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Old 05-10-12, 07:23 PM   #1
Mrs. Danger
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Bizarre product failures.

Yes, it's another Cracked list. But, this was just so mind-bogglingly stupid, I had to share it with all you connoisseurs of stupid.



A spray can of fire suppressant. What's stupid about that? it seems like a handy thing to have around.

http://www.cracked.com/article_19805...-all-time.html

It's stupid all right. And only number 4 on the list.

Quote:
In the 1990s, a company called Colbra Corporation introduced a revolutionary new fire extinguisher called Fire Cap. It was a very unorthodox device: a small 16-ounce bottle (not unlike a hairspray can) that was meant to put out little spot fires. Like if your trash can caught on fire or something.

Well, hell, everybody should have one of those on hand. In fact, the city of Jackson, Mississippi, actually adopted it as their police department's official fire control device. The Fire Cap went on to sell by the truckload in multiple countries, and the world was the company's oyster. But by 2000, Colbra Corporation was bankrupt, and it was clear that anyone who had ever used the Fire Cap would probably have a lot of explaining to do to their insurance companies.

The Horrible Malfunction:

If you're wondering exactly how the Colbra Corporation managed to bottle something that stops fires that efficiently in a mere aerosol can, we have an answer for you: They didn't. Fire Cap wasn't very good at stopping fires.

In fact, according to the recall notice of the product, it didn't stop fires at all. If anything, it intensified them.

That ... really seems like something they should have noticed on the first day of product testing, right? Like even if the first time they tried it their test fire went out, they'd probably try it a few more times just to make sure, right? Maybe by setting a variety of things on fire?

Instead, for years Colbra had managed to sell thousands of cans of a product that operated on a sliding scale from zero to doing the exact opposite of what it was supposed to do, and no one found out, because apparently there were no fires whatsoever in Jackson before 2000.

And, to be frank, the fact that it took so long for anyone to bother using it makes us kind of angry. Look at that thing. It's stop-fire in a spray can, people! We'd have tested the Fire Cap the second we purchased it. Just flat out set the store counter on fire and tried it out.
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Old 05-10-12, 07:26 PM   #2
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Re: Bizarre product failures.

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Old 05-10-12, 07:47 PM   #3
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Re: Bizarre product failures.

That's not a product malfunction.
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Old 05-10-12, 07:49 PM   #4
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Re: Bizarre product failures.

"In a short period of time, Persil Power destroyed tons of clothing all over the country, rendering the entire wardrobes of untold families into useless piles of abused fabric that could only be worn at Burning Man. That shit was clean as hell, though."

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Old 05-11-12, 04:47 AM   #5
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Re: Bizarre product failures.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Danger View Post
That's not a product malfunction.
thread title is bizarre product failures, is it not?
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Old 05-11-12, 06:35 AM   #6
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Re: Bizarre product failures.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TallGuyMe View Post
thread title is bizarre product failures, is it not?
Giving a product an unfortunate name isn't quite the same thing as a fire extinguisher that intensifies fires, a gun holster that discharges the firearm, a fabric softener that mutilates clothing, or a hand sanitizer that can give you a flesh-eating bacteria infection.
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Old 05-11-12, 06:54 AM   #7
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Re: Bizarre product failures.

it's a failure of the marketing team. whatever, I don't give a shit. delete the fucking post then.
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Old 05-11-12, 07:13 AM   #8
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Re: Bizarre product failures.

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Originally Posted by TallGuyMe View Post
it's a failure of the marketing team.
Except its not. Its just a coincidence that the candy shares a similar name to a deadly virus. The commercial is from the 1970s, and public awareness of AIDS didn't happen until the 1980s.
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Old 05-11-12, 07:21 AM   #9
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Re: Bizarre product failures.

You win.

Delete the fucking post and carry on with this charming thread.
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Old 05-11-12, 07:24 AM   #10
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Re: Bizarre product failures.

Dammit TGM, there are rules to the internet, these things are important!
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Old 05-11-12, 07:29 AM   #11
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Re: Bizarre product failures.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TallGuyMe View Post
You win.

