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Do I have a good life?

Old 01-05-05, 06:12 PM
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Do I have a good life?

Ok, I've been an otter for several years, and this is probably the most personal post I've ever made, or ever will make... and even as I type, I'm debating whether or not I'm going to go through with sending it. Otters are known for their honesty and bluntness, and I think friends and family are biased to the point of optimistic denial. I've read a lot of threads about advice, and other threads about careers, and income, and happiness, and I've been going through a rough time lately, so here goes nothing.... Do I have a good life? Am I "successful"? Do I have reason to feel as depressed as I do? Or is this just a "down" in the roller coaster of life, and I need to suck it up and get over it?

I just turned 31. I own my own home, which I love, and I live alone (was married for 14 months, divorced for about 3 years now)... I don't really miss her, we ended things very calmly. No debt except for house and car. I make approximately 55k in a job I just started (+-2 weeks ago), in basically a new field, working for a huge telecommunications firm. The job itself sucks, I mean REALLY sucks, but there is serious growth/income potential. The commute is 60 minutes or so each way. I was working for the government prior to this, actually for the last 11 years, and was most recently making 63k, but I had to resign because I made some really really poor decisions and they caught up to me. I have no one to blame but myself. (Those decisions involved a supervisor that worked for me, and the relationship that developed that shouldn't have...) It was a very quick resignation, and I wasn't prepared for changing my life direction like I did... I really thought I would retire working for the same agency, or at least the same field. (Edited to add: I miss having that career... I felt I was a part of something, doing something worthwhile. My mistakes may not prevent me from getting on with another agency, but I'm not sure I'm ready to face my peers that I feel I let down... I think that's where I'm having the most trouble, recovering from the job loss and ending up in a kaka-job...)

I just feel like I'm not contributing to life... almost to the point of being a failure. I mean, maybe there are some 30-somethings that want to be debt free in their own home making mid 50's, and there are others that would look at this and laugh, wondering how I wake up in the morning...

thoughts?

Last edited by BradJ; 01-05-05 at 06:14 PM.
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Old 01-05-05, 06:16 PM
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First, change your name to The_Brad.

Then, take a little while longer. Just basically left the old job for one with less money, etc. I would feel the same way. Keep your eyes open for another opportunity while you are still at your current job. Otherwise, it sounds like the right track. Just a speed bump in the road of life. Happens to us all.
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Old 01-05-05, 06:20 PM
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In the end, it doesn't matter if we think you have a good life, you need to be happy with your decisions. You obviously aren't happy with your decisions....so based on that, I would say you do not have a good life....because you don't seem happy.

It is all about what makes you happy....not what kind of car you drive, the job you have, or how many kids you have. Currently I am a poor grad student who is chasing a dream. I walked away from job offers of $100k to spend $120-$150k in student loans....and I would make the same decision if offered again. For some, that choice would make them miserble, for me it works. You need to find out what works for you.

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Old 01-05-05, 06:20 PM
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You need a cat
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Old 01-05-05, 06:21 PM
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First off: yes...you are blessed with a very nice income and debt-free, so you are way ahead of the game right there.

Second: it's the week after New Years - a prime time for the winter blahs. I get depressed this time of year without fail. Always. don't sweat it. if it's truly a dark cloud can't do anything kind of blah, then see your doctor and talk to him about it. Welbutrin/prozac/celexa/zoloft etc. can work wonders.
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Old 01-05-05, 06:22 PM
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Originally Posted by kvrdave
First, change your name to The_Brad.


you KNOW that's my gig!!
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Old 01-05-05, 06:27 PM
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Originally Posted by pedagogue
In the end, it doesn't matter if we think you have a good life, you need to be happy with your decisions.....
It is all about what makes you happy....not what kind of car you drive, the job you have, or how many kids you have.
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Old 01-05-05, 06:29 PM
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Originally Posted by brizz


you KNOW that's my gig!!
http://www.dvdtalk.com/forum/showthread.php?t=401829

Third post down. Where's yours......losersayswhat?
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Old 01-05-05, 06:32 PM
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Brad,

First off, is your water clear? All this other stuff, love, money, debt, home.... thats all secondary and trivial stuff compared to good clean water.


















*leans forward to be slapped*
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Old 01-05-05, 06:40 PM
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You sound a little depressed. I know this is a bad time of the year for that sort of thing. Do you have health insurance? Maybe you should see your doctor?

And I hope you don't get ofended but you also sound a little lonely. Any lucky ladies that you could ask out, even just for a cup of coffee?

Feel better soon!

