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Old 04-09-15, 10:48 AM   #126
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

You can choose almost everything in your life -- your job, your interests, your friends, you hobbies, your spouse/partner, whatever.

But the one thing you can't choose is your genetics, specifically who you're related to. And for so many, that means putting up with a WHOLE LOT OF BULLSHIT from people who think they have a free pass to dole out as much abuse as they want. Because they're "family" and they know they'll be forgiven for it.

Fuck that noise. Unacceptable douchebag behavior means you're out, period. Life's way too short to put up with ANY abusive, destructive, purposefully hurtful behavior from anyone, especially people who allegedly "love" you.
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Old 04-09-15, 12:43 PM   #127
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

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Old 04-13-15, 07:12 PM   #128
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

This thread did not deliver.
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Old 12-20-16, 06:35 PM   #129
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

Another recent thread made me think I should update this thread.

So my daughters are now 8 and 5 and the nephew is 8. Holidays continue to be dreaded. He still acts the same way. He has the maturity of a 4 year old. He can't control the volume of his voice. He climbs, jumps, and kicks every piece of furnature, and if I tell him to stop he does it twice.

A little more backstory has been learned over the last couple of years. My sister in law has a younger brother who has always been trouble. Kicked out of multiple schools, drug addiction, just a totally out of control guy. He vocally blames his mother and father that he became the way he is because they punished him too much and kept him on such a short leash. My sister in law believes this bullshit and agrees with him. So it's evident that she does not believe in any form of punishment and is actually afraid to discipline him. My bro has stepped up disciplining a bit, but it's too little and it's too late, the kid is just wildly out of control.

When we do stuff with my wife's family everything is so mellow. My kids find some room to play in and you would barely know they're there. When I do stuff with my side, and he's there, it's just nuts. Not only is he aweful, but he stirs up my kids in a way that no one else does. We've decided to just do as little as possible and we've also decided to be honest with our kids that he doesn't come over much because (1) he's rude (2) he agitates them into misbehaving. My 5 year old actually said to him recently, "I knew you were going to adgitate me!" To which he replied, "I don't know what that word means." Almost funny if it weren't so pathetic.
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Old 12-20-16, 07:26 PM   #130
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

Taze the little fucker
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Old 12-21-16, 09:44 AM   #131
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

Well.... you continue to allow that child to interact with your children, so whether you like what's happening or not you're providing tacit approval of it. I know it sucks, but you need to take action if you want the status quo to change. As I see it, your limited options are:

(1) Change the child - Ask the parents to man-up and discipline their child, because you find his behavior unacceptable.
(2) Remove the child - Stop exposing your family to him, while explaining to the parents why.
(3) Do nothing.

All of us Otters have opinions here, and several of us are parents who have been in situations similar to yours. But only you know the specific of the relationship you have with your family and know how to approach them. If you cannot ask them to reign-in their kid, and are unable to insulate your family from this kid for whatever reason, then all you can do is what you've been doing. The only risk to this path as I can see it is what happens when the kid becomes 10 or 13 and is big enough to turn his vocal abuse into physical abuse? He already has no apparent respect for parental authority and has seen no consequence for behaving in this manner - I predict it will escalate as he continues to test boundaries to find out where the limit actually is. I hope your kids do not end up paying the price for this inevitable blow-up.
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Old 12-21-16, 10:02 AM   #132
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mabuse View Post
When we do stuff with my wife's family everything is so mellow. My kids find some room to play in and you would barely know they're there. When I do stuff with my side, and he's there, it's just nuts. Not only is he aweful, but he stirs up my kids in a way that no one else does.
This kid's parents might be oblivious to how other kids play in groups. Does he have many friends his own age? Does he go to their birthday parties or sleepovers or anything like that?

Anyway, good luck. This is my first Christmas without any of my side of the family; just me, my wife, my kid, and my wife's parents. It's going to be delightful.
(My family's great, but I have an adult cousin and an aunt that are the grown-up equivalent of your nephew. Fights and insults galore when they're around)
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Old 12-21-16, 10:30 AM   #133
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

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Originally Posted by kenbuzz View Post
(2) Remove the child - Stop exposing your family to him, while explaining to the parents why.
That's what I would choose. I certainly wouldn't allow the little fucker in my house and I would gladly tell his parents why.
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Old 12-21-16, 12:01 PM   #134
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

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Originally Posted by Mabuse View Post
Holidays continue to be dreaded. He still acts the same way. He has the maturity of a 4 year old. He can't control the volume of his voice. He climbs, jumps, and kicks every piece of furnature, and if I tell him to stop he does it twice.
Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD)

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-c...s/con-20024559
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Old 12-21-16, 12:17 PM   #135
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

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Originally Posted by Dan View Post
This kid's parents might be oblivious to how other kids play in groups. Does he have many friends his own age? Does he go to their birthday parties or sleepovers or anything like that?
He has very few friends.

