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things I've learnt...
I don't know if this will be a long thread,anyway.
while watching The replacement killers I noticed in this and in other action films no matter what lever or button the hero presses it starts a machine (chow yun fat pulled a lever and started the car wash, instead of it being say, a circuit breaker). I also noticed that if a control panel gets shot at, it actully starts the machine it controls, like in face/off the panel gets shot and starts the jet engine, christ you spill coffee on a keyboard and it goes of before your eyes. Anyone else learnt anything from action films. |
In hand-to-hand combat, the hero ALWAYS knows where the next enemy is coming from - always swings fist backwards to hit some guy running up from behind while swinging other fist to the side, kicking one leg to the other side, doing a backwards head butt, then spinning around to take all enemies out, then repeat process.
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learnt?
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sorry, my bad.
I just thought of another one, have you noticed that in the early seagal films he would just be finishing of 6 guys and the seventh guy turns up thinking seagal must be tired after finishing the other 6 guys that he can surely make a difference. |
that in all the batman movies, he starts beating everyone, then someone comes up with swords or something like that, the guy stops posing, and then gets beat up as well.
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Enemies attack one at a time just to be nice and fair.
I have learned that a handgun can hold 100+ bullets if held by the right person. |
Everyone is perfectly healthy. No one will sneeze, cough or sniff.
All chinese people know karate. The car won't start when you need to leave quickly. |
The police will not help find someone until they are missing for 24 hours.
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the bad guys have piss poor aim in all action movies but the good guys have perfect aim with their guns
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They need to consult with computer experts in movies... Any movie with some expert hacker - he always has some easy "hacking for dummies" Operating System. Take Mission Impossible for example. To jam the uplink signal of the villian who was trying to upload the noc list, the genius hacker types in "Start Jamming Signal" and presses the "go" key.
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All black men are Denzel Washington.
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...or Sam Jackson/ Will Smith
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The old mentor (insert Sean Connery/ Donald Sutherland) gets killed by the top villian whereafter the young pupil now becomes the new sole protagonist (insert Heath Ledger/ Mark Wahlberg/ Paul Walker) and now he has enough pain and anger in his body to finish the villian off. After he saves the world, gets the girl, and never sustains physical damage to his flawless face despite being shot at, cut, beaten and traveling through fire, he drinks beers with the girl in his arm laughing with his sidekicks (2 nobodies, one nerd, one black guy, one tough chick, and a muscleman who usually drives the car) as they stand at the mentors grave paying their last respects as the movie then fades to black. If a sequel is planned their will be some sort of explosion at the gravesite, or a shot of the viallian breaking out of jail, or the villian who we thought was raising from the pile of rummage he blew up in.
Someone should make a action movie spoof called "Not Another Action Flick: Maximum Velocity" |
Police detectives never wait for backup.
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The movie star almost never dies even though he gets shot like 3 times.
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20 Things Guys Learned From Action Movies 1. No matter what my problem is, it's the fault of someone other than myself, and the appropriate response is to find that person and kill him with my bare hands. 2. To be truly attractive, a woman must wear high heels and an outfit so tight you can tell whether she's cold or not from across the room. 3. There are two kinds of women in the world: The type that want to go to bed with you, and the type that want to kill you. Both types are physically attractive and under 25 years old. 4. If I rudely argue with my boss in front of my co-workers, not only won't he fire me, but he will gain a profound respect for me. 5. If I can find an important enough mission, it will supercede my obligations to perform household chores, bathe, and call the next day. 6. If I go without bathing, swear a lot, and treat women badly, they will adore me. 7. If a woman tries to clean a bullet wound and I curse in pain, she will fall in love with me. 8. Anyone who isn't a cop, mercenary soldier, and/or private investigator is a homosexual. Or at least a sissy. 9. If I have a prolonged fist-fight with another guy and neither of us dies, we will become best friends. 10. My arch-enemy will bear an uncanny resemblance in age and bearing to my father, and he will make it clear that he has gained a deep respect for me before I kill him with my bare hands. 11. When I shoot people, they will die quickly and cleanly, and I will never be arrested or troubled by their widowed wife and children. When people shoot me, however, I will at most receive a 'flesh wound,' which will be tended to by a beautiful woman. 12. If I'm white I will befriend at least one black guy, or one white guy if I'm black. If I am Latino the monster/villain will kill me halfway through the film, urging the hero to even greater levels of violence. 13. If an aged scientist is involved in any way, he will have a beautiful daughter who will gaze at me adoringly. 14. If royalty is involved, it will include a beautiful princess who will gaze at me adoringly. 15. If I have a kid partner, he will be tightly-muscled, clean-cut, and gaze at me adoringly. 16. If I am asked to compete against a world champion at any sport or game of any type, I will win. This will infuriate my opponent, who will then try to kill me. 17. If I am given a surprise attack, I will be attacked by only one or maybe two people at a time, and I will find that I am well-skilled in Karate and Ju-jitsu, and if all else fails, I will always have one last firearm hidden somewhere on my body. 18. If my opponent has a side-kick or henchman, he will never have a sensible name like 'Rick,' or 'Steve.' 19. Beautiful women will frequently furrow their brows with concern and ask, "When's the last time you got any sleep?" They will never ask when I last bathed or used the toilet, although I apparently never do those things either. 20. While chasing or fleeing from an enemy, I can drive anything with a motor recklessly at 100-130 miles per hour without a seatbelt, with ammunition filling the passenger seat, and nothing will fall out of place. Also, no police will ever catch me; they'll just look in amazement in my direction. |
When you need to quickly open an electronically-sealed door, just find a breaker box and rip out all the cords, or hell just shoot a bullet into it, and that pesky door will open right up.
