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troll 2

Old 12-31-09, 03:29 AM
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troll 2

This is one of the funniest movies I have seen in a long time. Truly. Undeniably, it is not intended to be funny. But my word, what can I say? The film opens with a man wearing a pointy hat being chased by what appears to be Yoda's inbred cousins. The pointy hat man falls and is revived by a girl with disturbing freckles. To be helpful, she offers him a bowl of green gunge. Naturally, pointy hat man drinks the green gunge without a second's thought. He then turns into a tree.

This tragic story has been recounted by Grampa Seth to his irritating grandson, Joshua. It turns out Grampa Seth is a ghost who has extensive knowledge of goblins and their evil green food.

Joshua and his cretinous family set off for a vacation as part of a house exchange with a family who live in the town of Nilbog. Thoughtfully, the family have left a selection of hideous green cakes for them to eat. Unfortunately, Grampa Seth appears and hints to Joshua that having a waz on them might be a good idea.

Close behind them, following in a camper van, is his sister's boyfriend and his boyfriends, I mean friends. One by one the boys encounter many terrible things. Dork #1 sees a terrified girl in the woods, to reassure her he chases her and jumps on top of her. He then meets a woman from Stone Henge, who sounds like she is from Transylvannia, who turns him into a plant. And puts him in a pot. Dork #2 meets a policeman called Sheriff Freak who drops him off in town in the middle of a group of men with moustaches. Dork #3 has a grisly encounter with popcorn.

Meanwhile, the family are given a traditional Nilbog welcome by the town's residents - a great deal of clapping, chanting and more green cake. Troublemaker, Grampa Seth appears again and encourages Joshua to set fire to one of the party guests. Shortly after this the goblins appear and throw sandwiches at the house. The film soon comes to a dramatic conclusion.

In many respects, this film is a disgrace. The acting is unforgettable - I am particularly surprised that the drugstore owner was not at least nominated for a best supporting Oscar. The dialogue is understated and poignant - especially where Holly punches her boyfriend in the gonads and he delivers the immortal line, 'Are you trying to turn me into a homo?'. And the music is the work of a genius of sorts, or at the very least a remedial level music student with a Casio keyboard.

Everything looks slightly low budget right from the get-go. The goblins, not trolls (this is a "name only" sequel), look rubbery and very fake. Their stomachs appear padded with pillows and their weapons consist of poorly fashioned sticks which attempt to look like spears. The creatures have zero facial movements and their faces are genuinely cheesy looking as though they were masks purchased at some five-and-dime costume shop at Halloween. My favorite part of the opening scene comes moments after our fantasy hero is chased by the goblins. He runs into some sort of fairy princess, who is actually a goblin in disguise. Instead of finding an actress with freckles, the filmmakers decide to use makeup instead. The result is positively hysterical as the freckles do not look real in the least.

This scene pretty sums up the quality of the production.

troll 2 has been revently released to DVD, so you can pick it up at Best Buy for about ten bucks. I highly recommend that you find a copy and watch it. For any aspiring film geek, this is one of those hard lessons you're going to have to learn. Specifically, the film will teach you that there are worse things than being tortured in a Vietnamese prison camp, and those things exist in cinematic form. Buying this film is an investment; It will instantly liven up any party you have going on, regardless of how good the party is. Your guests will laugh until they pass out, and if you're watching it on your own you'll feel better about whatever problems you're currently having. All the bills, break-ups, flat tires, cheating spouses, recently dead friends, or whatever other hard things you have going on in your life will be instantly put into perspective. You'll be able to think, "Well, yeah, my wife cheated on me and I wrecked my car and there's an eviction notice on my front door...but at least I wasn't in TROLL 2! Woo-hoo!" Again: Go out of your way to see this, and I don't say that about a lot of good films that I see. Whatever effort you have to put into getting a copy of TROLL 2 will be worth it.
Old 12-31-09, 10:11 PM
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Re: troll 2

I think Bleach87 may be a virus. Didn't the DVDtalk forum just crash due to all his strange posts?
Old 12-31-09, 10:16 PM
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Re: troll 2

Is that what happened? Lots of posts gone
Old 12-31-09, 10:20 PM
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Re: troll 2

His plagiarized reviews are the culprit for whatever has happened. I think the board is collapsing into itself.
Old 12-31-09, 10:23 PM
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Re: troll 2

Don't touch me!!!
Old 12-31-09, 10:29 PM
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Re: troll 2

Damn, every post made between 0430 and 2300 is gone.
Old 01-01-10, 12:10 AM
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Re: troll 2

Originally Posted by toddly6666 View Post
I think Bleach87 may be a virus. Didn't the DVDtalk forum just crash due to all his strange posts?
I think you've hit the nail on the head.
Old 01-01-10, 12:27 AM
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Re: troll 2

Ah, ok. That explains it.
Old 01-01-10, 12:28 AM
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topics missing!!!!

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value=""></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
Old 01-01-10, 12:28 AM
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Re: troll 2

WTF HAPPENED?!? There's so much bitching about Avatar that's missing here. Now those people have to argue again?! Damnit!
Old 01-01-10, 11:17 AM
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Re: troll 2

Damn it Bleach!!!

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