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First review of Uwe Boll's BLOODRAYNE

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First review of Uwe Boll's BLOODRAYNE

Old 08-18-05, 05:00 PM
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First review of Uwe Boll's BLOODRAYNE

From BloodyDisgusting.com
Sounds like his best piece of crap so far.

Uwe Boll is becoming a man of legend, and has quickly become a household name among horror fans. Like I've said many times before, his vision is one that only one man in history can compete with- Ed Wood. He has a heart of gold and is quite the producer, but when it comes to directing a million dollar picture, one must wonder, can anyone truly be that bad? Sometimes I wonder what I could do with $25 million bucks- let alone $60 (Dungeon Siege), and I'm not saying I could do any better- what I'm saying is, when is enough, enough?

In eighteenth century Romania, Rayne (Kristanna Loken), a dhampir (half-human, half-vampire), prone to fits of blind blood rage but saddled with a compunction for humans, strives to avenge her mother's rape by her father, Kagan (Ben Kingsley), King of Vampires. Two vampire hunters, Sebastian (Matthew Davis) and Vladimir (Michael Madsen), from the Brimstone Society persuade her to join their cause.

Starting on a positive note, BloodRayne is by far a superior film to both Alone in the Dark and House of the Dead. Although still terrible in just about every way, there are some salvageable highlights. First off there are some sequences with Kristanna Loken where she has what they call 'Blood Rage'. Basically when you're an inexperienced vampire you lash out in an uncontrolled fashion seeking blood. There are a few scenes in which Loken has these fits and they are shot beautifully- they're racy, violent and turbo-charged. These scenes are the equivalent to the awesome 'firing squad in the dark' scene in AITD. Another highlight to the film is the amount of blood that gets drained. Every single time there's a vampire bite we see chunks of flesh fly off and blood spilling everywhere. There are tons of throats slit and stomachs slashed open, which seem to all be inspired by Tarantino's Kill Bill. The only downfall to this is that at times Uwe shows too much, and/or the CGI blood looks too campy and fake.

The final thing that Uwe did well was capture the essence of the world the movie takes place in. There are some extraordinary shots from the sky of the hills and landscape, which were obviously inspired by Lord of the Rings (Uwe likes to use other directors visions in his movies). But alas, all good must eventually come to an end- let's begin with the horrid wardrobe and set design. One sequence Loken battles an ogre/vampire of some sort in a small dungeon. The bricks look ridiculously fake, especially when they are broken apart by the club of the ogre/vampire. Oh my god, and the ridiculous outfits and wigs worn by the stars! Ben Kingsly and Meat Loaf must have felt like complete jack-asses whenever the camera was on them. Then there was mullet boy and tattoo man (that's the guy with the stupid ass 'I'm too cool for words' haircut). And the weapondry- every time we catch a close up of the swords I couldn't believe how fake they looked, and this is a $25 million pic! I'm not going to even get into the outfits (even though Loken looked HOT in her little leather piece).

Speaking of sexy leather outfits, Uwe always manages to squeeze a sex scene into his opus of events. This sex scene was just as random as Tara Reid climbing into bed with a sleeping Christian Slater and waking him up with a little ‘shwing’ action in AITD. In BloodRayne Rayne is sleeping and having nightmares about lashing out at victims (the blood rage sequences) and then she wakes up. The second she wakes up she runs over to mullet boy and tears his clothes off- I think her breasts were exposed quicker than any porn I've ever seen. I felt bad laughing but it was so incredibly random. The main problem when you disect it all? There's a lack of build up and no sexual tension early on; Uwe doesn't know how to build a character for sh-t. He just lumps big stars into a movie and tells them to read their lines (or so it appears) without any motivation whatsoever.

I wonder if Christopher Walken was approached for a role in this movie- Michael Madsen's role to be exact. I also wonder if after Walken turned down the part if Uwe told Michael to make sure he acts like Christopher Walken would? The entire movie Madsen speaks just like you'd expect Walken to, I often questioned if it was just Michael trying to remember his lines. Udo Kier was wonderful as always and so was Ben Kingsley. I've always been a big fan of Michelle Rodriguez and think she also did a tremendous job for being in an Uwe Boll flick. But I still want to know, what was the point of Billy Zane's character? I guess it was in his best interests to not be in much of the film anyways. What annoyed the hell out of me the most was how often the accents came and went, especially the gypsy woman (she was incredibly out of place). Why would you attempt to make a period piece if you can't even get your actors to keep their accents? Sheesh.

The action sequences ranged from terrible to excellent. Some of the swordfights came off quite well, especially in the midst of a larger battle- but when Uwe stuck two stars face to face they often ran long and boring- not to mention all the tiresome dialogue mixed in ("I’m the best, no I'm the best!").

