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Divorce because of lost passion, lost 'in love'

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Divorce because of lost passion, lost 'in love'

Old 10-20-04, 04:57 PM
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Divorce because of lost passion, lost 'in love'

So my wife wants a divorce. She told me after 5 years of marriage (we know each other for 7 years) that she is missing the passion and the ‘in love’ feeling. She does still love me but she’s convinced that there’s someone out there who can provide her such a feeling for eternity. Needless to say I’m shocked. Yes, we did have usual smaller relationship problems but I never saw this coming.

Oh and there’s the factor that she said she think she is falling in love with her ex-boyfriend but, she assures me, she made the decision to divorce before allowing these feelings. Yeah right!

Now, I would like to know: how many are out there who after 7 years are still deeply in love like day 1: is she seeking a ghost or reality?

FYI: No kids (thank God), we’re both 31.
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Old 10-20-04, 04:59 PM
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No matter what she says DON'T MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE.
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Old 10-20-04, 05:03 PM
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Re: Divorce because of lost passion, lost 'in love'

I'm so sorry to hear this. My husband and I have been together for 13 years, married for 10 and our life together is wonderful. Sure, we've had our ups and downs but we love each other very much.

Before she leaves, ask her to go to counseling with you at least just once. Maybe if she has someone else tell her that she's acting like a selfish, spoiled brat, she'll listen.
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Old 10-20-04, 05:05 PM
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Sorry to hear about that. Seems like an unrealistic expectation on her part.
Maybe there is something else that she hasn't told you about(like there is already someone else that is giving her that "in love" feeling)?
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Old 10-20-04, 05:16 PM
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I can tell you that the ex-boyfriend plays a very large role in this. However, your wife is too childish to realize the difference between LUST and LOVE. When she's handed her walking papers by him when he gets bored, be strong enough to NOT be the shoulder she cries on.

I don't mean to be a jerk, but if she wants a new life, you shouldn't have to lose your old one. Tell her that she's free to leave and take her stuff with her.
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Old 10-20-04, 05:17 PM
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Don't move out. She wants the divorce, you get the stuff.

Those that believe that the getting is better than the having will never be satisfied.
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Old 10-20-04, 05:21 PM
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Sorry to hear it.

Yeah it sounds like some other "issues" are involved, such as she is seeing someone else or thinking about seeing someone else. Or maybe there are conflicts in your relationship that need to be worked out. I think "falling out of love" is a gradual thing that happens over time and a building up of junk in the marriage. My wife and I have been married almost 6 years and we are still in love like the beginning. But we have to work hard at it. Communication and spending quality time together are a must.
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Old 10-20-04, 05:24 PM
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Re: Divorce because of lost passion, lost 'in love'

Originally posted by exm
Now, I would like to know: how many are out there who after 7 years are still deeply in love like day 1: is she seeking a ghost or reality?
Paging The Edit King.
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Old 10-20-04, 05:25 PM
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Thanks for the replies so far. Basically everyone around us (including my AND her family) feels the same way as you guys. Like what the heck is she thinking.

I've tried to suggest everything, including therapy but she 'made up her mind and has peace with it'.

Well, I never had a problem moving on in my life with anything; it's just that I'm in utter shock how someone can flip a switch after 7 years.
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Old 10-20-04, 05:30 PM
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Sorry to hear Dude. Counseling would be the best bet, what have you got to lose? If counseling doesn't work out, then at least you both have tried.
Not to be preverted or anything, but maybe both of you should also see a sex therapist to spice things up.
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Old 10-20-04, 05:35 PM
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Originally posted by Fok
Sorry to hear Dude. Counseling would be the best bet, what have you got to lose? If counseling doesn't work out, then at least you both have tried.
Not to be preverted or anything, but maybe both of you should also see a sex therapist to spice things up.
Believe me... I suggested all of that... But she claims that she made up her mind and doesn't see anything changing any time soon. Meanwhile, she is seeing a therapist herself....
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Old 10-20-04, 05:40 PM
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Sounds like she may have found someone else

Hopefully she's being honest with ya. I hate it when women get upset with you without telling you the real reason
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Old 10-20-04, 05:40 PM
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Sounds like she's already got another man (the ex-boyfriend) and just wants out in order to be with him. That's really the only reason someone would dismiss your therapy suggestions so easily. If true (and she'll probably continue to deny it in order to seem less evil), then you really don't have much recourse. Chalk it up to a lesson learned and move on. Of course, you can use her feelings of guilt to allow you to make out well in the divorce agreement.
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Old 10-20-04, 06:07 PM
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Originally posted by exm
Meanwhile, she is seeing a therapist herself....
Speaking as one who use to conduct marriage counseling, it is amazing how often one person in a marriage gets therapy and decides to get a divorce. I always suspect crap in the therapy becuase I have seen it before.

