, as surely as sparks fly upwards.' If gravity is pulling everything down, why do the sparks fly upwards with great surety? This clearly indicates that a conscious intelligence governs all falling."

Critics of Intelligent Falling point out that gravity is a provable law based on empirical observations of natural phenomena. Evangelical physicists, however, insist that there is no conflict between Newton's mathematics and Holy Scripture.

"Closed-minded gravitists cannot find a way to make Einstein's general relativity match up with the subatomic quantum world," said Dr. Ellen Carson, a leading Intelligent Falling expert known for her work with the Kansan Youth Ministry. "They've been trying to do it for the better part of a century now, and despite all their empirical observation and carefully compiled data, they still don't know how."

"Traditional scientists admit that they cannot explain how gravitation is supposed to work," Carson said. "What the gravity-agenda scientists need to realize is that 'gravity waves' and 'gravitons' are just secular words for 'God can do whatever He wants.'"

Some evangelical physicists propose that Intelligent Falling provides an elegant solution to the central problem of modern physics.

"Anti-falling physicists have been theorizing for decades about the 'electromagnetic force,' the 'weak nuclear force,' the 'strong nuclear force,' and so-called 'force of gravity,'" Burdett said. "And they tilt their findings toward trying to unite them into one force. But readers of the Bible have already known for millennia what this one, unified force is: His name is Jesus."
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Old 08-17-05, 03:57 PM
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Old 08-17-05, 03:59 PM
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I'm pretty sure Einstein was wrong, and
E = (God)^2, too.
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Old 08-17-05, 04:10 PM
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"Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them down,"
Sorry, I stopped reading after that. Was this an Onion article? I really find the Onion to be the biggest waste of time on the internet. I just don't understand the purpose in reading fake news stories.
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Old 08-17-05, 04:13 PM
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Originally Posted by calhoun07
I really find the Onion to be the biggest waste of time on the internet. I just don't understand the purpose in reading fake news stories.
You are worse than Hitler. Good day, sir!
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Old 08-17-05, 04:15 PM
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Originally Posted by Groucho
You are worse than Hitler. Good day, sir!


I guess I prefer my joke news to come from the master: JON STEWART!
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Old 08-17-05, 04:17 PM
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I said GOOD DAY!
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Old 08-17-05, 04:32 PM
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Originally Posted by calhoun07
Sorry, I stopped reading after that. Was this an Onion article? I really find the Onion to be the biggest waste of time on the internet. I just don't understand the purpose in reading fake news stories.
I agree, I tried watching a DVD yesterday but I fouund it to be a big waste of time. I just don't understand the purpose in watching people act out fake stories.
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Old 08-17-05, 05:42 PM
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Originally Posted by calhoun07
Sorry, I stopped reading after that. Was this an Onion article? I really find the Onion to be the biggest waste of time on the internet. I just don't understand the purpose in reading fake news stories.
Glad, I'm not the only one.
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Old 08-17-05, 05:51 PM
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Originally Posted by calhoun07
Was this an Onion article?
Anytime someone links a news article with a generic Link, you can pretty much assume that it's a hoax of some sort.
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Old 08-17-05, 05:57 PM
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You mean the Onion is MADE UP?
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Old 08-17-05, 06:11 PM
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Originally Posted by WallyOPD
I agree, I tried watching a DVD yesterday but I fouund it to be a big waste of time. I just don't understand the purpose in watching people act out fake stories.
You watch DVDs on the Internet?

Of course, there is usually a purpose to a movie. You know, a PLOT or at least a purpose with some sort of drama and hopefully a positive out come. Any Onion article I have read in the past contained none of those enjoyable elements. Not that I expect the articles to have plots, but some kind of purpose and element of enjoyment would be acceptable. What are they writing the articles for? I love satire, but I don't even see this as useful satire. Their articles are kind of just....there.

And, yes Groucho, I am having a good day, thanks for letting me have one!

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Old 08-17-05, 06:17 PM
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Gee, what will they think of next!
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Old 08-17-05, 06:22 PM
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This smells like an onion to me.
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Old 08-17-05, 06:29 PM
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Originally Posted by OldDude
I'm pretty sure Einstein was wrong, and
E = (God)^2, too.
God is an MC? That's weird; I thought hip hop was a tool of the devil.