Oh yeah, and get a cat.
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Old 01-05-05, 07:15 PM
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There seems to be a general consensus that you should get a cat, but... i would advise against this, as a cat will only cause you to sprial hopelessly further into depression and self-pity/self-loathing.... they really are terrible.


taste good though.
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Old 01-05-05, 07:25 PM
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Originally Posted by kvrdave
What's with the icon?
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Old 01-05-05, 07:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Rivero
What's with the icon?
He thinks I should be a slum lord too. When I get edumacated, I plan on opening up a side real estate biz so I can live the dream...that is kvrdave. (seriously though, I do plan on doing the real estate part)

-pedagogue
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Old 01-05-05, 07:33 PM
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You own your own house!!!!! Who cares about your shitty job! I have friends who are in their 30s working the same shitty job making no more than $10/hr. Do not get a cat! Get a dog, a dog will always be there for you when no one else will be. A cat doesn't give a fuck.
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Old 01-05-05, 08:09 PM
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Originally Posted by PopcornTreeCt
A cat doesn't give a fuck.
Mine does, but only if she's tied down
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Old 01-05-05, 08:24 PM
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There's plenty of people in your situation, just without the house and money.
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Old 01-05-05, 08:58 PM
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The feedback feels pretty good... some thoughts:

No cats. Grrrrrr... hate 'em .... I hate 'em....!!

Ok, so a lot of people hate their job... fair enough... what makes you happy then? No real family here... nothing serious on the dating scene, I tend to go for the married, unavailable types (and those are the ones that tend to go for me... did I mention the aforementioned supervisor was married, to someone who worked for the same agency)...

I shoulda just gone with the name change, that might have helped.
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Old 01-05-05, 09:03 PM
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Originally Posted by BradJ
Ok, I've been an otter for several years, and this is probably the most personal post I've ever made, or ever will make... and even as I type, I'm debating whether or not I'm going to go through with sending it. Otters are known for their honesty and bluntness, and I think friends and family are biased to the point of optimistic denial. I've read a lot of threads about advice, and other threads about careers, and income, and happiness, and I've been going through a rough time lately, so here goes nothing.... Do I have a good life? Am I "successful"? Do I have reason to feel as depressed as I do? Or is this just a "down" in the roller coaster of life, and I need to suck it up and get over it?

I just turned 31. I own my own home, which I love, and I live alone (was married for 14 months, divorced for about 3 years now)... I don't really miss her, we ended things very calmly. No debt except for house and car. I make approximately 55k in a job I just started (+-2 weeks ago), in basically a new field, working for a huge telecommunications firm. The job itself sucks, I mean REALLY sucks, but there is serious growth/income potential. The commute is 60 minutes or so each way. I was working for the government prior to this, actually for the last 11 years, and was most recently making 63k, but I had to resign because I made some really really poor decisions and they caught up to me. I have no one to blame but myself. (Those decisions involved a supervisor that worked for me, and the relationship that developed that shouldn't have...) It was a very quick resignation, and I wasn't prepared for changing my life direction like I did... I really thought I would retire working for the same agency, or at least the same field. (Edited to add: I miss having that career... I felt I was a part of something, doing something worthwhile. My mistakes may not prevent me from getting on with another agency, but I'm not sure I'm ready to face my peers that I feel I let down... I think that's where I'm having the most trouble, recovering from the job loss and ending up in a kaka-job...)

I just feel like I'm not contributing to life... almost to the point of being a failure. I mean, maybe there are some 30-somethings that want to be debt free in their own home making mid 50's, and there are others that would look at this and laugh, wondering how I wake up in the morning...

thoughts?

I have personally seen how people live in sub-saharan africa. The Belgian Congo to be exact. Thank God you are not in the majority of people on this planet that live in poverty that make poor people in the US seem wealthy.
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Old 01-05-05, 09:54 PM
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Originally Posted by NORML54601
Mine does, but only if she's tied down
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Old 01-05-05, 09:58 PM
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<-------------- will never be able to afford a home at his current location.


Feel better?
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Old 01-05-05, 10:07 PM
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Originally Posted by brizz
Second: it's the week after New Years - a prime time for the winter blahs. I get depressed this time of year without fail. Always.
GREAT comment. I have been feeling a little down about my job, life, etc. I LOVE my job. And I love my wife and kids. But I travel a lot. I mean a lot. Often gone 200 days a year (tho only 160 this year). I think it is just holiday blues.

Actually I have gotten pretty excited the last couple of days. I always go skiing with a buddy at the end of January and they have gotten some really good snow (Taos).

