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Old 03-26-13, 06:19 AM   #31
walletboyniac
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Re: List thread for Fourth Annual Drive-in/Exploitation/B-Movie Challenge April 1-30

* First time viewing
dvd
blu-ray
cable tv/on demand
movie theater

Goal: 50

Cheer when you hear the name of the movie!

April 1
1. Killjoy Goes to Hell* (2012) ★★★
The "Old Hag" summons Killjoy to put him on trial for his incompetence as a villain. What Killjoy should be on trial for is that first movie. Really. Anyway, he's sent to Hell to face Jezabeth, the hot D.A. (Devil's Advocate, that is). Killjoy's attorney Skid Mark (Killjoy's biggest fan) sacrifices some flesh in order to conjure old pals and demon witnesses Punchy the clown (who talks like a scatting Snoop Dogg), Freakshow the mime (who can't speak at all), and Batty Boop, his girl (who just proves what a nice guy Killjoy really is). The gang hatch a scheme to bring back Sandie, the virgin from the 3rd movie who survived, and witnessed the horror that Killjoy brought into her life. She has a case of the giggles, or at least that silly disorder that they advertise on TV (It's not funny, ok?!). Killjoy Goes to Hell was effective in creating its own unique world, and gave me a few good laughs.

2. Bordello of Blood (1996) ★★★
The midget from Sabrina, The Teenage Witch is a treasure hunter, tracking down a secret tomb that houses the mother of all vampires. Kind of like a tiny Indiana Jones, spiders and all. He reconnects her quartered heart, and brings her back to life in order to start a brothel full of vampires. Enter Dennis Miller, playing a smarmy, wise-cracking smartass. Wait, isn't that what he normally is? I guess maybe a little less effective one here, with someone else writing his lines. Dennis Miller is Rafe, a detective (not on the level, as it turns out), tracking down Caleb (Corey Feldman), who was last seen at Lilith's (Angie Everhart, cast strictly on looks) brothel. Bad acting all around. But... ultimately a satisfying amount of tits and gore, so I like it!

April 2
3. Hellraiser: Deader* (2005) ★★
A Stan Winston production?! Should I expect some cool, elaborate creatures? Nope. Just Pinhead and a couple Cenobites. And, just barely. Kari Wuhrer, probably best known for her work on MTV's Remote Control (although I've never seen Sliders -- I remember her most from her stellar appearance on Conan in the '90s) does an admirable job in an awful movie as Amy, a journalist for an underground London newspaper. She gets sent to Romania on a story to track down a cult leader who can apparently bring the dead back to life by making out with them. This story was originally written as a stand-alone movie, and was altered to become part of the Hellraiser universe. It shows. Er, let's just say it's a colossal bore. Besides one minor flourish when Amy opens the box, Pinhead doesn't bring the pain until the 1:18 mark (The movie is 1:28). Too little, too late, jagoffs. I would consider this to be amongst the worst Hellraiser movies, along with Hellworld and Revelations. So, the last 3 installments don't work. Time to pack it in.


April 3
4. The Road Killers* (1994) ★★
Young Richie is nearly killed 5 minutes in by Redneck Bon Jovi's (Cliff's) El Dorado. Later, at the diner ahead, Ashley flirts with Cliff, not knowing what a psycho he really is. Richie's father Glen confronts Cliff, who throws a chicken in his car window. Then, quite poetically (NOT), they play chicken. Glen is killed in the ensuing car wreck. Cliff's gang of flunkies includes a young David Arquette, playing the borderline-retarded Bobby. Cliff provides a few sarcastic tender moments. Hoo boy. This one runs out of gas fairly early on.



5. Leprechaun (1993) ★★★★
Danny O'Grady stole the Leprechaun's gold. He's able to trap him inside a box in his basement with a 4-leaf clover. Ten years later, J.D. and his daughter Tory (Jennifer Aniston) arrive for a summer vacation. North Dakota is not her speed. Spoiled Tory gives her father some back sass. She has the hots for the painter at the house, Nathan. Yes, Nathan, of the "3 Guys That Paint," Nathan. That would include dim Ozzie, and little (not Leprechaun little) friend Alex. Ozzie fucks up and lets the Leprechaun loose. Ozzie spots a rainbow, and follows it for a bag of gold. He then swallows a coin, that knucklehead. The Leprechaun needs that coin. Only, he has this OCD problem with shining shoes. Despite this, he makes a sucker out of everyone. I was a little distracted with Jennifer Aniston's shapely be-hind. One could bounce a quarter off that sweet caboose. Anyway, the movie is silly and fun. Whoo-hoo!

