Top Ten Ways to spice up Soccer

Tommy_Harn · 07-01-03, 07:52 AM

This might just be the stupidest thing I've ever read. No wonder nobody attached their by-line to take credit for it:

Why not make the ball square while you're at it, moron?

Groucho · 07-01-03, 07:57 AM

I hope you realize that it was a joke.

dek · 07-01-03, 08:30 AM

Mines

Tommy_Harn · 07-01-03, 08:48 AM

Yeah, I realize that some of the ideas are all in good humor (especially the reader mail) but the whole point of the article is ridiculous. Obviously soccer is a niche sport in this country and will likely never be a top 4 sport and that's fine. But it seems pointless for articles like this, and for guys like Jim Rome to constantly bash the sport. If you don't enjoy it, fine- don't play, don't watch. But let others make up their own mind.

das Monkey · 07-01-03, 09:17 AM

I've come to realize that the biggest hurdle soccer has in this country has little to do with the content of the sport itself; rather, it's overcoming this intense hatred so many people seem to have for it. It's like people are offended that some of us enjoy watching it. Sportscasters (I use that term loosely) dedicate a surprisingly large amount of energy berating the sport and its fans like we were all involved in double homicides or something. Great ... you don't like soccer ... la-de-da. Repeatedly whining about not liking it does not count as sports coverage. Some people gain too much satisfaction hating the sport. Why waste the energy? I don't get it.

As for the article, I actually enjoy healthy mockery of soccer and its lack of popularity here, but the article just isn't funny or original. The serious parts are stupid, and the attempts at humor are just plain bad. Is he mocking soccer? Is he mocking Americans and our obsession with instant gratification in sports? Weak either way. The readers' responses were much more creative.

das

devilshalo · 07-01-03, 09:27 AM

Uh, marry a Spice girl? No I guess even that didn't work

Groucho · 07-01-03, 09:28 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Tommy_Harn
If you don't enjoy it, fine- don't play, don't watch. But let others make up their own mind.

OMG! If you don't like soccer than just STFU!!!

Red Dog · 07-01-03, 09:30 AM

I thought we had a rule here. Soccer threads are only allowed in the sports forum once every 4 years.

Y2K Falcon · 07-01-03, 09:32 AM

Trampolines.

das Monkey · 07-01-03, 09:34 AM

• Quoth Red Dog •
I thought we had a rule here. Soccer threads are only allowed in the sports forum once every 4 years.

Can't we have the Women's World Cup too? I mean, she took her shirt off ... that's gotta be worth another rotation.

das

Red Dog · 07-01-03, 09:43 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by das Monkey
• Quoth Red Dog •
I thought we had a rule here. Soccer threads are only allowed in the sports forum once every 4 years.

Can't we have the Women's World Cup too? I mean, she took her shirt off ... that's gotta be worth another rotation.

das

Yeah to reveal a sports bra. Wow! I still can't get over the hoopla that ensued. It was like people in this country had never been to a gym or the beach.

Groucho · 07-01-03, 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Red Dog
I thought we had a rule here. Soccer threads are only allowed in the sports forum once every 4 years.

Which is about as often as somebody makes a goal.

das Monkey · 07-01-03, 09:49 AM

• Quoth Red Dog •
Yeah to reveal a sports bra. Wow! I still can't get over the hoopla that ensued. It was like people in this country had never been to a gym or the beach.

Never made any sense to me either, but I can't figure out why people don't enjoy the sport in the first place. I figure if it puts asses in seats and doesn't change the game itself, who am I to complain? At least one good thing came from that: the Kevin Garnett SportsCenter commercial.

das

Red Dog · 07-01-03, 09:52 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Groucho
Which is about as often as somebody makes a goal.

Which explains why that Mexican guy gets so excited when somebody scores a goal.

Y2K Falcon · 07-01-03, 09:56 AM

wendersfan · 07-01-03, 12:03 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by das Monkey
Sportscasters (I use that term loosely) dedicate a surprisingly large amount of energy berating the sport and its fans like we were all involved in double homicides or something.

das

It's because they have a great fear that the sport will become more popular and then they'll have to learn something about it.

The deal is, the sport actually is popular in the US, it's just not as popular as some people think it should be. The average attendance for an MLS match is larger than the average attendance for the top divisions in almost every other country. The only difference is that we are such a large country that we can have four team sports that are even more popular.

Personally, I don't care. The MLS sucks and is run by a bunch of idiots. It can wither away and die for all that it means to me. I'll continue to follow the Serie A (Italy) and La Liga (Spain) like I always have.

mwj · 07-01-03, 02:21 PM

I enjoy the World Cup. One thing that has always just made me cringe is tie games being decided by penalty kicks. World tournaments should not end on penalty shots, they should end on the field. Play overtime.

Red Dog · 07-01-03, 02:23 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by mwj
I enjoy the World Cup. One thing that has always just made cringe is tie games being decided by penalty kicks. World tournaments should not end on penalty shots, they should end on the field. Play overtime.