In the end the movie felt way too long (even at 96 minutes) and had me bored to tears (just watch the trailer and times it by 10). In addition, the screenplay was loaded with useless dialogue and characters (Bill Zane). BloodRayne was your typical Boll style filled with tired action sequences and lack of motivation (or preparation?). If you want to shell out $10 to see a $25 million dollar student film, this is the time to do it. As much as I think Uwe's films are terrible, I can't wait to see what he does with $60 million dollars!!
Old 08-18-05, 05:24 PM
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What the hell is Ben Kingsley doing in this?
Old 08-18-05, 07:40 PM
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I am not going to lie I have read some Boll interviews and such and am kind of captivated by this Boll phenomenon. He is really something else. I haven't braved any of his films yet but I might just attempt Alone in the Dark for some laughs since I got through the Ed Wood set recently. This ability for him to take advantage of the loophole in his country to get financing and make video game films is great. I remember some interview where Boll after bringing up famous directors seemed excited over having the ability for his movie to have some Lokken tits action. Congratulations Uwe, continue your trail of shit as long as the eyes can see.
Old 08-18-05, 08:41 PM
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I think I may check this out for some Lokken tits action.
Old 08-18-05, 09:41 PM
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Originally Posted by DVD King
What the hell is Ben Kingsley doing in this?

Enjoying the new boat he just bought with his paycheck.
Old 08-18-05, 10:34 PM
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With the quality of his recent films, he must buy a lot of boats!
Old 08-18-05, 11:08 PM
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Originally Posted by Seantn
With the quality of his recent films, he must buy a lot of boats!
No, those were for houses and cars.
Old 08-19-05, 12:12 AM
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It's be funny if Dungeon Siege turned out to be a really great movie.



But totally not going to happen.
Old 08-19-05, 04:21 PM
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Originally Posted by PopcornTreeCt
I think I may check this out for some Lokken tits action.
Seriously, isn't there a way to get much better quality porn for $8.50?
Old 08-19-05, 08:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Numanoid
Seriously, isn't there a way to get much better quality porn for $8.50?
Probably, but not with the Terminator chick in it.
Old 10-24-05, 05:21 AM
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I saw this tonight (according to Boll, it was the first time that even he'd seen the finished product, with all of the effects and music in place). It was probably Uwe Boll's best film to date...and it was absolutely horrible. I must say, though, the Q&A after the film (with Uwe Boll and Will Sanderson) was the most entertaining I've ever seen. Some quotes:

Boll: "I didn't like this script at all. In fact, when we were filming...I just took chunks of it out. Instead of the bad dialogue, you just get straight down to somebody getting smashed in the head or something."

Boll: "It was an honor working with Siu-Tung Ching on "In the Name of the King." He's done such great work in movies like House of Flying Daggers and Hero, that it's just something else to watch him work. I mean, like, Michael Madsen is just drunk all of the time. [long pause] Don't get me wrong, I like him, but when he stumbles onto the set everyday drunk...it's just an honor to work with somebody like Siu-Tung Ching."

Sanderson: "Uwe is just somebody that it's so much fun to...that you just love to hate."

Q&A Moderator: "You're...with all of the people talking about you on the internet, I mean...it seems like a lot of people don't really like, or appreciate... Um, it just seems like your work is very...it's very love or hate."

Boll: "I don't really like the movies I make. I mean, they're...well I don't have a production company. So, we get our financing from elsewhere. So, when the movie does well, we get 40% of what it makes. And like, Alone in the Dark was a bomb in the theaters. But worldwide, it makes money, and it sold a lot on DVD too. So when it turns a profit, it's just...well you have to keep doing what pays well, especially when you're not independently financed."

I could go on and on. The Q&A was comparable to...what analogy can I make here? Okay, when you're parked at a red light, and you look over and see some guy picking his nose. The poor guy is making a complete fool of himself, and you're sitting there watching it...and he doesn't have the slightest clue. It was really quite fascinating.

Anyway, horrible movie...but if you get a chance to see a free advanced screening (or if it's part of a film festival you've gotten a badge to) and there's a Uwe Boll Q&A afterwards, GO. Show up after the film if you must, but my god, it was the most entertaining thing I've seen in a movie theater in my entire life.

-JP
Old 10-24-05, 08:06 AM
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oooh I can't wait for the 360 scenes
Why do they let this guy keep making movies?
Old 10-24-05, 08:15 AM
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Dude, bullet-time is SO awesome! Come on, I kept rewinding those scenes over-and-over in House of The Dead.
Old 10-24-05, 09:43 AM
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Sounds good.
Old 10-24-05, 05:12 PM
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Haha, reading over Harry Knowles' review at AICN, I found a few more Uwe Boll Q&A quotes that I left out of my earlier post...