Delete the fucking post and carry on with this charming thread.
Nah, its still funny to watch it in retrospect. Its just not accurate to call it a product failure or marketing failure since Ayds pre-dates AIDS by about a decade.
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Old 05-11-12, 08:12 AM   #12
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Re: Bizarre product failures.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kgrogers1979 View Post
Nah, its still funny to watch it in retrospect. Its just not accurate to call it a product failure or marketing failure since Ayds pre-dates AIDS by about a decade.
It was a failure to anticipate that a stupid name might be stupid in the future. So I vote it fits in this thread. You may now commence seppuku.

And what is it with your fascination with supermarkets?
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Old 05-11-12, 08:19 AM   #13
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Re: Bizarre product failures.

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Old 05-11-12, 08:27 AM   #14
kgrogers1979
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Re: Bizarre product failures.

Quote:
Originally Posted by arminius View Post
And what is it with your fascination with supermarkets?
My username isn't krogers. Its kgrogers. As in my first two initials plus my last name. It was pretty common to use your initials plus last name plus birth year as your username way back in the mid 90s when the internet was still new and exciting. I have been using the same name ever since because frankly I am just too lazy to change, despite many many people mistakenly calling me kroger. At least most young people today are too young to remember Mister Rogers' Neighborhood TV show, so at least I don't get too many of those jokes anymore.
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Old 05-11-12, 08:50 AM   #15
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Re: Bizarre product failures.

Quote:
Originally Posted by wishbone View Post
I loved those! And I never experienced anal leakage from eating them.
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Old 05-11-12, 08:52 AM   #16
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Re: Bizarre product failures.

Quote:
Originally Posted by krogers_TRUE_FAN View Post
At least most young people today are too young to remember Mister Rogers' Neighborhood TV show, so at least I don't get too many of those jokes anymore.
But do you know when to hold them?
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Old 05-11-12, 09:00 AM   #17
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Re: Bizarre product failures.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kgrogers1979 View Post
Nah, its still funny to watch it in retrospect. Its just not accurate to call it a product failure or marketing failure since Ayds pre-dates AIDS by about a decade.
ah, but they then went on to simply rename it "Diet Ayds" when AIDS became more mainstream, therefore FAILURE of the marketing department. WINNAR!
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Old 05-11-12, 09:04 AM   #18
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Re: Bizarre product failures.

Do you remember when Taco Bell made a taco out of a Doritos chip shell?

Oh, wait... nevermind. That was fucking delicious.
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Old 05-11-12, 09:34 AM   #19
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Re: Bizarre product failures.

Exploding bath salts.



JAKKS Pacific® Recalls Spa Factory™ Aromatherapy Kits Due to Explosion and Projectile Hazards

http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml09/09112.html
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Old 05-11-12, 09:37 AM   #20
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Re: Bizarre product failures.



The chewing device runs as long as there's something in the mouth. Guess what happens when one of these little girls gets her hair in it?

Recalled for scalping and pulling the skin off small fingers.
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Old 05-11-12, 09:40 AM   #21
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Re: Bizarre product failures.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Danger View Post
Exploding bath salts.



JAKKS Pacific® Recalls Spa Factory™ Aromatherapy Kits Due to Explosion and Projectile Hazards

http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml09/09112.html
The '80s mermaid doll is sold separately?
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Old 05-11-12, 04:01 PM   #22
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Re: Bizarre product failures.

Exploding Pintos.
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Old 05-11-12, 04:26 PM   #23
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Re: Bizarre product failures.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TallGuyMe View Post
it's a failure of the marketing team. whatever, I don't give a shit. delete the fucking post then.
Awesome.
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Old 05-11-12, 11:39 PM   #24
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Re: Bizarre product failures.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TallGuyMe View Post
it's a failure of the marketing team. whatever, I don't give a shit. delete the fucking post then.
You need a better marketing team ...

I'm thinking city buses painted with your image on the side ... probably a half-head shot (either horizontal or vertical) that is color "uncorrected" (negative image?) ... I like the quote though, let's use that in the copy:

"Delete the @#$*ing post then!"
Better get there quick.
TallGuyMe daily on DVDTalk ... while he lasts.
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