He was in a carpool to school that he had to drop out of because his behavior made another kid cry. Not sure exactly what happened.

He is aweful at b day parties. On one occasion he and my kids were all invited to the same b day party so I took them all while his parents got to have some time off. He was so fucking aweful. It was all about pizza. He's the only fucking person on the planet who doesn't like any form of pizza. When it was time to stop playing and have lunch, he saw that it was pizza and he started a revolt. He loudly proclaims that he hates pizza. I tell him to just sit down with his friends and that he doesn't have to eat. He says no way and he starts begging all the other kids to not eat the pizza. They're all digging in and eating the pizza and he is in anguish that the other kids won't join him and refuse the pizza. He refuses to stay at the table. He went off in a corner and sulked. Wouldn't talk to anyone. Other parents who don't know his history are taking pity on him, asking if he's okay, and I'm like, "Just ignore it. He's like this all the time."

My only big regret in all these years has been that I didn't tell his parents what happened at the party. It would have been a perfect window to discuss his bullshit.

At other parties I've been with him he's always the loudest, most physical, he's always making younger kids upset in the bounce house, and indeed most of it goes unwitnessed by mom who's not paying attention.

Last edited by Mabuse; 12-21-16 at 12:30 PM.
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Old 12-21-16, 12:40 PM   #136
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

Haven't been through the rest of the thread, but aren't there therapists and/or medication that can help?
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Old 12-21-16, 01:02 PM   #137
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

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Originally Posted by Nth Power View Post
Haven't been through the rest of the thread, but aren't there therapists and/or medication that can help?
Fuck therapy. A good belt or a grandmother who tells the kid to go get a switch would fix everything.

And for the record I have not had to hit my kids. I nipped all those bad behaviors in the bud with time out and basic talking to my kids. Disrespect to adults is not tolerated unless that adult is being rude.
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Old 12-21-16, 02:31 PM   #138
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

I looked back and the comments from 2 years ago are still the way to go.
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Old 12-21-16, 04:05 PM   #139
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mabuse View Post
He is aweful at b day parties. On one occasion he and my kids were all invited to the same b day party so I took them all while his parents got to have some time off. He was so fucking aweful. It was all about pizza. He's the only fucking person on the planet who doesn't like any form of pizza. When it was time to stop playing and have lunch, he saw that it was pizza and he started a revolt. He loudly proclaims that he hates pizza. I tell him to just sit down with his friends and that he doesn't have to eat. He says no way and he starts begging all the other kids to not eat the pizza. They're all digging in and eating the pizza and he is in anguish that the other kids won't join him and refuse the pizza. He refuses to stay at the table. He went off in a corner and sulked. Wouldn't talk to anyone. Other parents who don't know his history are taking pity on him, asking if he's okay, and I'm like, "Just ignore it. He's like this all the time."

My only big regret in all these years has been that I didn't tell his parents what happened at the party. It would have been a perfect window to discuss his bullshit.

At other parties I've been with him he's always the loudest, most physical, he's always making younger kids upset in the bounce house, and indeed most of it goes unwitnessed by mom who's not paying attention.
My three-year-old doesn't like pizza. Or, I should say, she SAYS she doesn't like it, and will never eat it at home, but if we go to a friend's house and they're having pizza... she'll reluctantly eat it and enjoy it.

Anyway, aside from that, the behavior you're talking about is pretty crappy. Like the stuff about trying to get the other kids on his side (such a losing battle on his part. Who of those kids is going to pretend they don't like pizza just for his sake? None, that's who.)

It sounds like his parents don't realize just how abnormal it is. I can't remember from earlier in the thread, but I assume he's an only child, right? I would try to get the parents to get him on more playdates where they WATCH what he's doing and how the other kids respond. Doubt it'll happen, though. I agree with Nth Power about therapy. Not just for the kid, but the parents. They clearly don't realize how bad it can get, or maybe they get it all to well and just stopped caring. That's a recipe for disaster as he gets older. My nephew is a pretty hyper kid, but when he gets told to cut it out or get in line, he obeys.

