View Single Post
Old 09-20-13, 11:42 AM   #86
Senior Member
walletboyniac's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: MA
Posts: 454
Re: The 9th Annual "October Horror Movie Challenge" (10/1 - 10/31) ***The List Thread

* First time viewing
cable tv/dvr/on demand

Cheer when you hear the name of the movie!

★★★★★ Awww yeah!
★★★★ Excellent
★★★(+) Very Good, I enjoyed it
★★★(-) Good, I didn't dislike it
★★ Sucked
★ Made me angry

Sept 30
1. Black Death* (2010) ★★★★
2. The Pact* (2012) ★★★(-)

Oct 1
3. Inbred* (2011) ★★
Disappointing. There's a lot of hype on the box. I keep telling myself not to believe it, then give in. This one was supposedly "Gloriously Sick and Utterly Hilarious", "A Tour De Force", and "Will Have Gorehounds Reeling in Glee". None of the above. If you're going to keep company with Evil Dead 2 and Re-Animator (as it states on the box), you'd better well fucking bring it. And this movie does not. Absolutely nothing clever about it. No subtitles as well, so some of the British slang/mumblings went past me.
4. Thale* (2012) ★★
BO-RING. More hype on the box, again from Ain't It Cool News. They're joining the list with for misleading reviews. The box art makes it look like the movie takes place in some fantastical world. In actuality, it's a fucking basement. Not that there's anything wrong with a basement, it just seems like I was sold something else.

Oct 2
5. Edmond (2005) ★★★★
I was on a Bai Ling kick and discovered this one, directed by Stuart Gordon. Also includes an effeminate Jeffrey Combs as a creepy hotel desk clerk. I wouldn't consider this to be a horror movie, but imdb listed it as one last year when I checked on it for this challenge. It has since been corrected.
6. Half Light* (2006) ★★
Easily 20 minutes too long, and has one monumentally stupid twist towards the end. As an added bonus, the trailer gives away the first twist, which occurs 55 minutes into the movie.

Oct 3
Damn you hockey season!

Oct 4
7. The Loved Ones* (2009) ★★★(+)
From the "Hot Psychopath" genre. They get the prettiest guy in all of Australia, and I'm supposed to feel sorry for him? Lola is apparently some kind of social outcast, but you wouldn't know it from looking at her. She goes off the deep end when Evan Dando politely turns her down for the high school dance. There's a lot of focus on the soundtrack. They definitely tried hard to be "hip". A song for every mood, which kind of rubbed me the wrong way. Yes, I'm a cold-hearted SOB.

Oct 6
8. Followed Home* (2010) zero stars
Acting: Horrible. Attempts at humor: Futile. Music: Only the worst 90's Alternative possible, courtesy of DRONEN. Tension: Non-existent. Editing: WTF?! Is "ingenuitive" a word? "I'm going to go right over there with my 50-year old mother in TOTE." Is the phrase not "in TOW"? Aaaaaggghhh!

Oct 7
9. Castle Freak* (1995) ★★
Pros: Full bush. Cons: Kinda dull. I think I've come to expect more from Stuart Gordon. Maybe I was just in a bad mood.

Oct 8
10. Mother of Tears* Unrated (2007) ★★★(+)
I've adjusted my rating, because I think my system is flawed. I can't put this above the other 4-star movies here.
The most unintentionally hilarious movie I've seen in a while. First of all, it kicks off with a woman being strangled with her own intestines by 3 witches. Then, Michael's meltdown! Sarah "concentrates"! The Mother of "Size"! The "voice"! The gore! The random naked lesbian scene! The double eye-poker! The Crazy Ladies and their gay companion! The crowd-surfing tunic! I don't remember Suspiria being this comical. Nobody can speak English. It's an instant subtitles classic. And, who knew? The Mother of Tears put aside some time for a boob job.

