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Who's been married in a Catholic Church?

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Who's been married in a Catholic Church?

Old 04-16-05, 02:35 PM
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Originally Posted by BCorbett
Be prepared to make a sizable donation...
This is completely untrue. Our Catholic wedding was 5 years ago and we gave a $50 donation to the priest on the day of the wedding that was completely voluntary. We never spoke of money with the priest or anyone at the parish, but my husband and I thought it was a nice thing to do since we were paying for musicians, flowers and everything else. Our priest was great and gave us a plaque as a wedding gift and had our married blessed by the Pope so we got this beautiful framed scroll signed by the Holy father.

We had to attend 6 classes with the priest that married us to ensure we understand the sacrament of marriage. My husband is not Catholic, but we often look back on these sessions very positively because we learned a lot about each other. What we found out was that virtually every church in our community now requires some type of pre-marital counseling and the divorce rate has significantly dropped since this was established.

The only restrictions we had were 1) we had to married inside of the church (no garden wedding, for example) and 2) rice could not be thrown inside. oh, and anyone intoxicated during the wedding ceremony would be removed.
Old 04-16-05, 03:15 PM
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oh, and anyone intoxicated during the wedding ceremony would be removed.
You're no fun!
Old 04-16-05, 03:44 PM
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Originally Posted by troystiffler
I don't think that price is too over-the-top. I was thinking that they were going to want thousands, or something. I mean, $500 no more than renting out some other big place to hold a wedding. Plus it's a days work to get everything perfect, with a few people working a few extra hours some afternoon. Individual churches, while not necessarily poor, do need money to keep running. The few churches that I've known have all been blue-collar.

That wasn't for the reception hall, that was to have our WEDDING in their church. Nothing to do with the reception at all. I have no problems paying for a place to have a reception. I have a problem with being extorted for a ceremony that according to their rules, I HAVE to have if I'm going to share my life with my partner.
Old 04-16-05, 03:50 PM
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This $500 must be exclusive to your parish and I would really question this. This seems like an excessive amount and really any payments should be in the form of a voluntary donation. Is there another parish nearby that you could ask? I realize you probably want to be married within your own parish, but maybe you could negotiate the price if you find out that other nearby parishes don't charge this amount. Like I mentioned in a previous post, we were never asked for money, but gave the priest a $50 donation (which I believe he gave to the school anyway). Good luck!
Old 04-16-05, 03:53 PM
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One more thing, does the $500 include anything such as flowers or music? Our parish provided flowers for the altar, but we added our own flowers to the end of the pews and we paid $300 for a 4-piece string quartet (who was not affiliated with the church).

Maria
Old 04-16-05, 06:29 PM
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I wanted to jump in cause it really bothers me when things are posted and then everyone seems to believe them.

If you parish or priest requires money to marry you, that is very much the exception. They may have a small "church" rental but it should not been any more then the cost if you rented a house, hotel room or something like that to get married at. And if you cannot afford it the parrish should waive all or part of it. I also suppose some very parrish's charge a fee, but again if you belong and cannot pay, I would think something could be worked out. For example I had a friend who got married in the church and could not afford a donation (even tho he was not asked), he volunteered to help cook on Sundays after church for the next month or so.

My situation was a little different. My wife was previously married, so technically we had to get her 1st marrage annulled before we could get married in the church. We decided not to wait and got married in a hotel. Then after her 1st marriage was annulled we went back and got married again in the church (this was just a small, short wedding with just parents and one or two friends). Again, we did not pay anything. We did take the priest to lunch with us and paid for his lunch. After lunch I gave him a $100 bill and thanked him for his time, efforts, etc. This was totally me and we were never "hit up for money".

The meetings before you get married are very helpful, especially if you get a cool priest. In think we we were required to do three meetings, but we had close to a half a dozen. Yes they will want you to raise your kids Catholic, yes they will want you to be active in the church, and yes they will want your kids to go to the Catholic school if they have one. But it is not like they are going to unmarry you if you don't. And if you don't believe in those things why in the world would you be getting married in a Catholic church anyway????
Old 04-17-05, 12:04 AM
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Anecdotes are all fine and dandy, but I wish people wouldn't try to claim any sort of "expertise" on a subject based on their one individual experience.

Cash donations are sometimes required. Churches have overhead expenses, staff (who perform setup, breakdown, and extensive cleaning duties, as well as often managing the facilities on the day of the event), and the priest has to eat. If you don't like the pricetag, shop around.

Someone joked about listing the same address for both parties. Some priests will refuse to marry anyone "living in sin". Again, if this happens, shop around.

But the thing that gets me are the atheists who get all huffy when the church refuses to marry them. A Catholic marraige is not just a license, or even a committment, it is a sacrament within the Catholic faith. nobody is trying to force Catholicism upon you, but if you are so strong in your atheism, then why on earth would you even want to receive this sacrament?! If you say it is simply for your partner, then neither of you understand the nature of the sacrament. It is a sacrament shared by two people. An atheist complaining about being refused a Catholic wedding is like a vegetarian complaining about a buffet because the roast beef was too dry.
Old 04-17-05, 01:05 PM
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I asked my priest about this today and he said that while it is up to the individual parish to charge or not, it is definitely not standard practice to charge for a wedding ceremony. This would at least apply to the Portland Diocese. Like someone said previously, there are overhead costs involved with a wedding so perhaps parishes with limited budget feel the need to charge.