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That the method of the bad guy's death will be in direct proportion to how "evil" he was during the film.
(see S. Seagall for details) |
When a duel occurs between the good guy and the bad guy, usually one of them will be hanging on a platform fighting for his/her dear life.
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I've learned that the Tejano station I have my alarm clock set to plays the same TRANCE song every morning at 6:00am on the dot.
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ESP for relevant newscasts:
Gah! This always happens... very irritating! Hero is sitting in a hospital/hotel room/bar talking to love interest/rookie partner - someone comes running in and interupts them with... "Jack... you gotta see this!" *turns on tv* ... fortunately no one was injured in the attack. And in other news today JACK SLATE was accused of murdering a polic officer this morning in San Diego... *click - turns it off* ... not even waiting for the news article to finish... wouldn't you want to hear the whole thing at least? I mean, how did they know to turn the TV on? If they had been watching the news article, surely it would already be at least halfway done by the time they got there??? |
1 shot from a handgun 100 yards away drops 3 Indians
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Originally posted by ^sam^ ESP for relevant newscasts: Gah! This always happens... very irritating! Hero is sitting in a hospital/hotel room/bar talking to love interest/rookie partner - someone comes running in and interupts them with... "Jack... you gotta see this!" *turns on tv* ... fortunately no one was injured in the attack. And in other news today JACK SLATE was accused of murdering a polic officer this morning in San Diego... *click - turns it off* ... not even waiting for the news article to finish... wouldn't you want to hear the whole thing at least? I mean, how did they know to turn the TV on? If they had been watching the news article, surely it would already be at least halfway done by the time they got there??? |
The hero will not only infiltrate the villain's organization, he will quickly rise to the top and become one of the villain's top men. Then, right before the hero is ready to finally reveal himself, the villain will be tipped off by a supposed friend of the hero.
:lol: I just realized that XXX and Gangs of New York have the same plot. |
Shotguns fire single bullets, and they make big holes upon impact.
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Originally posted by ProjectMayhem Everyone is perfectly healthy. No one will sneeze, cough or sniff. |
Originally posted by ProjectMayhem Everyone is perfectly healthy. No one will sneeze, cough or sniff. |
Originally posted by Groucho The hero will not only infiltrate the villain's organization, he will quickly rise to the top and become one of the villain's top men. Then, right before the hero is ready to finally reveal himself, the villain will be tipped off by a supposed friend of the hero. :lol: I just realized that XXX and Gangs of New York have the same plot. |
When being chased by the monster/bad guy, the person will fall down at least once while running away.
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my favorite part of action flick fight scenes is how when the main good/bad guys fight... if the good guy punches the bad guy and knocks him down and dazes him, he usually picks him back up so he can punch him again as opposed to kicking him while hes down or employing some type of graple (which in the real world could be used to get a submission or to break bones/incapacitate the enemy).
Other things that are always good cheese... in a car chase scene if a good guy hits an irregularly shaped obstacle... it instantly becomes the perfect ramp for launching out of or over trouble... if a bad guy hits a similarly irregular object its the cue for the bad guys car to either flip over or explode or both. Speaking of which, ALL vehicles that fall any distance and crash explode in GIGANTIC fireballs. also, hand grenades make big fireballs when they go off and can be thrown by a normal sized man 50 meters from a prone position. bullets almost always either richochet or make whatever they hit explode. guns have little to no recoil, even heavier weapons like M60s etc are no problem for the hero to "1 arm" and not only can they control the recoil but they can hit what they are shooting at. a match or lighter can illuminate an otherwise pitch black room. (ever try this?! lol!) car bodies stop bullets, even fiberglass ones. full automatic weapons can fire at the cyclic rate for a minute (or more) before the shooter has to reload. the main good guy can be beat half to death, but then somehow he miraculously makes his comeback and is even stronger/faster than before he was injured because now hes "pissed". the actor human body can withstand more damage than any real human. Fun example... when Jodie Foster in Panic Room clubs the bejesus out of that bad guy dead center in the chest with a BIG sledge hammer and he falls off a balcony onto a hardwood floor he sucks it up and is "back" in no time. cars always squeel there tires atleast a little bit when stopping at their destination or departing for a new one. red light/sign stops are nice and smooth. Personally, I like how the general lee squeeled tires on lose dirt roads. the main evil villian never kills the hero at the 1st opportunity.. they always try to prolong the thing somehow and, of course, its their undoing. a driver of a car can actually shoot a gun with their left hand out the window, while driving at freeway speed and taking all kinds of evasive action, and they can actually still hit something while doing so. old west shootouts happening at 50 or more meters... j |
Originally posted by Matt Millheiser learnt? |
I always wanted to do a count on how many times Magnum PI was knocked unconcious by being hit in the back of the head with a pistol butt without ever getting brain damage or concussions. It has to be in the dozens for the run of the series.
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Forget brain damage...how was Magnum able to "perform" with all those chicks with those tight short squeezing his boys all day long?
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Did he ever actually score with chicks? I barely remember him ever unless it was a chick who later hit him in the back of the head with a pistol butt.
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Originally posted by Joel 6. If I go without bathing, swear a lot, and treat women badly, they will adore me. |
Sadly...-ohbfrank-
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