April 4
6. Leprechaun 2* (1994) ★★★
Apparently the Leprechaun broke the curse in the well from the first movie. He's miraculously back in Ireland here, on his 1000th birthday, on which he can claim his bride. Hold on, didn't he say he was 600 in the first movie? It's olden times here (?!) and he has found his bride. Only it turns out that she is his slave's sister. All she has to do is sneeze 3 times without someone saying "God bless you.". WTF? Said slave saves her, and the Leprechaun has to wait another 1000 years.
Cut to the present day, which really throws the universe out of whack. Cody runs a ghoulish Hollywood tour, visiting death sites of the rich and famous. Ian works at the go kart track and is really into Cody's girl, Bridget. Turns out Bridget is a descendant of the original bride-to-be. Ian gives Bridget a ride home, only the Leprechaun is one step ahead of him. Ian goes to fondle Bridget's obvious stunt boobs, and face plants into a lawn mower. Pretty funny stuff. Cody has to evade the police, who think he's killed Ian, and in the meantime rescue Bridget from the Leprechaun. Uh, I miss the shoe-shining disorder.

Spoiler:
The Leprechaun explodes at the end of this one. Should I even ask how he's going to come back from that? Is it supposed to be a different Leprechaun for each movie, played by the same actor?



April 6
7. Leprechaun 3* (1995) ★★★
The Leprechaun is back again from certain death to wreak havok on Las Vegas. A frantic, injured man brings a frozen Leprechaun into a pawn shop and insists that the shopkeeper not touch the medallion hanging around its neck. What's the very first thing he does? Tammy, all waist and hips, brings Scott into the casino where she works as a magician's assistant, for him to just look around. Yeah, right. Scott can't resist gambling - I call him Gamblor! - and cashes the $23,000 check his parents gave him for college. He runs across the street to the pawn shop to sell his watch for more gambling money, only to find a dead shopkeeper, along with a gold shilling belonging to the Leprechaun. Ah, the old one-short. The OCD Leprechaun has exactly 100 shillings to keep track of. New rules: The owner of a shilling gets a wish. Also, if all the coins are destroyed, so is the Leprechaun. The coin finds its way to Fazio, the gay disco magician, who has a Dennis DeYoung vibe. That's bad. Scott gets bit by the Leprechaun, and is infected like a zombie. He's suddenly really into potatoes and rhyming. This is easily the silliest of the first three Leprechaun movies, and that's saying a lot.

April 7
8. Evil Dead* (2013) ★★★
"Remake of classic B-movie(s)"
This might be the most violent R-rated movie I've seen. I expect this from unrated shit, but not such a graphic R. Either the MPAA has loosened up a bit (fat chance), or Sam Raimi is in a position where he can pull some strings. I've come to the conclusion that I'm not a big fan of modern horror remakes, even ones with the original producers in place. They always, without exception, lack the spirit of the original. I expected this to be cool, fun, and clever. None of the above, despite all the hype. It was grim and grimy, which seems to be the template for horror remakes today. I did like how the movie wouldn't end, it just kept getting pushed further and further, and that most everything in the book came to fruition, including raining blood and rising from the grave. Actually, all of the homages to the original were good, too. I think that this movie warranted a remake, just not this one.

9. Leprechaun 4: In Space* (1997) ★★★
I was excited at just the prospect of the Leprechaun in space. They had me sold with the title. But I think this one actually gave me brain damage. Try to imagine an even campier Leprechaun. Sgt. Hooker (apparently they couldn't get Henry Rollins to put on a metal wig) is leading a troop on a search and destroy mission against a meddlesome alien. Who could that be? Who the fuck do you think it is? Actually, I had no idea it would be the Leprechaun. Seems like kind of a random plot point. They go into some space caves on Planet Ithacan to destroy the "alien." The mission seems to be a success when the Leprechaun hops on a grenade to protect his beloved (and greedy) princess. One of the soldiers, let's call him Bill Paxton, takes a leak on one of the remaining bits, and develops some sort of space gonorrhea. Cut to the ship mixer, where he's getting it on with Delores, the crew tramp. Here's something I don't see often in movies: Boner-related death. "Dr. Mittenhand" survived someone's idea of a joke, and suffers a most disturbing fate. This character has to be seen to be believed. The Leprechaun manages to wreak havoc on the ship, and survive long enough for two more sequels.

