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Dumb story-yay or nay?

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Dumb story-yay or nay?

Old 10-27-04, 07:40 PM
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Dumb story-yay or nay?

My Aunt just sent this to me. What do you think? Am I being too harsh in thinking it sucked? Or does suburban macabre give you the funny?



Dear Tide:

I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have!
I've used it all through my married life, as my Mom always
told me it was the best.

Now that I am in my fifties, I find it even better! In fact, about
a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white
blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to
berate me about how clumsy I was, and generally started
becoming a pain in the neck.

One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with a lot
of his blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stain out using
a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out. After a quick
trip to the supermarket, I purchased a bottle of liquid Tide with
bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the
stains came out!

In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by
yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative
and then my attorney called and said that I would no longer be
considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What
a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a
murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having such a great
product.

Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people .



Old 10-27-04, 07:49 PM
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That kind of material must absolutely kill over at the nursing home.
Old 10-27-04, 07:51 PM
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Next time you're visiting the old hawties tell it to them!
Old 10-27-04, 07:54 PM
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Originally posted by Buford T Pusser
Next time you're visiting the old hawties tell it to them!
Exactly my plan

Old 10-27-04, 07:54 PM
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Sounds like a plotline for Bree on Desperate Housewifes.
Old 10-27-04, 07:55 PM
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HA!
Old 10-27-04, 08:35 PM
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Would be funny if it was subtle. The writer seems to think you need to bash the audience over the head with the 'punchline'. A one line obscure reference to her killing her husband is the way to go with these sorts of things.
Old 10-27-04, 08:39 PM
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LAME
Old 10-27-04, 09:26 PM
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Originally posted by Verbal Gorilla
Would be funny if it was subtle. The writer seems to think you need to bash the audience over the head with the 'punchline'. A one line obscure reference to her killing her husband is the way to go with these sorts of things.
Agreed.

Something like this:

"one thing led to another, and, well, suffice it to say that not even the top forensic lab at the fbi can find dna evidence in a garment after using tide. Thanks for making such a great product! Well, gotta go - time to thank the hefty bag people."

would have been better - not great, but I can't tell a joke.
Old 10-27-04, 09:30 PM
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Dumb story-yay
Old 10-27-04, 09:39 PM
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Not really funny but it would make an interesting commercial.
Old 10-28-04, 12:22 AM
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My Aunt just sent this gem. ENJOY!



Here's one for all you men -- we women have known this about you all along.......



(Wisdom can sometimes take a while with us men.)

... The Story of My Life ..

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.
When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am older and wiser now...... and am looking for a girl with big tits.
Old 10-28-04, 12:30 AM
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Old 10-28-04, 07:55 AM
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Originally posted by Buford T Pusser
My Aunt just sent this gem. ENJOY!



Here's one for all you men -- we women have known this about you all along.......



(Wisdom can sometimes take a while with us men.)

... The Story of My Life ..

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.
When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am older and wiser now...... and am looking for a girl with big tits.
I think I have dated all of these girls. Married 2 of them. The exciting girl even bought big tits, then left me for someone with a bigger.... oh well, that's not important. I'm now with the stable girl (no horse jokes please ). I believe I'll just try to ride this one out.
Old 10-28-04, 10:52 AM
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And neither is that story...
Old 10-28-04, 03:05 PM
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Blah, very lame, like most of the crap at work they send out.

Incidently, to remove blood, try hydrogen peroxyde, it works wonders*! You take a bottle and basically just pour it on a blood stain and you can actually see the blood coming out of the material and washing away.

*I havent killed anyone lately with whom I could try a DNA test
Old 10-28-04, 10:49 PM
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Here's another hot one she just sent me:

This could never happen.........................could it? You think?

This is so close to what is probably going to be happening in 2008 that
we're not sure how funny this really is...

Operator: Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national ID
number?

Customer: Hi, I'd like to place an order.

Operator: I must have your NIDN first, sir.

Customer: My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's
6102049998-45-54610.

Operator: Thank you Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive,
and the phone number is 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln
Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number is 266-2566. E-mail address is

[email protected]. Which number are you calling from sir?

Customer: Huh? I'm at home. Where'd you get all this information?

Operator: We're wired into the HSS, sir.

Customer: The HSS, what is that?

Operator: We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This will add
only 15 seconds to your ordering time.

Customer: (sighs) Oh well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat
Special pizzas.

Operator: I don't think that's a good idea, sir.

Customer: Whaddya mean?

Operator: Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that you've
got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National
Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice.

Customer: What?!?! What do you recommend, then?

Operator: You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll like it.

Customer: What makes you think I'd like something like that?

Operator: Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local
library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion.

Customer: All right, all right. Give me two family sized ones, then

Operator: That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids.
Your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is $49.99.

Customer: Lemme give you my credit card number.

Operator: I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your
credit card balance is over its limit.

Customer: I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets
here.

Operator: That won't work either, sir. Your checking account is overdrawn
also.

Customer: Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How
long will it take?

Operator: We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes,
sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick'em up while you're out
getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little
awkward.

Customer: Wait! How do you know I ride a scooter?

Operator: It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car
got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid for and you just filled the tank
yesterday.

Customer: Well, I'll be a #%#^^&$%^[email protected]#

Operator: I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a July
4, 2003, conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see here in
September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge Oh yes, I see
here that you just got out from a 90 day stay in the State Correctional
Facility. Is this your first pizza since your return to society?

Customer: (speechless)

Operator: Will there be anything else, sir?

Customer: Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke.

Operator: I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from
offering free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits this. Thank
you for calling Pizza Hut.

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