Oct 9
11. American Mary* (2012) ★★★★
Who fucked up at XLrator and let a decent movie through? I was absolutely enamored with the first hour. It's well written, well acted, and well directed. Intriguing. Katharine Isabelle is quite awesome in the part as Mary. If only they could keep a cohesive story for the last 40 minutes. So much potential. A nice companion piece to May and Excision.

Oct 10 Found Footage Double Feature!
12. Bigfoot: The Lost Coast Tapes* (2012) ★★★(-)
XLrator strikes (out) again.
The myth of Bigfoot is basically a red herring throughout this film. The movie certainly held my interest, but the alien/supernatural force or whatever the fuck they wanted me to believe was terrorizing them does not work at all. It really felt like a lazy way out.

13. V/H/S 2* (2013) ★★★★
The Eye. Zombies. Cult. Aliens. Some crazy POV stuff, and a wild ride.

Oct 11 Phantasm Double Feature!
14. Phantasm (1979) ★★★★
That little girl Mike sure is nosy.
15. Phantasm II (1988) ★★★★
I thought this sequel was superior to the original, even though it's getting the same rating.

Oct 12
16. Phantasm III* Unrated (1994) ★★★(+)
Reggie hooks up with (the real) Mike, the spirit of Jody, another little kid, and Arsenio Hall. The recap conveniently leaves out Mike's 7-year stint in the psycho ward. They go on a tour of mausoleums, trying to track down the Tall Man. I think after three movies, everyone should know not to stand near glass. The deleted scene included here is 12 seconds long!
"Let's Get Outta Here!" (or variation thereof) count: 8

Oct 13 Blood Double Feature!
17. Blood: The Last Vampire* (2009) ★★
Onigen this, and Onigen that. Saya is a demon hunter on an air force base posing as a high school student. Alice is the general's daughter who gets mixed up in this crazy mess. This movie is based on an animated series. It might as well have been animated itself, there is so much bad CGI. The action scenes are toothless and fake. Bleh.
F-Bombs: 1

18. Blood Creek* (2009) ★★
Hitler was obsessed with the occult. Nazi agents were sent around the world to look for ancient relics, the key to immortality. The Wollners welcomed Mr. Wirth into their home to stay for research. The first 10 minutes are quite intriguing. The rest of the movie takes place 70 years later, and plays out like a boss battle in a video game. Wirth resurrects creatures to fight for him. He goes back to the stone to regenerate. He goes through different stages (the "third eye"). You need special items to defeat him. I've played this movie 1000 times over. Bleh.
Dog attacks: 2 / Dog deaths: 3 (one dog died twice)

Oct 14
18.5. The Walking Dead 30 Days Without an Accident* S4/Ep01 (2013) ★★★★

I was depressed so I watched It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia instead of horror movies. I mean, how can you go wrong with an episode called "Sweet Dee's Dating a Retarded Person"?
19. Wildcard It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Mac Is a Serial Killer* S3/Ep10 (2007) ★★★★★
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Dennis Looks Like a Registered Sex Offender* S3/Ep11 (2007) ★★★★

Ooh, the agony!

Oct 15
20. Anamorph* (2007) ★★
I don't know what it is about Willem Dafoe's movies, but they generally make me angry. This one's no exception. Stan (Dafoe) is an anal retentive detective with a drinking problem. He's after either "Uncle Eddie" or someone who's copycatting the serial killer. It would seem that the Uncle Eddie backstory is pivotal to the plot, but we're never given more than a couple hints as to what actually happened. This guy, whoever he is, is turning the crime scenes into art. He also has a hard-on for Stan. All I know about his girl Sandy (Clea DuVall), that is if she is his girl, is that she has terrible penmanship. I waited for something, anything to click into place. The story is painfully slow. And just like the missing "IA" in Willem Dafoe's name, this movie is missing a conclusion. I was tempted to give this film one star for pissing me off, but it had decent production value, and the concept of Anamorphosis (which they didn't exactly invent) is interesting.