April 9
10. Last of the Living* (2009) ★★
Three flatmates in New Zealand are coping with the zombie apocalypse. Morgan, Ash, and Johnny decide to go to the store. Yep, that's about as exciting as it gets. This movie aspires to be a low rent Shaun of the Dead. Much of the movie plays out like a music video, with interstitial dialogue. It does have its own heavily promoted theme song. I suppose that's a good thing. Well, except the song sucks. Literally all of the enjoyment I got out of Last of the Living is the scene where Morgan farts. That's pretty sad.

11. Demon Knight (1995) ★★★★
A mysterious stranger (Billy Zane) is after another mysterious stranger (William Sadler). A relic in the form of a key (as seen in Bordello of Blood?!) is sought after by The Collector (Zane) and his conjured demons to complete the set of seven. Brayker (Sadler) and cast are holed up in a seedy hotel. Demon-fueld mayhem ensues. Tales From the Crypt delivers again! Tits and gore abound. Great ensemble cast.

April 10
12. Leprechaun in the Hood* (2000) ★★★
Ice T is Mack Daddy, who shows up in an old subway station with a giant afro and full pimp getup, to steal the Leprechaun's magic flute. His buddy Slug unwittingly removes the medallion from the Leprechaun's neck and sets him free. Said buddy gets an afro pick in the neck for his troubles. Mack Daddy pulls a knife and bat from his 'fro to take on the Leprechaun. It's nice to see that Ice T has a good sense of humor. What other gangsta rapper would sign up for "Leprechaun in the Hood?" Life is rough for rappers Postmaster P (the grand prince of mail?), Stray Bullet, and Butch, trying to make it in the business by sending a positive message. That all turns sour when they blow (literally, with Butch's science experiment) an audition for a rap contest in Las Vegas. Mack Daddy, now a hip hop mogul thanks to the flute, keeps the frozen Leprechaun in a glass case in the middle of his office. PP, SB, and B give him a cassette. He tells them they need to be more gangsta to get on his label. The gang decide they are going to break into his office and steal his loot. So much for the positive message. The Leprechaun kind of takes a backseat to these three idiots rapping. Which is too bad.

April 11
13. Leprechaun: Back 2 Tha Hood* (2003) ★★
Ah, Leprechaun. Where would we be without ye? Well, we'd be better off without this sequel of a sequel. Apparently the "hood" premise was successful enough to warrant another one. The animated intro is promising, although it looks like it didn't make it past the animatics stage. I could probably find out what happened if I could be bothered to listen to an audio commentary (this movie, unbelievably, has two). It presents an interesting backstory to the Leprechaun myth that doesn't exist in any of the other films. Whatever character development gained here is squandered to nothingness with the remaining cast. Jamie is crazy nutzo over Lisa. I couldn't figure out why Lisa, Emily, and Rory hang around with this genius. And I never thought I'd miss those three no-talent ass-clowns from the last movie. The Leprechaun did have the decency to disrupt the mushy love story between Rory and Emily. But that was only temporary. Anyway, the Leprechaun wants his freaking gold!

April 13
14. Bloodlock* (2008) ★
Barry and Christine move into a new house with Christine's sister, Lisa, until she gets back on her feet. Want more character development? Well, there isn't really any. Except that Barry is a flaming a-hole. He's cheating on his wife with flirtatious Lisa, and has no problem wasting his neighbors, who walk into his house to try and open the locked door in their basement. Did I mention The Door? The one with the titanium "Bloodlock?!" The previous tenant locked a vampire inside and sealed it so that no one could ever let it loose. Neighbors Foster and Edwina are after immortality that the vampire can apparently provide. I'm not sure he wouldn't just rip their heads off, like he does Barry's. What makes them think they can trust this creature? Later in the movie, they attempt to present Christine as a kick-ass vampire hunter. This does not work at all. She chugs garlic and holy water, which, laughably, comes in handy late in the flick. Foster survived and joins the vampire hunting squad with Christine and Luke the locksmith. Oh yeah, Foster survived?! His arm is in a sling. They repeatedly refer to Foster's damaged arm as a "busted wing." He got shot in the gut, I'm not exactly sure what happened to his "wing." They all cruise around in her 1992 Chrysler minivan. Not exactly the Mystery Machine. The ending was a real groaner. Maybe even an eye-roller.

