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Get your barf bags ready: J.Lo and Affleck to remake "Casablanca"

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Get your barf bags ready: J.Lo and Affleck to remake "Casablanca"

Old 04-10-03, 03:21 PM
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Hope this is a joke.

I know remakes are popular these days, but there are some movies that just should not be touched- Casablanca is one of them.
Old 04-10-03, 03:31 PM
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This has to be a joke. For one, Jersey Girl hasn't even been released and they say it's a hit, which I hope it isn't though I love Kevin Smith.

If it is true...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Please God, do not let this happen. Get a rally together and protest this abomination in the making. Do not ruin the sanctity of the original.

While we're at it:

Gone With The Wind: Shannen Elizabeth as Scarlett and Keanu Reeves as Rhett. James Cameron could direct and make one heckuva burning of Atlanta sequqence. He could even make it 90% to scale of the original city!
Old 04-10-03, 03:34 PM
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Originally posted by Dr. DVD
Gone With The Wind: Shannen Elizabeth as Scarlett and Keanu Reeves as Rhett. James Cameron could direct and make one heckuva burning of Atlanta sequqence. He could even make it 90% to scale of the original city!
Better yet. Have Michael Bay direct it, and Jerry Brickheimer produce it. That way the storyline will be complete s**t, there will be a lot of explosions, and a shot of a tattered American flag blowing in the wind.
Old 04-10-03, 04:10 PM
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I've got you all beat! Imagine this; A remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre! Starring a bunch of teenie boopers, and directed by Michael Bay! Boy that would suck!




oh wait...


God save us all.
Old 04-10-03, 04:21 PM
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Originally posted by caiman
I've got you all beat! Imagine this; A remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre! Starring a bunch of teenie boopers, and directed by Michael Bay! Boy that would suck!




oh wait...


God save us all.
For the record, he's just producing.
Old 04-10-03, 04:29 PM
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I hope Michael Bay directs - he's swell...
Old 04-10-03, 04:42 PM
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Well, I gagged when I read the title, but I upchucked when I thought about the fact of these two new "hollywood clowns"...

A: Remaking Casablanca
B: Doing every frickin' movie TOGETHER now (Gigli, Jersey Girl, now this???)

Jesus. Maybe next, they can redo Good Will Hunting, with Affleck as Will and Jennifer can take Minnie's place!
Old 04-10-03, 04:56 PM
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This movie will be an abomination of human endeavor.
Old 04-10-03, 05:05 PM
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Originally posted by Dr. DVD
For the record, he's just producing.
Really? So who's directing then?
Old 04-10-03, 05:07 PM
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Please, God no!!!! I'm slowly dying on my attic floor. Well, that how I'd feel if this is true.

Okay, Ben Affleck is no Bogart. Maybe if they could give the role to Christopher Walken, it could atleast be fun! I expect Ben Affleck to just stand in the background and do a whole lotta moping and sighing. Jennifer Lopez as Ilsa?! Jeez!

Please atleast tell me they are staying the heck outta Casablanca and setting this thing in, I don't know, Mexico? With Affleck as some bar owner in those Hawaiian shirts. Victor can be like a spy or something on the run from some baddies for doing something good. Maybe he has plans to the Death Star. J. Lo can just be his sexpot girlfriend who used to go out with Rick when he was doing some dangerous stuff for the US governement (but he's quit now). Okay, so the baddies track them down and it all culminates in a big action peice where Victor's dead, along with the baddies. Rick and Ilsa go off with one another and take the ship schematics to the US government.

JUST LEAVE CASABLANCA OUT OF IT! The day I see Affleck in a white suit and J. Lo made up like Ingrid Bergman......I don't know what! I'd go insane.

Last edited by Rizor; 04-10-03 at 05:11 PM.
Old 04-10-03, 05:15 PM
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Me, I'm waiting for a remake of 8 1/2 starring Freddie Prinze Jr. Or better yet, a porno take on Cocteau's Testament of Orpheus starring Eugene Levy...
Old 04-10-03, 05:19 PM
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is it still april fools???

