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Merging collections with the woman/man? What would YOU do?

Merging collections with the woman/man? What would YOU do?

 
Old 05-28-03, 12:24 AM
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Merging collections with the woman/man? What would YOU do?

Seeing a couple posts in another thread inspired this for me because I'm actually going through the same thing right now. i'm engaged and my fiance has the idea that when we're married...all of our dvd's will be in one collection. I have spoken against this but it's the 'well we'll be married so we don't need to buy the same dvd's and we don't need to have seperate collections'. How many people have been through this...how have they delt with it...and it you have a suggestion and haven't been through it...what do you think you WOULD do?
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Old 05-28-03, 12:29 AM
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I live with my girlfriend, and her small collection has just merged with mine. I think she has bought 1 dvd in her life, so every one that's "hers", I actually bought. If we both want the same movie, I end up buying it.
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Old 05-28-03, 01:25 AM
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I actually can not wait to merge collections with my girlfriend. She has just as good taste in movies and anime as me

There are movies in her collection that I haven't bought just because she has them. Hell, she might even have more Criterions than me at this point.
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Old 05-28-03, 01:42 AM
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Merge them, and just keep a record of who brought what into the relationship. If you buy new ones, then whoever buys them puts it into "their" collection.

If you do break up, then you just split the newly bought joint purchase up between you.
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Old 05-28-03, 01:48 AM
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Get rid of the signficant other, keep the dvds.
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Old 05-28-03, 01:56 AM
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I'm actually going through this right now, but with CD's and not DVD's. My girlfriend has pretty good taste in music, but she does have some Puddle of Drowing Pool kinda crap mixed in. I'm afraid that some of that stuff will taint my collection, forcing me to destroy the entire lot lest the contagion spread to the outside world like some digital form of Mad Cow Disease.
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Old 05-28-03, 01:58 AM
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Well, if you're ready to share your life, future, possibly children and grandchildren with her....than DVDs are fine to share...I guess.

Actually, I've been living with my girlfriend for almost a year, and she's as much of a geek as I am, so sharing is not a problem. The only hairy times are occasionally when finances are a little tight and we have to choose between what she wants most and what I want. But DVD authority can be easily exchanged for copious sexual favors.

God, I wish that last sentence wasn't a complete joke.
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Old 05-28-03, 02:20 AM
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When my brother moved in, we sold the duplicates from our collections. As with my girlfriend, I buy her dvds so they are mine even if we split up.
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Old 05-28-03, 03:37 AM
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keep them seperate until you are married because once your married they are offically hers.
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Old 05-28-03, 06:09 AM
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I don't mind keeping them together for show. She only has like 10-20 DVD's.
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Old 05-28-03, 08:23 AM
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Helpful hint from happily married person: sharing with your significant other is a GOOD thing. If you have trouble with that, better start working on it!

Our DVD collection started after we were married, so every single movie in it is just "ours" - not mine or his. I'm more often the one who finds out about a movie and decides to get it, but that doesn't make the DVDs any more "mine." (We have 100% shared finances, both our incomes into one pool, so there's no "his" and "my" money, either).

But before we moved in together, we did have separate book collections, so that was a similar situation to yours with DVDs. What did we do? Merged them into "our" book collection, easy as that. If there were any duplicates (and there were a fair number, we have similar tastes) we kept the copy in better condition and sold/gave away the other one.

I would ask, why do you want to keep them separate? If you just have different ideas on how to store/arrange them, that I can understand, but I would still recommend deciding *together* on how to arrange them in a way you both will like. (COMPROMISE!) But if it's just a case of "what's mine is mine," then I think an attitude arrangement is in order.

Certainly I think that it is just common sense to not buy the same DVDs for each collection... to do otherwise would just be boneheaded. What are you going to say? "Honey, I know YOU want to watch T2 tonight, and I have a copy, but YOU didn't buy it, so YOU don't get to watch it. If you want to watch it, YOU have to buy it. Mwhahaha." Yeah, that marriage is really going to last...

