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Post your DISASTROUS DATE experiences -

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Post your DISASTROUS DATE experiences -

Old 09-27-05, 08:54 PM
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Glad my misfortune inspired all of this !! At least I learned a lesson (Don't blow money on a woman until she's 'earned' it) and now most dates are of the "Let's go to your place and fuck" variety !! Much less costly, maybe a drink at the bar and possibly meal the next day....
Old 03-12-07, 06:17 PM
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Still funny the second time around.
Old 01-19-08, 06:09 PM
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I had to bump because I re-read the entire thread today after remembering how great DP's stories were.
Old 01-19-08, 09:54 PM
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Man, I don't believe I had read this thread before, great laughs on a lonely Saturday night!
Old 01-19-08, 11:37 PM
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I once banged a girl and despite a jimmy coat it took about a week to get her stink off my hand and johnson. Not sure that this experience was a disasterous date but it was teh suck. I couldn't believe that an odor could attach itself to something else so easily and remain through nearly 14 showers. A time or two during the experience I seriously considered bathing in tomato juice.
Old 01-20-08, 12:39 AM
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Originally Posted by ukywyldcat
I once banged a girl and despite a jimmy coat it took about a week to get her stink off my hand and johnson. Not sure that this experience was a disasterous date but it was teh suck. I couldn't believe that an odor could attach itself to something else so easily and remain through nearly 14 showers. A time or two during the experience I seriously considered bathing in tomato juice.
I know skunks are sexy but come on.
Old 01-21-08, 12:59 AM
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I just had to reread the whole thread too. Good stuff! DP's still make me giggle like a schoolgirl.

Last edited by muggins; 01-21-08 at 01:02 AM.
Old 01-21-08, 11:42 AM
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*whoops!*

-p

Last edited by NotThatGuy; 01-21-08 at 11:55 AM.
Old 01-21-08, 03:10 PM
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Originally Posted by ukywyldcat
I once banged a girl and despite a jimmy coat it took about a week to get her stink off my hand and johnson.
You must be really flexible!
Old 01-21-08, 03:26 PM
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I've now read 3 of DP's stories, made the crazy slow holiday but not really a holiday cuz I'm a at work thing go by quicker. Looking forward to the others tomorrow.
Old 01-21-08, 03:40 PM
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How did I miss this great thread?
Old 01-21-08, 04:56 PM
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I missed this one the first time around as well.

My bad dates don't come anywhere near the rest of these, but a couple in particular were very crappy for me.

Story 1
My best female friend decided to set me up with one of her friends... her hairdresser to be exact. So I get the email with the pertinant info and give this girl a call. We set up a date and I suggest dinner at Downtown Disney. She has to be home early to pack for a trip the next day so we agree to an early night. I pick her up at her place and being the gentleman that i am I bring her a rose. She takes it in and comes back out and we head down to Disney. We walk around a bit and head to the Jazz Kitchen and so far everything is going OK. I'm a bit shy, but our conversation seems to be fine. We are eating dinner and she starts talking about her last relationship and how he had a terminal illness that he had never told her about, and didn't want her to suffer through it. Then she asks "have you ever tried internet dating?" and she started talking about that and how it was great and I should get into it (which I did eventually and that is how I met my wife)... but still, for a first date it isn't really proper conversation. Anyway we had a good dinner and started to walk around downtown disney and talk some more. We tried for a movie but nothing was starting in a timely fashion. At one point we were walking and there was a lull in conversation for a couple of minutes... "I'm sorry this isn't going better, but I realized when we got here that this was where my ex and I had our first date" Man what a downer that was. I called the next day before she left for her trip, said I had a good time, etc... and suggested we meet up again when she gets back. I tried calling one more time, left a message and never heard from her again. If I recall correctly she told my friend that I was just not the right kind of guy for her.

Story 2
So I met a married woman on Myspace who turned out to be a complete psycho. She told me they were in the process of divorce, but there were his 2 kids to consider (and she had custody at this point because he worked long hours - though they were away for the summer at their mom's place). Anyway we hook up on our 2nd meeting and on our 3rd meeting (the only 2 times we did and I never finished - I have no idea why). We were going to meet up one night not too long after that for a movie or something. I call when I get off work and ask "what's up for tonight?" her reply was "not much" and then she had to go real quick because her kids were calling her. I have a 2 hour commute with friends about 1/2 way between. About 30 minutes later and not hearing from this girl I decide to make alternate plans with my friends and I head there. She calls almost exactly when I get there and gets mad that I've put her off. Well, she hung up on me and didn't call back. So, she calls a couple more times and eventually I turn my phone off. When I leave my friend's place at about 10 I check my 6 or 7 messages ranging from pissed to apologetic, etc... I call her back and we're arguing the whole hour I'm driving home. By the time I pull up to my house I break it off with her.