April 14
15. Kraken: Tentacles of the Deep* (2006) ★★
Thrilling underwater action! I'm being sarcastic. Ray lost his parents to Tentacles of the Deep (or TotD™) when he was a child. Years later, Ray, now an underwater photographer, joins up with Nicole, a treasure hunter. Jenny helps provide bikini/boob action with Nicole. Ok, something in this film worth watching. I suppose Ray wants to avenge his parent's death, but it's not as if he takes any real precautions to take down the giant squid. Nicole is after a large, almost mythical opal which the squid protects. Also after it is Maxwell and his thugs, dressed in black, driving a black car, backed by ominous music. So they must be evil. The movie has a cream puff mash note of an ending, followed by the prospect of a sequel. God, no.

16. Total Recall 2070: Machine Dreams* (1999) ★★
I'm not so much into Sci Fi...



April 15
17. Head of the Family* (1996) ★★★★
Lance spots some strange goings on at the Stackpoole house. They are tricking travellers into driving to their home, then conducting experiments on them. Myron, the "head of the family," quite literally, needs an able human body to support his brain. He and his family are quadruplets, only instead of being identical, they all have their own supernatural abilities. Myron is the brains, Otis is the strenth, Wheeler is the eyes, ears, and nose, and Ernestina is the, uh, boobs. Myron's siblings are all linked telepathically to him. Lance hatches a blackmail scheme against the Stackpooles in exchange for making Howard disappear. Howard is a colossal dick. He's a gangster, drug dealer, and a murderer, and Lance wants his girl Loretta, who is quite naked throughout the film. No complaints here. He knows the Stackpooles have "cabbage" to spare, so he also wants $2000 a week in exchange for his silence. Myron and his family use their powers to get the juicy tidbits on Lance. Ernestina uses her body to seduce him. It is quite disturbing knowing that Myron is really in charge. And Lance knows this. I've gotta say that The Head (J.W. Perra) is quite delicious and sinister as the villain.

April 17
18. Night of the Living Dead (1990) ★★★★★
Barbara (Patricia Tallman) and Johnnie (Bill Moseley) travel to the middle of nowhere to pay respects to her mother. Johnnie is attacked and killed by a zombie. Barbara flees to a remote farmhouse nearby, where she meets up with Ben (a pre-Candyman Tony Todd). Hollywood should definitely take note of this remake, and how to effectively make one. NotLD (1990) surprisingly doesn't go for a lot of gore. It's discussed in the featurette that the MPAA forced them to remove a lot of more graphic scenes. Frankly, I think they did director Tom Savini and screenwriter George A. Romero a favor, which I normally would never say. The focus is more on character development than splatter effects. And it works. Savini proves himself adept at creating genuine tension. I was a little disappointed to learn that this remake was primarily made so that people involved with the original could make some money off of the name. There were some legal issues with the original 1968 NotLD. But it works, and that's all that matters. I think this ranks among Romero's best.

April 18
19. The Greenskeeper* (2002) ★★
Music score by Kip Winger?! So that's what he was up to in 2002. Not that I was wondering. Allen is the assistant greenskeeper -- The greenskeeper, Otis, is barely in the movie. Allen wants to be a screenwriter, and it's his 25th birthday. Whoop-dee-shit. Otis gives Allen a ladies bike for his birthday. Not sure what he's trying to say. Allen's at odds with Chet, Chazz, and Champ, the local dickheads. Elena says Allen is "weeped" by his girlfriend. Translation: Whipped. Allen is into the girl with the dopey accent. This movie is as much a sausage-fest as it is boobs & bikinis. And I could care less about the killer and his beekeeper outfit. Incredibly bad, Scooby Doo-esque ending.