Uwe, in response to the moderator's question regarding people making fun of him: "Stop. Please, stop." It was the most pitiful plea for mercy I've ever seen.

Uwe, dead serious, in response to Will Sanderson's claim that he's fun to make fun of: "Yes, it's fun to make fun of the German, because I Nazi and make movie with that Nazi money." The audience couldn't contain their laughter after that one.

"A lot of times, people who make movies, one of the first things they do is get a cast. I don't think that's wise. Me, I don't care who my cast is...I wait until the very last minute. It's worked for me, because by doing that, I get big name stars who have holes in their schedules. Every movie, I wait later and later, and the cast keeps getting more and more recognizable. On this one, we cast it two weeks before we started filming."

Sanderson: "In that scene with Meat Loaf...those are whores. [audience laughs] No...I mean actual Romanian mafia-owned whores."

Uwe, about the Romanian whores: "They were better than actors. We looked for local Romanian actresses, but there they are all from the theater and act very broadly. For 150 euros apiece the whores would be naked and do as they were told. It was better."

So fucking entertaining.

-JP
Old 10-24-05, 05:23 PM
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I say bring it on. I never got to see 'Alone in the Dark', but if it is anything like 'House of the Dead', I will love it.
Old 10-24-05, 06:57 PM
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Originally Posted by LivingINClip
I say bring it on. I never got to see 'Alone in the Dark', but if it is anything like 'House of the Dead', I will love it.
Same here!
Old 10-24-05, 07:07 PM
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I might have to crack and see this stupid movie, just to see what such a crazy man can produce. When does it open?
Old 10-24-05, 09:01 PM
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This is great, a director directing films with contempt for fans and they still make money.
He's probably somewhere on a large yacht in the Mediterranian Sea having a three-some with 2 beautiful models.
Old 10-25-05, 12:28 AM
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Yup...

Originally Posted by bhk
This is great, a director directing films with contempt for fans and they still make money.
He's probably somewhere on a large yacht in the Mediterranian Sea having a three-some with 2 beautiful models.
and they're only 150 Euros each! Honestly, I would LOVE to see one of those interview books called Boll on Boll. Someone MUST do it!!
Old 10-25-05, 05:31 AM
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The living legend Uwe Boll has another video game project in the works - Postal:

By John Gaudiosi
Tue Oct 25, 1:26 AM ET

LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) - The controversial video game "Postal," which has sold more than 1 million units despite being banned in 13 countries and publicly condemned by U.S. Sen. Joe Lieberman, is heading to the big screen.

Producer-director Uwe Boll has optioned the game from developer Running With Scissors with plans to film the $10 million-$15 million feature in late 2006 for a 2007 theatrical release that would mark the 10th anniversary of the game's release.

Boll, a fan of the "Postal" game franchise, sees the film as "Pulp Fiction" meets "Falling Down," the Michael Douglas film about a crazed working stiff.

"The film will have all the political incorrectness and American craziness from the game, wrapped around an action-thriller story line," Boll said.

Vince Desi, CEO of independent game developer Running With Scissors, said the film will introduce the mainstream audience to its lead character, the Postal Dude, and the story will include elements from both titles in the franchise.

Desi describes Postal Dude as "an average white-trash guy living in a trailer who smokes pot, drinks beer and hates his wife." The character in the first-person shooter "is more concerned with getting through the day than saving the world," Desi said.

Gary Coleman appeared as himself in the game "Postal 2" and is set to make an appearance in the film version.

"Oh my god, if the game was any indication, Running With Scissors' 'Postal' movie will leave an indelible scar on Hollywood," Coleman said. "I can't wait."

Although the film is expected to earn an R rating, Desi said a lot has changed in the decade since "Postal" was introduced.

"I don't see a backlash from this film because for whatever reason, the mainstream media only single out the games industry when it comes to violence," Desi said. "Filmmakers can pretty much do what they please."

Running With Scissors is developing "Postal 3" for Microsoft's Xbox 360 and PC with an expected release date of first-quarter 2008. Desi said the film or DVD release likely will tie into the launch of the new game.

Reuters/Hollywood Reporter
Old 10-25-05, 07:51 AM
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Sounds good.
Old 10-25-05, 08:04 AM
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Gary Coleman with a gun = I'm there!
Old 10-25-05, 08:09 AM
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Originally Posted by NatrlBornThrllr
Uwe, about the Romanian whores: "They were better than actors. We looked for local Romanian actresses, but there they are all from the theater and act very broadly. For 150 euros apiece the whores would be naked and do as they were told. It was better."


-JP
Friggin classic
Old 10-25-05, 01:44 PM
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Reminds me of Hitchcock stating "I didn't say actors should be treated like cattle, I said they are cattle."

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