A couple of days later and we've made up. At this point I haven't seen her in person more than 4 times total. I keep trying to set up dates but nothing is working out. About 2 weeks later (and I still haven't seen her again, though we talked every day) and she tells me that she is taking her husband back for her kid's sake but would still like to remain friends (even with benefits)... though I still haven't seen her again in person. Anyway, we pussyfoot around for another month or so, talking every day, etc... and finally I meet someone at a club and tell her that we shouldn't talk anymore. I only heard from her one more time after that... it was a couple of weeks before christmas that same year - I had even already broken up with the girl I met at the club, and there was a note on my car under the windshield wiper one night when a friend brought me home. "I miss you, please call me." I dumped it right in the trash. Oddly enough I can't find her on Myspace, but maybe she blocked me or something.

My wife and I now live in the town she lived in then, but last I heard she was supposed to move back east.

Oh yeah, I also had a hairy lip girl once. When my wife complains about my stubble I think about how it felt making out with her and I go shave.
Old 01-21-08, 05:06 PM
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I too missed this thread Back in the Day. My story is from late April 1997.

I was set up on a blind date (one of those friend of a friend situations). We spoke on the phone, and things seemed to go ok( I was 21 at the time). We agreed to do dinner and a movie on a Thurs evening, and we set the date. I picked her up, and we went to the local theater. It was her choice of what to see, and she picked Return of The Jedi Special Edition. This was fine with me, because I am a Star Wars geek( just the films).
We get to the theater, and the tickets come out to 15.50. We both take out money, and I told her that I always pay on the first date. She threw a huge hissy fit right there about how in today's day and age a woman can pay for herself. It was at this point that I knew there was going to be no second date. I made a compromise with her: I would pay for the tickets, and she could pay for the concessions. She reluctantly agrees, and we get to the concession stand. She asks me what I want, and I told her that I wasn't hungry( I never get concessions at the theater, it was just a way to get her to be quiet and get into the theater). She immediately calls a taxi, and leaves.
Once she left, I went into the theater and watched a childhood fav in the theater one last time laughing away. I am such a Lucas whore, that I had no problem with him getting money from someone who wasn't there (that was my 5th time seeing the ROTJ special edition, and the last day it was playing).
Old 01-21-08, 09:02 PM
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I missed this the first time.......

Originally Posted by TLwizard
I go home at 7 (8 without daylight savings) to shower, and then head off to substitute teach the youth of america ([b]with a hickey that I play off as beard growth... on the side of my neck.[b/])
Did they actually BELIEVE you?!!!



I once had my lacrosse coach call me out during a meeting because my g/f attacked my neck to make a point. He didn't really make any sense during his 2 minute tirade, but I just sort of nodded my head like I was listening.

-p
Old 01-22-08, 02:30 AM
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In guy hetero-world there are 3 kinds of threesomes.

1. The good kind of threesome (2 girls, 1 guy)
2. The bad kind of threesome (2 guys, 1 girl)
3. The she might as well be a man threesome (1 girl, 1 guy, and 1 "girl" who is practically a man).

#2 is known as The Devil' Threesome.

-p

Last edited by NotThatGuy; 09-01-09 at 09:31 PM.
Old 01-22-08, 03:21 PM
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Man.

I just spent the last hour (while waiting for something here at work) reading this entire thread. Phenomenal stuff in here!

If I can figure out a way to sanitize my own horror dating stories, I'll have to post 'em.
Old 01-22-08, 09:01 PM
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Originally Posted by pedagogue
In guy hetero-world there are 3 kinds of threesomes.

1. The good kind of threesome (2 girls, 1 guy)
2. The bad kind of threesome (2 guys, 1 girl)
3. The she might as well be a man threesome (1 girl, 1 guy, and 1 "girl" who is practically a man).
Then there's:

4. The best kind (3 girls) and you get to watch!

Damn! (smacks the table)!
Old 01-22-08, 10:24 PM
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But why just watch when you can participate?
Old 01-24-08, 04:56 PM
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damn good stuff
Old 01-24-08, 06:59 PM
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Oh, how this thread has kept me entertained for the past couple days.

Here's my (semi-)horror story. Not nearly as bad as some, but still wasn't what I was looking for.

Back in the summer of '99, right after I graduated high school and was still living at home, I got a random phone call on my personal line. There was a sultry female voice on the other end asking for someone whose name I don't recall, but they didn't live in my house. I told her she had the wrong number, but before I could hang up she asked who I was. We started to chat a bit and she seemed like a good find. Now, I should have known something was wrong right off the bat because a hot chick doesn't need to pick up guys on random (or on purpose?) wrong calls. She described herself as a little rich bitch, just the kind Orange County is known for pumping out. Short and petite, large D-cup breasts, curly blonde hair and she'd be pulling up in a white BMW convertible. Of course I thought the cliched: what could possibly go wrong? I'll tell you what...

That day I, foolishly, had some friends over before the meet with this chick at my house. I thought to myself, these guys are gonna see her and flip out jealous. I felt good. Then, about an hour before she was to come over, another thought came into my mind. What if this chick is full of shit? I've got my guys here and I know I'll catch a face full of shit if she's grotesque. Heeding my own advice, I began to round up the herd. Unfortunately, getting my friends to leave was no easy task. It took me the better part of an hour to convince them I'd give the details later, they'd have to settle with not seeing this girl unless I deemed her worthy. And then she showed up...

