Release List Reviews Shop Join News DVD Giveaways Video Games Advertise
DVD Reviews | Theatrical Reviews | Price Search Buy Stuff Here
DVD Talk
DVD Reviews DVD Talk Headlines HD Reviews


Add to My Yahoo! - RSS 2.0 - RSS 2.0 - DVD Talk Podcast RSS -


Go Back   DVD Talk Forum > General Discussions > Other Talk

Other Talk "Otterville" plus Religion/Politics

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 09-10-17, 05:23 PM   #26
DVD Talk Legend
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 11,842
Re: What to do about a sibling who needs help but won't get it?

Like historical facts and stuff?
  Reply With Quote
Old 09-10-17, 05:24 PM   #27
DVD Talk Legend
 
Vibiana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Living in a van down by the river
Posts: 12,855
Re: What to do about a sibling who needs help but won't get it?

I have a brother who's 54 with a wife who's disabled. He hasn't worked in over ten years. My dad has been giving him several hundred dollars a month for years. They just qualified for housing assistance beginning October 1. I pay for their cell phones (phones only, not smartphones). I know that once my dad dies, my brother will want to move into the trailer my dad has lived in for the last 30 years. I really don't care about that because I don't want to live there and the trailer would be a tear down to me if I were inheriting the land all to myself and wanted to live there. At the very least I'd buy a new trailer.

My dad has pretty much said that he knows this brother will want to move into the trailer although all of his surviving children (one died last year) own equal shares of the place. The way I see it, if he wants to live there, he gets to pay the taxes and insurance. He wouldn't be paying rent, even the pittance he'll be paying now that HUD is stepping in at his current place.

My other brothers and I resent the fact that our parents have enabled this brother over the years, but what can you do? I pay for phones because I want his wife to be able to talk to her kids who live far away without worrying about phone bills or minutes, and because if I only got one phone for them he'd probably monopolize it. I was paying for their grown son's phone at first too, but he was dragging his feet about getting a job or showing any inclination to be a grownup so I yanked it. One thing I wish he would figure out is that the only reason his dad has gotten away with being what he is, is because MY dad has always saved his ass with "loans" that they both knew would never be repaid. My parents made their choices about raising their kids. That doesn't mean I have to take over the job once my dad is gone, though. If my brother starts putting the touch on me for anything after Dad's gone, he's going to come up dry.
  Reply With Quote
Old 09-10-17, 05:59 PM   #28
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 293
Re: What to do about a sibling who needs help but won't get it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vibiana View Post
I was paying for their grown son's phone at first too, but he was dragging his feet about getting a job or showing any inclination to be a grownup so I yanked it. One thing I wish he would figure out is that the only reason his dad has gotten away with being what he is, is because MY dad has always saved his ass with "loans" that they both knew would never be repaid. My parents made their choices about raising their kids. That doesn't mean I have to take over the job once my dad is gone, though. If my brother starts putting the touch on me for anything after Dad's gone, he's going to come up dry.
Good attitude here. My take on this is that you need to treat these irresponsible adults like you would treat your adult children (even if you don't have any) - i.e., would you want to enable your kids forever, and have them still be dependent on you when they're in their 50's?! Fuck that.

I have seen parents enable teens, who turn into enabled 20-something adults, who turn into enabled 30-something adults, etc. without ever getting their shit together. I know times can be tough re: the job market, etc. - but some of these people don't even try to get work.
  Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-17, 07:31 AM   #29
DVD Talk Legend
 
Ash Ketchum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 10,471
Re: What to do about a sibling who needs help but won't get it?

Two weeks since he was evicted, none of us have heard from him. I even found a family friend with an empty apartment in his three-story house who's willing to put him up temporarily, for cheap rent, if he agrees to get help and seek subsidized housing. I've left messages for him, but he seems determined not to ask for help. I dread getting a phone call from him asking me to put him up or, worse, having him pop up on my doorstep one cold night.

Thanks for all your honest, thoughtful responses. Much appreciated.
__________________
“Civilization exists by geological consent, subject to change without notice.” - Will Durant
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:10 PM.


Copyright 2011 DVDTalk.com All Rights Reserved. Privacy Policy and Terms of Use.

Content Relevant URLs by vBSEO 3.2.0