I totally agree with Shoveler that if an engaged couple does not want to participate in the church, raise their children Catholic, etc. then you really shouldn't be getting married in the Church. Marriage is a sacred sacrament and it is much more than a license or a piece of paper. My husband and I actually got married in a civil ceremony about 6 months before our wedding due to immigration issues, but as far as our faith was concerned we were not married until we were married in the church. Our wedding is the anniversary we celebrate and not the civil marriage.
Old 04-17-05, 01:07 PM
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I got married in a Catholic church, although I was raised Lutheran. That confused the priest because I have an Italian surname, so he thought I was Catholic too. I don't remember making any forced donation to the church, and my wife's uncle is also a priest (different parish), so he married us.
Old 04-17-05, 03:22 PM
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Originally Posted by Shoveler
Cash donations are sometimes required. Churches have overhead expenses, staff (who perform setup, breakdown, and extensive cleaning duties, as well as often managing the facilities on the day of the event), and the priest has to eat. If you don't like the pricetag, shop around.
I believe that is what i was trying to say in my post, tho I will admit you say it mo better....

However, I will add and I feel strongly that if you have been a member of that church for any length of time and you truely cannot afford the charge, I would be shocked if something could not be worked out. Even if the young couple could get a "sponser" who might pay any fee, then the couple could work it off. Like I say, I had a friend who volunteered with meals for a while but the church could almost not survive without volunteer work. In some cases they prefer this to cash.

In my case I could afford to pay a reasonable cost, but he priest only asked me to help with some spring cleaning and like I say I dropped him some money after the lunch we had.

BTW, I totally agree with you. I can't understand these folks who say they don't agree or understand the church and then get upset about not being married in it.
Old 04-17-05, 06:41 PM
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Originally Posted by kvrdave
Just get married in my church, it will be a lot less painful. We'll pass some snakes, drink some poison, and do some pretty keen dancing.
Damn, I wish I'd known about that option back in '73.
Old 04-17-05, 09:17 PM
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I guess people expect the priest, the musical staff, the janitor, the altar boys, the heat/air conditioning and electricity all to be free just because they want to get married.
Old 04-17-05, 10:35 PM
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Originally Posted by Shoveler
But the thing that gets me are the atheists who get all huffy when the church refuses to marry them. A Catholic marraige is not just a license, or even a committment, it is a sacrament within the Catholic faith. nobody is trying to force Catholicism upon you, but if you are so strong in your atheism, then why on earth would you even want to receive this sacrament?! If you say it is simply for your partner, then neither of you understand the nature of the sacrament. It is a sacrament shared by two people. An atheist complaining about being refused a Catholic wedding is like a vegetarian complaining about a buffet because the roast beef was too dry.
Well said.
Old 04-18-05, 01:09 AM
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Originally Posted by B.A.
Well said.
I'm with you fellers...

I can only speak for myself and my two siblings. We were all married in the Catholic Church, three different churches, and there was never any required fee. Of course we all donated money of our own accord. With the money we blew on flowers, pictures, band food, etc, it would seem very uncool to not give something to the church.
Our priest knew we were living together before we got married and he asked if we could make other arrangements and we said we couldn't and so he said knock off the hanky panky.

Kind of funny story, I thought... I went to confession the night before the wedding and I was trying to think of things to confess and I hadn't been in years and I was going down the list of things I remember confessing to in grade school and the second or third thing I said was impure thoughts and the priest stopped me and said, "let's just stick to the 10 commandments." I had it whipped after that, I wasn't down with any false gods or my neigbors wife or any of that...
Old 04-18-05, 06:25 AM
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I have a question about the raising your children in the Catholic Church.

A couple of years ago, there was a pretty big controversy in my girlfriend's family over a conversion incident.

My girlfriend's cousin, who was a single parent of one son at the time, married a guy who was Catholic. After a about four years of marriage (and one child with the guy) she converted to Catholocism, and made her son, who was about thirteen at the time, convert as well. This didn't go over well with a lot in my girlfriend's family, as a lot of them, including the woman's mother/grandmother, are Pentecostal. I recall that the woman's mother, in particular, was very upset about her grandson being Catholic and praying to Mary instead of Jesus.

Now, my question, is was it necessary to force the teenage child to convert in order for his mother to also become Catholic? I know for a fact that he didn't want to, and his mother is kind of a bitch and the guy she married is an asshole, and they've both treated the kid like shit since they got married, and especially since they had a daughter (the guy wanted a son of his own).

