My girlfriend is a superhero of sass!
08-06-04, 11:12 AM
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My girlfriend is a superhero of sass!
God, I love this. Backstory: We hate most of the slobs in our neighborhood. There is this woman around the corner who let her dog crap without picking it up right in front of our house while we were sitting on the stoop, five feet away. So we followed her to see where she lived and then left a note next to the poop saying something like "Poop courtesy 107 Vanderbilt Ave: Stop by and say "HI!"" That was a couple months ago.
Now, keep in mind that we just had to put our beloved cat to sleep (see the thread on that) and she's really seriously heartbroken, so now is not a good time for random slobs to mess with her.
Anyway, here's an email she just sent me:
Now, keep in mind that we just had to put our beloved cat to sleep (see the thread on that) and she's really seriously heartbroken, so now is not a good time for random slobs to mess with her.
Anyway, here's an email she just sent me:
Well, I finally got to put somebody's balls in their
ass where they belong. I'm walking home from
Greenwood with Pete, and on the block just before McDonald this
older guy is picking up his dog's shit. As I walk
by, he says "did you leave dog shit on my steps?" I
don't recognize him yet because he's actually picking
up shit, and I say, "No, I always pick up after my dog.
Why do you think I have these shit bags with me?"
He says "Well, my daughter..."
I just stopped him and said "oh you're the people
who like to let your dog shit in front of our house
and not pick up. Nice."
He says "you followed my daughter home,"
and I said "Yes we did. We wanted to know who to tell
people to thank for leaving shit all over our block."
He says "she's just a child, and ..."
and I said "she looks old enough to walk a dog and she
appeared to have thumbs which means she's old enough
to carry a bag and pick up her own dog's shit and if
she isn't capable of that simple task maybe you
shouldn't let her out to walk the dog."
He says "well someone left shit on my steps with a
sign and that was really immature."
I said "first off, that's ironic. and second, I
didn't do it because I don't operate like that. But if
someone decided to thank you for the shit because of the
sign we left then good for them. And if
there was shit on your steps and it upset you, maybe
that should tell you it's the wrong thing to do."
And I turned and i walked slowly away and he said
nothing. I was very calm the whole time. He better not
start something, because he really picked the wrong
person at the wrong time.
ass where they belong. I'm walking home from
Greenwood with Pete, and on the block just before McDonald this
older guy is picking up his dog's shit. As I walk
by, he says "did you leave dog shit on my steps?" I
don't recognize him yet because he's actually picking
up shit, and I say, "No, I always pick up after my dog.
Why do you think I have these shit bags with me?"
He says "Well, my daughter..."
I just stopped him and said "oh you're the people
who like to let your dog shit in front of our house
and not pick up. Nice."
He says "you followed my daughter home,"
and I said "Yes we did. We wanted to know who to tell
people to thank for leaving shit all over our block."
He says "she's just a child, and ..."
and I said "she looks old enough to walk a dog and she
appeared to have thumbs which means she's old enough
to carry a bag and pick up her own dog's shit and if
she isn't capable of that simple task maybe you
shouldn't let her out to walk the dog."
He says "well someone left shit on my steps with a
sign and that was really immature."
I said "first off, that's ironic. and second, I
didn't do it because I don't operate like that. But if
someone decided to thank you for the shit because of the
sign we left then good for them. And if
there was shit on your steps and it upset you, maybe
that should tell you it's the wrong thing to do."
And I turned and i walked slowly away and he said
nothing. I was very calm the whole time. He better not
start something, because he really picked the wrong
person at the wrong time.
Last edited by Gil Jawetz; 08-06-04 at 11:21 AM.
08-06-04, 11:18 AM
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Originally posted by mwdkill
uhhh....someone is in need of a little grammar refresh.
uhhh....someone is in need of a little grammar refresh.
08-06-04, 11:23 AM
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Originally posted by MonkeyG
I thought that was mighty creative to leave a sign on the poop.
I thought that was mighty creative to leave a sign on the poop.
08-06-04, 11:29 AM
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Originally posted by AndyCapps
Good thing I don't live in your neighborhood. If someone left shit on my porch with a note attached, I'd burn their house down.
Good thing I don't live in your neighborhood. If someone left shit on my porch with a note attached, I'd burn their house down.
As for being stalkerish, he started with her. She was minding her own business.
08-06-04, 11:33 AM
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Originally posted by Gil Jawetz
No, we left nothing on their porch. They left poo directly in front of OUR house and we simply left a note accompanying it to identify where it came from. I have no idea who left the poo by their house. Frankly, he should ask his own daughter since she's the one who likes to not pick up the poo.
No, we left nothing on their porch. They left poo directly in front of OUR house and we simply left a note accompanying it to identify where it came from. I have no idea who left the poo by their house. Frankly, he should ask his own daughter since she's the one who likes to not pick up the poo.
08-06-04, 12:06 PM
#18
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Originally posted by Gil Jawetz
In case anyone else has any trouble understanding, here it is in Otter friendly terms!
In case anyone else has any trouble understanding, here it is in Otter friendly terms!
I get it now!
Actually - I thought the conversation took place in front of their house.
08-06-04, 12:13 PM
#19
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Good for her! 
08-06-04, 12:23 PM
#20
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Our last residence was on the campus of an Arts Academy that hosts a number of concerts every summer. We lived in a series of homes reserved for employees that were pretty close to the main venue. It never failed that if one of us wasn't home, some dipshit arriving 5 minutes after the show started would park in our driveway...I usually waited until well after it was underway to leave if I needed to, but on one occasion I had to run to the store to get some things for dinner that I was preparing for my wife and some friends on their way over - and thus had to move my truck from blocking the drive....returning 10 minutes later I found not one, but two cars crammed in our driveway...as usual, it was a Lexus and some other hoity-toitymobile operated by lazy rich shitheads who wander the world with an appalling sense of entitlement. so I parked them in and left this:
Sassy always feels good 
You are parked ILLEGALLY in what is quite obviously a residential driveway. Fortunately for you, stretched resources this afternoon have prevented your vehicle from being towed. I would, however, like to commend you on your highly attuned levels of self-absorption – you’ve obviously worked quite hard at ignoring the dictates of common sense and decency as they apply to the rest of us. I don’t suppose you stopped to consider why this spot was open so close to the auditorium when you arrived late. I hope you take some satisfaction in that fact that you – by virtue of your arrogance – have thus prevented my fiancé from being able to park at her own home, as well as friends who had planned to visit us this today. But that’s ok I suppose, because you – the only one that matters – were able to save a few minutes, right?
I will return shortly to move my vehicle so that you may leave…you know, when I damn well feel like it.
I will return shortly to move my vehicle so that you may leave…you know, when I damn well feel like it.
08-06-04, 12:30 PM
#22
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brizz - that's awesome.
08-06-04, 12:33 PM
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Originally posted by brizz
It never failed that if one of us wasn't home, some dipshit arriving 5 minutes after the show started would park in our driveway...so I parked them in and left this:
It never failed that if one of us wasn't home, some dipshit arriving 5 minutes after the show started would park in our driveway...so I parked them in and left this:
08-06-04, 12:34 PM
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Originally posted by Gil Jawetz
In case anyone else has any trouble understanding, here it is in Otter friendly terms!
In case anyone else has any trouble understanding, here it is in Otter friendly terms!
08-06-04, 12:37 PM
#25
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Originally posted by Breakfast with Girls
I would actually enjoy towing the dipshits that do that.
I would actually enjoy towing the dipshits that do that.
Last edited by HistoryProf; 08-06-04 at 12:52 PM.
