Lace is more for Jolie

Exclusive by Steve Sealink

Stone the crows. This’ll make you choke on your Cheerios.

We know we did.

Deep breaths now…pillow-lipped goddess of norkage Angelina Jolie is considering playing the part of Linda Lovelace in a forthcoming movie.

Yes, you read it correctly. The very same Seventies porn actress Lovelace, who came close to biting off more than she could chew in the infamous saveloy-hiding movie, Deep Throat.

Australia’s Herald Sun newspaper mops its fevered brow and splutters: “If Angelina Jolie got her fans steamed up with her tight action outfits in Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, her next project will cause mass hyperventilation.”

After an appeal for calm and a high-pressure hosing of middle-aged hacks in the newsroom, a movie insider took his hands out of his pockets and swooned: “Angelina is keen to prove she can act, and this is a really great story."

The auditions could make interesting viewing.