the five worst sylvester stallone movies
08-10-03, 09:46 AM
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the five worst sylvester stallone movies
Before we get all dirty, let’s offer a moment of praise for one Sly Stallone. Tired of being a bit actor in bit parts, Stallone wrote the script for Rocky. And when the studios engaged in a bidding war for the script, Stallone had the balls to demand that he be cast in the title role, even though MGM offered him $150,000 to let Ryan O’Neal take the role. Rocky went on to win the Best Editing, Best Director and Best Picture Oscars at the Academy Awards in 1976.
And the movie catapulted Stallone into superstardom.
OK. Enough with the nice-nice.
After Rocky, Stallone started his long, drawn-out fall from glory. He made crappy movies, sequels to those crappy movies and sequels to those sequels. Rocky came back, again and again. He was joined by Rambo and dozens of other characters, all drawn with the depth of a petrie dish. Stallone's attempts at light comedy (Oscar) and legitimate drama (Copland) were abysmal failures. But compared to what I’m going to show you now, they were rousing successes.
Without further ado, I present: the five worst sylvester stallone movies
And the movie catapulted Stallone into superstardom.
OK. Enough with the nice-nice.
After Rocky, Stallone started his long, drawn-out fall from glory. He made crappy movies, sequels to those crappy movies and sequels to those sequels. Rocky came back, again and again. He was joined by Rambo and dozens of other characters, all drawn with the depth of a petrie dish. Stallone's attempts at light comedy (Oscar) and legitimate drama (Copland) were abysmal failures. But compared to what I’m going to show you now, they were rousing successes.
Without further ado, I present: the five worst sylvester stallone movies
08-10-03, 10:17 AM
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Originally posted by Playitagainsam
I think we should just try to figure out what are his BEST (if any) 5 movies and leave it at that... since the crappiness greatly surpasses the greatness...
I think we should just try to figure out what are his BEST (if any) 5 movies and leave it at that... since the crappiness greatly surpasses the greatness...
Do you realize how difficult it was to make this list and leave Cobra out?
08-10-03, 11:22 AM
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There is simply no way we can do this list without the late, great Rocky_Stallone. That's like starting a thread about midgets while El Scorcho is on vacation, or starting a thread about Star Trek without das Monkey.
Sigh...
Sigh...
08-10-03, 01:48 PM
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Don't let Rocky Stallone in here, it could get ugly!
That said:
5. Tango and Cash: nothing at all redeeming here for me, nothing's worse than Russel's preening, and you can practically see Sly cashing his check on this one.
4. Rhinestone: Credit goes to him for taking a big chance when he could have taken it easy, but just awful stuff here
3. Oscar: This would have been a hands down number one for me a few years ago, but it's not quite THAT bad, but still crappy.
2. Judge Dredd: I refreshed my memory on this turd a few nights ago on HBO late night, and I can't for the life of my fathom how this got financing. Killed the Comic book movie(as far as big budgets for lesser known comics).
1. Driven: He gets the double whammy for having written this one too, for my money, the only value is camp, and there may be better convergences of big budget, big stars, bad acting, bad lines, bad effects and an innane plot, not to mention omnipresent voiceover, but I sure can't think of one off hand. Stunningly lame, and the nail in his coffin until he runs for govenor of New York.
That said:
5. Tango and Cash: nothing at all redeeming here for me, nothing's worse than Russel's preening, and you can practically see Sly cashing his check on this one.
4. Rhinestone: Credit goes to him for taking a big chance when he could have taken it easy, but just awful stuff here
3. Oscar: This would have been a hands down number one for me a few years ago, but it's not quite THAT bad, but still crappy.
2. Judge Dredd: I refreshed my memory on this turd a few nights ago on HBO late night, and I can't for the life of my fathom how this got financing. Killed the Comic book movie(as far as big budgets for lesser known comics).
1. Driven: He gets the double whammy for having written this one too, for my money, the only value is camp, and there may be better convergences of big budget, big stars, bad acting, bad lines, bad effects and an innane plot, not to mention omnipresent voiceover, but I sure can't think of one off hand. Stunningly lame, and the nail in his coffin until he runs for govenor of New York.
08-10-03, 01:49 PM
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Originally posted by NCMojo
There is simply no way we can do this list without the late, great Rocky_Stallone. That's like starting a thread about midgets while El Scorcho is on vacation, or starting a thread about Star Trek without das Monkey.
Sigh...
There is simply no way we can do this list without the late, great Rocky_Stallone. That's like starting a thread about midgets while El Scorcho is on vacation, or starting a thread about Star Trek without das Monkey.
Sigh...
08-10-03, 01:52 PM
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Originally posted by Applejack
I disagree about over the top.
It is so unintentionally funny, that at least it is entertaining.
I disagree about over the top.
It is so unintentionally funny, that at least it is entertaining.
Quite honestly, it is one of my favorite Sly movies for that exact reason.
As for my five worst Sly movies...
(in no particular order)
Get Carter
Eye See You
Judge Dredd
Rhinestone
Victory
08-10-03, 04:26 PM
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Originally posted by Tarantino
Oh and Hipnerd, your Vin Diesel vids don't work.
Shame on you.
Oh and Hipnerd, your Vin Diesel vids don't work.
Shame on you.
08-10-03, 04:44 PM
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Originally posted by NCMojo
There is simply no way we can do this list without the late, great Rocky_Stallone.
There is simply no way we can do this list without the late, great Rocky_Stallone.
