Movie cliches revisited
 

This is probably a beat to death subject, but there is always something to add. Things that annoy:

-- Why are dead spouses always a saint? Every movie I've seen where someone is widowed, the dead wife or husband was this wonderful, perfect example of humanity and beautiful to boot. They were also a perfect parent who knew everything about life. Aren't there ever dead spouses who were homely scumbags and no one misses them? Or just ordinary with flaws?

-- The door opening sound effect is the same no matter what kind of door is being opened. It must cost a lot to use a different sound effect. The same sound is also used in most tv shows.

-- There's always plenty of time for a dying character to deliver their entire death speech before they kick.

-- The destitute, scrappy single "parent of the year" cliche, struggling against all odds. They find a new home or apartment and have it furnished and decorated to perfection in like 4 hours, even if the home is a dump.

-- The boulder, fire ball, tornado, giant wave, torpedo, etc. is always juuuust inches behind a running character, who seems to have time to turn and stop to look at it dumbly or kiss and embrace another character. Seriously most of these objects go MUCH faster than average human legs.

-- Horse movies where they dub in whinnies while the horse rears and dumps someone or the horses are running full gallop, or doing just about anything. I can say from a lifetime of owning horses, they don't whinney when doing most things and can't when running. Mostly they squeal when they are left alone or see another horse and that's it. Also the galloping departure scenes: you don't just jump on a horse and take off, except in movies. In real life that is asking for pulled tendons or other injuries. Riding coaches would physically beat me if I ever did that.

-- A character lies, cheats or otherwise misrepsents themselves to someone they are romantically interested in, by the end of the movie after the other character finds out, hates them, leaves or ends up at the airport. Then the liar chases them down, delivers a hearfelt speech and the other character forgives them and they hook-up again. Sometimes the liar is also stalking her and invading her life at every turn, sometimes costing her a job or a broken relationship with someone else, somehow she always gives in. Why doesn't a character call the cops, get on the plane for good, call the guy a lying scum and walk away forever. Some of these characters are downright scary and evil or just plain unlikable morons. Why do they ALWAYS get the girl?

-- Road trip type movies where characters just drive and drive, across vast deserts, without EVER stopping for gas, water, food or pee breaks?

-- Super buff, fit people are NEVER shown lifting or working out, they just seem to have been born like that. Even if the movie spans a good deal of time.

I could go on for years

1. When the hero goes out of his way to save the villian of the story

2. When a hero ponders on whether he sould save one person or an entire city, country, or planet.

3. Characters who can outrun atomic blasts

4. Undead monsters that can't be killed no matter what

5. A Villian who chooses to dispose of the hero with some ridiculous long trap involving sharks, pullies, or lasers rather then just wasting bullets. These traps always give the hero at least twenty minutes to escape.

6. Last kisses.

7. Bad guys who can't hit the broad side of a barn

8. Parents who don't believe there kids

When a character says, "I retire in 3 days!" -- he'll die within 2.

so brilliantly parodied at the end of 'Not Another Teen Movie' where

While some of the ones you listed are fair game, these 2 seem a little strange to include. Not everything has to take place onscreen. For instance, we don't see most movie characters showering/bathing. How in the world can their odor be tolerable for other people to be around?

Also need to add:

characters who race to the bathroom... only to splash water on their face and stare deeply into the mirror and leave. Is this a common real-life practice?

also someone staring into a mirror (usually after the water splash) sees themselves as a rotting corpse or one behind them, freak out and then it's gone.

Everyone, no matter how dumb, low-class, whatever, always uses chop sticks to eat Chinese food. Can anyone remember a chinese food eating scene where forks are used?

or the fact that 'film' people rarely floss or even correctly brush their teeth anyway - the gumline folks, not the teeth.

Or use toothpaste.

I always find it funny in movies when someone is frantically running away from the bad guy, and the bad guy never runs just casually walks, but yet the bad guy always manages to catch the person.

:up:

Hours of entertainment.

What about movies where cops, feds, what have you work the whole movie to bust the bad guys just to end up killing them in the end.

when two people decide to have sex (mainly in pg-13 movies, or on network tv) as an affair, the kissing is always very aggressive, and the girl is always eagar to take her top off but we never see anything good. hell, this weeks episodes of lost and boston legal had examples of this. and for movies, I'd say "the notebook" and "match point" come to mind.

When there's a fight in a bar or cafeteria, at least one person must be tossed on the bar/table, then dragged down the length of it knocking over bottles, trays, plates, and dishes to the ground before being tossed off the other end.

There are *ALWAYS* people getting dragged down the bar at bars....you must arrive late and barely miss it. -wink-

I always refer to this as the "Pepe le Pew chase"...for obvious reasons.

Yes, yes, yes! I've mentioned that to people countless times; it drives me insane.

And have you ever seen someone put their Chinese take-out on a plate? They <i>always</i> sit there and eat it out of that cardboard carton.

(Which is probably why they use the chopsticks - that way there are no dishes or utensils to wash at the end of the meal!)

The Onion had an article about this some time ago. The headline was something like 'Romantic-comedy behaviour lands area man in jail'.

I'd post a link, but The Onion's web site is blocked here at work.

This brings me to a point. How disgusting is it for two people to kiss when it's obvious they would not have had time to brush their teeth in days?

I've been bitching about this for years! Why does the bad guy almost always have to die? I think the answer had something to do with friggin Test Audiences.

1. A cop is called into his superior's office and is ordered to turn in his badge and take a leave of absence. Of course they always disobey the order and continue to work on the case. Just once I'd like to see a movie where the cop spends the rest of the movie relaxing on a beach somewhere.

2. The hero and the leading lady are fleeing from some impending danger and the woman always manages sprain her ankle and the hero carries her to safety.

Someone mentioned an Onion article, but you don't even need that. Just ready Dear Abby/Ann Landers. I know people in real life that are with horrible people, and they just don't learn. (I think I used this defense for Anakin and Padme in the prequels, some girls are just attracted to psycho's)

Again with a SW example, there's that whole "getting from one planetary system to another at sub-light speeds" bit in TESB :)

Seems like Horror movies are most often criticized as being "One cliche after another". Reading reviews on some of the Horror films of the late 70's & early 80's, I feel some of it is really unfair & just plain stupid. Some guy at Amazon wrote this regarding the 1978 film Halloween: "I saw this B-Movie in the theatre with a fellow film school friend and we sat there easily predicting to each other what was going to happen next. If you've seen any slasher films before - you've seen this one." Then goes on to mention the sequels as if John Carpenter directed them. And he's in Film school? I especially love when people complain that the original 1980 Friday the 13th film "Just another Jason flick filled with cliches" or how Kevin Bacon should have followed the "Horror movie Rules" from 1996's Scream. :)

I just had this conversation with my girlfriend two days ago. I have never, in my life, done this. She said she has done it once, but she's weird and doesn't count.

Maybe this has been mentioned before, but how about when cops/security guards/prison guards are taking the criminal away in handcuffs but they pause for however long it takes for him to speechify/threaten the protagonist?