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I need some help with this personal, life changing dilemma. Everybody’s input needed.

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I need some help with this personal, life changing dilemma. Everybody’s input needed.

Old 05-25-05, 03:06 PM
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I need some help with this personal, life changing dilemma. Everybody’s input needed.

Yes its Animal asking for some serious feedback, I know you see my off the hook, funny, not funny, weird posts here and there on here, but its time for some real talk

Sorry its so long, here goes though.

Background details:

Ok I would like to get some feedback on this personal, potentially life changing dilemma.

Ok I have a job that I work at, it’s a great job, it pays well, benefits are good, people are awesome, 8-5 M-F, weekends off, the company is growing, I don't break my back, all is pretty good. I have been here for 5 years, so it’s been cool; one major setback is lack of advancement opportunities and pay raises. Now the pay raises are not a major concern (though who doesn’t like more money) but it’s the advancement that really bothers me more, knowing that I may not advance anywhere for a long time, and/or not be able to learn more/new things if ever.

Now about me, I am 29, currently single, I am 1.5 years removed from a 6-year relationship (not married), during this 1.5 year time it has been great being single, do what I want when I want, date whoever, walk around the house naked, go out with the guys, whatever. Its been nice but.....


But now I am getting to the point that I really want to find that special somebody, I want to find that special person that I can share my life with, grow old with, get married and start a family with. I want to be able to go to work and be able to think about nothing but coming home to that special girl waiting for me at home or picking her up from work. Being able to go to bed next to that someone and feel 100% happy and complete, you know what I am getting at.

Now the dilemma…

I recently applied for, and in the final stages of getting hired, a great job. The kind of job that would be totally awesome. Something that I would want to do for a serious career, way more money than I make now and massive advancement opportunities. Basically my dream job (well my dream job would be to be a photographer for Playboy). All the great things, great money, advancement, the only fallback is that it’s a job that has a varied shift. The shifts are determined by how long you have been there; if you have been there for a long time you get to pick what you want to work. This would be all good and fine, because I really don’t care, I am a single guy, no family, but I am at the time in my life to where I want to start one, which comes to the last part of my dilemma….

I recently met somebody that I went out with that I REALLY like. This girl is absolutely amazing!!!!!!!!!!! Funny, smart, honest, beautiful, down to Earth, fun to be around, sooo much in common, its almost like a dream come true to me. Granted we have only been talking for a few weeks and only have had 2 dates, are connection/chemistry is outstanding. Its very early to tell, but she could very well be the one for me, who knows. She has waaay better qualities than any other girl I have dated, and she really likes me too. (Tehehehe giddy like a little school boy)

I am sure by now you know where I am going with this story. Bottom line is that if I do get hired for this amazing job that could really hurt our relationship, I mean what if I get stuck with some sort of night shift and she works days I would never get to see her, and what is she has weekends off, and I don’t. I want to be able to spend time with that special someone and do the family thing if it comes to that and I don’t want anything to get in the way of that. But this could be a big move in terms of my career and future wealth....

Granted I may or may not get the job at all, or I may or may not get the girl, that remains to be seen (I will know if I get the job before I know I will get the girl). But lets say I get the job and the girl? What if I get the job and the next girl down the road is that special someone?

I don’t think there is anything in this world I would trade to not have that special someone in my life right now, not a job, not money, not material things, nothing, I would give it all up for her......maybe my decision has already made.

Sorry for the long rant, but I would love to get some feedback from everybody about this, especially people that are in relationships/married that work different hours/jobs.

What should I do?

Fellow otters and beavers keep your fingers crossed for me

Thanks all, input appreciated.
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Old 05-25-05, 03:13 PM
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Take the dream job. If the relationship works out as well as you hope, the job issues won't really matter. And I certainly wouldn't be making any life choices over a person I've only known a few weeks.
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Old 05-25-05, 03:15 PM
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Take the job. 1st things 1st. Settle yourself before you settle your relationships.
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Old 05-25-05, 03:15 PM
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Personally?

I'd take the job. I wouldn't hang my future on a "maybe".

