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Old 12-01-14, 03:32 PM   #26
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

Good point, fumanstan.

Good point, Tracer Bu-- um. Huh.
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Old 12-01-14, 03:43 PM   #27
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

Tell your bratty nephew about Santa Claus gettng him nothing but black coal in his stocking.
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Old 12-01-14, 03:47 PM   #28
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

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Originally Posted by fumanstan View Post
If your parents understand the situation, have them around as a buffer and hope that they support your side of it.
This can backfire.

In my family, my oldest brother is king shit. As far as my mother is concerned, he can do (basically) no wrong, and in a dispute, he is always right.
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Old 12-01-14, 03:56 PM   #29
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

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I've got a three-year-old daughter at home and I do not agree with that.
No shit. Boys at least don't burst into tears over [insert any word here].
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Old 12-01-14, 03:57 PM   #30
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

Sounds like your nephew is an energetic boy, and of course he's more annoying than your calmer girls. Wait till middle school. Your brother will be starting threads somewhere about his psycho nieces who live for drama.
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Old 12-01-14, 04:16 PM   #31
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

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Originally Posted by Mabuse View Post
While sitting at the dinner table the nephew grabbed something from my 3 year old or bumped her or did something I didn't see and she told me "Daddy he bumped me." To which my nephew retorted "You're a tattle tale." I explained that since she is 3 I like her to tell me things so that I can keep her happy and safe, to which he replied to my face "So? She's still a tattle tale! Tattle tale, tattle tale, tattle tale." On and on until I had to tap on his plate with my knife to get his attention, quiet him, and tell him that's not friendly and cut it out. This is all happening in front of the whole family and no one is doing anything.
This ... Threaten him with weapons.
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Old 12-01-14, 04:36 PM   #32
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

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There is simply no way I can be that forthright with my brother. I can't put my finger on exactly why but that's just not the relationship we have and I simply don't feel like I have the balls to call him out one on one and say, "Your kid's behavior is a problem."
Honestly, you should talk to your brother. Do you think he is that immature and can't take criticism. Because if this isn't stopped now that boy's behavior is going to be unleashed to the rest of society and it's going to get worse when he is a teenager. Then the real shit starts to happen.
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Old 12-01-14, 04:41 PM   #33
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

I am so many fucking miles away from confronting my brother about this that it's like we are on opposite sides of the globe. I can't even comprehend you guys who are suggesting it. I'm not saying any or all of you are wrong, I'm just saying it's not on the table. I imagine many of you come from very different families than mine.

Like I said earlier. Grandma attempted some intervention a year or two ago and it did not go well. I do not know any of the details, but whatever happened it led her to have an attitude of "I stay out of it."

I will add this: My wife wants to avoid doing things with the nephew at all costs. I actually take the opposite approach. I say let's do as many things with him as possible, let's make sure there are lots of opportunities for his bad behavior to be observed until something finally makes everyone wake up. But I'm starting to feel that no behavior will ever be bad enough.
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Old 12-01-14, 04:43 PM   #34
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

Sounds like the problem is not just your nephew, but your brother.
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Old 12-01-14, 04:46 PM   #35
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

It's my brother, but also his wife, the nephew, the whole package. I feel that criticism will lead to discord and unhappiness for everyone.
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Old 12-01-14, 04:51 PM   #36
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

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I am so many fucking miles away from confronting my brother about this that it's like we are on opposite sides of the globe. I can't even comprehend you guys who are suggesting it. I'm not saying any or all of you are wrong, I'm just saying it's not on the table. I imagine many of you come from very different families than mine.

Like I said earlier. Grandma attempted some intervention a year or two ago and it did not go well. I do not know any of the details, but whatever happened it led her to have an attitude of "I stay out of it."

I will add this: My wife wants to avoid doing things with the nephew at all costs. I actually take the opposite approach. I say let's do as many things with him as possible, let's make sure there are lots of opportunities for his bad behavior to be observed until something finally makes everyone wake up. But I'm starting to feel that no behavior will ever be bad enough.
Wow, not to criticize but I can't imagine what set of circumstances might have happened that you're unable to even discuss something like that with your brother in a non-confrontational manner.

I'm really not sure what other options you might have, unless you're able to teach your nephew yourself in the limited time that you see him, or just avoid him completely like your wife wants. How else can you address the problem if you can't communicate with the other parties involved?
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Old 12-01-14, 04:53 PM   #37
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

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It's my brother, but also his wife, the nephew, the whole package. I feel that criticism will lead to discord and unhappiness for everyone.
No, it will shift the unhappiness from your children to the people responsible for making your children unhappy. You're their dad. It's your job to take care of them and to put them first in these kinds of situations.

That said, walking away will have the same effect.