Seems like this could present a sticky situation, especially if the father of son didn't want the kid to convert. (Which isn't a factor in this case, since his biological father hasn't been identified; his conception was an "accident;" the product of a one-night stand while she was on a trip.)
Old 04-18-05, 08:33 AM
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Originally Posted by Pharoh
You will then both be asked to take a test which takes a few hours. After the results come in, usually within a few weeks, a meeting will be scheduled for both you, your fiance, and the priest to go over the results. The basic idea is to help identify possible differences in expectations, and to ensure that both parties are fully aware of what the Sacrament of Marriage entails.
My priest calls this test the "Focus." He kept saying over and over again that it's not a test, so don't think of it as a test. From the sounds of it, it's a test. It's ok though, I'm willing to jump through a few hoops to keep to the traditions of the church and I do think that counceling is a good idea for couples who are getting married, or thinking about it. So far, my fiance and I have had the first meeting with the priest and we've signed paper indicating that we'll have babies and raise them Catholic and such. I'm a traditionalist, so I want to get married in the church. My fiance doesn't really care, but is willing to go along since she's Catholic too. We were surprised that the priest didn't make a big deal about us living together, pleasently surprised I must add. We're going to call to schedule the Focus this week and go from there. We're shooting for a late fall wedding, either in late Oct or early Nov. You're all virtually invited.
Old 04-18-05, 08:43 AM
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Originally Posted by Josh-da-man
I have a question about the raising your children in the Catholic Church.

A couple of years ago, there was a pretty big controversy in my girlfriend's family over a conversion incident.

My girlfriend's cousin, who was a single parent of one son at the time, married a guy who was Catholic. After a about four years of marriage (and one child with the guy) she converted to Catholocism, and made her son, who was about thirteen at the time, convert as well. This didn't go over well with a lot in my girlfriend's family, as a lot of them, including the woman's mother/grandmother, are Pentecostal. I recall that the woman's mother, in particular, was very upset about her grandson being Catholic and praying to Mary instead of Jesus.

Now, my question, is was it necessary to force the teenage child to convert in order for his mother to also become Catholic? I know for a fact that he didn't want to, and his mother is kind of a bitch and the guy she married is an asshole, and they've both treated the kid like shit since they got married, and especially since they had a daughter (the guy wanted a son of his own).

Seems like this could present a sticky situation, especially if the father of son didn't want the kid to convert. (Which isn't a factor in this case, since his biological father hasn't been identified; his conception was an "accident;" the product of a one-night stand while she was on a trip.)
No, a conversion is supposed to be each person's decision. The mother just forced the son to do it as well.

As for the rest of the family, it's nice to see that old stereotypes about Catholics are still alive .
Old 04-18-05, 08:54 AM
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Nothing worse than hangover + Catholic wedding. It's like 90 minutes of torture.
Old 04-18-05, 08:56 AM
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Originally Posted by Brain Stew
No, a conversion is supposed to be each person's decision. The mother just forced the son to do it as well.

As for the rest of the family, it's nice to see that old stereotypes about Catholics are still alive .
Actually from the post, it looked more like stereotyping Pentecostals with the "praying to Mary, instead of Jesus" comment.
Old 04-18-05, 08:57 AM
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Originally Posted by VinVega
Actually from the post, it looked more like stereotyping Pentecostals with the "praying to Mary, instead of Jesus" comment.
I meant that the comments of the family were reinforcing negative stereotypes of Catholics.
Old 04-18-05, 08:57 AM
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Originally Posted by Red Dog
Nothing worse than hangover + Catholic wedding. It's like 90 minutes of torture.
You're so close to being Catholic Red Dog, you have no idea. Come over to the dark side.
Old 04-18-05, 09:47 AM
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Originally Posted by Red Dog
Nothing worse than hangover + a mass where five or six babies are baptized. It's like 90 minutes of torture.
fixed.

Thankfully, the basement of my Church has the world's greatest water fountain where one can retreat to and enjoy it's cold bliss.

Old 04-18-05, 11:57 AM
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Originally Posted by Shoveler
Cash donations are sometimes required. Churches have overhead expenses, staff (who perform setup, breakdown, and extensive cleaning duties, as well as often managing the facilities on the day of the event), and the priest has to eat. If you don't like the pricetag, shop around.

Exactly. You are renting the place. Why should the church staff bend over backwards for your wedding when you are only going to show up on Christmas and Easter masses? It is no different than renting the reception hall. We were able to forgo some of our cost, we had someone stay and clean up and collect flowers and such. You have to pay the musicians as well.

As for the priest/classes, man you people have some anal priests. Our priest is somewhat theologan, he knows and can explain the intricacies of practically any religion. He was very open and understanding. My wife is southern Baptist, and we lived together. Neither bothered him a bit. It probably helped that we go to church almost weekly.

couple of things we experienced:
- if you are different religions oftentimes the Eucharist will not be performed. Only if both families are Catholic.
- no children in the wedding under 7 years of age
- we had two sessions with the priest
- Children were brought up but he just asked if we would raise them with love and teach them about God. He left out specific religion.
- we also had a choice between a weekend pre-marraige get-away type deal or 5-6 weeks(1-2 hours a week) with another couple from the parish, pre-marraige deal. It isn't councelling per-se, just going over the ins and outs of marraige from a couple that has been married for some time. We went this route. It was very nice and enjoyed it a bit.
- my wife is adopted so the chuch had to run a background history check to make sure we weren't related.

But all of this varies chuch to church. Start with where you go or used to go when you grew up.

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