While that may work great in the movies, if you are "meant" to be with her, things will work out even if you take the job.

jmho...
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Old 05-25-05, 03:17 PM
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Dream job. You find time for hot chicks. Even if they are still asleep.
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Old 05-25-05, 03:18 PM
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I would take the "dream job" if it is offered. If the girl is really the one for you she will be happy to spend what time she can with you. FWIW, I had a situation like this and it was fine. We made it work and have been married for 13 years now (although the work situation was only 6 months). You won't have a "bad" shift forever and it is way better than being stuck someplace where you can't advance. There is your serious advice, but don't forget to pee in her butt, that is the real test of a relationship .
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Old 05-25-05, 03:19 PM
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I don't like the male/female ratio of your current job, go for the new one.
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Old 05-25-05, 03:23 PM
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Pee in her butt.

See, that advice is tried and true.



But seriously... yeah, take the job. They won't work you 7 days a week... you'll have some kind of time off. (But what kind of "dream job" has a varied shift? You wanna be a cop or something?)
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Old 05-25-05, 03:30 PM
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Go for the job....then you can see if this girl is really worth it... if not, with the money you make, you can afford slutty girls from clubs
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Old 05-25-05, 03:30 PM
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Another vote for take the dream job. If the girl really likes you, you'll find a way to see each other regardless of your work schedule.
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Old 05-25-05, 03:31 PM
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I didn't even need to read the rest of your post. Once I got to "girl" I knew what you were getting at.

I will make it plain and simple.

If you two were Meant to Be™, you will be together even if you work at A Great But Demanding New Job™.

If you two were not Meant to Be™, you will not be together even if you work at A Flexible But Ultimately Doomed Job™.

Do what is best as far as the job. The other stuff will work out. If it doesn't work out, it would've ended for another reason.
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Old 05-25-05, 03:31 PM
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This is REALLY REALLY great advice, thanks so much to all so far, I appreciate it!!
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Old 05-25-05, 03:32 PM
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Jo's before Ho's.
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Old 05-25-05, 03:49 PM
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Originally Posted by Groucho
Jo's before Ho's.
Do what is best as far as the job. The other stuff will work out. If it doesn't work out, it would've ended for another reason.
Pee in her butt.
Dream job. You find time for hot chicks. Even if they are still asleep.
Go for the job....then you can see if this girl is really worth it... if not, with the money you make, you can afford slutty girls from clubs
^Yall are dropping some serious tips, thanks!

HN
I don't like the male/female ratio of your current job, go for the new one.
^How do you know the ratio?


THanks all for the great advice!!........and the laughs, I hope you guys are right
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Old 05-25-05, 03:57 PM
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Screw the 'Jo'. If she is the 'one' 'Ho' that you were meant to be with, I say take that route.

Too many marriages collapse because the man works long, weird hours. Couples need to spend as much time together as possible, to get to know each other, communicating, planning for a family, etc.

Do you want to be the husband and father that spends almost no quality time with his family and grow distant from his wife as the years go by and not be close to his kids while they are growing up?

You can't grow old with a 'dream' job and live life happily ever after. But that special someone, 'soul mate' if you will, will always be there for you, in sickness and health, in good times and bad times, till death do you part.

What is the matter with a good paying job, great people to work with and a job that you enjoy? This person may or may not be the 'right' person for you, but the most important thing is to find someone to share the rest of your life with, for you to be able to support your family and most importantly, spend 'quality' time with your wife and kids, all the while enjoying your job.

So what if you don't become 'President' of the company. At least you have a loving family to come home to every night.

But that is just me, bitter and lonely after 44 years. You can think about what I have said or you can just ignore it. But come back in 10 years and let us know how everything turned out.

Chris

Last edited by mrpayroll; 05-25-05 at 04:07 PM.
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Old 05-25-05, 03:58 PM
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Originally Posted by animalmystic
HN
^How do you know the ratio?
Originally Posted by animalmystic
it’s a great job, it pays well, benefits are good, people are awesome, 8-5 M-F, weekends off, the company is growing, I don't break my back, all is pretty good.