I think there's something bigger going on here than just a 'boys will be boys' excuse.
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Old 12-21-16, 04:09 PM   #140
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mabuse View Post
My 5 year old actually said to him recently, "I knew you were going to adgitate me!" To which he replied, "I don't know what that word means." Almost funny if it weren't so pathetic.
Maybe he could hear the typo!
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Old 12-21-16, 04:11 PM   #141
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hokeyboy View Post
You can choose almost everything in your life -- your job, your interests, your friends, you hobbies, your spouse/partner, whatever.

But the one thing you can't choose is your genetics, specifically who you're related to. And for so many, that means putting up with a WHOLE LOT OF BULLSHIT from people who think they have a free pass to dole out as much abuse as they want. Because they're "family" and they know they'll be forgiven for it.

Fuck that noise. Unacceptable douchebag behavior means you're out, period. Life's way too short to put up with ANY abusive, destructive, purposefully hurtful behavior from anyone, especially people who allegedly "love" you.
My mom is no longer in my life, because I follow the same logic that you do and cut her off. Long story, but I don't regret my decision at all.
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Old 12-21-16, 04:18 PM   #142
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

Quote:
He is aweful at b day parties. On one occasion he and my kids were all invited to the same b day party so I took them all while his parents got to have some time off. He was so fucking aweful. It was all about pizza. He's the only fucking person on the planet who doesn't like any form of pizza. When it was time to stop playing and have lunch, he saw that it was pizza and he started a revolt. He loudly proclaims that he hates pizza....
I have a nephew like this. From watching him over the years, it's more of an attention-getting behavior. It started with only a few veggies (Broccoli), and now it's just about everything. And it works almost flawlessly. A therapist might help, but choose wisely, since we have so many SJW Therapists, it could make the kid worse, and putting the blame on the parents, setting off a chain reaction in the household which also would get worse.

However, I have to ask, to just make sure it isn't something else. Mabuse, how old is this kid. And are his parents the type who would transfer their biased views on certain foods...teaching this kid some very odd and unconfirmed fear-based theories about this circular carbohydrate demon from hell? Just curious, as I've also seen parents tell their kids some wacky shit, and I initially think it's the kid...but it's the parents providing the fear-based information to the kid.
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Old 12-21-16, 05:20 PM   #143
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brian Shannon View Post
Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD)

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-c...s/con-20024559
Quote:
Angry and irritable mood:

* Often loses temper
* Is often touchy or easily annoyed by others
* Is often angry and resentful

Argumentative and defiant behavior:

* Often argues with adults or people in authority
* Often actively defies or refuses to comply with adults' requests or rules
* Often deliberately annoys people
* Often blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior

Vindictiveness:

* Is often spiteful or vindictive
* Has shown spiteful or vindictive behavior at least twice in the past six months
This describes about half of the adults I know. Goes up to about two-thirds if it's facebook.
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Old 12-21-16, 05:29 PM   #144
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

For those struggling to keep up:

He is an only child.
He is now 8.

And the parents eat pizza. They are not new age food weirdos.
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Old 12-21-16, 05:52 PM   #145
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

If he's already 8 and the parents have not taken any steps to correct his behavior he's already too far gone for you to do anything (not that there was ever much you could do).

Cut the little shit out of your life but don't make a big deal about it with family members -- there's no need to burn bridges with folks you can actually stand. In a few years the kid is going to be a teenager and won't want to hang out with family anyway.
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Old 12-21-16, 06:46 PM   #146
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mabuse View Post
For those struggling to keep up:

He is an only child.
He is now 8.

And the parents eat pizza. They are not new age food weirdos.
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Old 12-21-16, 08:12 PM   #147
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

Kill him. Problem solved.
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Old 12-21-16, 08:28 PM   #148
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

Send him on a mission to retrieve the Death Star plans. It's a win-win.

That, or tell his parents he showed you a picture of Nikki Minaj and a coffee maker, thus he is banned from your home.
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Old 12-21-16, 09:23 PM   #149
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

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In a few years the kid is going to be a teenager and won't want to hang out with family anyway.
Wanna bet? Odds are he won't have any friends to hang out with, so he'll hang with family just to aggravate them for attention.

And (not directed at funkyryno) let's get off the only child issue. What a cliche. Being raised an only child doesn't make a kid a jerk anymore than having siblings guarantees they'll be an angel. In fact, knowing as many jerks as I do that have siblings, I'd say having siblings makes them more likely to be jerks. Most of the people I know who were only children are pretty decent.
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Old 03-17-17, 07:49 AM   #150
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

I would tell your brother, "hey I noticed Marcus has a lot of energy, have you try putting him on soccer/basketball/volley "

Sports are really good for releasing energy and developing some team work
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