April 20
20. Carrie* ★★★★

April 23
21. Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh* (1995) ★★★



22. Candyman 3: Day of the Dead* (1999) ★★
From Al Septien and Turi Meyer, the folks who brought you such blockbusters as Leprechaun 2 and Chairman of the Board (yes, the one with Carrot Top). After a thoroughly pointless intro, Candyman 3 gives a crash course in the history of Daniel Robitaille (otherwise known as Candyman). We're introduced to Caroline (Donna D'Errico, from Baywatch), Daniel's great great granddaughter, trying her best to not look like a deer caught in the headlights (she is not successful). A stranger gives her some candy. Quite literally sweets to the sweet. Maybe they thought that was clever? Caroline's friend Miguel is putting on a showing of Candyman's artwork. There's a slightly altered re-telling of the origin, perhaps from Miguel's understanding. Or maybe they were just lazy. Caroline then gets peer pressured into saying his name five times into the mirror in front of the art gallery crowd. Did I mention she seems to forget her bra on every occasion? This is perhaps why Candyman wants to get it on with a relative. Look at me, trying to make sense of this. Later, the paintings are stolen and Miguel is killed. The bumbling detectives ("bad cop/bad cop") are on Caroline's case, thinking she's the Candyman. Where have I heard this before? Trying to interfere is the son of the 4th Ghostbuster, Ernie Hudson, Jr. Because they couldn't get the 4th Ghostbuster. Incredibly, Candyman suffers the same fate as the Leprechaun in Leprechaun 2. Hel-lo?! Classic Septien/Meyer!

April 24
23. From Beyond (1986) ★★★★

April 25
24. Re-Animator (1985) ★★★★★
Dr. Carl Hill (David Gale) is doing brain research at the Miskatonic Medical School in Massachusetts. Dr. Herbert West (Jeffrey Combs) is back from a stint in Zurich with the infamous Dr. Hans Gruber (Al Berry), stating that there was nothing more he could learn there (Gruber dies, West revives him to eye-exploding effect). West feels Hill has stolen his ideas from Gruber. Dan Cain (Bruce Abbott) is a student dating the Dean's daughter, Megan (Barbara Crampton). West answers Cain's ad for a roommate. He keeps to himself behind a closed door, and conducts experiments in the basement. West is researching "death," with his glowing green solution. He is quite serious, straight-laced and determined, to the point of psychotic. With his reagent, re-animation is possible. He tries it out on Dan's (mysteriously) deceased cat. The cat freaks. It seems the bigger the animal, the more violent the reaction. You can imagine what it does to humans. The dark humor in Re-Animator is quite delightful. And it's not to the point where it detracts from the horror. This movie is outrageous, completely demented, and gloriously gory! Richard Band deserves a special shout out for his awesome orchestral score! Aww yeah!



April 28
25. Amityville II: The Possession* (1982) ★★
This prequel follows the thoroughly dysfunctional Montelli family at their new home in Amityville, New York. The flaming a-hole dad is played by Burt Young, a familiar face when you need a tough guy. He's probably most famous for his role in the Rocky movies, but I remember him best as Rodney Dangerfield's limo driving thug in Back to School. Siblings Sonny (Jack Magner) and Patricia (Diane Franklin) have a very strange flirty and incestuous relationship, even prior to Sonny's possession. Sonny listens to free-form jazz/post-punk on his walkman, amongst his satanic orders. It is quite evident early on that the place is haunted. The haunting itself is so over the top, it borders on parody. No subtlety here. The demon is quite the artist, too, painting an elaborate message for the little kids. Patricia reaches out to the family priest, who would rather go on a hiking trip than answer his phone in a time of need. This movie was on Rue Morgue's list of "200 Alternative Horror Films You Need to See," and I'm hard pressed to see why. It was supposedly influential to the J-Horror craze, which was, in a word, lame.

April 29
26. Bride of Re-Animator (1989) ★★★

April 30
27. Beyond Re-Animator (2003) ★★★

Total: 27
FTV: 19

dvd: 23
blu: 2
tv: 1
theater: 1
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Last edited by walletboyniac; 05-02-13 at 10:07 AM.
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