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Old 05-25-05, 04:20 PM
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Take the job. If the chick is that into you, you guys will find the time to hang out and be together. If she cant work around your job schedule, then it probably wasnt meant to be anyway.
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Old 05-25-05, 04:33 PM
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Normally, I'd say take the job. It's almost always easier to be with someone who is happy with what they do and excited about their life.

That being said, the varied shifts can really have a negative impact on things. If you are working 2nd shift every weeknight, that's very hard to work with. I found that means the awake and at home times only overlap on the weekend... not fun. If you are working late some nights and home other evenings, that's much easier to work around. And, most schedules can be dealt with if both people want to and make the effort.
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Old 05-25-05, 04:44 PM
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I say go with the girl, just to be on the opposing side... I like to root for the underdog.
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Old 05-25-05, 05:15 PM
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I'd say take the job, if it is real love then you guys will be able to work the work thing out.

Okay now we need pics.
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Old 05-25-05, 05:46 PM
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Originally Posted by Fok
Okay now we need pics.


Damn those late shifts
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Old 05-25-05, 06:17 PM
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^Kadee and mrpayroll are dropping knowledge

Screw the 'Jo'. If she is the 'one' 'Ho' that you were meant to be with, I say take that route.

Too many marriages collapse because the man works long, weird hours. Couples need to spend as much time together as possible, to get to know each other, communicating, planning for a family, etc.

Do you want to be the husband and father that spends almost no quality time with his family and grow distant from his wife as the years go by and not be close to his kids while they are growing up?

You can't grow old with a 'dream' job and live life happily ever after. But that special someone, 'soul mate' if you will, will always be there for you, in sickness and health, in good times and bad times, till death do you part.

What is the matter with a good paying job, great people to work with and a job that you enjoy? This person may or may not be the 'right' person for you, but the most important thing is to find someone to share the rest of your life with, for you to be able to support your family and most importantly, spend 'quality' time with your wife and kids, all the while enjoying your job.

So what if you don't become 'President' of the company. At least you have a loving family to come home to every night.

But that is just me, bitter and lonely after 44 years. You can think about what I have said or you can just ignore it. But come back in 10 years and let us know how everything turned out.

Chris

Real talk, thanks I appreciate your opinion.





This situation almost makes me think about Good Will Hunting, the dude was smart and had the whole job thing lined up and everything, but he left it all behind to be with the girl, that takes balls, and I am really relating to the character (laugh if you want) do I give up this opportunity? Its tough.

Then again, wht if it doesn't work out with this girl, and I get the job, and another girl comes along, what then, it may or may not happen.

I just don't want to fall into what Kadee and mypayrool said and have the weird hours ruin me and not be able to spend time with my family when I get to that point.

The thing is though, if this would have heppened to me years ago, I would have went for the job in a second, it was cool because I wasn't ready for a family, now I am, I am ready to settle down with that special somebody, get married and start that life, I really am, that I know for sure.

I appreciate the feedback all, this helps.

Last edited by animalmystic; 05-25-05 at 06:20 PM.
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Old 05-25-05, 06:23 PM
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Originally Posted by animalmystic
The shifts are determined by how long you have been there; if you have been there for a long time you get to pick what you want to work. This would be all good and fine, because I really don’t care, I am a single guy, no family, but I am at the time in my life to where I want to start one, which comes to the last part of my dilemma….
Unless youre planning on getting married and knocking this chick up in the next week or so, by the time you are ready to start a family or even anything serious, you may already be working the better shifts.
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Old 05-25-05, 06:25 PM
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Originally Posted by animalmystic
This situation almost makes me think about Good Will Hunting, the dude was smart and had the whole job thing lined up and everything, but he left it all behind to be with the girl, that takes balls, and I am really relating to the character (laugh if you want) do I give up this opportunity? Its tough.
If you are a super math genius and get get jobs anytime you want and name your own price, go the Good Will Hunting route.
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Old 05-25-05, 06:45 PM
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Take the job. If this woman turns out to be the one, then she should care about you enough to be understanding. If you don't take the "dream job" and the relationship doesn't last, you'll regret it for a long time.
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