- David Stein
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Old 08-17-05, 06:39 PM
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Originally Posted by calhoun07
You watch DVDs on the Internet?

Of course, there is usually a purpose to a movie. You know, a PLOT or at least a purpose with some sort of drama and hopefully a positive out come. Any Onion article I have read in the past contained none of those enjoyable elements. Not that I expect the articles to have plots, but some kind of purpose and element of enjoyment would be acceptable. What are they writing the articles for? I love satire, but I don't even see this as useful satire. Their articles are kind of just....there.
Of course, there can be a purpose to a fake news story.

To paraphrase Bastiat (from this legendary and hilarious fake argument supporting free trade), I defy you to utter a word against the Theory of Intelligent Falling that will not instantly rebound against yourself and the principles behind all creationist policy!

That's the purpose of this news story...

Last edited by Mark_vdH; 08-17-05 at 06:48 PM.
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Old 08-17-05, 06:43 PM
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Originally Posted by calhoun07
You watch DVDs on the Internet?

Of course, there is usually a purpose to a movie. You know, a PLOT or at least a purpose with some sort of drama and hopefully a positive out come. Any Onion article I have read in the past contained none of those enjoyable elements. Not that I expect the articles to have plots, but some kind of purpose and element of enjoyment would be acceptable. What are they writing the articles for? I love satire, but I don't even see this as useful satire. Their articles are kind of just....there.
I usually watch my DVDs on a TV with a DVD player, didn't see where I mentioned doing it on the internet. Onion articles seem to be pretty good satire to me. They take debates and questions currently facing the country and place them in another context to try and point out the absurdity of the argument. Whether I agree with their take or not I frequently find it thought-provoking and almost always humorous.
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Old 08-17-05, 06:47 PM
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Originally Posted by sfsdfd
God is an MC? That's weird; I thought hip hop was a tool of the devil.

- David Stein
If you actually compare to Einstein's version, you'd have to conclude
God = c*sqrt(m) or
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Old 08-17-05, 06:50 PM
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Originally Posted by Numanoid
Anytime someone links a news article with a generic Link, you can pretty much assume that it's a hoax of some sort.
Your link is broken. Are you hoaxing me?
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Old 08-17-05, 06:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Mark_vdH
Of course, there can be a purpose to a fake news story.

To paraphrase Bastiat (from this legendary and hilarious fake argument supporting free trade), I defy you to utter a word against the Theory of Intelligent Falling that will not instantly rebound against yourself and the principles behind all creationist policy!

That's the purpose of this news story...
I didn't post the article because it was funny.

Okay ... I didn't post the article solely because it was funny.
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Old 08-17-05, 06:54 PM
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Originally Posted by calhoun07
Sorry, I stopped reading after that. Was this an Onion article? I really find the Onion to be the biggest waste of time on the internet. I just don't understand the purpose in reading fake news stories.
So... just to clarify... you're complaining about The Onion being the biggest waste of time on the Internet... by posting in an online forum???
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Old 08-17-05, 07:04 PM
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Originally Posted by Mark_vdH
Of course, there can be a purpose to a fake news story.

To paraphrase Bastiat (from this legendary and hilarious fake argument supporting free trade), I defy you to utter a word against the Theory of Intelligent Falling that will not instantly rebound against yourself and the principles behind all creationist policy!

That's the purpose of this news story...
I would agree that satire is a great way to make a point, and this article does it well. The ID movement is pretty weak in a number of ways, the biggest of which is that they don't provide a model that is falsifiable. That alone will keep it (I think) from ever being taught in school in its current form.

However, I also can't think of a way that evolution can be falsified, but at least it does have a model and makes predictions.
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Old 08-17-05, 07:19 PM
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Originally Posted by kvrdave
However, I also can't think of a way that evolution can be falsified, but at least it does have a model and makes predictions.
Well, if God goes, "Shazamm," and there's a new critter standing there, evolution is largely in tatters, but apart from that.
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Old 08-17-05, 07:26 PM
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Originally Posted by kvrdave
That alone will keep it (I think) from ever being taught in school in its current form.
I wouldn't bet any real money on that.
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Old 08-17-05, 08:40 PM
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Originally Posted by WallyOPD
I usually watch my DVDs on a TV with a DVD player, didn't see where I mentioned doing it on the internet.
I only brought it up because I said the Onion was a waste of time on the Internet!
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