Not sure what to think. (Asking a girl out related.)

[PopcornBandit]

Originally Posted by whoopdido

This is very good advice. I think it's wrong to freeze her out like others have mentioned. It sounded like you and her at least had a somewhat friendly relationship. You took a chance and it backfired. Maybe if you had acted differently or said different things it would have worked out for you and maybe not. In any event, being a dick to her is totally unfair. It wasn't her fault you asked her out. Be 100% professional towards her and try to remain friendly. You don't have to be like Jim Halpert and hang out at her desk for 4 hours a day, but just be nice to her. Also, just a suggestion, if you're always a goofball, maybe tone that act down a bit. It's possible she doesn't see you as a potential because she doesn't take you seriously.

Oh, I was never planning on freezing her out anyway. I fully intend on remaining friends.

And actually, that may have been my main problem. I am not a very serious person (ever), and I'm always joking around so when I asked her she may have though I was joking (hence the smile and the, "Are you serious?" line), but when she realized I wasn't, it may have caught her off guard a little.

[JasonF]

Originally Posted by emptysky

I don't do a lot of things typical women do, but "I'm soooo busy" is always my cop out when I don't want to do something. I don't have to hurt the person's feelings with a flat out no, but I can keep coming up with stuff that I'll be "busy" with til the end of time if necessary.

You're so busy that you're never going to eat dinner again? We're not stupid. We know you eat dinner just about every night, no matter how busy you are. You just don't want to eat dinner with us.

[JMG]

Originally Posted by emptysky

I Do a lot of things typical women do, but "I'm soooo busy" is always my cop out when I don't want to do something. I don't have to hurt the person's feelings with a flat out no, but I can keep coming up with stuff that I'll be "busy" with til the end of time if necessary.

[Dr Mabuse]

[Giantrobo]

Originally Posted by OscarBluth

Whatever you do, don't bring it up again. Ever. Don't even mention it as a possible joke. Keep your conversations strictly professional. If she changes her mind, she will tell you.

Pretty much.

I just completed my jobs mandatory Management training course for Sexual Harassment Awareness and the course more or less said the same thing. Repeatedly asking someone out who has already shot you down will get you into deep shit.

[Giantrobo]

Originally Posted by Groucho

See, this is the problem right here. You don't want to hurt anybody's feelings, but you're actually making things worse by dragging it on and on.

Just say no.

Yep. Saying "Maybe later" gives guys mixed signals and it keeps them hoping for something.

[OscarBluth]

Originally Posted by PopcornBandit

Oh, I was never planning on freezing her out anyway. I fully intend on remaining friends.

You're coworkers who get along, but are you friends or casual acquaintances? If she quit tomorrow, would you ever see her again? Too many people make the same mistake you have-- It's not wrong to confuse familiarity with friendship, but it's important to recognize the difference. If she was attracted to you sexually and liked awkward guys, she'd be riding your cock right now. Look down, is she?

You might think that's harsh, but you need to live the life you have and make the best of it. Don't chase the girl that could have said yes but didn't.

[E. Honda]

Might I recommend that the OP view this movie:

[JMG]

[Tracer Bullet]

That's not an email address.

[D.Pham00]

Originally Posted by Giantrobo

Pretty much.

I just completed my jobs mandatory Management training course for Sexual Harassment Awareness and the course more or less said the same thing. Repeatedly asking someone out who has already shot you down will get you into deep shit.

you're a manager? i'd like to see pics of your subordinates.

[D.Pham00]

Originally Posted by Tracer Bullet

That's not an email address.

prob. part of the subtle hints...

[stingermck]

Originally Posted by JoeyOhhhh

We need a date forum

Thank you! Ive been saying this for years. And yeah OP, sorry, walk that in the wind, and move on.

[PopcornBandit]

Originally Posted by OscarBluth

You're coworkers who get along, but are you friends or casual acquaintances? If she quit tomorrow, would you ever see her again? Too many people make the same mistake you have-- It's not wrong to confuse familiarity with friendship, but it's important to recognize the difference. If she was attracted to you sexually and liked awkward guys, she'd be riding your cock right now. Look down, is she?

You might think that's harsh, but you need to live the life you have and make the best of it. Don't chase the girl that could have said yes but didn't.

We're actually pretty good friends. We talk almost daily and have been for the past four years. I've actually taken my lunch break with her and her sisters a bunch of times. (They asked me to go.) She even laughs at things I say that aren't even remotely funny. (I thought this was one of the big clues that she liked me.) She also goes out of her way to walk to my department and talk to me. One of her sisters also told me that she told her that I was the funniest guy she knows. And one day she scared the bejesus out of me, and thought my reaction was "cute." And then continued to try and scare me multiple times. Do those signs not point to her liking me? It's just weird because, before I asked her out, I asked a few people what they thought ablut it and told them to be brutally honest. Every one of them said that she seems to like me and she would probably say yes.

All the signs above pointed to her liking me, so I don't think I was in the wrong by asking her out.

[stingermck]

I stopped reading at the ..."and her sisters a bunch of times"

Congrats. You soared over friend territory into gay friend territory.

