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Get your barf bags ready: J.Lo and Affleck to remake "Casablanca"

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Get your barf bags ready: J.Lo and Affleck to remake "Casablanca"

Old 04-11-03, 02:33 PM
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Wow.. talk about some major over-reacting.

Just don't watch the movie if/when it comes out.

I haven't seen so much Hatroade being brewed at once for a while.
Old 04-11-03, 02:46 PM
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Originally posted by pixyboi
Wow.. talk about some major over-reacting.

Just don't watch the movie if/when it comes out.

I haven't seen so much Hatroade being brewed at once for a while.
Not that I think this is really likely to happen, *or* that the original movie is sacred, but...

As entertainment ideas worthy of ridicule go, this one is very worthy...
Old 04-11-03, 02:47 PM
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If that news is not a joke (please, someone tell me it is a joke), that would be the worst.remake.ever.
Old 04-11-03, 02:47 PM
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My money's on either Don Cheadle or Orlando Jones to play Sam.
Old 04-11-03, 03:08 PM
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Originally posted by pixyboi
Wow.. talk about some major over-reacting.

Just don't watch the movie if/when it comes out.

I haven't seen so much Hatroade being brewed at once for a while.
Are you implying that you WOULD see it?
Old 04-11-03, 07:20 PM
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oh joy.......
Old 04-11-03, 08:38 PM
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Remakes...why can people not be original?
Old 04-11-03, 11:14 PM
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If ever a movie did not need remaking, this is one. Please God, make them stop, please!
Old 04-12-03, 12:02 AM
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"Of all the gin joints in all the world, she had to drag her big caboose into mine..."

Kinda catchy...
Old 04-12-03, 10:33 PM
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CasaBlanca sounds like white house to me.

Hey...Why not set inside the white house instead of some crummy old bar with some annoying guy playing a piano (although chris rock could show up and make some funny funny joke about a black guy in the white house and play a few notes on the presidential piano)

Why not have J-Lo as the chief white house maid, Affleck as the president's advisor and alan rickman as cunning president victor laslo.
Perhaps there could be a meteor of some kind, yeah meteor, I like that. And J-lo stumbles upon the fact that the president has been hiding from the public the exsistence of this meteor. And she helps hotshot advisor affleck steal some secret documents away from the president before he uses nuclear weapons to destroy the meteor and possibly the world!
There could be a nice sex scene within the oval office (which is now suddenly darkened and only light with 700 mood inducing romantic candles)

As for the ending, I see an airport. 2 people walking in the darkness talking and then we reveal affleck and J-lo going on a plane together after saving the world talking about some kid or looking at a kid or some nonsense before embracing in a kiss.

The last shot would be of a plane taking off which could symbolize a new start for the lucky couple and the ending of the film. Brilliant!
Old 04-13-03, 09:52 AM
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I will definitely not be seeing this one.

If this rumor is true...the Hollywood has hit a new low.
Old 04-13-03, 10:15 AM
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Originally posted by ncmojo
Hey, let's be honest -- all Ben and J-Lo could do in remaking Casablanca is improve it. We all know what a terrible movie the original was... let's just review the facts, shall we?

1) The original is in black and white.

Well, right there, I'll bet you money that the Ben & J-Lo version will be filmed IN COLOR... so already you can see that it would have to be an improvement.

2) The original had a lousy soundtrack.

Hey, we all love the Nazi's kickin' version of Die Wacht Am Rhein, but did you know that there is not even the smallest snippet of hip hop ANYWHERE in the original version? I mean, come on... just think of Justin Timberlake's smoking "Round Up The Usual Suspects"... or maybe Jay-Zee rapping his way through "The Germans Wore Brown".

And of course, we'd probably get two, and maybe even three, number one bombs from Jenny From the Block herself.

3) The original actors were not very attractive.

OK, I'll give you Ingrid Begrman. (Although does anybody remember if there's a scene in the original where she's naked? How hot can a Hollywood actress be if they don't show her naked?)

But Bogart was pretty horrible looking, and Paul Henreid and Claude Rains wouldn't make it past the first round of "Are You Hot?" Meanwhile, even as a straight guy, I have to admit that Ben Affleck is positively dreamy. And I'll bet they pull his buddy Matt Damon into the picture. Hey! That's two hunks for the price of one!

4) The original is full of cliches.

How creative do you have to be to come up with a line like, "Play it again, Sam"? I mean, I've only heard that line a million times. And don't even get me started on that whole "Here's looking at you, kid." Couldn't the writers of this junk have taken the time to come up with something new and original? Please.

5) The original is boring.

Check it out -- there is not a single explosion or car chase or shootout in the whole movie. Seriously! I'm not making this up! Everyone just sits around talking and drinking and, like, developing their characters and stuff. Who would want to sit through almost two hours of having to think, for goodness sake?

With J-Lo and Ben, we're almost guaranteed some hot sex scenes, and some kind of slow-motion jung-fu action, and maybe some kind of CGI Nazi Godzilla monster.

Dear God, I just hope that Michael Bey is free to direct...



Great post!



Did anyone see SNL last night? Tina Fey announced this planned remake and said that "this is for everyone who wanted to know what this movie would be like if it sucked."
Old 04-13-03, 10:48 AM
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Originally posted by Kumar J
How about Tom Green as Superman
Don't laugh! He might be the only guy to accept the Superman role at this point ....
Old 04-20-03, 07:54 PM
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Originally posted by Numanoid
I'm not sure who yet, but I know several people must be rolling over in their graves.

This has inspired me, though. New ideas I'm having:



The Wizard of Oz - starring Christina Aguilera and the dog from Frasier.

I am kinda digging this idea! lol
Old 04-21-03, 01:53 AM
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It seems that Kevin Smith is being selected to write and direct this reimagining of this classic.

Jay plays Guillermo Ugarte and Silent Bob plays himself.
Old 04-21-03, 04:24 AM
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This is almost as bad as when I heard they were looking at a "Diva" remake staring Whitney Houston, and Will Smith.



-k
###
Old 04-21-03, 10:54 AM
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Maybe they can include that 'run for the border' song from the last South Park.
Old 04-21-03, 10:57 AM
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Taco taco, burrito.

Taco flavored kiiiisses.

Old 04-21-03, 07:12 PM
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Originally posted by Simpson Purist
My money's on either Don Cheadle or Orlando Jones to play Sam.
wayne brady
Old 04-21-03, 09:39 PM
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Originally posted by jaeufraser
I think this is a great idea. Think about it...greatest script ever for this lovely acting duo. And then, when this movie makes 40 gagillion dollars at the box office and wins all the academy awards, Affleck and Lopez can make the movie you know needs to be made, Phantoms 2!!!
Or better yet, kill two birds with one stone: Phantaconda!!!
Old 07-16-08, 08:39 AM
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so, I guess this was a joke.
Old 07-16-08, 08:40 AM
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Originally Posted by Groucho
No way this article is real. Never believe any "news" article from a .UK URL.
See? Always listen to Groucho!
Old 07-16-08, 08:57 AM
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Were you looking forward to this remake?
Old 07-16-08, 11:11 AM
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Hopefully, no one gives Madonna the okay to make her version.
Old 07-16-08, 12:36 PM
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Thank the lord this was a joke. Otherwise i'd have to

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