Oct 18
21. The Lords of Salem* (2012) ★★★(+)
Sheri Moon Zombie again?! She is donning the Rob Zombie dreads and more tats. Guess Rob is rubbing off on her, so to speak. Mrs. Zombie is Heidi Larac, a local DJ in Salem, Massachusetts. One day she receives a wooden box with a record inside by a band called The Lords. It contains one evil number, which she plays on the radio. Turns out The Lords are Margaret Morgan and her coven of witches, who used to hide out in the woods and make music to possess the souls of the Salem women. It gets better. Really cool story. Although I didn't see Halloween II, this is the first RZ movie I genuinely enjoyed. I think this is also the first horror movie I've seen where they didn't kill the pet. Bonus points for the rather unpleasant (and plentiful) full frontal witch nudity.
"The Lords of Salem" cheer count: 7

22. Phantasm IV: Oblivion (1998) ★★★(+)
Why doesn't the Tall Man just shrink the gang down to dwarf size, fill them with pus, and send them on their way to a slave's life in Hell? I mean, I guess he has other plans for Mike, but why let Reggie go? Does he want to pick up some tips for making moves on the ladies? This sequel is kind of aimless and meandering, but I have to say I was still glued to it. Don Coscarelli found a home for all of his unused Phantasm footage in the form of flashbacks. It actually works fairly well. Mike gets caught up in another dimension where the Tall Man is undertaker Jebediah Morningside, before he turned evil. Wacky shenanigans ensue.

Oct 20
23. Tales From the Darkside: The Movie* (1990) ★★★(+)

Oct 21
24. Antiviral* (2012) ★★
Alright, let me get this straight. Syd March works at the Lucas Clinic, injecting celebrities diseases into willing and eager clients. Syd, played coldly by Caleb Landry Jones, smuggles viruses through his own body, un-copy protects them with a machine in his apartment, and sells them to his shady dealer. The dealer, in turn, turns them into celebrity cell steaks for consumption. The mood and look is dour and stark. Syd, the center of this movie, exhibits absolutely no human qualities, so it's difficult to sympathize with him in his predicament in the film. Hope you don't have an aversion to needles.

Oct 22
25. Cockneys vs. Zombies* (2012) ★★★(+)
Terry and Andy knock off a bank to save their Grandad's nursing home. Apparently "muppet" is a Cockney insult. They use it throughout the film. I don't know about you, but I could watch the hot brunette (Michelle Ryan) kick zombie ahss all day.
Muppet count: 6

26. Puppet Master* (1989) ★★★★
A group of psychics is brought together to an inn through a series of visions. Their old pal Neil Gallagher has killed himself. He discovered Andre Toulon's ancient Egyptian secret to giving life to inanimate figures. I was taken by surprise as to how well this movie was made. I have a whole lot of sequels to sift through.

Oct 23
27. Puppet Master 2* (1991) ★★★(-)
Man oh man, this is the most poorly presented movie I've ever seen. It is a blotchy, full screen, staggering, flashing mess. I guess that's what you get when you cram five movies onto one disc. I'm not sure if the presentation affected my enjoyment of the movie or not, but this is a serious step down from the original, all around. A paranormal investigation team is sent to the inn to find out what happened to the psychics in the last movie. They don't play up the paranormal angle at all. Not sure why they even brought them in. A mysterious stranger wrapped up like the Invisible Man claims the inn is his. Turns out this guy is a resurrected Toulon. The puppets revolt! The Leech Woman dies a fiery death. There goes the puppet's sex appeal.