[PopcornBandit]

Originally Posted by stingermck

I stopped reading at the ..."and her sisters a bunch of times"

Congrats. You soared over friend territory into gay friend territory.

Shit.

WAIT! They haven't asked me opinions on clothes yet though or anything else they would ask a gay friend.

[antennaball]

Originally Posted by PopcornBandit

We're actually pretty good friends. We talk almost daily and have been for the past four years. I've actually taken my lunch break with her and her sisters a bunch of times. (They asked me to go.) She even laughs at things I say that aren't even remotely funny. (I thought this was one of the big clues that she liked me.) She also goes out of her way to walk to my department and talk to me. One of her sisters also told me that she told her that I was the funniest guy she knows. And one day she scared the bejesus out of me, and thought my reaction was "cute." And then continued to try and scare me multiple times. Do those signs not point to her liking me? It's just weird because, before I asked her out, I asked a few people what they thought ablut it and told them to be brutally honest. Every one of them said that she seems to like me and she would probably say yes.

All the signs above pointed to her liking me, so I don't think I was in the wrong by asking her out.

I bolded the important part there. If she ever did have interest, it was within the first few months. You can't wait around FOUR YEARS and not expect to be firmly and irretrievably in the friend zone.

[PopcornBandit]

Originally Posted by antennaball

I bolded the important part there. If she ever did have interest, it was within the first few months. You can't wait around FOUR YEARS and not expect to be firmly and irretrievably in the friend zone.

True, but just recently it seems like she has taken more than a "friend" liking to me.

[solipsta]

Originally Posted by PopcornBandit

We're actually pretty good friends. We talk almost daily and have been for the past four years. I've actually taken my lunch break with her and her sisters a bunch of times. (They asked me to go.) She even laughs at things I say that aren't even remotely funny. (I thought this was one of the big clues that she liked me.) She also goes out of her way to walk to my department and talk to me. One of her sisters also told me that she told her that I was the funniest guy she knows. And one day she scared the bejesus out of me, and thought my reaction was "cute." And then continued to try and scare me multiple times. Do those signs not point to her liking me? It's just weird because, before I asked her out, I asked a few people what they thought ablut it and told them to be brutally honest. Every one of them said that she seems to like me and she would probably say yes.

All the signs above pointed to her liking me, so I don't think I was in the wrong by asking her out.

All of those signs point to you being a source of amusement to her. There's a big difference between that and her "liking" you. You're gonna pursue it anyway, aren't you?

Why are you hiding behind the funny guy persona?

[PopcornBandit]

Originally Posted by solipsta

All of those signs point to you being a source of amusement to her. There's a big difference between that and her "liking" you. You're gonna pursue it anyway, aren't you?

Why are you hiding behind the funny guy persona?

No, I'm not going to pursue it. I'm going to back off.

And it's really not a persona. I'm not a straight-laced guy at all. I can be serious when necessary though, but I hardly ever find it necessary.

[solipsta]

Originally Posted by PopcornBandit

True, but just recently it seems like she has taken more than a "friend" liking to me.

What signals are you getting that she's taken more than a friend liking to you? The scaring bit?

Originally Posted by PopcornBandit

And it's really not a persona. I'm not a straight-laced guy at all. I can be serious when necessary though, but I hardly ever find it necessary.

When funny guy is the default, there's usually something being covered up.

[PopcornBandit]

Originally Posted by solipsta

What signals are you getting that she's taken more than a friend liking to you? The scaring bit?


When funny guy is the default, there's usually something being covered up.

Well, let's see. There is the whole laughing at lame jokes I crack, and other things I say that aren't even funny, the going out of her way to talk to me, her sister telling me that she said I was the funniest guy she knows and her calling me "cute" with my reaction of her scaring me and then her trying to scare me mutliple times after that. I suppose I could be (and probably am) reading those signals the wrong way. I dunno, I guess I'm just not too good with girls. I've literally only had two serious relationships and I'm almost 21.

I promise you, there is absolutely nothing being covered up. I am a very not serious guy by nature. I'm not saying that's not a problem. In fact that is probably one of the main problems in this situation. I'm just saying that I have a hard time being serious (unless absolutely necessary).

[The Bus]

Four years? Good grief. I thought you had known her for four weeks... four months tops.

Take a tip for next time: don't ask an open-ended question. Ask a very specific question, especially if it's someone you know. Let's say you know she likes monster trucks. Ask her to go with you to the Gravedigger retrospective/exhibit at the local art museum (there's a Gravedigger made out of marshmallows!). Ask her to go on a Thursday (which is less pressure than a Saturday).

[The Bus]

Originally Posted by PopcornBandit

her calling me "cute" with my reaction of her scaring me and then her trying to scare me mutliple times after that.

Women don't want to fuck small, scared puppies.

[Meglos]

Originally Posted by PopcornBandit

True, but just recently it seems like she has taken more than a "friend" liking to me.

And then you did your "Night at the Roxbury" shtick. Do you see the correlation?