08-10-03, 08:12 PM
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What's with all the Tango & Cash hate?! Tango and Cash is one of the better buddy action comedies of the 80s. It's extremely well paced (Most 80s action movies tend to be a bit plodding imho), energetic, exciting, and just cheerfully hysterical. I mean, look at the supporting cast: Michael Jeter, the Beachcombers guy, the huge chin Aussie guy, Clint Howard, Brion James, Jack Palance, and James Hong all overacting like friggin' madmen!
Plus, any movie that has a Jackie Chan homage 7 years before Jackie became famous here can't be all bad.
Plus, any movie that has a Jackie Chan homage 7 years before Jackie became famous here can't be all bad.
08-10-03, 09:26 PM
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Debating which titles belong on a list of Stallone's worst movies reminds me of arguing over whether one would rather step in cat poop or dog poop. That said, I don’t think it’s fair to include his porn project---that’s hitting below the belt.
08-10-03, 10:17 PM
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Originally posted by ipkevin
What's with all the Tango & Cash hate?! Tango and Cash is one of the better buddy action comedies of the 80s. It's extremely well paced (Most 80s action movies tend to be a bit plodding imho), energetic, exciting, and just cheerfully hysterical. I mean, look at the supporting cast: Michael Jeter, the Beachcombers guy, the huge chin Aussie guy, Clint Howard, Brion James, Jack Palance, and James Hong all overacting like friggin' madmen!
Plus, any movie that has a Jackie Chan homage 7 years before Jackie became famous here can't be all bad.
What's with all the Tango & Cash hate?! Tango and Cash is one of the better buddy action comedies of the 80s. It's extremely well paced (Most 80s action movies tend to be a bit plodding imho), energetic, exciting, and just cheerfully hysterical. I mean, look at the supporting cast: Michael Jeter, the Beachcombers guy, the huge chin Aussie guy, Clint Howard, Brion James, Jack Palance, and James Hong all overacting like friggin' madmen!
Plus, any movie that has a Jackie Chan homage 7 years before Jackie became famous here can't be all bad.
Stallone!
08-10-03, 10:44 PM
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Have y'all seen him in Spy Kids 3D? His acting is ATROCIOUS (his delivery of the line, "It's how you play...THE GAME!" at the end is a prime example), and in the post movie outtakes, he proves how unfunny, and maybe stupid he is when he tries to crack a joke by saying, "Hey Valentine...what are you doing in space!?"
First of all, the movie does not take place in space, especially not the scene they were doing...second of all, the joke is completely lame anyway. It is funny to watch the Valentine actor in the background, who scowls at him throughout.
First of all, the movie does not take place in space, especially not the scene they were doing...second of all, the joke is completely lame anyway. It is funny to watch the Valentine actor in the background, who scowls at him throughout.
08-11-03, 04:53 PM
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Originally posted by Playitagainsam
I think we should just try to figure out what are his BEST (if any) 5 movies and leave it at that... since the crappiness greatly surpasses the greatness...
I think we should just try to figure out what are his BEST (if any) 5 movies and leave it at that... since the crappiness greatly surpasses the greatness...
Rocky
First Blood
Copland
Cliffhanger
Antz
Honorable mention to Rocky II, Death Race 2000, and Victory, which I think are all ok. Everything else is just sukekekekek, doesn't matter what order you put them in.
08-12-03, 12:34 AM
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Wow. What a crummy article. It's akin to making a top 5 reasons Hitler sucks list. There's no need for it.
Anyway, sure Stallone has had his fair number of crap films. His hits though will stand the test of time. Who can say "no" to meeting Rocky or Rambo?
But of course in the land of idiot movie snobs that take everything too seriously, Sly always gets a bum rap. My theory is that these people don't understand the magic of B movies. They never will because they've seen Rocky and they feel that any Sly movie that isn't as artisitic automatically becomes pure garbage.
Negative press must surely mean it's a crappy movie. Whatever, try forming your own opinion. Someone telling me Schindler's List rocked is boring. Someone telling me it was like a Hogan's Heroes rerun is awesome.
Anyway, my original point is that Stallone movies have to be appreciated as "Stallone Movies (tm)". He looks and talks funny and overacts. Those merits alone make any of his movies worth watching. Pair that with the rediculous concepts in movies like Over the Top or Rambo2-3 and you've got a bonafide Bfilm star (though I'm sure he'll never admit it). I guess it just boils down to someone's fall from grace....or a really bad agent.
People love Arnold too but it's probably because he's the epitome of an "Action Star".
Anyway, sure Stallone has had his fair number of crap films. His hits though will stand the test of time. Who can say "no" to meeting Rocky or Rambo?
But of course in the land of idiot movie snobs that take everything too seriously, Sly always gets a bum rap. My theory is that these people don't understand the magic of B movies. They never will because they've seen Rocky and they feel that any Sly movie that isn't as artisitic automatically becomes pure garbage.
Negative press must surely mean it's a crappy movie. Whatever, try forming your own opinion. Someone telling me Schindler's List rocked is boring. Someone telling me it was like a Hogan's Heroes rerun is awesome.
Anyway, my original point is that Stallone movies have to be appreciated as "Stallone Movies (tm)". He looks and talks funny and overacts. Those merits alone make any of his movies worth watching. Pair that with the rediculous concepts in movies like Over the Top or Rambo2-3 and you've got a bonafide Bfilm star (though I'm sure he'll never admit it). I guess it just boils down to someone's fall from grace....or a really bad agent.
People love Arnold too but it's probably because he's the epitome of an "Action Star".