Oct 25
28. Alyce Kills* (2011) ★★
Alyce's life is full of creeps. Unfortunately, I have to put up with said creeps, too. Her friend Carroll is hopped up on red velvet cake. Oh, and Ecstasy. Alyce pukes up the cake, and it looks like blood. Does this pass off as a scare? There is an inane Ecstasy-fueled "girl time" scene that ends in Carroll's death. Well, she's not dead, but she fell off a building. It's implied that Alyce may have pushed her, inexplicably, her only friend. Alyce hooks up with the drug dealers that sold Carroll the drugs. These clowns are supposed to be comic relief, I guess. She calls the main dealer Rx (ha ha) a "cliche" in the movie. Hey, I didn't say it. In a scene that goes on for an eternity, Rx tries desperately to be profound. Inexplicably, Alyce is charmed by him (or something) and sleeps with him. They become an item. Alyce finally kills at the one hour mark. Alyce gropes the corpse of Carroll (inexplicably). She also masturbates to CNN. Is that supposed to be some sort of social commentary? Brilliant. In one of the most unsexual sex scenes I've seen, Alyce pops "Curtain" the jock's back acne. There's a scene where she lets someone go. You wouldn't know she had any real emotions from any other scene in the movie. I have no clue who Alyce is. I can only come to the conclusion that she's just plain nuts. I'm bumping Alyce Kills up a star due to some good killing and dismembering towards the end of this film. Yes, I'm that easy.
29. Dark House* (2009) ★★★(+)
This is the first Fangoria movie I've seen that I actually enjoyed. Claire (Meghan Ory) has a traumatic experience in the Darrode foster home as a child. Now, 14 years later, she is suicidally depressed. There's no way that a chick who looks like Claire is slicing up her wrists. Not believable! Walston (colorfully played, natch, by Jeffrey Combs), the king of horror haunts, offers Claire and her acting class some quick cash for a day's work in the haunted Darrode house. Claire takes this as an opportunity to appease her therapist's advice, and return to the house. While bad CGI mars parts of the movie, overall it has a fun, campy tone. Diane Salinger's take on the psychotic Mrs. Darrode is completely over-the-top.
Dark House cheer count: 7

30. Roadkill* (2011) ★★★(-)
I knew I was in trouble as soon as I saw this was a SyFy movie, so I went into this with low expectations. The opening of this movie looks exactly like one of the trailers on the disc. It's the same wooded setting, from the same camera angles. Someone must've saved some dough at SyFy. A group of kids reunite with a tour through Ireland in a Winnebago. At a stop along the way, they hit a gypsy with their van, and are cursed to die via "Simuroc" (a giant bird). Let me tell ya, for a bunch of kids being terrorized by a giant gypsy death hawk, they sure do saunter around outside the vehicle. The "dude" situation is totally out of control. Clearly, I kept track of the wrong word. Even the psycho gypsy from Ireland mocks them twice by calling them dude.
"YO" count: 19

Oct 27
31. The Zombie Diaries* (2006) ★
Groups of Brits encounter zombies. That is all. Well, there was the guy with the moles, the guy with the big nose, the blonde, the other blonde. Then there's the military... I don't fucking know. It was terribly confusing. Emphasis on terribly. Half of it takes place in the dark. The quotes on the box not only make you think this is the best zombie film ever, it actually fucking says Best Zombie Film Ever. Someone actually thought this was better than, oh, say, Day of the Dead? Just an insult of a film.
32. Cannibal! The Musical* (1993) ★★★★
In the tradition of Friday the 13th Part 2 and Oklahoma!
I still don't know what a shpadoinkle is.

