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"This race is my chance to fight for Darth Vader's transgender rights"

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"This race is my chance to fight for Darth Vader's transgender rights"

Old 05-17-05, 02:05 PM
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"This race is my chance to fight for Darth Vader's transgender rights"

Everyone's a winner in city's freaky race
It's not how fast you run that counts at Bay to Breakers -- it's how much fun you have en route to the finish line
Delfin Vigil, Chronicle Staff Writer

Monday, May 16, 2005

The starter's gun rang out, the corn tortillas went flying, and the estimated 65,000 runners were off -- some off with their clothes, others off the wagon and many just plain off their rockers -- in the 94th Bay to Breakers footrace Sunday in San Francisco.

Mayor Gavin Newsom finished the race in an hour and three seconds. But the 7.46-mile race was dominated by out-of-towners, as expected: Gilbert Okari of Kenya took first place with a time of 34:49; Asmae Leghzaoui of Morocco was the first woman to the finish line, with a time of 38:22; and a fishnet-clad Darth Vader may still be out there.

"Darth likes to load up on lots of carbs and lots of alcohol," the Dark Lord said about five minutes into the race as he lifted his mask to pound a Jello shot laced with tequila.

"This race is my chance to fight for Darth Vader's transgender rights," said the plastic-light-saber-wielding man also known as 28-year-old Sergio Montoya of Houston. "I told Luke I'm not just his father but that I'm also his mother. I'm his mother trapped in his father's male body."

The image of many a male's nude body left lasting impressions on spectators lining the fog-filled race's course from beneath the Bay Bridge through Golden Gate Park to the Pacific Ocean.

"Why is it," asked a wincing Olivia Halley of Hollister as a gray-haired man wearing nothing but sneakers jogged up Howard Street, "that the people you see naked in the street are never the people you really want to see naked?"

Thankfully, it wasn't all skin and bones.

"Running naked is too distracting," said 33-year-old Robert Valor of Temecula (Riverside County), a member of the B2B Extreme Drinking racing team whose members each wore a work belt with pockets full of alcohol. "I need somewhere to store my Full Sail beer bottles and plastic containers of vodka cranberry."

One team, keeping a long tradition alive, dressed as spawning salmon and swam upstream from the finish line to the start.

Forty-five minutes into the race, well after Peter Gilmore of Menlo Park became the first American to finish, a group of runners uniformed as the 1986 New York Mets was only five blocks along. Many on the "team" flew in from New York for the occasion.

"We're here to embrace the indulgent lifestyle of the 1986 New York Mets with beer, champagne and fun," said Mike "Gary Carter" Hacker of San Francisco as he passed a pint to a white-skinned "Mookie Wilson."

As the perennial Elvis army and rollerblading brigades made their way through the impromptu house parties in Hayes Valley, some new faces debuted. Among them: Michael Jackson and his Neverland child care float -- stocked with a keg of beer, Diet Coke and boxes of "Jesus Juice."

Several popes participated, but only one in a popemobile, complete with a "What Would Jesus Drink?" bumper sticker.

The answer appeared to be cheap beer. The "Holy Father" lifted what looked like a bottle of Bud between the bosoms of two female freak dancers.

"She puts the Ho in Holy," one of the pope's guards said of the dancer dressed as a Catholic schoolgirl.

Just ahead, Frank Zaccaro, who identified himself as a Christian doing God's work, held a 20-pound, 7-foot-tall sign that read "You need JESUS. It's hell without him" -- much to the delight of one man who claimed to be a devil worshiper.

"This is a tough crowd," Zaccaro said, though he reported getting mostly positive feedback from the crowd, including the runner playing Michael Jackson, who blew Zaccaro a kiss through his surgical mask.

"Now I've seen it all," Zaccaro said through his megaphone.

The race, sponsored by Albertsons, ended with no major injuries or arrests reported by the Red Cross or San Francisco Police Department. By noon, four hours after starting time, thousands had crossed the finish line at the Great Highway, and many stayed there to party. Others passed out on the pavement.

Hundreds more skipped the festivities and poured into a stuffy N-Judah train and headed back downtown. An unlucky mother and daughter boarded at 14th Avenue.

The child held her nose all the way to Powell Street.
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Old 05-17-05, 02:13 PM
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I don't get it, and with no bolding there's a 0% chance that I'll read that entire article.
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Old 05-17-05, 02:14 PM
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It's odd....you can't really tell the people who are purposely trying to get out some wacko message from the ones who are making fun of the wacko messages.
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Old 05-17-05, 02:30 PM
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White Mookie. There's your sign.
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Old 05-17-05, 02:33 PM
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WOW!!!! That sounds fun!!! I wanna go next year. For real.
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Old 05-17-05, 02:34 PM
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What's funny is that I knew exactly what this was about just from the subject header.
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