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Bin Laden speaks out about...Miramax (!)

Old 02-11-03, 05:32 PM
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Bin Laden speaks out about...Miramax (!)

In an audiotape broadcast Tuesday on the Qatar-based, Arabic-language network Al-Jazeera, a voice purported to be that of Osama bin Laden called on all of Hollywood to fight any MIramax-led attack on The Academy Awards, suggested battle strategies and warned leaders of other studios not to help the enemy.

"We are following very carefully the preparation of the crusaders to invade the Academy Awards and take the wealth of Hollywood and install a regime that has Lower Manhattan on its head to run you, in preparation for the establishment of greater psuedo-independent features, God forbid," it said.

"We want to let you know and confirm to you that this war of the infidels that Miramax is leading with its allies ... we are with you and we will fight in the name of Art," the voice said.

MPAA officials said the tape does seem to be from bin Laden, and that a technical analysis will be done. Officials also said this tape was of a much better quality than the previous one presumed to be from bin Laden, which Al-Jazeera broadcast in November. A Sony analysis of that tape proved it extremely likely the tape was authentic.

The recording urged Focus And Paramount and New Line and their allies to draw Miramax as dollars into urban and farming areas where they would suffer more casualties trying to sell a muscial.

The voice added that whomever helps Miramax in any war on Oscar -- even by words -- "they have to know that they are outside this Aesthetic nation. Scorsese and Caine and Hayak and Gere and Latifah should be careful that this war, this crusade, is attacking the people of Artistic Integrity first."

He urged "good Industry-ites" to join together in overthrowing "leaderships that work as a slave to Harvey."

A senior Valenti administration official who listened to the tape said that, if authentic, "At best it is a terrorist who has very good taste in film and at worst it demonstrates a burgeoning alliance of terror between Miramax and Al Queda."

Al-Jazeera broadcast the tape after initially denying it existed.

Bin Laden closed the recording by saying, "I was almost seduced by the infidels because Renee is just so cute and that Catherine can really shake 'em down. But remember, a vote for anyone other than Miramax is a vote for Osama bin Laden."

(The preceding "transcript" was intended as satire and should not be mistaken for a Miramax promotional tactic.)

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Old 02-11-03, 07:39 PM
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