For sudden death, why don't they continue playing and remove a player from each team every 5 minutes or so until a goal is scored. Would that not be better than penalty kicks?

mwj · 07-01-03, 02:27 PM

That's a good idea and certainly preferable to penalty kicks IMO.

twikoff · 07-01-03, 02:29 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Tommy_Harn
This might just be the stupidest thing I've ever read. No wonder nobody attached their by-line to take credit for it:

Why not make the ball square while you're at it, moron?

even though most of it was meant as a joke
this writer accomplished his goal..
he got you to go out and post the story for everyone to read

bishop2knight · 07-01-03, 02:29 PM

They need to let Keira Knightley play. If you don't know who this is, check out the Mature forum.

Tommy_Harn · 07-01-03, 03:29 PM

Agreed about the MLS, it is difficult to watch many times. But I think it is the main reason the US Nat'l team is experiencing such success (save the Confed. Cup last month).

wendersfan · 07-01-03, 04:18 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Tommy_Harn
Agreed about the MLS, it is difficult to watch many times. But I think it is the main reason the US Nat'l team is experiencing such success (save the Confed. Cup last month).

I think it might actually be a hindrance to the national squad. Most of the key players (Reyna, Donovan, Friedel, et. al.) either play or have played in Europe for a significant portion of their careers. To me, the biggest factor in the recent successes of the US, aside from the fact the it was inevitable that we'd start doing something, is Bruce Arena. He's a guy that won't take crap from the stuffed shirts at the USSF, understands what it's like to win, and realizes the importance that minority groups will mean in the future. The 'powers that be' are only interested in the white suburban middle-class demographic, which will lead to nothing in the end.

NCMojo · 07-01-03, 10:08 PM

I have a great way to improve soccer! Eliminate the goalie.

All the goalie does is stop people from making goals, and that's not fair! In basketball, it's illegal to have some big guy stand in front of the goal and swat everything away; why should soccer allow it? What kind of game would you rather see -- a 1-0 game, or a game that ends 25-19?

das Monkey · 07-02-03, 04:50 AM

1-0

das

07-01-03, 07:52 AM	#1
Tommy_Harn DVD Talk Gold Edition Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Western NY Posts: 2,175	Top Ten Ways to spice up Soccer This might just be the stupidest thing I've ever read. No wonder nobody attached their by-line to take credit for it: Why not make the ball square while you're at it, moron? __________________ "I have just shot the President. I shot him several times as I wished him to go as easily as possible. His death was a political necessity. I am a lawyer, theologian, and politician. I am going to the jail. Please order out your troops and take possession of the jail at once." Charles Guiteau, in a letter to General William Sherman in 1881.

07-01-03, 07:57 AM	#2
Groucho DVD Talk Godfather Join Date: Mar 2000 Location: Salt Lake City, Utah Posts: 62,152	I hope you realize that it was a joke. __________________ Xbox Live: Runner Groucho PSN: RunnerGroucho "The Borg is a species" -- Tracer Bullet (Citation)

07-01-03, 08:30 AM	#3
dek DVD Talk Legend Join Date: Dec 1999 Location: On the road to reclaiming Lord Stanleys Cup, Patterson CA Posts: 11,135	Mines __________________ “He would drop his stick and fight his best friends to win, It was life and death. Some people play hockey; he fought hockey.” "Forsberg plays like Bird -- with no regard for his body, to win and not for money. They're comets that burn so brightly, they tan your face with delight. Then they go away and you feel like crying."

07-01-03, 08:48 AM	#4
Tommy_Harn DVD Talk Gold Edition Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Western NY Posts: 2,175	Yeah, I realize that some of the ideas are all in good humor (especially the reader mail) but the whole point of the article is ridiculous. Obviously soccer is a niche sport in this country and will likely never be a top 4 sport and that's fine. But it seems pointless for articles like this, and for guys like Jim Rome to constantly bash the sport. If you don't enjoy it, fine- don't play, don't watch. But let others make up their own mind. __________________ "I have just shot the President. I shot him several times as I wished him to go as easily as possible. His death was a political necessity. I am a lawyer, theologian, and politician. I am going to the jail. Please order out your troops and take possession of the jail at once." Charles Guiteau, in a letter to General William Sherman in 1881.

07-01-03, 09:17 AM	#5
das Monkey DVD Talk Hero Join Date: May 1999 Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 35,881	I've come to realize that the biggest hurdle soccer has in this country has little to do with the content of the sport itself; rather, it's overcoming this intense hatred so many people seem to have for it. It's like people are offended that some of us enjoy watching it. Sportscasters (I use that term loosely) dedicate a surprisingly large amount of energy berating the sport and its fans like we were all involved in double homicides or something. Great ... you don't like soccer ... la-de-da. Repeatedly whining about not liking it does not count as sports coverage. Some people gain too much satisfaction hating the sport. Why waste the energy? I don't get it. As for the article, I actually enjoy healthy mockery of soccer and its lack of popularity here, but the article just isn't funny or original. The serious parts are stupid, and the attempts at humor are just plain bad. Is he mocking soccer? Is he mocking Americans and our obsession with instant gratification in sports? Weak either way. The readers' responses were much more creative. das __________________ DragonCon 2004 - 2005 - Lost in Hawaii - DVD Reviews You are not* entitled to your own opinion. You are only entitled to your own informed opinion.** -- Harlan Ellison quoting Gustave Flaubert