And it usually ends with things like you have described "At peace with the decision" "Feeling like there is perfection out there" and other crap.
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Old 10-20-04, 06:11 PM
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I've been married for four years now but been together with my wife for 10 years. The feelings definitely change over the years, you become more comfortable with each other. I couldn't imagine myself with anyone else and I definitely love her more and more.

Your wife may find the passion again by leaving you for someone new but it will prove fleeting, unless she plans to hop from person to person trying to recapture her youth.

Sorry to hear that your marriage may end. I hope things work out for you. It could just be a '7 year itch' kind of thing too.


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Old 10-20-04, 06:14 PM
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Old 10-20-04, 06:16 PM
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Originally posted by exm
Believe me... I suggested all of that... But she claims that she made up her mind and doesn't see anything changing any time soon. Meanwhile, she is seeing a therapist herself....
And she won't go to marriage counseling with you? That seems very strange. I tend to agree with what people here are saying. It sounds like she's trying to re-live her lost youth (not that 30-something is all that old).

Again, I'm so sorry to hear about all this.
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Old 10-20-04, 06:21 PM
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Be blunt with her. Tell her she is being unrealistic and that with her attitude, she will find herself in the same situation 5-7 years from now.

The "in-love" feeling was never meant to last.
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Old 10-20-04, 06:25 PM
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Sounds way too suspicious that she thinks she may be in love with her ex-boyfriend from 7 years ago.
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Old 10-20-04, 06:25 PM
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Originally posted by aintnosin
Be blunt with her. Tell her she is being unrealistic and that with her attitude, she will find herself in the same situation 5-7 years from now.

The "in-love" feeling was never meant to last.
Yeah... Tried that too... She said if that's the case she will move on again ("even if that means her staying single for the rest of her life", she said.

Re-living her 'lost youth' seems the most plausible explanation (coupled with the ex). Not that our life was boring, far from that. We've travelled to 6 continents, lived in Europe and the US, etc.

Oh well. Life sucks. Then you move on.
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Old 10-20-04, 06:26 PM
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Been there, it sucks ass. The pain is still there although I can speak with her in a civil manner. We have 2 children together.
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Old 10-20-04, 06:35 PM
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Originally posted by exm
Yeah... Tried that too... She said if that's the case she will move on again ("even if that means her staying single for the rest of her life", she said.
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Old 10-20-04, 06:48 PM
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From Roto
Sounds way too suspicious that she thinks she may be in love with her ex-boyfriend from 7 years ago.
Originally posted by exm
Yeah... Tried that too... She said if that's the case she will move on again ("even if that means her staying single for the rest of her life", she said.

Re-living her 'lost youth' seems the most plausible explanation (coupled with the ex). Not that our life was boring, far from that. We've travelled to 6 continents, lived in Europe and the US, etc.

Oh well. Life sucks. Then you move on.
Seeing the second part of this, really makes me thing that her "therapy" is what has lead her to recapture her youth. She probably isn't seeing her old boyfriend, and is more "in love" with the idea of it, than anything else.

She is trying to recapture her youth. Most therapy would teach you to find happiness in what you have, but there is some that will teach you to give up what you have for the chance of the genie in the bottle.

Sorry about this, but better now, especially with no kids. No go get a trophy wife. Or better yet, an electrical engineer.
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Old 10-20-04, 06:49 PM
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Not to crude, but maybe she's bangin' the therapist...
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Old 10-20-04, 06:51 PM
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Originally posted by aintnosin
Not to crude, but maybe she's bangin' the therapist...
Doubtful. Most of the time when that happens, the patient is not looking to move on, recapture youth, etc. The therapist is generally also trying to keep them fairly "needy" so you don't see much change in behavior.

And probably the therapist is a woman.
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