Oct 28
33. Dorm of the Dead* (2006) ★
Certainly not to be confused with any other "of the Dead" films. Can I judge a movie by the quality of its trailers (of other movies)? I bought this (for $1, new) strictly to see Andrea "Miss Howard Stern" Ownbey's acting. She was as bad as I expected, but not as bad as others in this movie. And the movie. Holy crap. Several firsts in this one. It starts off with some very agile, acrobatic zombies. A little later, a guy is so oblivious to his hormones that he "gets it on" with some female zombies. And, best of all, a younger guy (read: below 60) drives a PT Cruiser. Further hindrances include a ridiculous amount of sound glitches. The soundtrack is loud and invasive, especially when there is dialog. The music "artist" - I couldn't read the name in the credits - has a major Rob Zombie complex. So much so that I think Rob has a lawsuit. It seems like scenes in the same room take place in different time zones and different video formats! Painful. I've never seen 74 minutes stretched out as much as it is here. There are TWO sets of end credits. There's maybe 45 minutes worth of material, and Andrea is onscreen for about 2 minutes, when she rather abruptly ditches her friend. Time to get back to the sugar daddy!
34. Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer (2007) ★★★★
Yay for practical effects! Jack (Trevor Matthews, obviously Canadian -- Get oot!) has some anger management issues. As a kid, he witnessed his entire family get killed by some mysterious creature. Today, he's a plumber, sees a counselor, and attends a night class with his girlfriend, Eve (Rachel Skarsten). One night, Jack goes out to look at Professor Crowley's (Robert Englund) pipes, which in turn, releases something evil from his cursed property. I loved this story, from Jack's issues to the black demon heart. Fun foam latex creatures. A great time.

Oct 29
35. Abominable* (2006) ★★★★
Preston (Matt McCoy) is released into Otis (Christien Tinsley) the male nurse's care from the hospital. Preston was in a rock climbing accident at Suicide Rock with his wife, who died. He is wheelchair-bound, and spies on his young female neighbors with his binoculars, Rear Window-style. There's a Sasquatch in the neighborhood who terrorizes the girls. Preston wants to help, but can only watch the carnage unfold. No one belives him. Otis is a dick. Abominable is particularly well-made for an abominable snowman story, and is quite enjoyable. It includes old friends Jeffrey Combs, Lance Henriksen, and Tiffany Shepis.
Let's Get Out of Here!: 1
F-bombs: 1
Shower scenes: 1
Abominable cheer count: 1
Vomit scenes: 1 (offscreen)
Otis dies a suitably gruesome death. Sask bites his face off!

36. Warm Bodies* (2013) ★★
Pretty much represents everything I hate in a big budget PG-13 movie. I mean, the trailers on this disc are Twilight and The Hunger Games. I'm not sure I'm exactly in their target demographic. "R" (that's all he can remember) is a zombie who lives at the airport. Julie and her group of friends go beyond "the wall" to scavenge for supplies. R kills Julie's boyfriend, and eats his brains. In a new twist, eating someone's brains gives the zombie the victim's memories. R gets all sentimental, and takes Julie home to the airport. I dunno. Zombies with feelings, motor skills, and comprehension? Bad CGI? Too much focus on the soundtrack? And do we really need another Franco starring in movies? The zombies eventually become even more savage creatures called Boners. Or something. But some of them become human. Why? Is this supposed to make sense? Everything works out all nice in the end, so you don't have to worry your pretty little head. I'd say zombies have officially jumped the shark.

Oct 30
36.5. American Horror Story: Coven Bitchcraft* S3/Ep01 (2013) ★★★★

Oct 31 The dead walk the earth!
37. American Horror Story: Coven Boy Parts* S3/Ep02 (2013) ★★★★★
37.5. American Horror Story: Coven The Replacements* S3/Ep03 (2013) ★★★★★
38. American Horror Story: Coven Fearful Pranks Ensue* S3/Ep04 (2013) ★★★★★
Jessica Lange gets all the juicy lines!

Total: 38
FTV: 33
Formats: dvd, blu-ray, dvr
Decades: 1970s, 1980s, 1990s, 2000s, 2010s
2012 2013 2014 2015 Horror / 2012 2013 2014 2015 Comedy / 2013 2014 TV on DVD / 2013 2014 2015 Drive-In / 2012 2013 2014 2015 Make-Your-Own / 2013 2014 2015 Sci-Fi/Fantasy

Last edited by walletboyniac; 11-05-13 at 08:30 AM.
  Reply With Quote