07-01-03, 09:27 AM	#6
devilshalo DVD Talk Legend Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Somewhere between Heaven and Hell Posts: 24,154	Uh, marry a Spice girl? No I guess even that didn't work __________________ Just once, I would like to be a puppetmaster and have nothing go wrong. Is that too much to ask? - Dwight Schrute

07-01-03, 09:30 AM	#8
Red Dog DVD Talk God Join Date: Feb 2000 Location: Directionally Challenged (for DirecTV) Posts: 104,502	I thought we had a rule here. Soccer threads are only allowed in the sports forum once every 4 years. __________________ "A question for you. Would you rather Bucknell make the NCAA's once every 20 years or so and get ass raped by teams like Kansas in the first round or have them drop down a rung to a confernce where they can compete for a title?" - Josh Hinkle 1st Round Final Scores: Bucknell 64 Kansas 63 \| Bucknell 59 Arkansas 55

07-01-03, 09:32 AM	#9
Y2K Falcon DVD Talk Legend Join Date: Apr 1999 Location: Aostin, TX, USA Posts: 19,876	Trampolines. __________________ "Y2K Falcon is my new hero. He's soooo dreamy.'' - Groucho "Y2K should get a custom title like 'Search Goddess'" - Bushdog Egads! A Myspace Page

07-01-03, 09:34 AM	#10
das Monkey DVD Talk Hero Join Date: May 1999 Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 35,881	• Quoth Red Dog • I thought we had a rule here. Soccer threads are only allowed in the sports forum once every 4 years. Can't we have the Women's World Cup too? I mean, she took her shirt off ... that's gotta be worth another rotation. das __________________ DragonCon 2004 - 2005 - Lost in Hawaii - DVD Reviews You are not* entitled to your own opinion. You are only entitled to your own informed opinion.** -- Harlan Ellison quoting Gustave Flaubert

07-01-03, 09:49 AM	#13
das Monkey DVD Talk Hero Join Date: May 1999 Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 35,881	• Quoth Red Dog • Yeah to reveal a sports bra. Wow! I still can't get over the hoopla that ensued. It was like people in this country had never been to a gym or the beach. Never made any sense to me either, but I can't figure out why people don't enjoy the sport in the first place. I figure if it puts asses in seats and doesn't change the game itself, who am I to complain? At least one good thing came from that: the Kevin Garnett SportsCenter commercial. das __________________ DragonCon 2004 - 2005 - Lost in Hawaii - DVD Reviews You are not* entitled to your own opinion. You are only entitled to your own informed opinion.** -- Harlan Ellison quoting Gustave Flaubert

07-01-03, 09:56 AM	#15
Y2K Falcon DVD Talk Legend Join Date: Apr 1999 Location: Aostin, TX, USA Posts: 19,876	__________________ "Y2K Falcon is my new hero. He's soooo dreamy.'' - Groucho "Y2K should get a custom title like 'Search Goddess'" - Bushdog Egads! A Myspace Page

07-01-03, 02:21 PM	#17
mwj Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2000 Posts: 814	I enjoy the World Cup. One thing that has always just made me cringe is tie games being decided by penalty kicks. World tournaments should not end on penalty shots, they should end on the field. Play overtime. Last edited by mwj; 07-01-03 at 02:23 PM.

07-01-03, 02:27 PM	#19
mwj Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2000 Posts: 814	That's a good idea and certainly preferable to penalty kicks IMO.

07-01-03, 02:29 PM	#21
bishop2knight DVD Talk Limited Edition Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Denver Posts: 7,182	They need to let Keira Knightley play. If you don't know who this is, check out the Mature forum.

07-01-03, 03:29 PM	#22
Tommy_Harn DVD Talk Gold Edition Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Western NY Posts: 2,175	Agreed about the MLS, it is difficult to watch many times. But I think it is the main reason the US Nat'l team is experiencing such success (save the Confed. Cup last month). __________________ "I have just shot the President. I shot him several times as I wished him to go as easily as possible. His death was a political necessity. I am a lawyer, theologian, and politician. I am going to the jail. Please order out your troops and take possession of the jail at once." Charles Guiteau, in a letter to General William Sherman in 1881.

07-01-03, 10:08 PM	#24
NCMojo DVD Talk Legend Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 14,172	I have a great way to improve soccer! Eliminate the goalie. All the goalie does is stop people from making goals, and that's not fair! In basketball, it's illegal to have some big guy stand in front of the goal and swat everything away; why should soccer allow it? What kind of game would you rather see -- a 1-0 game, or a game that ends 25-19? __________________ Sometimes the light's all shinin' on me; other times I can barely see. The Official Cabinet

07-02-03, 04:50 AM	#25
das Monkey DVD Talk Hero Join Date: May 1999 Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 35,881	1-0 das __________________ DragonCon 2004 - 2005 - Lost in Hawaii - DVD Reviews You are not* entitled to your own opinion. You are only entitled to your own informed opinion.** -- Harlan Ellison quoting Gustave Flaubert