Whatever you decide, the next time one of your daughters is crying and hurt because you continue to put them in a situation you freely acknowledge is bad for them, remember the advice given in this thread.
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Old 12-01-14, 04:55 PM   #38
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

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Originally Posted by Mabuse View Post
It's my brother, but also his wife, the nephew, the whole package. I feel that criticism will lead to discord and unhappiness for everyone.
Sounds like childish parents raising a bad child who will someday be a bad parent raising more obnoxious children. If you can't talk to your brother like an adult I'm not sure there's anything we can say that will help. Pics of the sister-in-law?
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Old 12-01-14, 05:34 PM   #39
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

If you don't have the balls to confront them, then your only other option is to avoid them. You can't use middlemen (grandparents, etc, that will not work)

Either way, I am sure your brother will be pissed at you.

I can tell you that the majority of parents I know (and it is a lot) do not ever feel their kids are a problem or ever do anything wrong. Their little 'jonny' is an angel and is perfect and never does anything wrong.

I understand not wanting to confront as they will just redirect the issue towards you and your kids most likely

It's lose / lose that way

Just avoid them, if they ask why you are avoiding them (and they most likely will) then you need to grow a sack and let them know. They will deny everything I am sure Its a painful ride, just keep avoiding.
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Old 12-01-14, 05:39 PM   #40
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

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If you can't talk to your brother like an adult I'm not sure there's anything we can say that will help.
This. Your brother is the key.
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Old 12-01-14, 05:40 PM   #41
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

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No, it will shift the unhappiness from your children to the people responsible for making your children unhappy. You're their dad. It's your job to take care of them and to put them first in these kinds of situations.

That said, walking away will have the same effect.

Whatever you decide, the next time one of your daughters is crying and hurt because you continue to put them in a situation you freely acknowledge is bad for them, remember the advice given in this thread.
I hear you, although I want to be clear on something: As I said in my original post, the kids all have fun, and while I don't like how they play together I do recognize it as the kind of shit that kids do sometimes. I'm more concerned about his behavior toward adults. My kids aren't in any way unhappy. It's my wife and I.
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Old 12-01-14, 06:02 PM   #42
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

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I'm Mexican, so growing up, if I acted out like that I'd get a smack in the mouth and the belt when I got home. I stopped misbehaving.
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Old 12-01-14, 06:39 PM   #43
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

yeah, this only leads to issues. i have a cousin who has a son who is 1 year older than my son. he's basically a bully and a shitty kid. we've slowly drifted away from doing things with them solo and only see them now at family functions because their son is out of control. it's hard to talk to family about this because they usually get offended.
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Old 12-01-14, 06:48 PM   #44
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

Wow - parents are really chickenshit about this stuff, huh.
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Old 12-01-14, 07:00 PM   #45
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

I guess it doesn't take a village anymore.

In some cultures Aunts and Uncles have no problem dealing with out of control nieces and nephews.
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Old 12-01-14, 07:07 PM   #46
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

We got the belt often, and the buckle end if my Dad was really mad, or drunk. Some of my siblings turned out OK, some pretty bad. I say put him down. He's only six, so his parents might not be too attached to him yet.
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Old 12-01-14, 07:08 PM   #47
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

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I guess it doesn't take a village anymore.

In some cultures Aunts and Uncles have no problem dealing with out of control nieces and nephews.
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Old 12-01-14, 08:54 PM   #48
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

If you are only around them a few days a year, then just deal with it. It isn't that big of a deal and nothing good can probably come from your intervening. Let them raise their own fucking kid. Just avoid all get-togethers except the rare holiday or whatnot. Kid probably has ADHD.
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Old 12-01-14, 09:46 PM   #49
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

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Originally Posted by Mabuse View Post
I will add this: My wife wants to avoid doing things with the nephew at all costs. I actually take the opposite approach. I say let's do as many things with him as possible, let's make sure there are lots of opportunities for his bad behavior to be observed until something finally makes everyone wake up. But I'm starting to feel that no behavior will ever be bad enough.
Your strategy is dumb. They live with the kid 24/7, what makes you think they just haven't observed his bad behavior enough to wake up to it? They're not going to notice. Your wife's approach is better. We've done that with friends before, if their kid is a terror. Kinda sucks but you might have to.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Why So Blu? View Post
Wow - parents are really chickenshit about this stuff, huh.
I don't think the OP is chickenshit. I just think he knows his relationship. Don't you have certain friends that you just can't talk to about stuff? Where you just have to accept certain things to be friends with them? Well, amp that up by 100x, when you're talking about someone's kid and their parenting of that kid. Some people are open to constructive criticism, some not, but even those who are may not be open to it depending on who it's coming from.

I'll take the OP's "I'm not talking about it with my brother" at face value, because I can understand that.
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Old 12-01-14, 09:52 PM   #50
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Re: How do I deal with bad behavior from my Nephew?

Don't go over their house and don't invite them over. Simple. Your daughters are more important.
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