For those who say "keep track of who bought what, in case you split up"... if you have that attitude, IMO you shouldn't be getting married. I'm not against divorce (sometimes people make mistakes and should be allowed to get out of the situation and start over), but IMO going IN to a relationship with an eye on getting OUT is a sure way to start off on a poor footing.

Now, what I imagine (and hope) is that mzupeman2 is just a little nervous about the change in situation, and it just seems weird that his collection is now going to be "assimilated" into something different. Collections are somehow very personal things, so in a way this could just be an expression of how strange it feels to be merging one's life with somebody else. But I say, it's normal to be a little nervous, but don't let it hold you back from acting in a commonsensical way; marriage is about sharing, so take the step and share those DVDs 100%.

Hey, it works for me and my husband... 10 + happy years and counting...
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Old 05-28-03, 08:54 AM
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don't live together .... so our stuff is seperate. 2300+ here .... 900+ there Lots of overlapping....... just goes to show we like the same stuff
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Old 05-28-03, 08:58 AM
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What exactly is your problem with merging the collections?

For me it's not a big deal.
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Old 05-28-03, 09:51 AM
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Originally posted by pdjennings
don't live together .... so our stuff is seperate. 2300+ here .... 900+ there Lots of overlapping....... just goes to show we like the same stuff
dang, that's a DVD couple made in heaven.
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Old 05-28-03, 10:08 AM
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I've been living with my fiance since I started buying dvds so everything we is mixed together into onw large collection. Although when I look over the shelves its easy to tell which one are mine, which onces are hers, and which ones we both wanted when purchased.
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Old 05-28-03, 10:26 AM
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What ordway said...

As someone who has been happily married for a similar length of time, I agree completely. If you are having trouble adding Pretty Woman to your collection or making sure that you have only 1 copy of Spiderman between the two of you... you may want to reconsider the whole marriage thing.
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Old 05-28-03, 11:26 AM
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my b/f and i have been living together for about 5 years now. he had a small collection in the beginning and i had none. now, i'm the big collector and so we both tend to buy a lot. what he buys are his/ours and what i buy is mine/ours. they're in the same collection but if that ever has to be divided we'll do our best to remember what belongs with who. some titles are very obvious but some are shared interest.

insanecollector: do you buy them as a gift or for her to have? if so, shouldn't she keep them if you were to ever breakup?
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Old 05-28-03, 11:33 AM
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My advise: go watch Diner again.
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Old 05-28-03, 11:55 AM
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I agree with pretty much everything ordway said. If you are having reservations about sharing your collection with someone, chances are you're feeling the same way about bigger issues of sharing your life with her. Best to examine your feelings and figure it out now, it will probably improve your relationship for the long term.

Then you can say that DVDs helped solve some of your relationship issues.
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Old 05-28-03, 12:53 PM
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One (hyphenated) word:

Pre-nup
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Old 05-28-03, 01:14 PM
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What ordway said - well yeah, that's true.

My concern is that you might be involved with someone who had vastly different movie tastes than you do. If you're The Fast And The Furious and she's, say, The Umbrellas Of Cherbourg, well, let's just say I hope you don't invite me over for movie night.

If you do have similar tastes, then just make one big collection, sell the extras, and buy a stack of new movies. All those new DVDs should help you forget this my/your stuff.
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Old 05-28-03, 01:27 PM
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my wife only buys a few dvds a month...if that. hers are merged with mine since uhh....we are married. but hers has it's own section so she does not have to search through all the blood and gore to find Theres Something About Mary.
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Old 05-28-03, 01:27 PM
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I just wish I had a girlfriend to share my collection with.
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Old 05-28-03, 01:47 PM
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As another poster stated earlier: pre-nup.

A pre-nup shoudl always include your DVD collection. In fact that should be at the top of the list.
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Old 05-28-03, 02:55 PM
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The real problem arises if you are a widescreen person and she's a pan-and-scan.

I don't know how you get out of that one.
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