Great comment. And to the OP, I agree with others. Count what blessings you and work on the rest.
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Old 01-05-05, 10:18 PM
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New Years could really be an issue...plus a career change - or anything that heavily impacts your life; even if for the better. There's always some anxiety with something new, esspecially if your first impression is that it 'really sucks.' Anxiety, excitment, depression, worry, i think it's pretty standard to have strong emotional swings when your are brought out of an established routine (or job.) But perhaps the growth potential will allow you to branch out into areas which don't 'suck'. It's a 'huge' firm afterall. And you do have quite a few other positives going for ya so hopefully the rest will work itself out as well.
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Old 01-05-05, 11:34 PM
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I was unemployed for a while after getting laid off from a decent job. Once you lose something like you really appreciate what you had. If you are feeling down, watch the news, watch the bums on the street, you'll realise you're pretty lucky. Hey I know its tough, I hate my job as well, in fact I dread it everyday, but we've got bills to pay. Being unemployed with little money made me really appreciate any job. If I was to become unemployed again, I know I'll probably wish I was back in my dreaded job.

After my garble, basically you should appreciate what you've got
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Old 01-06-05, 12:31 AM
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Originally Posted by [b
The_BJ[/b]]I just feel like I'm not contributing to life... almost to the point of being a failure. I mean, maybe there are some 30-somethings that want to be debt free in their own home making mid 50's, and there are others that would look at this and laugh, wondering how I wake up in the morning...
I know exactly how you feel. First of all, forget how much money you make. That, ultimately, will not make you happy. The best job I ever had was working at KFC, and I made the least amount of money, there. The key is to find something you like to do that meshes well with the money you make. Ultimately, there are three focal points in any job, the three S's:

1 - Job Satisfaction. How well do you like actually doing the job?
2 - Job Salary. Do you make enough money that your life isn't strained?
3 - Job Significance. Do you feel like you're contributing something to society?

I want to be a high school teacher, eventually. However, due to unexpected setbacks due in some small part to my loose affiliation with the US Army, I've put that dream on hold for now. Right now, I feel that I can better contribute and make more money doing work with our current overseas operations than I can as a teacher. The problem is, I feel that I'd like teaching more. But, I think after a few years of this, I can better afford financially and emotionally (due to my contentment in my contribution) a career as a teacher.

I was worried about putting this on hold. I talked to an old teacher of mine, and he gave me this quote. I don't know where it's from...maybe Mark Twain or something: "Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do or want out of life when in your twenties. The most interesting people I know still don't know what they want to do with their lives - and they're in their forties!"

Believe me, I know that having a house paid off won't make me happy, but that's one of my five-year goals. Happiness isn't found in that, but it is a congruent aspect of ultimate happiness. I, maybe like you, worry at times about being single. However, I take solace in the fact that I have faith that it'll happen eventually. Shoot, the only thing worse than not being in a relationship is being in the wrong one.

Finally, the key to battling those down turns and slumps in your life (everyone has them. yes, even li'l ole me.) is to focus on the good parts of your life. You have a good life. As another poster pointed out, everyone in America does. At times, I worry about disease or cancer or something that could kill me. Well, I know that any of those things will probably allow me to live until thirty, which is the sad fact that many Africans face from birth. I'm already 26, and have outlived the poor kids that get born with mental or genetic diseases that will kill them before their fifteenth birthday. You, like me, are truly blessed.

I don't think that the answer is drugs for many people. Unless you have a genetic deficiency that makes your saritonin blockers low, popping pills will probably be the equivalent of taking a Brave New Soma or some antibiotics for a cold. We live in a severely overmedicated society. The road to recovery will probably be just counting your blessings in life. It's amazing how that simple process makes such a huge difference. Try to focus on what makes your life so much better than most others on this earth. You have your own home. That probably puts you in the top 15 percent right there. You make 55K per year. Top five. You're relatively young. Believe me, women respect this. You won't be alone as long as you think. And women, as opposed to cats, are the best p****** to have around.

Take care.
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Old 01-06-05, 12:36 AM
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I don't think money can make a person happy. Money can be spent too quickly, no matter how much there is. And the easier it is to get something, the less it is valued. Look at Mike Tyson or other millionairs who had multiple houses yet went bankrupt.

What makes for a happy life is figuring out what you want to do. Find what makes you happy, and the money will come. Make new friends. Visit people, try new foods, check out what the world has to offer. Don't limit yourself to doing the same old thing.

I think there is a saying "the only thing you will regret is that which you did not do".
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