worse news i've heard ALL day!!!!!!!
Old 04-10-03, 05:42 PM
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Don't worry, I'm sure down the road when Ben and J-Lo are divorced they'll hold the same hatred for this idea that we do.
Old 04-10-03, 06:16 PM
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I'm sure it will never happen. But it's great to watch everyone freak out over a very misguided idea and this week's "Wacky Internet Rumor." Remember the time Roman Polanski called Adrien Brody a "punk"! Oh wait, that was on Monday...
Old 04-10-03, 07:04 PM
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Originally posted by Derrich
And although I like Affleck as an actor, Jennifer Lopez has never been good in anything that didn't have a giant snake as a co-star.
Obviously, I agree that this would be the worst thing ever, but I'm sure it's not true. However, I think Ms. Lopez did a pretty good job in Out of Sight. You should check it out if you haven't seen it yet.
Old 04-10-03, 07:42 PM
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Originally posted by Sierra Disc
I'm sure it will never happen. But it's great to watch everyone freak out over a very misguided idea and this week's "Wacky Internet Rumor." Remember the time Roman Polanski called Adrien Brody a "punk"! Oh wait, that was on Monday...
Yeah bash my thread. Its not my fault the newspaper lies to me.
Old 04-10-03, 08:07 PM
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Originally posted by Numanoid
I'm not sure who yet, but I know several people must be rolling over in their graves.

This has inspired me, though. New ideas I'm having:

Citizen Kane - starring Matthew Lillard and Sarah Michelle Gellar.

The Wizard of Oz - starring Christina Aguilera and the dog from Frasier.

The Godfather - starring Keanu Reeves as Michael, Vin Diesel as Sonny, and Wayne Knight (Newman from Seinfeld) as Don Corleone.
How about Tom Green as Superman
Old 04-10-03, 08:56 PM
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I think this is a great idea. Think about it...greatest script ever for this lovely acting duo. And then, when this movie makes 40 gagillion dollars at the box office and wins all the academy awards, Affleck and Lopez can make the movie you know needs to be made, Phantoms 2!!!
Old 04-11-03, 08:24 AM
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This would suck major @ss.. I bet he would use Matt Damon for the role of Captain Louis Renault.

now being performed by
Old 04-11-03, 11:29 AM
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I think Affleck would be more appropriate for the Peter Lorre part
Old 04-11-03, 12:16 PM
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Originally posted by Sierra Disc
I'm sure it will never happen. But it's great to watch everyone freak out over a very misguided idea and this week's "Wacky Internet Rumor."
Hopefully it is a rumor, but we live in cynical times and we've endured a lot of bad remakes in recent years.

I can understand part of the rationale, because I know people that would never watch a black&white movie.
Old 04-11-03, 12:35 PM
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Hey, let's be honest -- all Ben and J-Lo could do in remaking Casablanca is improve it. We all know what a terrible movie the original was... let's just review the facts, shall we?

1) The original is in black and white.

Well, right there, I'll bet you money that the Ben & J-Lo version will be filmed IN COLOR... so already you can see that it would have to be an improvement.

2) The original had a lousy soundtrack.

Hey, we all love the Nazi's kickin' version of Die Wacht Am Rhein, but did you know that there is not even the smallest snippet of hip hop ANYWHERE in the original version? I mean, come on... just think of Justin Timberlake's smoking "Round Up The Usual Suspects"... or maybe Jay-Zee rapping his way through "The Germans Wore Brown".

And of course, we'd probably get two, and maybe even three, number one bombs from Jenny From the Block herself.

3) The original actors were not very attractive.

OK, I'll give you Ingrid Begrman. (Although does anybody remember if there's a scene in the original where she's naked? How hot can a Hollywood actress be if they don't show her naked?)

But Bogart was pretty horrible looking, and Paul Henreid and Claude Rains wouldn't make it past the first round of "Are You Hot?" Meanwhile, even as a straight guy, I have to admit that Ben Affleck is positively dreamy. And I'll bet they pull his buddy Matt Damon into the picture. Hey! That's two hunks for the price of one!

4) The original is full of cliches.

How creative do you have to be to come up with a line like, "Play it again, Sam"? I mean, I've only heard that line a million times. And don't even get me started on that whole "Here's looking at you, kid." Couldn't the writers of this junk have taken the time to come up with something new and original? Please.

5) The original is boring.

Check it out -- there is not a single explosion or car chase or shootout in the whole movie. Seriously! I'm not making this up! Everyone just sits around talking and drinking and, like, developing their characters and stuff. Who would want to sit through almost two hours of having to think, for goodness sake?

With J-Lo and Ben, we're almost guaranteed some hot sex scenes, and some kind of slow-motion jung-fu action, and maybe some kind of CGI Nazi Godzilla monster.

Dear God, I just hope that Michael Bey is free to direct...
Old 04-11-03, 02:00 PM
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I hear the word "Nazi" will be replaced with "Person of Differing Political Views" and rick will hit Strassa over the head w/ a walkie-talkie instead of shooting him.
Old 04-11-03, 02:10 PM
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It will not be the first time the two have appeared on screen together - they recently starred in the hit romance Jersey Girl.
Isn't this a little presumptuous?
Old 04-11-03, 02:30 PM
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I sure hope they do a love duet version of As Time Goes By... I just can't wait for the video, or the smokin' Remix...


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