It's hard to describe the feeling of seeing her drive up, but I could tell before her hooves hit the asphalt that I had made a horrendous lapse in judgement by allowing this. I should have fucking known I told myself. My friends were just about to their vehicles, but not nearly far enough away to not witness was I was about to spend the next two hours with. What stepped out of that car was nothing close to what was described. This chick was in a white convertible BMW, and she did have curly blonde hair, but that's where the truth ended and the (fat) lies began. She looked like the physical incarnation of Miss Piggy, and that's not hyperbole. Short and stout, she had tree trunk thighs, a pig-like proboscis and meaty hands that should have belonged to a dock worker. I quickly ushered her inside, then I went out to assure my friends that she was going to be leaving very shortly and they had to go. After catching that face full of shit I expected, they left and I went into survival mode.

I tried to play it cool in my room, but if I'm not interested in something it's hard for me to feign interest. I suggested we skip the meal/movie we had initially agreed upon and instead we should just watch a movie in my room. I knew my taste in horror flicks might have a shot at getting her grossed out enough to leave, so I popped in the most disgusting thing I had to offer: Dead Alive. Sadly, she seemed to not mind. We talked for a little bit before the conversation turned to sex. If I'm not interested in someone that's obviously interested in me, I usually turn to talking about graphic sexual fantasies since I don't care how repulsed they get. Again, she didn't seem to mind. So, I decided to get a little more brash. She asked the requisite "how big is it?", to which I gave an answer. Then a few minutes later I told her I had lied. "It's actually bigger. Want to see?" And so she did. I should preface this final piece by saying that she mentioned earlier on that she didn't go too far on the first date with anyone, and it was rare she gave head. Well, 30 minutes into our meeting this chick was swallowing my Italian sausage like it was her last meal before execution. I'll say one thing: fat chicks sure can suck dick. I'm sure it's to make up for how unattractive they really are, but fuck me sideways if it didn't feel great. I finished up, told her I had to meet up with my friends and never called her again.

Funny footnote: about 3 weeks later my neighbor asked me if I knew a girl named Ashley. I told him I didn't, then he said "She says she knows you because you guys met after she called you by accident one day." I asked how he knew that and he said she did the exact same thing to him. I wonder how his night ended...

Last edited by islandclaws; 01-24-08 at 07:03 PM.
Old 07-08-10, 10:43 AM
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Re: Post your DISASTROUS DATE experiences -

Originally Posted by skiblet View Post
I went out a couple of years ago to meet these two girls from online. We met at applebees, and both of them were HOT. I knew, right off the bat that I was out of my league, and had less than 1 % chance. But still I tried to act like a gentleman, and just be cool about it all, and try to have a nice dinner with them. So, about 10 minutes into the date, and before any food had arrived or anything, I excused myself to go to the restroom. Christ i wasnt in there but 2 minutes and fixed my hair, and took a leak. when i got out they were both gone. 2 minutes !
My closest to a date disaster story involves an Applebees as well.

Met a girl online, and found out that she worked at the local one. Knew she was working that night, told her I might stop by. Stopped by later with a friend and played it anonymously. We scoped out all the employees and none of them were good looking. The one I had been chatting wasn't our server, and we paid cash and used fake names for the evening, but I think she figured it out as I saw all the servers huddled together talking and pointing at us. Felt guilty as heck, but never called her again. I'm shallow when it comes to looks in a girl I'd date. They don't have to be model-types, but there has to be some attraction.
Old 07-08-10, 12:52 PM
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Re: Post your DISASTROUS DATE experiences -

Every time this thread is bumped I end up re-reading it. Also good to see the origins of DarkestPhoenix
Old 07-08-10, 01:18 PM
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Re: Post your DISASTROUS DATE experiences -

When i was 17, i once took my girl out to see Titanic.... long story short... the stupid c#nt wanted to see the movie 3 more times...


last date, i had it up to enough(yes i should have stopped it movie 2 but she was hot and i wanted to get some)

so we went but since i was tired of her crap already, i devised a plan... she wanted to see the movie again and i was like sure...... i picked her up and drove to the farthest movie theater... she wanted to see the damn movie again... (freaking Leo)... anyways... got popcorn and everything... got tickets went inside and sat down.... i tell her i have to go to the bathroom and i never come back... bwahahahaha

she flipped and she didnt have a cell phone... only beeper... she used a pay phone to call me but i didnt pick up... she tried collect and i said no to accepting the charges.... what sucks is i didnt get some... but was satisified by getting that type of revenge
Old 07-08-10, 01:55 PM
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Re: Post your DISASTROUS DATE experiences -

So you're proud of that huh?

I see...

MAN you're cool.
Old 07-08-10, 04:05 PM
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Re: Post your DISASTROUS DATE experiences -

Originally Posted by raven56706 View Post
When i was 17, i once took my girl out to see Titanic.... long story short... the stupid c#nt wanted to see the movie 3 more times...
Hell, I saw Titanic in the theater with 3 different women. My soon-to-be ex, my rebound girlfriend and my soon-to-be wife (who is still my wife, btw). Suffice it to say, I got my money's worth with that flick!

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